A/N: As long as I have one person reading, I'll keep posting! Thanks to those who are!

XXX

Marshall was learning very quickly just how taxing everlasting ferocity could be. Although he had his own share of reasons for wanting to turn his back on James and Brandi, whatever disappointment he harbored was nothing stacked up against Mary's. By early afternoon and with much wheedling from her husband, she fell asleep in his lap while they were in the middle of playing Chutes and Ladders on the bed with Lizzie. She seemed subdued once her mother could no longer play, snoring softly on her father's chest, but Marshall assured her they could carry on well enough. Ben, happy to be occupied with the blaring television, hadn't been interested in joining their game.

It shouldn't have been shocking to Marshall any longer that Brandi was capable of such emotional harm, but after hearing the sort of things she'd thrown at Mary's feet, he was hard-pressed not to want to go a few rounds with her himself. But, at the moment he was content to focus on the fact that Mary was at peace with her subconscious and nothing else, not having to expend much effort to keep Lizzie quiet. She knew when noise was a bad choice.

"Why's mama so tired?" but she was a sharp little girl, even as she moved her piece to the correct square.

"It's complicated, Lizzie Lou, but she's had a lot going on lately. We'll let you in on it soon enough," or Mary would. "It's making her a little touchy."

"Is that why she was yelling this morning?" Lizzie blushed with the accusation, playing like she was afraid to look directly at her father.

"I suppose you could say that," Marshall wouldn't deny it, running his hand over Mary's hair without thinking. "It's not so uncommon for people to act angry when they're actually upset or sleepy."

"What's mama have to be upset about?" his daughter wondered innocently. "Your turn, daddy."

Groping for the dice was no easy feat when Marshall was trying to keep from waking Mary, even though his arm was growing tingly from all the blood rushing into his muscles. Nonetheless, he would not disturb his wife for anything, and gave a half-hearted throw once he managed to close his fingers around the tiny dotted cubes.

"Move five for me, would you?" Marshall requested, knowing Lizzie was less apt than Ben to cheat when directing a marker that was not her own. "Count out loud…" his little girl needed to work on her numbers anyway.

"One…two…" she said each number as the little plastic man hopped along each square. "Three…four…"

"One more; keep going…"

"Five," this landed Marshall clear on a chute, which prompted a devious smirk to form on Lizzie's face. "You have to slide down."

"Afraid you're right," the man gave a shrug. "You're beating the pants off me, missy."

He was half-hoping that Lizzie's winning streak and the concentration required to count to five would distract her from the question she'd asked about Mary's ever-changing moods, but she could be as single-minded as her brother sometimes. Licking her lips and the retrieving the dice so she could take her turn, she diverted right back to the inquiry she'd begun without a second thought.

"What's mama so upset about that it's making her shout so much and go to sleep when the sun is still out?"

Well, the sun being out was a stretch; it was their fourth or fifth grey day in a row. Marshall had started to wonder if they were ever going to see the fiery mass that provided warmth and light ever again. Nonetheless, he understood the meaning behind his child's reasoning, and knew that if his partner were in charge, she wouldn't skirt around the truth for another minute. Contrary to Holly's upbringing, she had never wavered in whether or not she wanted to give Ben and Lizzie as much as they can handle. What with WITSEC always being a secret, she sought to provide as much information as possible in every other area of their lives.

"Well…" still, he couldn't stop himself from hesitating, though he knew he had to go on. "You know how we've been trying to figure out where Aunt Brandi is, right?"

"Is she gone forever?" Lizzie sounded horror-struck and tearful at the possibility, but Marshall could safely refute that theory.

"No, she got back this morning actually," how he and Mary had managed to conceal such an episode from even one of their children, he'd never know. "Just in time to see Holly get out of the hospital. But, where she was…"

Unexpectedly, the inspector was saved by the bell quite literally when a three-note chime sounded throughout the otherwise quiet house. Worried about Mary stirring, he quickly checked to see if she had been interrupted, but she dozed on. The real question was how Marshall was going to relieve himself of his position without waking her all by himself.

Fortunately, Ben took care of that for him. Although he and Mary often scolded the boy when he traipsed to answer the door alone, from what Marshall could gather, the visitors had let themselves in, either because the locks were undone or because they had their own key. It was hard not to feel apprehensive when guests showed up these days. Between Rachel, James, and Brandi, the Mann-Shannons weren't exactly batting a thousand.

