Chapter Twenty Nine

As spring faded into summer, Severus heard nothing from Lily; and she nothing from him. While the blossoms on the trees and the flowers in the gardens bloomed bright, his life descended further into darkness; as he sought his escape through burying himself deeper into the fold. Voldemort's requests became more demanding; mere days given to produce certain potions. The war became more violent, as the Ministry began permitting the use of Unforgivables among the Aurors and the Order members.

Several of his closer acquaintances had fallen; Mulciber; Avery. Lucius had barely escaped the Avada Kedavra in a recent raid, as Regulus had told him. Barty Crouch Junior had suffered the Cruciatus almost to the point of insanity under the torture of the insane Auror, Moody, before Rodolphus Lestrange had come to his aid. And the fate of many captured Death Eaters were often the same; or worse. Severus wondered at the Auror; his methods were almost as brutal as that of the Dark Lord himself.

Death Eaters loved ones would be found dead in retaliation to the killing of those of the Order members. Order members turning, selling their souls to save the lives of their families. Death Eaters trying to flee, to defect and being caught and killed within days of doing so.

The line between good and evil was blurring more and more as the days went by, as he kept the new Mrs Potter from his mind and watched as his friends tried desperately to seek comfort and escape where they could; Lucius with Narcissa and the new baby; and Regulus with the numerous women he had on the go.

Two weeks ago he had read the news in the paper;

Harry James Potter, born July thirty-first at nine forty, to proud parents, James Potter and Lily Evans Potter.

So the brat was born. And Lily, his Lily, was playing happy families with it and Potter.

He sighed and shook his head, forcing himself to focus on the potion he was working on. He had two more days to prepare it, and it needed at least twenty-four hours to brew before it could be used. He did not anticipate another round of the Cruciatus at the hand of the Dark Lord; or Regulus, as their master had seemed to like commanding recently, due to tardiness.

There was a firm knock at the door and the fact that it was immediately opened afterwards alerted him to the fact that it was Regulus; the expectation proved right when the boy appeared at the door, "Alright."

"Regulus," he nodded his head, though he kept his attention on the potion, "I am very busy; was there something you wanted?"

"Broken arm," Regulus said.

Severus looked over and, sure enough, the boy's right arm was twisted awkwardly as it was held up, supported by the other arm. He nodded towards the couch, "Sit down; I'll get it in a minute."

"Thanks," he said, making his way over to the couch, "Pretty rough tonight."

"I can imagine," Severus said, as he began to stir the potion, "Losses?"

"No Death Eaters fell, pretty bad injuries though," Regulus sat down, slowly, no doubt trying to keep from moving his arm too much, "A couple of werewolves were killed."

"Pity."

Regulus gave a small laugh in response; but it came out as more of a groan when his arm was wobbled by his movement. Severus finished stirring the potion as quickly as he could without sabotaging it before he finally left it and walked over to sit next to him on the couch. Regulus immediately held his arm out, not waiting to be asked.

Severus gently took his arm in one hand, as he lifted his wand, beginning to mumble the corrective spell he had invented. It was more an alteration of the typical correction spell of broken bones; but he found it more efficient, as once the spell was cast the bones became harder to break a second time.

"Couldn't someone else have done this?" Severus asked, as he continued to perform the spell, "It is dangerous for you to wait too long to have this injury corrected; particularly if you have nothing to support it. You should not have apparated here."

"Lucius isn't all that great at it," Regulus said, "And it's my wand arm; I need it done right."

A few moments later the injury had been corrected. Regulus gave him a grateful smile as he flexed his arm, making sure it was moving correctly, "Thanks, Sev."

Severus tensed a little but nodded, eying him, "Anymore injuries?"

Regulus shook his head, "Not really. Just scrapes; they like using the Cruciatus now that it's been legalised."

"Yes, I noticed the last time I was out," Severus said, tucking his wand away.

There was a silence for a moment; but Severus was aware that the boy was preparing to either ask him something or bring up some topic of conversation that was on his mind. He leaned back on the couch, trying to make himself seem more approachable. He really was no good at such things.

"Listen," Regulus began; Severus turned his head to look at him, expectantly, "I was wondering…is there anyway that a wizard can…I don't know, prevent death? I mean, his own death. Is it possible to make yourself immortal?"

Severus frowned, completely baffled by the question. He certainly wasn't expecting that. Did the boy plan to make himself immortal and then try to take on the Dark Lord himself?

"Uh…I do not…"

"Not for me," Regulus said, quickly, "I…I was just wondering. I was curious."

Severus held his look for a moment, attempting to read the boy's mind. To his utter surprise, he found himself immediately blocked from doing so. His brow furrowed, further, "You're occlumency skills have greatly improved."

