"HELL YES!" Screeched James at an unnecessarily high volume, as he opened the package his family owl had just
"What?" asked Sirius. James ignored him, he grinned and jumped up, punching the air.
"Dad's giving me his invisibility cloak!" He grinned again "Come on, I'll show you!" He grabbed Sirius's arm and pulled him up from the breakfast table, Remus lay down his fork and followed behind. Peter looked mournfully at his half finished breakfast and trotted after his fellow marauders.
When they reached their dorm, James did a short victory dance, grinning like a mad man.
"I can't believe you have aninvisibility cloak." Said Remus, a clear envy on his voice. "How come your dad's giving it to you now? Isn't he using it for auror stuff?"
"This one's going spare" beamed James, wrapping the cloak around himself and giggling at his now undetectable form
"Well, it's not really spare" said Sirius with a little frown, he turned to Remus "That one is an antique. We're talking multiple centuries. He almost got it damaged in a duel... am I right James"
"Yep" James said distractedly, Peter laughing and applauding as he wrapped the cloak around his head
"So old Charlus had a new one shipped in from Egypt"
"A new invisibility cloak! Fucking hell" said Remus shaking his head "you know, I'm lucky if I can afford a normal cloak"
"Yeah, well the Potters are almost as bad as us when it comes to excessive spending" shrugged Sirius
"Get fucked, we're much better with our money than you lot" snorted James
"You wanna bet? How much did your Dad's new cloak cost?"
"er... 32, 000 Galleons"
"That's double what we've got in Gringott's at the moment" Gaped Peter
"It's more than triple what we have!"
"Wow... why's that? I thought your mum got paid alright?"
"She does... But my dad's wage used to help us a lot" Said Remus, that forced positivity crow-barred uncomfortably into his words. Well, not so much positivity as it was not-sadness. Sirius smiled and gave Remus a half hug, saying nothing. James's smile dropped all of a sudden and he pursed his lips.
"Prongs?" enquired Peter.
"Nothing" He forced a smile and picked up his invisibility cloak, continuing to play with it. Remus looked worried but Sirius gave him a comical looking pout. Remus smirked and kicked at the floor, Sirius kissed him on the nose.
As Peter felt a little jolt of envy run through him (Bloody couples. Always touching each other.), he decided it really was time he got himself a girlfriend.
*
Daily Prophet, December 3rd
Ministry Commended for New Werewolf control and Management Policies
In light of the news that the self appointed "Dark Lord" Voldemort may be recruiting werewolves, the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures has, today, announced a reinstatement of the 1947 werewolf Registry act, declaring that all werewolves above age must register themselves with the ministry. The registry will be open for the public as soon as it is as near to completion as possible. Werewolves under the age must be on a private registry. Any werewolf that refuses to register will be captured and taken to Azkaban immediately. The werewolf registry act has been coupled with a new code of conduct, which all werewolves must abide by. It goes as follows:
All Werewolves must report to the ministry for registration [see Werewolf registry act 1947 for details]
All Werewolves must be in the care of the highly skilled and trained or the care of the ministry during the full moon.
Werewolves must not be formally educated. Anyone caught attempting to educate a werewolf will serve five years in Azkaban. No Trial. No Parole.
Any British werewolf caught at any magical education facility in Europe will be expelled and sent to Azkaban for five years as soon as they are of age. No trial. No Parole.
If a werewolf is found to have attacked and/or killed any human being, the punishment is no longer a life term in Azkaban, but twenty years in Azkaban, when this term is served the werewolf shall receive a Dementors Kiss. No trial. No parole.
Any Witch or Wizard responsible for an underage werewolf must serve 10 years in Azkaban should the werewolf in their care attack and/or kill any human being. Trial. No parole.
No werewolf shall be associated with a "pack". Any werewolves found to be moving in a "pack" will serve a twenty year sentence in Azkaban. No trial. No parole.
Any Werewolf caught interacting with the following: Fenrir Greyback, Adolpho Keller or Gene Brenner will receive a ten year sentence in Azkaban. No trial. Parole possible.