But, good fortune had struck at last, and Marshall knew it to be so when he heard his son's delighted call warble up to the rafters.

"Papa Seth!"

"Hey – Private Benjamin! Ten-hut, solider!"

Marshall smirked, as he could picture Ben, normally so disruptive and rowdy, falling right into line and saluting his grandfather with the best of them. He must've done it up to Seth's standards, because not long after his drill command, the older gentleman called him off.

"At ease!"

There was the faint sound of chuckling coming from the living room, which likely meant Seth was getting hugs in, with help from Laura no doubt. Lizzie turned to Marshall with a cheerful grin on her face as well, all thoughts of her mother's problems forgotten.

"Is Nana here too?" she practically squeaked trying to keep her voice down to contain her fervor.

"I would imagine," Marshall nodded toward the closed door. "They'll be disappointed something awful if you don't say hi."

This was enough sanction for Lizzie, who dropped the dice and scampered off the bed in no time flat. It was auspicious for both her and the grandparents that she did not have far to go. As soon as she barreled through the bedroom door, Seth came striding up the hall holding Ben aloft in his arms, Laura directly behind. The elder man looked pleased as punch, Marshall just hoping they would give him enough time to extract himself from underneath the slumbering Mary and shut the door.

"Nana-Nana!" Lizzie bleated, obviously forgetting that her mother needed her rest. "I missed you so-so much!"

"Well, I missed you too, dearie…" leave it to the woman who had spawned Marshall to take her usual 'dear' and turn it around into something still more affectionate for the children. "Give Nana a great big hug, now…"

Marshall couldn't see what was going on, mostly because he had jumped to an abrupt halt when Mary made a grunting sound after he slipped his arm from beneath her, magician style. Waiting for a moment to see if she would rouse, he came to the conclusion she was definitely down for the count. Relieved, but also disconsolate that she was worn out enough that she would succumb to napping, he left her where she was with her hands folded beneath her cheek and ventured out to meet his parents.

"Hi…" he whispered, slipping the hatch shut with a would-be-welcoming smile. "I didn't expect you for another hour or so…" checking his watch.

By this point, Ben was receiving quite the cacophony of tickles from Seth, giggling mirthlessly from where he was trapped in his arms. Lizzie was tugging at Laura's pant leg, clearly hankering for some attention, the likes of which only Nana could give.

"I couldn't wait another second," Seth declared, as though he were the impatient kindergartener. "Unless we're interrupting something…"

Knowing Seth, he wouldn't have changed his plans if he'd known beforehand that Mary and Marshall were tied up. He would've been right in the thick of things.

"No, nothing…" Marshall half-lied, hunching his shoulders. "Brandi stopped by this morning, is all…"

Laura bypassed this without even blinking, but Seth looked nosy. Fortunately, he had his grandson to distract him from needling his youngest.

"Papa, did dad tell you that he's planning a secret gift for me?"

"I hadn't heard…" Seth played along, shifting his focus back onto Ben, though his eyes kept darting back to Marshall and the closed bedroom door. "What sort of secret gift? Are you keeping your eyes peeled for clues, solider? That's how you badger a secret out of someone…"

"Isn't that just like Papa Seth to give you ideas about snooping for Christmas presents?" Laura clucked her tongue disapprovingly, rumpling Ben's shirt from where she stood.

Lizzie was not about to be ignored, "Nana, can I show you what I wrapped for mama and daddy? Delia said I did a real good job."

"Oh, I'll just bet you did," the woman was genuine in her congratulations. "If you give me just one moment, I would be happy to look…" Marshall wondered what the hold-up was going to be, until his mother trained her gaze on her son. "Dear, where's Mary?"

Glad that Seth was busy teaching Ben what to look for in hidden holiday bounty, Marshall felt he could speak more freely.

"Trying to relax," he intoned, hoping he sounded offhand with Lizzie listening below them. "Which hasn't proven easy."

"Things didn't go well with her sister?"

Marshall shook his head, "No. 'Not going well' would be the understatement of the century."

This earned him a sympathetic nod, "Poor thing," Mary wouldn't have entirely appreciated the endearment behind this statement, as she forever claimed she didn't want to be doted upon, and Marshall knew his mother would've never dared say such a thing in front of her. "Is there anything I can do?"

