Chapter 37 (Gustave's POV)

Long time, no see. Sorry. Will update more often. It's not over. It will be finished. Hang in there –E.B.

It was quite a good thing that I had requested the week off because I came down with the flu.

As I was climbing the stairs, Papa said the last words of encouragement for the day. I hated that. I hated people telling me everything was going to be okay when everyone knew it wasn't.

I made it half-way up the second flight when I felt my knees buckling. I knelt down and held Chrissy closer to my chest. "Lee!" I called out desperately.

He quickly came running and put his hands under my arms to try to help me up.

"I'll get myself up," I muttered breathlessly. "Take Chrissy upstairs."

Like the loyal man he was, he scooped up my little girl and toted her to her room. My head pounded with pain. The light was making my brain throb if that was possible. I squeezed my eyes shut and rubbed my temples as I groaned. Lee soon returned and helped me down to the guest bed. Bless his soul. He knew how I loathed going into my own bedroom now.

I shivered as he laid my feeble body down on the bed. I could feel the sweat beading on the back of my neck as Lee felt my head.

"I'm going to go get a doctor," he stated. I started to object, but I felt like I was dying. I couldn't die. My daughter couldn't grow up without any parents.

Almost an hour later, Lee returned with a doctor. He tried to explain something to me, but after he had given me a painkiller, I honestly had no clue what he was saying. Lee seemed to know though, so I trusted his judgment.

I feel like I slept most of the week. I probably did. What little time I was awake, I just wanted to see my little girl, but Lee was too scared that she would get sick too. I didn't want to chance it.

Needless to say, the moment my fever broke, I hobbled out of bed. I got a shower to wash anything that could make my baby sick, and then I rushed upstairs to her. She hadn't really stopped crying the entire time that I was sick. Every moment I heard her cry was a stab to my heart, but the second I had her in my arms, she stopped sobbing. Her big eyes looked up at me and mine back at her. She grinned up at me as her little arms waved. She yawned and buried her face in my chest. A small smile reached my own lips. I held her tightly and sat in the rocking chair across the room as I softly sang to her.

After a while, I heard Lee's clunky footsteps climbing the stairs. He gently tapped on the open door and stood barely in the room. "How do you feel?" he asked quietly.

"I've been better, but I've also been worse."

"That's good. I think. Anyway, I was going to go to the store. I thought you might like to have something to eat besides soup."

I nodded. "That's fine. Lee, come here a minute will you?"

He obeyed and stood in front of me looking down at my face as I continued to look at Chrissy's.

I pulled some extra cash out of my pocket and held it out for him. "Here. You deserve this for working so hard this week."

"Gustave, I won't take it. You hired me to help you. That's all I did. Please, you pay enough. Plus, you've given me a place to live which means more to me than you know. With all due respect, I can't take more money especially since you have been out of work all week."

I sighed knowing that I had already lost the fight. "Fine, but at least let me pay for whatever food you pick up. Take the cash for that."

He rolled his eyes and took it. "Sure, but you know this is way more than what it will cost."

"Keep what's left or buy something you want."

With that, he left, and I continued to sing to Chrissy. I couldn't help but tear up as I looked over her. A picture of her mother and me was placed on a table beside her crib. Of course, she didn't know who it was, but it was a comfort to me. It was like having Elaina herself look over our little girl.

When she was finally good and asleep, a knock at the door woke her up. She whimpered, but I quickly calmed her as I went down to answer.

"Papa? What are you doing here?" I said quietly as I opened the door a little wider.

"I came to see how you were doing. I have been for the past week, but every time I checked on you, you were asleep. I see you're feeling better."

"Yeah, come in."

I shifted Chrissy so her sleepy little head rested on my shoulder and her bottom on my arm as I lead Papa to the kitchen. "I'd offer you something to eat, but there's nothing here. Lee went to the store."

"That's alright. I have no interest in it anyway."

I nodded and sat across from him. Though I was physically there sitting with my father, I wasn't mentally there. He was trying to give me some heartfelt advice, but I didn't want to hear it. My mind was elsewhere. I had spent all of that time sleeping and not mourning. The hurt that should have been beginning to cushion still felt so new.

"Gustave, are you listening to me?"

I looked up from the floor and glared at him. "No! No, I'm not. I'm sick of people telling me that everything is okay because it's not! My wife is dead! She slipped through my fingers just like everyone else does. My mother, my supposed father, the only family I knew until you, and now my own wife is gone. It's not right. I will go on, but my child has no mother. No child deserves to live their life without their mother. Believe me. I know."

Papa stood and loomed over me menacingly. "Believe me. I know too. No child deserves it, but like it or not, it happens. It happened to me. It happened to your mother, and sadly, it happened to you and your child. I hate that. I hated having to watch your crying little eyes when you were a boy, but I had to. Gustave, it's time you look up and be strong for your little girl."

"What if I can't?"

"Then you are no father. Do you know how I grieved over your mother? Every night I still tear up a little. I hold the sheets close and try to imagine that it's her skin. I miss her so much, and I never told you because you needed me. You needed me to be strong." I could see tears in my father's eyes. He quickly wiped them away. "Anyway, I'm glad you're feeling better. If you need me, I'll be in my office."

I looked at the floor ashamed at myself. It's true. I was no father. My little girl deserved more than what I could give, and I knew I had to do something to give her a better life.