Title: Life Really Sucked

Word Count: 546

Summary: For the last time, Shuhei was not gay. (Actually, probably not the last time. But don't tell him that.)

Requested by: TheCatWithTheHat: "I don't know if you watched the Zanpakuto Rebellion filler arc in the anime, but it was pretty dang awesome. It would be cool if you did one either about Shûhei and Kazeshini, or Yumichika and Ruri-Iro Kujaku...or both :) or a different one :)" (I'm actually not that far into the rebellion arc, but far enough to get a gist of Kazeshini and Rurio Kujaku. Cx)

"I still want to give you a makeover."

"No! Then I'll look ugly like you!"

"You'll look fabulous by the time I'm done with you-" The second voice lowered into a whisper, and Shuhei would have had to strain his ears to hear it. However, Shuhei wasn't particularly interested in Yumichika and Mystery Person's conversation, and figured it would be best if he just left before they turned the corner.

Of course things can never go Shuhei's way, so they caught him, Yumichika grabbing one of his arms and Mystery Person grabbing the other.

Okay, Mystery Person was most definitely Yumichika's zanpakuto.

Shuhei was used to suckish things happening to him, so he pretty much just let himself be dragged into the nearest deserted building - he did consider trying to escape once or twice, considering anything could happen - and tied to a chair.

"He's not running. That makes this so much easier," Rurio Kujaku said. Yumichika nodded, looking a bit confused.

"I would have thought he'd be running. He-" The rest of Yumichika's sentence was cut off, definitely not because the author had no idea what to make him say, as an unlikely savior fell from the rafters.

"I didn't just fall," Kazeshini said. "I did that on purpose."

"Nobody was suggesting that you fell," Rurio Kujaku pointed out. Kazeshini hit him with the flat edge of his blade and Rurio Kujaku was momentarily distracted by the fact that he'd have to reapply his make-up to cover the quickly-forming bruise.

"Are you... saving me?" Shuhei asked, eyes wide. Kazeshini started to laugh.

"At least you have a sense of humor!" the zanpakuto said. "Nah, I'm going to make sure that Kujaku and Sparkles-"

"I resent that nickname!" Yumichika said. While practicing his bishie sparkle. Yeah...

"Kujaku and Sparkles make it as embarrasingly gay as possible. You're going to look more gay than Sparkles-"

"I resent that nickname!"

"And Kujaku put together by the end."

"But I'm not gay," Shuhei said as patiently as he could manage. The three of them just looked at him and burst out laughing.

"You're right, Kazeshini," Rurio Kujaku said, wiping tears from his eyes in a 'totally non-beautiful way', according to Yumichika. "He is funny."

"Shuhei, there's no point in hiding it," Yumichika said. "We all knew. Everybody knows. Even Ikkaku knows-"

"And he still thinks Yumichika's straight," Rurio Kujaku cut in. "Ikkaku is the most oblivious person in the Soul Society."

"But I'm seriously not-"

His protests fell on deaf ears.

Days later, Shuhei exited the building, feeling extremely gay. He'd fought it during the first day and a half, but after he'd passed out they'd done too much damage to reverse. He saw stares. A small Soul Reaper that looked like he was in Squad Four got a nosebleed. A blond Arrancar, who was in the Seireitei for no apparant reason, pushed a phone number in his hand.

And, worst of all, Yumichika had charged him for everything.

Or at least he thought that was worst of all. What was really worst of all was when Rangiku popped up, took a picture of him, cried, "I knew you were gay!", and scampered off to make an announcement of 'Shuhei finally embraces his sexuality.'

Life really sucked sometimes.

Is anyone else really liking this Shuhei mini-series type thing in this oneshot collection? We've got Love Note, Have You Ever Been In Love?, Party of Rejection! (kind of), I'll Give You A Try… Maybe he'll get Rangiku in the end. Cx Or he'll turn gay.