The man wished he had the perfect, all-fix solution for his wife, and that Laura could be the one to put it in motion. While she and Mary had always gotten along well enough, they had never been thick as thieves – they were just too different. Laura had always operated under the assumption that Mary preferred Seth; their likenesses were far more similar, after all. But, Marshall knew Mary would be glad to bring Laura into the fold the minute the acceptance presented itself.

But, "I doubt it," was what he said, unsure how Laura could supply assistance when it came to the melodrama provided by James and Brandi. "She's gonna head back to the jail tomorrow to say her goodbyes…" he wasn't looking forward to that. "And, maybe by then we'll be able to put things behind us."

Laura shook her head, "And just before Christmas too."

Marshall hadn't thought of it, but he realized the woman was right. The holiday was on Tuesday, which meant they only had Sunday before Christmas Eve on Monday. Then there was Holly's birthday on Wednesday, an event Marshall had once cherished, but couldn't say he would experience the same sensation on this go around, not knowing how things would go down with Brandi back in town.

But, waving a hearty, probably final farewell to James on Sunday before he was shipped back to New Jersey was going to a tall order. Marshall was already figuring that Mary would want to cross such a bridge alone, though he longed being there to help her through it.

"Thanks for offering, mom, but I think keeping the kids busy will be the biggest help you can give us," at least Marshall could be honest about that. "They love Delia, but Mary tends to feel like she's putting her out if she asks her to hang out with them too often…"

But, before he could go into further detail on this front, his partner proved his good faith efforts for keeping her asleep were futile. Mary emerged from the bedroom, puffy-eyed but putting up her classic façade. Her appearance even brought Ben's animated storytelling to a close, the whole group stopping to stare as if they'd been waiting for her all along.

"Hey…" her voice was thick, but the way she was pretending to be perfectly fine made Marshall ache. "Someone forgot to tell me there was a party…"

Seth, alone, was able to turn it on right away. Ben still looked slightly shrunken in his mother's presence; while they'd made up after that morning, his sense of self was still slightly battered – learning you couldn't fly was taking a big hit. Lizzie, forever the worrier, looked at Mary with very round eyes, much like her father.

Only Laura could appear nonplussed, and Seth was always one to herd right past anything touchy-feely and get to the heart of the matter.

"Hey there, doll…" his grin was infectious even to Marshall; it was true what Laura said; no one but Mary caused such a drastic change in him. "I was starting to think we were going to have to stake out a mission to track you down…"

Mary gave a shaky laugh as she passed him a one-armed hug, "Nope, here I am. Gambling the day away."

This was an ironic choice of words, Marshall thought, but at least his father didn't bring it up.

"Ah, I'd say you're entitled to a kick back now and then," and there were very few times he approved of such things. "You've been a busy gal."

Now the woman's laugh was bitter, "Tell me about it." And then, sharpening her politeness, "Hi Laura. It's good to see you," there was no mistaking how her timbre switched to an official, obligatory nature.

"Yes, dear," the other reciprocated in kind. "You as well."

The awkward silence came too quickly for Mary. You knew you were in trouble when even the kids picked up on the tension, especially with their doting grandparents in the house. Marshall glanced from his mother to his wife and back again and finally at Seth as if expecting him to take care of the anxiety that radiated between them. Although, it was true that he could sometimes add to the strain rather than decrease it with his no-nonsense attitude.

"Well…" Mary was the one who finally severed the strings, which shouldn't have surprised Marshall. "Looks like my whacked-out family is causing trouble even from a distance," apparently, she was attributing the quiet from that. "If there's one thing you can count on the Shannons for, it's botching the good times for everyone else."

Now Ben and Lizzie looked confused, but Marshall stepped in, "Mare, come on…" for once, he abandoned the pretense he usually put on in front of the kids. "No one needs to discuss that right now…"

"Like hell," and then she slipped up and cursed, but took his advice to heart. Angling her lids toward her in-laws and crossing her arms, "Sorry. Forget it."

For some reason, Mary's eye caught Ben once she tried to brush things under the rug, and he looked oddly more cognizant than Lizzie, like he identified with his mother. Mary didn't know if Marshall had said something to him or not, but she would bet money on it. It was Lizzie who was clueless.

Fortunately, Seth had allowed the lack-of-conversation to go on long enough. Giving Ben a rough slap on the back, he got back to gift preparations.

