These characters are under copyright by Hajime Isayama and/or Kodansha Comics or others. This is a work of fanfiction, for no monetary gain.
A/N:
CAUTION – Suicidal thoughts and plans, and frank discussion of bodily functions.
Chapter 37 – Chaos and Devastation
Jean was cowering against the inner wall of the half demolished house, his hands pressed to his ears, trying to drown out that horrible shrieking scream, fully in the grip a flashback of Trost, shaking wildly, hugging the gas canister he'd just retrieved from the uniformed skeleton in what had once been someone's living room, as if it was a teddy bear, or Armin. Armin. The horrific face of the stalking Titan from his nightmares was replaced by the earnest, lovable blond, and suddenly he could move again, think again.
He discarded his empty gas canister and hooked up the retrieved one. It was covered in dust and rust, not exposed to rain, within the remarkably intact house, but to the blood of the rotting body of the Garrison soldier who'd crawled into this house to die. No, to live, but he'd died anyway. Armin. Please don't be dead, Jean begged.
"Please, God, let there still be gas in here," Jean prayed, and then he tested it, turning the valve behind the nozzle slowly and carefully. Nothing. He turned it all the way, listening for the slightest hiss. Oh God. Nothing. He felt tears of fear and frustration fall.
It had been a nightmare, crossing the City, trying to reach the others; he'd used up all his gas and dulled every single blade in his scabbards, circling further and further away from his target in a desperate effort to stay alive. Did Bauer make it back? Do they know about Sasha, even if they don't know she's in the Depot? Have the rest of them left Shiganshina already? Did they abandon me here? Or worse, check the Depot looking for me, and all been killed by Reiner and Bertolt? Is Armin dead? Is it my fault?
Jean felt the same crushing despair envelope him as he'd felt in the barn, when reading Marco's letter, as tears streamed down his face. I don't even have a rifle. He looked at the dulled blade. The tip was still sharp, only the edge dulled beyond use. If I hold it in front of me, point upwards and slam my throat into the tip?
Eyes riveted to the blade, his breath caught. Marco? Where are you? Aren't you going to stop me this time? Oh God. Is Marco gone too?
At the sudden chorus of inhuman screams that tore through the air shaking the glass panes in the windows, like all the demons of hell were outside, trying to get in, to devour his soul, Jean screamed, throwing the sword across the room, as if it had bitten him.
I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! I wasn't going to!
He fisted his hair and curled into a fetal ball against the wall, shaking wildly, a puddle of urine pooling beneath him as he tried to make himself invisible, knowing it was hopeless, as the ground shook, once, twice, three times, as thundering feet charged past, drowning out that other, hideous, wailing scream.
Gradually, he realized to his dazed relief that horrific ululating scream had been blessedly silenced, even as there was a familiar, welcome roar, just as infuriated, that had Jean springing to his feet. Yeager Titan! Eren is nearby, still alive! And if Eren's there… God, I'm such a coward, such an idiot! I'm coming, Armin! Please be alright!
He ran across the room, retrieving his all but useless sword. He made a quick check of the street and then darted down it, sticking close to the buildings, as Yeager Titan's roar repeated again and again, amidst the thundering sound of what now sounded to be dozens of enormous running feet.
Jean saw a familiar landmark, one of the ones Mikasa and Eren had drilled into his head on the rooftop above the Military Police prison, and realized he was less than a dozen blocks from the Yeager home. It looked and sounded like a full-scale war had broken out at Eren's house, as if every Titan in the City had converged upon it.
"No! There's no way they can fight that many. Even with Yeager Titan, they…" he whispered, as he ran full tilt now, caution and every instinct for self-preservation forgotten.
Belatedly, Jean realized that the thundering footsteps he was hearing as the ground shook under his feet were now coming from behind him, not in front of him. He spun and gaped in horror. The Armored Titan!
Reiner's Titan form was bearing down on him, inexorably, like a thundering herd of horses stung by hornets. Jean started running for the nearest building, his head turned to the side, riveted on the approaching Titan even as he ran for cover, knowing it was futile, that he was going to be stepped on, pulverized, kicked, unless those giant pounding feet miraculously missed him.
