Chapter 37: Questions

"They're hot on our heels," Boran yelled, effectively ordering the two ellon guarding the Princess to mount with haste.

The newly-appointed Captain scooped up Evie in his arms, knowing her Father held the lifeless she-elf. Something told him he would not relinquish her to any other.

They rode and rode. Darkness fell and they did not let up. The little girl in his arms sobbed with her fear but he knew not how to comfort her. 'She should be with her Father' he groused slightly at Legolas' actions.

When they finally stopped, it was still dark. Evie made to run to her Father the moment Boran lowered her. The little girl ran, freezing in silence when she saw the dead body of Lia being laid on the floor by Legolas. He was unaware of her proximity as he caressed the woman's hair, then with a sniff to steel his emotions he yanked the arrow from her breast.

Legolas raised his head suddenly at the screech emanating from his Daughter. He reached out to her but she ran from him, as fast as her tiny legs could take her she ran back from whence she came, colliding with Boran as he attempted to stem her initial escape.

He looked down at her free flowing tears sadly, then as he tried to embrace her she pushed him away and took off again. Boran looked up at a heartbroken Legolas, arrow in hand as he fell to his knees and a strangled noise leaving him. The Prince's matted, golden locks concealed what the Captain was sure to be his own tears. Turning to follow the toddler, Boran knew what she had witnessed to terrify her so. What had gotten into the Prince? But then, he himself had no idea what he had seen this past month in the dark walls of that prison. 'Then being forced to kill his own lover,' he thought to himself, 'His head must be struggling to cope with it all.'

"Evelyn, Evelyn…" Boran caught her up and stopped her flight.

He held her close and shushed her. He had no experience with children other than what he had picked up travelling with Evie. He didn't know how to explain what she had seen. He also knew that he couldn't turn to Legolas for help, Evie was frightened of him.

"Shhh, Evelyn everything alright. Home now sweetheart, home," he fumbled with his poor English.

"To Hampton?" her eyes lit up for one moment and Boran's heart cracked down it's centre.

"To Greenwood Evie, to Mummy," he croaked.

Her face dropped visibly, but then brightened a little at the mention of Ceres. She sniffled as she calmed slowly and began to rub her eyes tiredly. The ellon wondered what to say to her.

"Evie, Daddy everything he could to help Lia," he started uneasily, knowing it to be both the truth and a bald-faced lie.

"Daddy hurt her," she stated as fact.

"No," he lied, "But he couldn't help she, and he sad because she gone away."

"Like my fishy?" Evie's lip wobbled slightly as comprehension seeped in.

Boran could hazard an educated guess as to the fate of the fish. "Aye," he nodded. "Now Daddy, help her home. She be happy again in sleep," he wasn't sure what the Princess' parents had told her about what happens to people when they die so he remained vague, not that his limited vocabulary gave him the option to elaborate.

She nodded a little and relaxed against him.

"Will I stay with you then?"

"Aye," Boran assumed, "Daddy sad. You give him…" he searched for the word but couldn't think of it, so gestured 'cuddle', "Him happy again?" he smiled, but it faded instantly at her reply.

The little girl shook her head to his surprise. "I don't like Daddy."

Shocked even more, Boran asked her why when he found his voice again.

"He let me go," she stated flatly.

Boran didn't know what she meant, but figured now was not the time when she yawned again and cuddled in close. "You will stay up all night wont you Uncle Boran? I can only sleep if you're there. You wont let me go?"

The ellon picked her up and understood why Legolas had previously spent half the night awake watching over her when she asked so sweetly.

"I promise Princess," he kissed her hair and walked back to camp as his heartbeat lulled her to sleep in his embrace.

"Is she alright?" Legolas came towards him as he emerged from the trees.

Boran was pleased that he'd managed to pull himself together, but he looked atrocious. His face was red and blotchy, silver paths ran down his cheeks where tears had fallen and his sleeves must have taken the brunt of them judging by their soggy appearance.

"Shhh…" Boran audibly shushed the Prince as his hands were full, "She has just gone off. Legolas she's frightened of you, I tried to reassure her but I didn't really know what to say. I told her to come see you but she said that you let her go. What is she talking about?" He decided to leave out the 'I don't like Daddy' part, knowing it would wound him deeply.

"I let her go," he repeated her words sadly.

He looked down, ashamedly, "They were wrenching her from my grip, I held on to her but one of the guards had an arrow trained on my head… what was I to do? Let her watch me die like that?" he looked up, hoping to see approval in his Friend's eyes, "I had no choice!"

"There was nothing else you could have done Legolas," his Friend added sympathetically, wondering what other terrible things befell them in that stone hell-hole.