"Come with me, solider," jerking his head to the living room. "Secret gift or not, I've got plenty I need unloaded from my suitcase. What do you say you give me a hand?"

"Are they for me?" he wanted to know, covetous to a fault.

"Hmm…" Seth feigned coyness. "I think we may have forgotten yours on the plane…"

Ben was not fooled, "Did not!" he squawked, mouth falling open just in case his grandfather wasn't teasing. "You're a fibber!" pointing the finger of accusation.

"Oh ho, a fibber, am I?" but Seth's laugh was genial. "We'll just see about that."

"Can I help you too Papa?" Lizzie got in on the action, now that her grandmother seemed somewhat fixated on Mary, who was beginning to wish she'd just stayed locked in her room with the way things were going. "I won't peek! Promise!"

"Just like a true Major," he praised, reverting to the military nicknames again. "They never welsh on their promises."

Lizzie grinned, "You come too, daddy?"

Marshall had intentions of staying with Mary, of telling her while his parents were busy with the kids that she needn't put on an act, that they would understand. He was sure Laura had probably spoken to Seth by this point, and he wouldn't say anything designed to induce shame for however she felt about James, and even Brandi. While he could guess that the result would just be an argument with his better half, he was willing to take the risk. In the near future, he was going to have to talk to her anyway about what was going to happen the next day when she said bon voyage to her father.

"You know, I might just be a minute…" he started to say, but Laura disrupted his objective.

"You go ahead, dear," she used that same matter-of-fact voice that she always did, but with the twist of high influence. "I have a little something I needed to go over with Mary."

Seth didn't look taken aback in the least, but Mary certainly did, and Ben wasn't far behind.

"Like what?" he butted in.

"Oh…it's Christmas, Benny…" a mysterious Nana could be exasperating, especially one that topped off her statement with a wink like Laura did. "You never know what's going on. I may just have a few gifts I need a mother's opinion on…"

Mary smelled a trap, but there was no way out of it. Ben had taken the bait, and Seth was already carting him back up the hall, Lizzie right behind them. Marshall stayed behind, like he wasn't sure which direction to set off – both his mother and his daughter had told him to engage himself in holiday preparations, but there was no denying that Laura's request to speak to Mary alone was conspicuous. They were always friendly and civil, but nothing beyond that.

"Marshall, please…" but the female parent could be stern when she needed to. "This isn't espionage," she'd been around Marshals for too long. "Run along," like he was still a little boy. "We won't be a minute."

Casting one last look at Mary, the man finally did as he was being told; knowing Lizzie would start to miss him if he wasn't there to scrutinize every bizarrely-shaped package that Seth pulled from within his baggage.

His footsteps seemed to disappear rather quickly in Mary's mind, as though he were there one minute and vanished the next. This left her by herself with Laura, feeling very self-conscious because she knew her hair was tangled and her clothes crooked from where she'd drifted off on the bed. Nothing she could do about it now, the younger woman did her best to buck up and act aloof, which was something she used to do very well.

"Let's go in here…" she stood aside in the open doorway of the bedroom. "Ben tends to eavesdrop."

Taking the suggestion for what it was, Laura proceeded into the rumpled room on the heels of her daughter-in-law, which gave her the opportunity to shut the door once they were both inside. This was ominous to Mary, who knew it was silly of her to be nervous, because Laura was always lovely and never over-stepped her bounds. Still, with the kind of emotional state she was in lately, there was no telling how she'd react to whatever was coming. She knew Marshall had inherited his sensitive side from his mother, and she'd had enough cosseting to last a lifetime.

"So…" maybe she could just take her at her word. "You have a…question about presents for the twins?" she asked. "You need help on sizes or something?"

Mary moved to the bed to clean up the unfinished game of Chutes and Ladders so she wouldn't have to look at the other woman.

"Oh…little of this, little of that…" Laura was playing games too, Mary was sure of it. "I got Lizzie an old-fashioned tea set, and I thought she could share it with Holly," it was exactly what she'd told Marshall at the airport.

"Oh…" Mary breathed, chucking the plastic figurines into the box. "That was nice of you to think of her. The girls share pretty well; it shouldn't be a problem…"

"Is there anything you think Holly would like?" Mary was still waiting for the boom, knowing deep in her heart that Christmas treasures were not what Laura wanted to talk about. "I'd love to brighten her holiday any way I can; I know she's been through quite a lot lately…"

Unexpectedly touched by the generosity, Mary tried to throw a grateful smile over her shoulder as she continued to busy herself with straightening up.