To his horror he saw the Armored's eyes lock on him.
Oh God, Reiner saw me! I'm going to die!
Jean stumbled, and fell, pitching headlong into the dirt, crying out as his injured arm slammed hard into the ground, knowing he was about to be crushed, his eyes inexorably drawn towards his doom.
His eyes widened in terror as without even breaking his stride, Reiner's gigantic left hand scooped down, carving a deep gouge of earth between them, the mountain of dirt pushing him, but then the fingers spread, sifting out the dirt until only he remained, in the Armored's hand. Jean wanted to fight, to live, but those enormous fingers wrapped around him, and his arms were pinned, and his next to worthless swords immobile.
"Jean, it's alright! He won't hurt you!" a gentle, calming voice assured him, the voice rising and falling oddly.
Jean's eyes widened in shock, as he snapped his head around and saw Bertolt swoop past, held securely in Reiner's right hand, as both the behemoth's hands pumped as he ran.
"We're going to help Ymir!" Bertolt yelled, as if in explanation, and maybe it was.
Ymir? She's here, in the City? With Krista? Of course, with Krista. When have those two ever been apart? So they actually are working with Reiner and Bertolt? Are they really shifters, too? They must be. Am I another hostage, to use against Levi and the others?
Thankfully it was somehow easier to form coherent thoughts, now that that horrible, inhuman, wailing, screeching, endless scream had been silenced.
Then they were at the battle. It was a scene of complete carnage and chaos. There were steaming, dying, converging and attacking Titans everywhere, with one noticeably missing exception. There was no sign of Yeager Titan, at least not that he could see, and Eren should have been in the thick of this. Then Jean was deposited unceremoniously on a roof, beside Bertolt, who fired a grapple and caught him as he nearly rolled off the edge. Apparently unlike him, Bertolt had expected the abrupt landing.
And then the Armored Titan crashed into the enormous, compact horde of Titans blocking the street, his devastating attack crushing a number of them and sending others flying into the air, as if they were as light as a handful of feathers, and Jean belatedly realized that Yeager Titan must be at the core of them, that he was being eaten.
"Blades, I need new blades!" Jean cried desperately, as he looked frantically for Armin, for any of the others.
To his amazement and confusion, Bertolt pulled two fresh blades out of his own scabbards and handed them to him, before firing a grapple and leaping off the edge of the roof in a blast of gas.
Jean stared in shock at the weapons, and then ejected the useless old blades from his scabbards, and bladed his hilts with the deadly sharp new blades, shaking his head in frustration and confusion. Reiner saved me from that Titan before, Bertolt kidnapped Sasha, Reiner carried me here, and now Bertolt armed me? Why? Why the hell are they doing all this? Why help us one minute and then attack us the next? Whose side are they on?
Then to his shock and relief he saw Connie, here, alive, and he ran along the roof towards his friend, eager to keep him that way.
He lost sight of Connie as the Armored Titan grabbed the hand of the ugliest Titan he had ever seen, even if it hadn't been missing huge chunks of flesh from its limbs and torso, yanking it out of the middle of the pile of bodies it had just crushed and trampled.
It wasn't Yeager? Why were they trying to eat that one? Is it… holy crap, is that another shifter? Is it…? No. No way is that ugly monster either Ymir or Krista.
To Jean's horror, a moment later he saw Connie land on its shoulder, yelling at it, and the hideous, massive head of razor sharp teeth turned to him.
"Connie are you insane? Get out of there! It's going to eat you!" Jean yelled in warning, knowing he was too late.
But, instead of eating Connie, it ran to one of the nearby buildings and grabbed a naked blond haired man off the roof. Jean's eyes widened in shock and confusion. Reiner! But… but it can't be! Unless… unless Reiner isn't the Armored Titan after all? But Bertolt was with him. Who…?