Any Werewolf caught assisting or hiding a known attacker of any human being will be sentenced to twenty years in Azkaban. No trial. No parole.
Any Witch or Wizard caught assisting or hiding a known attacker of any human being will be sentenced to five years in Azkaban. Trial allowed. Parole possible.
Any werewolf or Witch or Wizard responsible for a werewolf will be charged an extra one hundred galleon monthly tax to compensate for the burden they cause the ministry
When the head of the Department for the Regulation and Control of magical creatures, Isabella Henge was asked why now, she replied:
"I drew up these laws simply because they are needed. They have been needed since Greyback faked his way out the loony bin [St. Mening's hospital for criminally insane wizards] and started attacking people's children left right and centre. And then all these little packs started to spring up. Scum. The lot of them"
An member of the Ministry's Muggle Worthy excuse committee and Obliviator, wishing to remain anonymous said, in response
"The tax... oh goodness the tax... Oh... Isabella Henge can get f****d."
The employee was later dismissed from her post.
Head Auror Charlus otter has also expressed his displeasure at the new werewolf policies, declaring: "Some of them are scum. Greyback's scum, Keller's scum, Brenner's scum. We all know that. But not all of them. I don't understand why Henge can't get it through her thick skull they're not all like that".
When Potter was asked how he knew this, he replied:
"I've met more than one in my line of work, a third of them are just scapegoats being used by You-Know-Who's Death eaters, the other third are just the ministry being a bit trigger happy with the auror squad. Not investigating accusations properly before they send out the Aurors. The other third... misguided kids, being messed around with Greyback or one of the other big pack leaders. It's only a tiny fraction that are scum. The tax is ridiculous as well. They can't hold steady jobs, Henge knows that. Evil woman."
*
"Remus? What's wrong?"
"He must've seen the paper"
"One hundred Galleons a month!"
"Yeah... are you-"
"One Hundred Galleons a month! One hundred galleons!"
"You'll be alright Moony"
"Will I fuck"
*
Dear Remus,
I don't know if you read the paper this morning, but some new guide lines have been released in regards to your condition. I must urge you to take extra precaution during and around full moons, as the consequences do not bode well for you, your mother or I.
Albus Dumbledore
*
Dear Remus, Don't Panic!
I lost my job yesterday when I was asked about the new werewolf code of conduct. Sorry about that Sweet heart.
We'll be alright though, I can get another job easily. The tax will be no problem.
Love Mum xxx
*
"I'm sorry Padfoot, but Lestammer's got nothing on Evans"
"I don't know Prongs..." Sirius, who was lounging down on the floor, smirked at James who was sitting across from him, Peter crouched next to him.
"Just think about it, Evans's eyes, all big and bright and almond shaped... gorgeous. Evans's skin, perfect. Evans's hair, amazing. Evans's tits" James smiled and made a cupping gesture at his chest "and her arse... don't even get me started on her arse" he sighed and licked his lips "And let's put that up against Lestammer. Eyes, blue, big, nice. Skin, greasy prone to acne. Hair, yuck if she doesn't wash it every day she can give Snivellus a run for his money. Tits and arse, none existent. She makes Moony look positively voluptuous" James fluffed his hair and sat back against his bed with a cocky smile. Sirius wished he'd never suggested that maybe Katrina Lestat was better looking than Evans.
"Right, you win Prongs"
"So you agree, Lily Evans is the best looking girl, with the best body"
"Best body eh? Have you seen her thighs lately?"
"Yes. They're perfect"
"If you call dimply perfect"
"I do. So there" huffed James, folding his arms. Sirius rolled his eyes, regretting the decision to pipe in on Peter and James's who's the fittest girl in school argument.
"What d'you all think of Alice Prewett?" asked Peter
"She's alright" shrugged James
"I have no opinion on her either way" said Sirius
"What d'you think Remus?" Peter called over the dorm. Remus looked up from the neat copy of The Map he'd been drawing out for the first time in half an hour
"Of what?" he answered sleepily, heavy bags beneath his eyes
"Of Alice, Lily's friend"
"She's sweet, smart, I like her"
"Yeah, but do you think she's fit?"