"That's very kind," she reiterated. "But, Holly's doing much better; she should be here this afternoon. I'm sure she'll have enough presents to last her…" charitable though Laura's offer was, she didn't want her to feel any sense of obligation to her downtrodden niece. "She's got a dad that thinks she hangs the moon, so…"

It was as though Mary had subconsciously broached the subject she had meticulously been avoiding. Mention of Peter dragged both topics to the forefront – dads worshipping their little girls, and the absence of Brandi. Pausing in her clean up, she waited to see if Laura was going to delve in the rest of the way. The board was folded and back in the box; Mary was just about to put the lid on when she proved that, different though she was from Seth, she too could be frank when she wanted.

"I don't imagine you have much time to spare for shopping these days," she speculated. "Fielding your sister and dealing with your father is a full-time-job. With Ben and Lizzie on top of it."

Mary's stomach wrenched just as she had anticipated it would. Bringing her family drama into Laura's perfect circle, the photo-in-the-frame family that Marshall had grown up with, was wrong on so many levels. The Manns and the Shannons were from two entirely separate hemispheres, with the Alperts straddling the line somewhere in the center. Critical Mass indeed.

"Well, I'm…I'm…" any minute now she was going to have to lock eyes with her mother-in-law, and she was afraid she would cry when she did. "I'm…finished 'fielding' my sister," using her words and hoping she meant them. "And, my father will be out of here tomorrow, so there's that."

"Mary, you really don't have to put on this show for me…" like mother, like son. "No one would blame you for traveling a rough road less than gracefully…"

"I don't want you to worry about me," Mary tried to shrug it off, leaving the novelty of Chutes and Ladders where it was and turning around, hands on the bed behind her. "Really. Don't let what's going on with me spoil your Christmas with the kids…"

"I hardly think it would spoil it," at least she was honest. "These things happen…"

Now Mary had to scoff, "Yes. These things do happen, but they happen to me. Not to you and Seth and Travis and Carson – not even to Marshall if I can help it," the last thing she wanted was for Laura to think she was burdening her youngest, most favored son. "You all grow from greener grass. I'm from the other side of the tracks."

Her metaphoric analogy did not seem like it was what really upset Laura, although it was those words that made her cock her head to one side, hazel-shaded eyes turning distraught, downcast by Mary's view of her situation.

"I am not here to judge you," her lack of excitement was almost chilling; Marshall was the only person Mary knew who could be so calm about something so immense. "You have no control over other people, and from what Marshall tells me, this is a tough thing for you to reconcile…"

"I raised my sister," Mary's tone was biting, almost daring Laura to say she wasn't responsible somehow, clenching her teeth in the process. "Not my mother – she was a drunk. Not my father – he was gone. I raised her. She turned out the way she did because of me."

"And what seven-year-old would you trust with a baby without expecting them to make a few mistakes?"

Laura's remark was a startling one – it was telling Mary that even if she could be blamed, she couldn't be blamed all at the same time. The distinction was disorienting and Mary's head was too cloudy to work out all the details. What was striking her most forcefully was that Laura could remember how old Mary had been when James had walked out, while James himself had not.

"Mary, I am not here to change your mind – how you feel about Brandi and your father is your own business," this was a mantra she had maintained all her life. "But, I implore you, not for me but for yourself – let Marshall help you."

Again, the blonde was caught off guard. How did Laura know she had been less than receptive of Marshall's advances? Actively pushing him away was a thing of the past, but she was definitely keeping him at arm's length, not because she feared him seeing her vulnerable, but because she didn't want him corrupted or sucked in to the disaster that was the Shannons.

"Marshall…" she whispered, feeling outside herself as she had this conversation. "Marshall…he…he has been helping me…"

"Don't ever doubt how much he loves you, dear…"

"I love him too," Mary's nose stung and her eyes burned as she stated such a thing so easily. "But, my life…he's better than all that; I hate my father for what he did to me and my mother…" she didn't mention Brandi. "But, tomorrow is it and I can't predict how I'll react; for him to think I still want him…"

"No one can predict something like that," Laura's advice was sage. "Marshall respects your choices; he really does," Mary wasn't so sure. "You just have to let him in. He'd never belittle you for being both angry and in some kind of mourning."