And then, in the next moment, it released Reiner unharmed, and he stumbled awkwardly over to Bertolt, who was standing on another roof, staring in wide-eyed disbelief, and then he was embracing Reiner, hugging him and… Holy shit! And kissing him, as if his life depended on it, ignoring the battle all around them. What they hell is going on?
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Connie breathed a sigh of relief, as Ymir snatched Marcel off the roof, thankful he'd seen him alone and unguarded before he'd gotten hurt. But to his confusion, instead of running with him away from the battle, so he'd be safer, she deposited him onto a nearby roof next to… Holy fuck! Bertolt!
Bertolt was staring at Marcel in shock, and then Marcel said something too softly for Connie to hear and tears started streaming down Bertolt's face, and he hugged and kissed him frantically.
Connie's eyes snapped to the Armored Titan, expected him to turn on them, now that he'd freed Ymir Titan, and she was healing from her many injuries, but instead, his eyes were riveted on Bertolt and Marcel.
Then they broke the kiss, and Marcel called out in a voice eerily identical to Reiner's in tone, in spite of how he was sobbing openly. "White Knight, this is… all my fault! We have to… help Banshee save them!" he begged between sobs.
Bertolt looked frantic, trying to console Marcel, even as the Armored Titan gave a nod and then he turned on the next wave of Titans that was heading for them. Connie scanned the rooftops to see who else was still alive and his eyes widened in shock when he saw Jean staring at Marcel and Bertolt in a daze. Jean's alive!
Connie headed for him, worried at how he was just standing there, swords in hand but down at his sides. "Jean! Are you injured?" he yelled as he landed by him.
Jean's head snapped around. "Connie! Thank God! When I saw you land on that Titan I thought… You could have died, you idiot! Who…?"
"That's Ymir. She's on our side. She and Krista saved me from the Titan dogs and got me back here safely. Did you come with Reiner and Bertolt? I thought they were just coming to save Ymir Titan. Jesus, her screams could wake the dead, and I swear, it's her fault I pissed myself. Holy shit! So it wasn't just me. She made you pee yourself too, huh?" He'd been humiliated when it had happened, but that scream had just torn right through him. It had been hard enough to keep fighting, hearing that cry – he'd just wanted to curl up into a ball, with his hands clamped over his ears.
Jean frowned and then his eyes widened in shock. "Oh my God! That was why I…? You're right! It was that scream. That was when I… never mind. At least she's not doing that now. Where are the others? I haven't seen anyone else. Where's Yeager Titan and Armin and…"
Connie winced. How the hell am I supposed to tell him? How am I supposed to tell him Eren went nuts and ate Mikasa and took Armin?
"No… No, they can't be," Jean yelled, grabbing him by the arms and shaking him, obviously knowing from his expression something terrible had happened.
Connie exhaled heavily. "Eren went crazy. A Titan bit Mikasa's arm off, she was dying, and then another one bit him, and he shifted in its mouth, he blew it's head apart, and then… Yeager Titan ate Mikasa. He just closed his mouth over her, and swallowed her, and… and he grabbed Armin and ran off with him."
"No. No. No, he…" Jean was shaking his head, eyes wide with horror.
"Hange got eaten by a Titan first, saving Commander Erwin. Levi ran off after it, but it got away and then after Mikasa was… Levi ran off after Yeager Titan. He just left the rest of us here, even Erwin. I think… he's trying to save Armin, and he's… he's probably going to kill Eren, now that… Levi promised Eren, if he ever became a monster, if he ever killed any of us…Look, can you fight?" Connie demanded.
The battle was still continuing around them, Reiner and Ymir facing off against an entire army of Titans. Connie's eyes widened as he saw two men attack a Titan together, the way he and Sasha fought as a team, one going high and one going low, except one man had swords where his arms should have been. "Kearney and O'Seanessey! They're still alive!"
He turned back to Jean, but he was still stunned, dazed. Connie grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him. "Come on, Jean! You have to forget about Armin for now, like I'm not letting my fear for Sasha keep me from fighting. Getting yourself or the rest of us killed isn't going to help Armin," he snapped.