Regulus looked a little startled at the statement then relaxed and looked away, "I worked harder on it after…after I found out about you and…" he looked at him then, not going on. He didn't need to, because both of them knew very well what he was referring to.

Severus wanted to thank him; but didn't. Instead he held the boy's look for a further moment. He was glad the boy's occlumency skills had improved; it made his situation far more stable. Severus and Lucius had often been concerned over him; both were aware of the boy's unsteadiness regarding his loyalty to the Dark Lord and both often wondered how long he would last among them. If the Dark Lord were to see even the slightest hint of disloyalty he would be killed without a second thought.

"Well?" Regulus pressed on, with a strange sort of determination, bringing Severus from his thoughts.

Severus' eyes focused back on him and, after a moment, he stood and walked over to one of the shelves that held a number of books. He stood there for a moment, his eyes skimming over the titles until they finally rested on the one he was searching for. He pulled it from the shelf;

The Darkest Art: Horcruxes and their Creation.

He looked over at Regulus for a moment, hesitantly, for some reason something held him back. When the boy raised his eyebrows expectantly, as he attempted to catch a glimpse of the book, Severus pushed his doubts from his mind and walked over; he held the book out to him.

Regulus took it from him, gazing at the cover eagerly.

Severus' brow furrowed, "Listen, Regulus."

The boy looked up at him.

"I am not aware of your reason for asking," he began, his tone deadly serious, "But I would advise against using this magic; no matter what the cause. It is not…"

"Don't worry," Regulus waved his hand, dismissively, carefully pushing the book under his arm as he stood, "I told you; I'm just curious."

Severus kept his eyes on him, knowing well enough that it was not curiosity that brought about the issue. At least, not entirely. There was something bigger going on but, unless the boy admitted to it or Severus forcibly entered his mind (if he could even do that), he would be unable to. Instead he nodded, "Very well. I assume that you are leaving?" he took note of the boy's eager glance at the door.

"Oh, yes," Regulus nodded, "I have to get back. My parents had my Aunt and Uncle over this evening, and I've already missed too much of their visit. They'll probably already be gone but…"

Severus nodded, standing, "I shall see you again soon, then."

"Yeah," Regulus nodded, "We'll go out. I'll owl you later this week." He made his way towards the kitchen, smiling back over his shoulder, "Not taking 'no' for an answer; the Dark Lord has had you working constantly for the past few weeks; it's about time you took a break."

Severus felt the side of his lip twitch but he didn't smile. He just nodded goodbye and made his way back to the potion; though his mind remained on what had just transpired between himself and Regulus. He couldn't help the feeling that something wasn't right.

"Come on then, Little Dragon," Regulus grinned, lifting Draco above his head, before pulling him down in a swooping motion.

"Regulus, be careful," Lucius snapped from the couch.

Severus smirked, watching as Regulus muttered an apology and then continued to lift the baby high above his head; moving him about the room as if he were flying. The baby gurgled before it was suddenly sick.

"Regulus!" Lucius snapped again, angrier this time, standing up, "Give him to me. Dobby!" The idiotic elf Narcissa insisted on keeping appeared instantly and cleaned up the mess the infant had made.

Regulus handed the baby over to its father, obviously with much reluctance. Severus really didn't understand the boy's attachment to the child; it was just a lump that made unnecessary noises, cried and vomited every now and again. Not to mention when it dirtied its nappy; the smell was just awful. He couldn't believe something so small could create something so awful!

Lucius returned to the couch, where Narcissa was also sitting. She smiled as he sat down, Draco in his arms, and reached over to caress her son's head.

"How are you both doing with him?" Regulus asked, though the question was directed more towards Narcissa.

She smiled, "It has been trying at times," she looked over at the baby, her smile warming further, "But it is all worth it."

Regulus looked at him with a grin, "I can't wait to have kids."

Severus raised an eyebrow, looking at him as if he were insane. He couldn't imagine Regulus Black being a father; he was still a child himself.

"It'd be great, being a dad. Don't you think?"

"No," Severus said, bluntly, unconsciously eying the infant on Lucius' lap.

Lucius laughed but said nothing. Narcissa smiled and lifted Draco from Lucius' arms, "You just haven't had any experience with children, that is all." She walked over to him, carrying the infant threateningly towards him. Severus shifted, uncomfortably, knowing well enough what she was about to do. Before he'd managed to muster up a protest, the infant was placed in his arms.

Severus eyed it, his discomforted increasing. The baby raised its eyes to his face; the tiny child taking in his features. After a couple of moments it suddenly smiled up at him and reached up, grabbing his nose. Severus frowned, immediately jerked his head back from its offending fingers, as Regulus burst into laughter.

Severus looked back down at the infant, who continued to smile up at him. It gargled, reaching up both hands this time and pressing them to his cheek; they pressed firmly, as if he was trying to make his lips form a smile. And, before he realised, Severus smiled back down at the infant and it gave a small cooing sound.