Underneath, Mary was well aware that this woman's wisdom could not be disputed. Though she'd shied away from it for years and years, when she finally let the chips fall where they may, she always felt better once she welcomed Marshall into her fold, chaotic or not. He was such a soothing, steady presence, and Laura wasn't wrong; he never criticized her feelings or ever even gave any indications that he disagreed. All he wanted was to be there – to simply be there.

"My sister really is a mess…" Mary felt a tear trickle from her eye, some unconscious longing needing to point out the facts. "I'm…I mean, it may be stupid, but I'm embarrassed for Marshall to see her the way she is…"

"But, you are not your sister," Laura reminded her as the second swiped at her damp eyelashes. "And from what he tells me, you have gone above and beyond for her. It's time you allowed someone to go above and beyond for you."

The older woman's insistence took Mary back to a day long before this one, during another instance in her life where she had refused to allow Marshall to do everything he could for her. There had been many such occurrences – when she'd lost Jamie and had been unable to admit she'd wanted children, when Brandi had been arrested years back, when she'd been abducted and had neglected to speak about her experience.

But, this one was closer to her heart, and it had been a long time since she'd allowed herself to dwell on it so intensely.

"You know…there was this time…" something in her wanted to share it with Laura. "It was about…I don't know, maybe a month or two after the twins were born…" she'd really lost track of time in those days. "And, we'd only had both of them home about a week, because Lizzie had to stay in the NICU for awhile…"

"I remember."

"And I was just…" the memory was becoming stronger and stronger. "I was so exhausted; I was trying so hard to give my all to the kids, but I was running out…"

"I can understand."

"And, all Marshall wanted to do was help."

That was all he ever wanted to do.

"Back then, I was worried he'd think I was an incompetent mom if I let him step in…" the thought seemed ridiculous now, and Laura was about to show her just how outlandish it was.

"And he never thought that…" placing a hand on her forearm and smiling softly. "Just like he doesn't think you're an incompetent daughter or an incompetent sister."

Or, with any luck, an incompetent wife.

The crying had become almost asphyxiating, like two hands clamped hard and rigidly against Mary's throat. She fought for breath, for precision, only to have the fingers tighten against her gullet once more. It was kicking her legs against the ocean tide and repeatedly failing to break the surface of the water – climbing the rope in gym class only to lose her grip and plummet to the floor, gaining rug burns all the way down.

At first, she'd left the nursery lights off and then, after a half an hour, had thought maybe her miniscule babies were afraid of the dark and had flipped on a lamp. But now, the illumination was giving her a raging headache against the screaming sirens that occupied the cribs, and so she was swept in shadow once more.

Mary approached Lizzie's bed as composedly as she could, as she concerned herself with her far more than she did Ben because she was so impossibly tiny. She didn't look as though she belonged in such an enormous sleeping quarters, like she was small enough to slip through the bars and fall onto the floor. Wailing up a storm, flailing against her blankets, her tiny hands seemed to reach for her mother even though she probably didn't know Mary from the milkman.

"Come on, baby…" she murmured, lifting her from her confines and cradling her against her breast.

Frustration welled almost immediately when Lizzie began to root around for milk. Mary had never once tried to breastfeed her or Ben – it had been impossible when they were in the NICU, but it still made her feel like the world's most inferior parent, particularly where her daughter was concerned. Ben had given up within a week or two, but Lizzie's internal system still wanted her mother's milk, and Mary's heart sank every time she ferreted and found nothing.

"I'm sorry, Liz…" her voice was choking and desperate. "I don't have any…"

Equally frustrated, Lizzie let out her loudest screech yet, forcing Mary to cluck her tongue and quiet her. She ached for Ben, still in his crib and not being held, but nestling both at once was almost always asking for a disaster. She'd spent far too much time hoisting both into her arms since they'd been born, and it had wreaked havoc on her yet-to-be-healed-C-section stitches. Her belly still throbbed with discomfort even though the surgery had been weeks before. Not embracing both her babies at once was excruciating.

"I'll be there in a second, Benny…" she claimed in an almost sing-song sort of voice, which was nauseating. "Mama's here; I'm right here…" stepping over so her dissatisfied son could at least see her face. "You be my patient boy…" now she was coaxing.