To his relief, his words, or maybe just shaking him, seemed to work. Jean blinked a few times, and then his eyes cleared and focused on him.
"Right. You're right. We can't let anyone else die," Jean said. "I'm out of gas, but Bertolt gave me two new blades. Do you know where any of the packs with the spare canisters are?"
"Yeager's basement. I'll take you down there. I'm probably almost out too, and I'm sure a bunch of the others are. We'll make a gas and blade run, we brought a few extra scabbards with us, too," Connie said firmly, relieved to have a plan. He pulled Jean to the edge of the roof. "Hold on!" he yelled.
Jean grabbled him around the chest, and Connie fired his grapples and opened his gas valves wide, to account for the extra mass. Normally he was always one of the last to run empty, since he was so small, compared to Jean and most of the others, but this battle was as bad as the ambush their last mission.
Connie was relieved when he landed in the street to see that Yeager's house was still standing. His eyes widened when he saw Anders emerge from the basement staircase, carrying two packs. He ran over to him.
"Did the Commander send you down here to help me? He left after helping me move the two crates to a safer location and ordered me to move our supplies. Don't bother going back in. These are the last of our packs," Anders reported.
"No, we were just going to get more gas canisters and blades," Connie explained.
"I don't think there are any in these two packs. Come with me. I'll show you where the stash is. The more of us who know, the better, in case the Commander and I don't make it out of here alive. I'd hate to have the rest of you searching the City for it," Anders said grimly.
"Right. Did you already refuel? If so, Jean will carry those, so you and I can fight unencumbered," Connie suggested.
"I haven't replenished or replaced my tank, but I'm not quite empty yet," Anders said, as he handed off the two packs to Jean and readied his swords for trouble.
Connie and Jean followed the man down the block, and then across two others, away from the raging battle. Anders led them to what had once been a general store. "There's provisions here too, canned goods and preserves, plus nuts and beans which the rats haven't eaten which might still be edible. I haven't had the time to check too closely yet," he said, as he set the two packs down beside a small mountain of packs and the two precious crates, the contents of Yeager's basement they'd packed for travel, plus their supplies.
They began opening the packs, pulling out canisters and scabbards and handing them to one another. Connie grabbed a replacement canteen too, and handed one to each of them.
"Do you know who else is still alive? I hadn't seen anyone but the Commander, until I saw you," Anders stated.
"We saw O'Seanessey and Kearney still fighting, just before we found you. At least they and the Commander are still alive," Connie said.
"Last I saw he was, anyway. Though from the look in his eyes, I don't think he had a wish to be. I think he blames himself for Hange's death and Ackerman's, for Yeager turning against us, and Levi running off to kill Yeager and rescue Arlert. Have either of you seen Bauer?" Anders asked, more fear than hope in his voice.
"No. Sorry. But that doesn't mean he's not alive. I was still blocks away from here, before the Armored unexpectedly grabbed me and gave me a ride the rest of the way. The entire City is infested, though most of them were at the Depot, after a while, and now here. I had to fight and hide and run the whole way here. I'm sure Bauer is too, that he just hasn't made it back," Jean assured him.
"Maybe. But thanks for saying that. For a while there, I gave up," Anders said, sounding ashamed. "I couldn't even move to fight. I kept picturing the four of us at the end of our last mission, abandoned and heading back to Karanese on foot, wondering if I'd end up mindless like poor Mitchell, or just be eaten. At least I wasn't the only one to lose control of my bladder," he said grimly.
Jean's eyes widened. "So Connie was right! The way you felt… like you were giving up and were going to die… that crippling fear… when did it start? And when did it stop? Was it… that screaming, for me, it was when I first heard the screaming. I… I wet myself and froze, I was barely able to run into a building before I just curled up into a ball shaking and started remembering… I wanted to… Was it the screaming?" Jean asked, his voice filled with both hope and fear.