Legolas arranged some blankets and helped Boran to sit with the little one still in his arms. The younger felt a slight pang of jealousy, that his Daughter had chosen the elder over himself to curl up to. Time was that he was the only one who made her feel safe. Now she was afraid of him.

"She was a prisoner? How long did you know one another?" Boran asked tentatively of Lia.

Legolas sat on a tree root beside his Friend. "She was not a prisoner," he confessed and then he laughed a little oddly, "I've just realised that I only knew her for a day. And I spent most of that time shouting at her or shoving her around angrily."

Boran looked confused, anger was not the dominant emotion he felt emanating from the two when they were together. At points it reared itself, but they seemed to go from one extreme to the other. He silently waited for his Friend to continue, checking that the Princess was indeed fast asleep.

"I was put in isolation, she was sent to extract information from me."

The brown-haired elf was shocked and looked it. "How? She tortured you?"

"Yes and no," the Prince answered cryptically.

"Legolas…" Boran voiced his question by simply saying his name.

"She drugged me and… she took advantage of my hallucinations, she wanted to make me believe she was Ceres."

"Ceres? Why?"

"To have some kind of sexual power over me. To make me trust her I suppose. I can't tell you what happened for sure. It was like one moment I'm starting to make love to Ceres then suddenly she starts asking these questions…" he closed his eyes, trying desperately to remember.

"Questions?"

"Aye, things about my Father and the army, but I don't think I told her anything. Besides, she would have taken it to her grave."

Boran nodded, appalled at such a deceptive act. "I don't understand, she seemed like she was on our side. I blatantly saw your trust in her…"

"Boran I can't explain it exactly. By the end I did trust her, she saved all those lives. She was being forced into this, ruled by fear. I broke free of the hallucination just in time, we were about to…" he paused uneasily, "I stopped it and used her to get Evie out. I didn't trust her, even after we joined with your group, that's why I was so rough with her, I knew fear would control her just like her old Master did. That makes me no better than him." The Prince lowered his head again.

"You took a chance and it paid off," his Friend reassured him.

"Aye but at the cost of this young woman's life!"

"I couldn't care less, using you for sex and secrets, Legolas feel thankful she is dead!"

"You didn't know her!" Legolas raised his voice.

"Neither did you! She was obviously insane, she would have had us all at her mercy, licking her boots!"

Legolas flinched, he knew with certainty he had licked more than her boots.

"What's wrong?" Boran ceased his angry tone and spoke in a worried one.

"I… I did things with her that I can't bear to think of. How am I going to face Ceres? I've betrayed her."

"Speak plainly Legolas, you did not enter her?" Boran was confused, his Friend was clearly mortified but he was unsure as to why at present.

Pink spreading to his ears Legolas frustratedly replied, "Not fully, but that is not to say I did not commit other intimacies with her," he paused as his eyes became watery, partly for guilt and also humiliation, "I can still taste her, and no amount of water will wash it out of my mouth."

"You feel guilt, that is why. My Friend you have done no wrong. She has duped you, tortured you in the worst possible way. Why do you defend her?"

"Because despite the initial act she committed against me, everything after that was commendable, brave and selfless. Well I had threatened to kill her, but I don't think she believed me. I think she was affected by the emotion in me and clung onto that, she was desperate Boran, to feel something, anything, even if it was anger."

"She'd never been loved, that's why you kissed her when she was dying, you were lying to her," Boran thought he understood, and was awed by Legolas' kindness despite what this girl had done to him.

"It didn't seem that much of a sin considering what we'd already done," Legolas dejectedly confessed.

"Remember Legolas, that kiss was the only thing you gave her willingly."

"How can I deal with this? If I tell Ceres she'll be heartbroken, we've only ever been with one another, our love was so pure. I'd never even kissed another before, even in our youth, and now I've shattered that reality. If I don't tell her then it will hang over me like a black cloud. We promised no secrets, and this one's a big one to keep."

Legolas paused awkwardly, as if struggling internally, deciding whether to make one last admission.

"Tell me."

At his Friend's encouragement he spoke, hushed and ashamed, "I…I hate myself because some part of me wanted her. I was angry, I didn't want to feel attracted to her, but…I don't know," he rubbed the back of his neck, shaking his head slightly to rid himself of any further contemplation.

Carefully, Boran attempted to quell the guilt, "She was very beautiful Legolas. We are immortal, but not infallible. Whatever thoughts you entertained, however brief, you didn't act upon them. Would any of us reacted any different in your place? I doubt it."

"Shit, this is going to be the death of my marriage," Legolas voiced his fear aloud.

"It wont. Nothing can sate the love between you and Ceres, she'd forgive you even if you had not halted when you did. Like you say, it is too big to keep from her. She'll be upset and maybe angry at first, but she'll understand."

"That may be the part that fills me with the most guilt," Legolas whispered sadly.