Coaxing a newborn. She was losing her mind.

She wasn't likely to find it, even when Marshall knocked on the nursery door. Mary whirled around with Lizzie still in her arms, infuriated at the sight of him. He was always so serene and unruffled, and right now it made her unquestionably annoyed. Their house had become a circus and he behaved as if it were all a semi-interesting side-show.

And she knew exactly what he was about to say. It did not endear her to him in the least.

"I'm going to take Ben to our room…" this time, he didn't ask to assist, simply took charge. "He won't go to sleep if Lizzie's still crying; one is better than none…"

He was halfway into the room when Mary blocked his path – her and her miserable daughter.

"I was just about to get to him," but her tone continued to warble and her tummy continued to pulsate; her arms were sore and her eyes were irritated with tiredness and despair. "Go back to bed. You have to go to work tomorrow."

"Mary, you can barely stand…" he felt badly pointing this out, but it was essential. "They're my kids too…"

"I'm their mother!" she burst, which was sure to escalate the situation to a dangerous level. "Me! I went through hell to get them here; it's my job to make sure I'm doing everything I can in the aftermath! I didn't slog through eight months for nothing and neither did they!"

"But Mary, this is not healthy…" still, Marshall would not become rattled. "I don't think you've slept in three days; I'm not just going to sit idly by…"

Bouncing the little girl, who only picked up in volume due to all the tension, Mary batted back, "She wants milk; I don't have any milk to give her!"

"She has a bottle; she'll adjust…"

"And he doesn't want any blankets, but he likes to watch the mobile...!" gesturing wildly at Ben with a free arm. "And she wants to be swaddled, but you can't use that green blanket because it itches!" Now that she was unloading, she might as well go all the way. "If Ben's wet, he won't stop screaming unless you change his whole outfit! Lizzie freaks out if you even unbutton her sleeper because she gets too cold!"

"Mary…"

"I can't remember it all!" and now she was crying too, a replica of her daughter, tears streaming down her reddened cheeks, her legs feeling like they were going to collapse beneath her. "I can't remember it and I can't mess up! I'm their mother! I waited too long to be their mother to just throw in the towel because I'm tired!"

What if she was resenting them? What if she doubted all that motherhood was cracked up to be? A disappointment of that degree would be too much to bear. But, the self-indulgent sob that escaped proved she was so perturbed by her new life because the adoration was there without any follow-through.

"I love them so much…" she was one exhausted wreck. "But, how will they ever know it if I can't give them exactly what they need?"

At this, Marshall at least gave a sigh, shedding his composed persona for one moment. Without a word, he held out his arms and Mary, beaten and worn out, was forced to hand over the writhing Lizzie, who perhaps would not expect to suckle when she was with her father. Immediately, Mary sought to comfort Ben, but the absence of one baby put her in mind of just how tender her incision was. Doubling over in front of the crib, she tried to quell the sting before rescuing her son.

"Your stitches again?" Marshall guessed as he swayed Lizzie side-to-side.

Mary nodded, her face feeling hot and sticky from tears.

"Picking up two babies doesn't do wonders for healing major abdominal surgery," he speculated. "But, some things can't be avoided. Listen…" he hoped Mary actually would. "Take Ben to our room and rock him in one of the basinets. He likes that…"

Mary had forgotten which baby it was who preferred the jostling.

"You can lie down in there too; maybe catch a few winks."

But, Mary was too occupied in falling on her own sword to really take in what he was saying. Her mind was consumed with powerlessness and distaste of her own, sour failure. It was high time she admitted it, even as she leaned against the bars of Ben's crib trying to find her second wind.

"I need help."

Leave it to Marshall to take something that was so epic for Mary and turn it into something perfectly ordinary. His tone was placid from over her hunched shoulders.

"Don't we all?" he mused. "I don't want to do anything but lend a hand, partner," he insisted. "I don't care if you're fatigued or crabby or short-tempered. There is no one I would rather brave the rocky early roads with than you."

Kind as it was, it wasn't until her man finished his speech that Mary found the strength to right herself and start anew.

"These are very lucky babies," he stated boldly, even as they yowled with the best of them. "They have the world's best mama."

XXX

A/N: My chapters are so long LOL. I wouldn't blame you if you got bored slogging through them.