Anders looked shocked, and relieved. "The screaming? You mean that was it? I didn't lose my nerve? I'd been fighting before that fine, I was scared, but it wasn't debilitating, not until that godforsaken, soul chilling screeching. That's what made me give up? Thank God."
"So that's Ymir's special power? Like Reiner's armor, and Annie's crystal? With her it's looking ugly and screaming you mindless?" Connie questioned. Even though he was the one to initially propose that to Jean, he hadn't been a hundred percent sure.
"Maybe that's why she suddenly stopped? I mean, she was being eaten, she should have kept screaming, unless they ate her vocal cords or something, but she stopped. Maybe she didn't know it affected humans like that, or forgot it did, and then realized? Maybe Krista told her?" Jean asked.
"It doesn't matter. We need to go back, now that we're resupplied, and this stuff is safer here," Connie urged.
"Yeah. Right. OK. I think I can do that, now that I know why I wanted to… I wasn't forgetting my promise," Jean said softly.
Shit. Fuck. Did Jean try to kill himself again? At least he didn't look injured, other than from what had happened in the tunnel.
"Come on," Connie said, grabbing Jean by his uninjured arm and pulling. Jean and Anders followed him out into the street. They jogged back to the battle site and were shocked at what they saw. Eren's house was gone, along with half the block. The Commander had Anders move everything just in time.
Then there was a tremendous flash of light and crack of thunder, and suddenly the Colossal Titan was towering above them. They instinctively dove for cover and then watched in awe as it bent over, snatched up a handful of Titans, and hurled them over the Wall, like a human child throwing dolls. It bent down, again and again, throwing more and more Titans out of the City until there were none left in front of it, and then it turned away and with an enormous, lumbering stride, headed for the Inner Gate, surprisingly keeping to the street, instead of trampling buildings underfoot. Then there were tremendous booming sounds coming from the Inner Gate as a cloud of powdered rock rose into the air. And then the Colossal vanished, as if it had never been, even as the ground began shaking.
"The Armored, he's running," Jean said, drawing Connie's attention away from the Inner Gate. First he ran to where the Colossal had disappeared, and then, he ran across the City, towards the Outer Gate. Then there was a series of distant booms, and another cloud of dust.
"Holy shit. I think they're trying to keep more Titans from coming in. I think Reiner and Bertolt just sealed the breaches in Wall Maria, the two destroyed Gates. The two of them just retook Shiganshina!" Jean announced, in shock.
"No fucking way," Connie denied. "Did they really…?" Because now that Jean said it, that was the most logical explanation for what they'd just witnessed.
"So what, does that mean they're on our side for good, now? Or are they just trying to trap us here, so we can't get back with what we found? Once our gas is gone, unless we get more at the Depot, there's no way we can get over those Walls, without them spotting and stopping us. The staircases only go down the inner sides of the Walls. We need our grapples and gas to make it down the other way," Jean said.
"I can lead us out of here. There's another hidden Gate, inside Shiganshina, Tau Gate, that I know the location of. I've never used it , so I didn't know where any of the other Gates that it leads to were, and from what Captain Levi told me earlier, Tau's been caved in. But we still have the dynamite. There's no way there's enough to blast through the Wall, but it might be enough to unblock that entrance and get us back into the tunnel," Anders said.
"We need to find the Commander, before Reiner and Bertolt get back," Connie agreed.
"What about Ymir and Krista. Will they just let us leave?" Jean asked dubiously.
"And that other shifter, Marcel, the one they revived," Anders stated.
"Marcel? Who's Marcel?" Jean asked, puzzled.
"Reiner's nephew and Bertolt's husband. The guy you were staring at, the one kissing Bertolt before," Connie explained.
"His husband? Bertolt's married to a… That wasn't Reiner? That's been driving me nuts!" Jean exclaimed.
"Thank goodness you're all alive!" Krista's voice cried unexpectedly from overhead. "The Commander and those two new Scouts need help, until Reiner and Bertolt get back! Hurry!"
Without another word they jetted up and after Krista. For now, at least, it looked like she was on their side.