Chapter Thirty Six

Mike stared at the large rectangle box on the table, he was shell shocked. Only moments ago had the offices from the medical examiner's office come to his office. It wasn't protocol but they had made the exception for him. They and majority of the medical examiner's offices had been investigating the mass graves found near the factories.

He hadn't ever expected this. Her death had been from pneumonia, at least that's what the death certificate stated, it corroborated the girls' and Beth's recount. Not like he needed proof, he never had. He just assumed her body had been cremated months ago, just as Lucas' had when the outbreak began. CDC protocol demanded it. His ashes were nowhere to be found. He morbidly hoped they were flying around somewhere instead of piled in with the thousands of other poor souls but he'd never know.

But here, in a small wooden box was Christine, her body had been cremated after the autopsy. Once again CDC protocol demanded it because they didn't want to risk the chance of the virus jumping into the remains of a body to stay dormant until a fresh host came along. He tried to breathe as he smoothed a hand over the box. He never expected to have her back and as a result emotions he hadn't expected welled in him. Confusion, pain, anger and grief.

He picked up his phone about to make a call but then realised he didn't know who to call or even what to say. He did know that couldn't be at work. He couldn't do anything with Christine's remains on his desk. He placed the phone into the receiver and pushed to his feet. He picked up the box and placed it carefully into his briefcase.

He walked out of his office and his assistant looked up at him. "Cancel the rest of my day, I'm going home on a family matter." he told him.

"Yes, Sir." his assistant said, Mike walked out of the office in a daze.

"Ba-da-ooooo." Kaito said with keen interest as he held out a drool covered wooden block to Beth. They were sitting on the floor playing with a set of wooden play blocks and basically anything that kept him entertained before his bottle and a nap.

"Thank you," Beth said as she carefully took the block and placed it on the pile of other blocks he'd given her. She had tried to build something but it only ended in Kaito swiping it to ground. "Am I supposed to engage with you after every single babble?" Beth asked him, he just gave her a gleeful smile and pressed a drool covered palm to her foot. "Egh, thanks so much." she told him, she was wondering if she would be giving him a teething ring as the kid was a saliva factory. A good sign he was going to cut another tooth soon. She used his bib to wipe his face, he giggled at her and she smiled at him; as the front door opened.

"Hey." Beth said surprised to see Mike home so early.

"Hi." Mike said, she frowned as there was something off about him. She couldn't put her finger on it.

"Everything ok?" she asked.

"Yes, you know you haven't had a day off. I can take care of Kaito for a few hours if you want." he said in a slightly brusque manner. Beth blinked at him as she knew something was definitely up but decided not to push it as there was something fragile. She knew better than to push a man for answers even one like Mike who had the patience of a saint. He obviously wanted to be alone with Kaito, so instead of pushing it; she stood up.

"Ok, if you're sure." She said carefully.

"Yeah, go." he said as he moved to take up her place on the floor.

"Are you sure that you're ok?" Beth asked him.

"Yeah, go enjoy some time off." Mike told her.

"Ok, I'll be back in a few hours. I have my phone on me." she said, he gave her a nod and half wave as she picked up her bag and headed out the door.

"It was just weird. I was afraid about pushing it." Beth said to Sasha as she ended up at the Chandler's house. Beth knew she could've gone over to Kara's but went straight to Sasha. Only because she knew for sure Sasha would be home and she needed a second opinion as Mike's behaviour left her feeling a little stressed out. She felt lucky to have a friendship with Sasha.

"Well, there has to be a reason." Sasha said as she picked her mobile phone off the table and started writing a text.

"What are you doing?" Beth asked her, glad to have this time with Sasha. She was hopeless when it came to decoding Mike. She knew never to push a man in fear of being hurt but Mike was different. She was afraid if she did push it would only hurt him more.

"Texting my assistant, she knows everything going on in the office." Sasha told her as she sent the text and gave Beth a tight smile. It wasn't reassuring.

"I don't want to make a thing-" Beth started but then Sasha's phone pinged. "What does it say?" Beth asked as Sasha read the message. She hadn't wanted to start rumours at Mike's workplace, but she needed someone who knew Mike and his lifestyle in the Navy to help decode what was going on. Sasha's expression was grim.