"See," Narcissa said, smilingly, from the couch.

Severus' looked over at her, his smile fading but the mirth in his expression would not be diminished no matter how hard he tried. So he looked back down at the infant; which didn't laugh at him for his enjoyment.

"Lucius, what's this?" Narcissa said, after a moment.

Severus looked over at the question. She was holding up some old book; without a title. It seemed like a journal or something.

"Oh," Lucius looked suddenly uncomfortable, as he gently pried it from her fingers, "That is just something I have to keep a hold of for a while."

"An empty notebook?" Narcissa said, with an amused smirk.

"Yes," Lucius said, and Severus easily sensed his discomfort. He looked over at Regulus, who was eying the object with a frown. Severus also frowned, mostly because of Regulus' expression, as Lucius stood and left the room, the book held tightly in his hand.

Before anything further could be said, the baby in his arms suddenly screamed and burst into tears; startling Severus so much that he almost dropped it. Narcissa stood and walked over, smirking a little at Severus' reaction, "Don't worry. It's nothing personal, I assure you, Severus. It's time for his feeding."

Severus looked even more uncomfortable at that and willingly held the baby out towards her. She smiled warmly at him and lifted the baby into her arms; "I'll be back in a little while. You two just make yourselves at home; Lucius will probably be back at any moment."

Severus nodded, as Regulus said something in response and she left the room.

Severus looked at Regulus with a frown, but the boy avoided his eyes, and once again he was left with the distinct impression that something wasn't right.

Lily ran her hands through her hair, squeezing her eyes shut as tears once again threatened to fall. All the while the baby continued to scream in his crib; nothing she did would pacify him. She felt frustration, exhaustion and irritation war within her; each of them wanting to express themselves.

"Harry, please," she whispered, "What do you want?" She reached down, lifting him into her arms again as he continued to cry. She sat down on the chair, for the fourth time that hour, and pulled down her shirt, holding him close to her exposed breast, "Are you hungry?" He turned his head away again; as he had done all the other times she had offered it to him. She sobbed and shook her head, holding the baby close as it continued to scream.

"Please, Harry, stop," she sobbed.

At that moment the door opened and James and Sirius stepped in from the cold outdoors.

"Merlin, what's gotten into him?" Sirius smirked, glancing at the baby, "We could hear him halfway down the street!"

She stood up, her eyes blazing instantly, "Where have you been? You were supposed to be home hours ago!"

"Sorry," James said, sheepishly, walked over to her, "We met up with Frank and Fabian; hit the pub after the raid."

"You should have been here!" she snapped, her voice catching. She thrust Harry into his arms, as he continued to scream, "Take him."

She turned glaring eyes at Sirius, "James is busy tonight."

Sirius looked startled at being addressed with such hostility but then nodded, "Uh, yeah…I was just about to head off."

Lily looked away, guilt added to the long list of emotions she was trying to deal with. It seemed that guilt followed her around constantly these days. She heard Sirius mumbling something to James before he gave her a smile and a nod, then left the house.

"You didn't have to be such a bitch to him, Lily," James said, angrily, gently bouncing Harry in his arms; the infant continued to scream.

"I've been stuck here all day!" Lily snapped, "I told you I had to go to the shop. We have no food James! I'm fucking starving!"

"Why didn't you just take Harry with you?"

"What? When he's like that!"

James looked down at him, "Come on, kid. What's up?" He lifted the baby, looking at his face, "Maybe there's something wrong..."

"There's nothing wrong," Lily interrupted him, tears once again welling up, "I had the medi-wizard in this afternoon; again! It's just colic, he said."

"Didn't you give him that muggle thing?" James asked, looking around for the dummy her mother had provided.

"He won't take it," Lily said, her voice irritated, reaching up to cover her face with her hands.

"Look, it's not my fault, alright!" James snapped, becoming angry himself, "I'm sick of you getting on at me every time I walk through the door!"

"And I'm sick of you leaving at seven in the morning and not coming home until midnight!" she shouted, her voice high pitched, almost screaming at him as she dropped her hands from her face.

"What; I can't go out with my friends now?"

"Do I get to go out with mine?"

James shook his head, "Look, this is your job. You're his mum. I still work for the Order. I need a time out every once and a while…"

Lily felt her fury increase, "You need a time out! I need a time out! You haven't spent a single day with your son since he was born…"

"I work!"

"Fuck you!" she snapped, "What I'm doing iswork!"

Harry screamed louder and she shook her head, tears once again falling down her cheeks. She turned and headed towards the stairs.

"I'm going for a bath," she said, quietly, "You can watch him for an hour at least, can't you?" She didn't wait for him to respond, as she made her way up the stairs; Harry's cries following every step she took.