"Does she have a cock?"
"No..."
"Well, no" Remus said yawning. He rolled his eyes and went back to the map.
"Why are you so interested in our opinions of her anyway?" inquired James with a devious smile
"I might ask her to the Christmas Ball... they won't let you in without a partner and... I want a girl friend anyway... and I think she's pretty so... yeah... I'm definitely going to ask her to the ball" he said with a forced casualness he often tried to copy from Sirius and James. But couldn't. Remus snorted.
"What? What's so funny Moony?"
"I just can't see you getting anywhere with Alice to be honest"
"Why not... you think she's out of my league?"
"She is, but I'm sure Moony has other reasons for his amusement" Grinned James "Namely, Frank Longbottom based reasons"
"It's not just me that's noticed then" said Remus with a small smile, as he carefully inked in a pencil line on the map.
"What do you mean?" Peter asked indignantly. Remus gave his mischievous crooked grin and put his quill down. He linked his hands together, holding them to his right cheek he fluttered his eyelashes and said in a high pitched voice
"Professor Longbottom? Do you need any help with your books?" James and Sirius burst out laughing, James dropped his voice as deep as it would go and copied Frank's thick Yorkshire accent
"Why thank you Alice love"
"No problem Professor Longbottom" Remus batted his eyelashes faster and sighed "You know Professor, I'm legal in six months" Sirius clutched his stomach, feeling like his sides were about to split. Peter frowned.
"Fine. What about Valerie Taylor"
"Bitch" said Remus as he put his quill between his teeth and picked up his pencil.
"I don't care about that really... do you think she's fit Prongs?"
"She's cute. A bit blonde for me. I don't like them too fair... or too dark really"
"It's well know that Potter men all have a Redhead fetish" smirked Sirius
"That's not true"
"What colour's your mum's hair?"
"... red"
"And what colour was your grandmother's hair when she was younger?"
"... red"
"See! Fetish!" Sirius sung. He smirked as James pursed his lips and got up to join Remus on the bed. "alright Moonshine?" Sirius asked. Remus frowned and took his quill out from between his teeth.
"Moonshine?"
"Something I'm trying out."
"Stop trying it"
"How's the drawing going"
"Monotonously, but... well" he smiled at his work. Sirius snatched the pencil from his hand and put the rough map, the neat map and Remus's ink onto the floor.
"Oi" he said weakly. Sirius widened his grin and drew Remus's hanging around them.
"At least wait till we're out the room!" called James.
"I'm casting a silencing charm, you're alright" Sirius called back. Remus tutted at him.
"I'm very tired you know"
"but, I'm very horny, you know"
"My heart bleeds for you Padfoot" Remus stretched and fiddled with the drawstring of his worn pyjama bottoms.
"So..." Sirius said hopefully
"I don't know... I'm still sore from the full moon... and with James and Peter right in the room! Silencing charm or not, that's still... yucky"
"Yucky? Your word power really does deteriorate when you're tired, doesn't it?"
"So what if it does?" Remus yawned and stretched again. His arms flopped lifelessly across his chest as he lay down. Sirius lay down next to him and snuggled up close.
"So what. Remus... I've been wondering lately"
"About what Sirius... nothing too heavy for bed time I hope" Remus said, nuzzling into Sirius and yawning again. Sirius felt Remus's breathing synchronise with his own. He smiled sheepishly, knowing what he was about to bring up was, perhaps a tad too heavy for bedtime.
"I've been wondering lately about... uh..."
"Spit it out Sirius... I haven't got all night m'planning on being asleep in around ten or twenty seconds"
"Um... I've been wondering about... sex?" He said with a nervous grin.
"What about it Sirius" Remus rubbed his eyes and frowned.
"Oh I don't know... Like... when is it going to happen?"
"I don't know Sirius" he said through yet another yawn
"I'm just saying it would be nice if it happened"
"It would be, I'm sure"
"D'you think it'll happen soon?" Sirius said impatiently
"I don't know"
"Why not?"