"Mike was visited by the people who are running the investigations into the deaths at the factories. Apparently half an hour after they left, he left. Cancelled the rest of his day." Sasha said turning off her phone and placing it on the table.

"You think they found Christine? I know Lucas was cremated due to CDC protocols for the virus." Beth said.

"Most likely, this is terrible." Sasha said looking saddened by the thought. It was terrible, but in a way Beth felt it was probably for the best as it meant Mike and the girls could have real closure together over Christine's death.

"It would explain why he doesn't want me there. He needs space. So, how are you going?" Beth asked changing the subject.

"I'm ok and yeah, give him space for the time being at least until after dinner tonight. As for me, I'm all good. No infections, healing up nicely, I'll be at work next week." Sasha said, Beth was in awe of the woman's strength. She knew it wasn't ever easy to be ill and push oneself. To also be positive when it was easy to just wallow in the grief of how terrible things were.

"Yay?" Beth asked. Sasha gave a nod and smiled.

"Definitely, and fingers crossed in a few months I'll be pregnant or I'll have to have hormone treatments." Sasha said.

"I thought you were going straight onto the hormones?" Beth said confused and wondering if she had misheard but Sasha shook her head.

"No, we want to try to conceive naturally for a bit before we take the plunge into turkey basters and mood swing central." Sasha joked in a light hearted manner.

"Well, if you need anything let me know as you know you can share anything with me and I'll keep it a secret or celebrate it." Beth offered with a smile, she wanted Sasha to know she wasn't alone while Beth might not be able to relate to her struggles- she had a friend.

"Like how we celebrated your first bowel movement in over a year?" Sasha asked, Beth smiled remembering the conversation of when Sasha was feeling unwell due to the anaesthesia and the operation. They had played the 'who has it worse' game until Beth caved and confessed she wasn't the worst. It had been worth it just to make Sasha laugh until she cried, hell they both cried from the hysterical and somewhat gross conversation that proceeded from it. Then a few days after the conversation Beth had brought over chocolate brownies to really celebrate her 'victory'.

"It was majestic, I should of taken a photo of it as I'll never poop like that again." Beth deadpanned, they both cracked up laughing.

"What am I supposed to do?" Mike asked Kaito, the baby smile up at him, it lessened the pain the he felt inside. He felt bad for kicking Beth out but he just couldn't cope with her being there. He felt his veneer crack and he wasn't ready for her to see him like that. After she left, he'd changed and put Kaito down for a nap, he'd deep cleaned the kitchen and oven needed to work out the stress, needing to ignore all his pressing matters and hide.

Kaito, luckily didn't understand a thing and was just happy to see Mike and have some time with him. Something Mike was relishing as he made him able to push back the fact that Christine's ashes were in his briefcase. He still didn't know what to do with it-her. So he focussed on something he could do, be a father to Kaito until he had to pick up the girls.

It dawned on him that he was opening up old wounds, he wondered if he should given how well Mia and Sienna were going at school. He didn't know how to even explain it to them, then the question that he couldn't answer. What to do with the ashes? he knew they couldn't stay in the house.

"I love Christine but she can't stay in the house. I can't put an urn in the living room. I just can't. I'm overthinking it. I should just think about what's for dinner and making sure you don't choke on something." he told Kaito, feeling a jagged edge of pain throbbed inside him. Kaito grumbled at him as he pushed up onto his knees on the floor of the living room. Mike was tempted to help Kaito to crawl but knew it was better for Kaito to learn by trial and error.

Kaito pressed one hand forward but somewhere in the moving of his legs and his over hand; he ended up face planted on the carpet, his tiny legs up in the air for a moment before he fell down completely. He looked up to Mike with a perplexed look, Mike laughed; he knew it was wrong to laugh but it was pretty funny.

Kaito frowned at him not exactly happy with Mike's amusement. But Mike picked him up and into his arms which made Kaito happy as he latched onto Mike's t-shirt. Mike felt a sense of contentment wash through him, it temporarily pushed his hurts away.

Later that evening,

Beth woke up to the sound of thud, her heart pounded from the shock of waking from a dead sleep. She heard Mike curse from his room across the hallway. She rose out the bed and moved to her open door. She felt frozen, unsure of what to do; there wasn't much she could do. She wasn't even sure it was her place to help him when it came to Christine. But she pushed on and moved to his open door, if only to make sure he was physically OK.