"I don't know" he sounded distinctly more irritable than he had before "Sirius... I'd like to allow for some spontaneity... and a decent night's sleep for the first time in weeks."
"You having trouble sleeping again?"
"I'm having trouble staying awake now" Remus closed his eyes and relaxed his breathing.
"Am I boring you Mr. Moony?" he said in a mock offended tone.
"Mildly... with your vapid sex talk..." Sirius widened his eyes and stuck out his bottom lip "and don't even attempt to use the puppy dog look on me. I invented that look... though I like the addition of the lip."
"Thanks..." Sirius sighed "bollocks... Are you seriously too tired? Can't you just lie back and think of England?"
"Sorry Padfoot... as much as it pains me to be like your dry old wifey... why don't you just wait till I'm asleep? Then you can do what you want with my unconscious body."
"Rape jokes Moony, how PC of you. I like you better when you're half asleep you know, you're much less reserved. You said cock before, you hardly ever say cock. You're funnier too."
"Hmm. Well, I'm going to sleep and in the morning reserved, mildly amusing Moony shall make a welcomed return. Bear in mind, though he is less funny, that's the Moony who can be bothered to give, do or receive whatever you shall have in mind"
"Does that mean-?"
"Probably not"
"You're a right tease" Sirius sulked
"Mmm" Remus mumbled as his breathing slowed. Sirius felt his tensed muscles relax against him.
"But you're my tease" he added affectionately, running a hand through Remus's hair
"Mmm"
"You're not even listening to me are you?" Sirius frowned. A long smooth breath was his answer "Fine. If you're actually going to sleep, I'll just go and talk to Prongs" another long breath, followed by a snuffle and a whine and Remus's arms curling tightly round Sirius's torso. "But, clearly you have other plans for me. I'll lye here and sulk while you use me like a human teddy bear all night then, shall I?" Remus hugged him tighter. "That's what I thought."
*
"Sirius" Remus mumbled "Sirius wake up, I can't feel my left arm" he tried to jerk his arm out from under Sirius, but he was too heavy "Come on Sirius, it's gone blue" Sirius's eyes blinked open, he peered down sleepily at Remus's arm and replied
"Exaggerating... s'purple not blue" he sniggered and sat up. Remus hugged his numb arm to his chest and waited for the feeling to return to it.
"How did you sleep?" Remus asked, he was often surprised at how inane he could be sometimes
"Fine thank you very much" an evil grin split across Sirius's face "In spite of what you were doing in your sleep last night Moony"
"What?"
"You kept moaning my name... you even started humping my leg at one point, not that I-"
"You liar!"
"How do you know? You were asleep" Sirius winked.
"I know because I remember the dream I had last night, Snape was there, therefore, there was no leg humping"
"You were dreaming about Snivellus!?"
"More of a nightmare really... I dreamt he found out about me and told everyone... then I think I got lynched... that bit's gone a bit fuzzy"
"You have some lovely dreams don't you Moony. Snape's not going to find out, I'll lynch him before he lynches you"
"That's... sweet?"
"Ooo speaking of Snape, we have potions this morning don't we?" Sirius beamed. Remus groaned and pulled the duvet over his head. "It's not all bad Moony! I'm going to talk to Alice for Wormtail. I know, I'm a genius. No need to tell me"
"It is a good idea, I suppose. There's no harm in trying. Check with Peter first though"
"I was going to!"
"Sure you were" Remus said sceptically "And while you do that, I'll spend the lesson trying to make Snape not hate me"
"Why would you want to do a thing like that?"
"The less he hates me, the less likely he is to want to find out what happens to me once a month"
"Clever Moony"
"Pissed off Moony. He's awful. I hate him. And there are very few people I actually hate" he sighed and pulled back his hangings, stretching as he stood "But I suppose I'll have to endure it won't I... me and my bloody blackmail-ability"
"If he tries anything, I swear I'll... I'll beat him to death with his whore mother's best stilettos" Sirius giggled and Remus felt his face twist into a grimace.
"Thanks for that mental image Sirius, because now I'm imagining Snape in bright red heels, a leather mini skirt and fishnet stockings"
"Me too... in your mental image is he leaning into the window of some strange pervy man's car asking them if he's looking for a good time?" Sirius said playfully, Remus let out a snort of laughter
"He is now. And for some strange reason, the pervy stranger in the car is Lucius Malfoy" They both began laughing quite uncontrollably, adding more and more detail to the increasingly disgusting mental image till James woke up and quickly joined in. They eventually calmed down and threw a boot at the sound asleep Peter when it was time to go down to breakfast.
*
"We're definitely sticking with The Draught of The Living Death then?" asked Remus, knowing full well they were.
"You know full well we are Loony" Snape sneered. Remus took a deep breath and calmly replied.
"I was only trying to make conversation Severus" he said politely,
"You aren't allowed to use my first name, mud blood" he spat
"You dad's a muggle" Remus replied rolling his eyes
"No he isn't" Snape said confidently. Noticeably swallowing. Remus felt a surge of pity for the boy.
"Snape... there's no shame in having a muggle parent" Snape didn't reply, he simply turned to Remus and scowled, chopping his ingredients more furiously than before.
*
Sirius nudged Alice as she carefully chopped a salamander tail, while Sirius skinned it's body.
"So, Alice..." Sirius said, putting on his bestest most charmingest smile, he was sure he saw the corners of her mouth flicker upward before she flatly replied
"So, Sirius..." her eyebrows cocked suspiciously
"You got a boyfriend at the moment?" Sirius asked lightly. Alice's raised brows furrowed.
"That depends who's asking"
"Not me" he said quickly
"Good." She replied sternly. Sirius rolled his eyes, knowing that Alice's general mistrust and dislike of him was just her trying to keep up appearances for Evans.
"Peter Pettigrew" he said hopefully
"Oh" her stern air dropped
"What do you think?"
"Not my type" she said disappointedly
"What's wrong with him?" Sirius asked
"I don't know... he's a bit podgy and a bit... ratty looking"
"What's wrong with that... you know, he looks a lot better when he's not standing so close to me, James and Remus"
"He's thick"
"He's average. He comes across a lot smarter when he's not standing next to me, James and Remus" Sirius smiled the charmingest smile even more charmingly. She slammed her knife on the desk and asked despondently
"Do you honestly think I can't do better than Peter Pettigrew?" Sirius couldn't remember the last time he saw a girl look so miserable.
"Er..." The obvious answer was no. But Peter was still one of his best friends, and he felt an odd rush of loyalty for the largely annoying little tag-along.
"Because I know I'm not very pretty." Alice pursed her lips, sighing a little "One must come to this conclusion quite quickly when they stand next to Lily Evans all day. But I'm smart and nice and funny... and thin. Peter is... well I'm sure he's perfectly pleasant to you... but all I've ever seen is a... well... a tubby, spineless, ass"
"Fair enough" said Sirius with a shrug. He ran Alice's last sentence over in his head. "I um... I think you're pretty Alice. Just as pretty as Evans" Sirius cursed the fact he was blushing. Alice looked up at him for a moment and mumbled a disbelieving
"Thank you" Sirius smiled shyly at her and cleared his throat, having never been one for dealing with people's self loathing. He never usually offered comfort to people though... but Alice made it sound like she thought she was ugly... and she wasn't. As he trotted over to the ingredients cupboard he looked over his shoulder and saw Alice examining her reflection in the back of her knife. She smiled, sighed and put the knife down. Her smile turned to a grin.
*
"So... did you er... talk to Alice for me" asked Peter nervously after potions, his watery blue eyes sparkling with hope
"Erm... sorry Pete... it's a no go. The girl's head over heels with Frank"
"Oh bollocks. Ah well... maybe Valerie Taylor will want to"
"That's the spirit Wormtail"
A/N: I am seriously considering re naming this fic "Attack of The Adverbs"
Any ways
We must remember to review this time children. 9 reviews for the last chapter , poor show. Seriously poor show! I feel well uncomfortable updating if I don't get something above 10 or 11 as well... oh well!
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