In the soft glow of Kaito's night light, she saw him kneeling on the floor looking at a pile of Kaito's clothes and toys. He looked incredibly lost at just the easy task but she didn't judge. She could never understand what it was like to lose a spouse but she understood deep seated grief. She knew how all consuming it could be. She knocked lightly on the door frame and he looked up.

"Need a hand?" she asked him, she knew better than to ask if everything was ok; as it was a loaded and painful question given clearly everything wasn't ok.

"Nothing I can't handle, did I wake you?" He asked as he moved onto his backside and leaned his back against the bed. He looked so tired and resigned, yet at the same time deeply troubled.

"No, I woke up not feeling so great. Heard you pottering around in here. So, figured I'd annoy you." she said with a small smile as she moved and sat down next to him. She drew her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them.

"I'm not really the best company at the moment." Mike told her.

"Good, neither am I." Beth said, they lapsed into a companionable silence for a few minutes, lost in their own thoughts and exhaustion.

"They found Christine's remains." Mike said breaking the silence. "I thought, I'd be ok; like it wouldn't bother me but it does. I'm at a loss of what to do. Something that is rare for me." he confessed.

"Do you want to tell the girls?" Beth asked, Mike raked his hands over his head and covered his face for a moment trying to reign in his emotions before he answered.

"I don't know, they are going so well. I don't want hurt them by opening up old wounds." he said honestly, there were a million reasons as to why he felt he should have not said anything and to why he shouldn't say anything to girls. But it just felt wrong, yet he couldn't think of a solution. "I also don't know what to do with her remains. We never talked about it." he frowned, "Well, we never talked about the possibility that I'd outlive her." he added, he felt like a bad partner for not even knowing Christine's last wishes. They talked about wills, living wills and when they wanted the plug pulled on them but funerals they had not covered. It was just assumed for Mike that he'd die first with at sea burial. But Christine? he had no clue and he didn't even know what the right decision was.

"She wanted to be a tree." Beth said bringing Mike out of his thoughts.

"What?" he asked confused by her statement. Beth looked to him and gave a saddened smile.

"Mia asked her when she was at her worst, Christine told her that after she was gone; she wanted to be a tree. So that she could stand in one place and live for hundreds of years as something beautiful and strong; there was more but I can't remember. I just assumed she wanted to be buried under a sapling and have her remains feed the tree. Maybe you could do that with Christine's remains. Have the girls with you. I think they need the closure just as you do." Beth told him.

"Yeah," he said, in agreement as she was right, she reached out and placed a hand on his forearm and gave it a comforting squeeze. He placed his own hand on top of hers; appreciating the human contact. Part of him just wanted to dump all of grief and tears on her but he held back. Not because he didn't trust her, it was that he was afraid of not being able to stop. Afraid of his girls seeing his pain when he was supposed to be strong.

"We should get some sleep." she told him.

"I need to clean up my mess." he said, she gave a closed lip smile and got to her feet and picked up the mess and placed it on top of the dresser. He gave a huff of a laugh as the mess was off the floor at least but not what he'd meant.

"Done, come on." she said, she held out her hand but he didn't take it as there was no way she could take his weight. He rose to his feet and pulled her into his arms, her arms wrapped around his middle as he dropped his head to her shoulder. Taking a moment for himself.

"Thank you." he whispered to her, his arms tightened slightly as he felt better for just being with her, for her counsel when he had needed it most. He reluctantly released her and was surprised when she pulled him towards the bed. She released his hand and climbed into the bed without asking if it was ok.

They didn't share a bed all the time, he did know she slept in his bed when Kaito was down for a nap and she needed one during the days. He knew because her bed making skills weren't as strict as his. Luckily her flare ups were becoming less and less, but when she was she'd spend the night on his side of the bed close to bathroom. He didn't mind, in fact he liked it, there was comfort of having her in his bed. It felt intimate even though they never shared more than a kiss, and there was comfort and peace that he found in presence. She laid down and Mike got in beside her, glad she was staying the night as he didn't want to sleep alone.