Author's Note: There's a new episode of The Ship's Closet! Watch it here: http://www. youtube. com/watch?v=_KE5T9LNrgw

P.S. – For anyone wonder what episode order I'm going in: I'm using the order that the episodes were originally filmed in (which you can find on the DVDs and on Wikipedia), not the order in which they were aired (imdb and CBS uses this order). I'm doing it this way because this is the order they were originally intended to be viewed in, which makes all the difference in the world.

Season Two, Episode Eight: The Changeling

On the bridge of the Enterprise, Kirk strolls over to Uhura.

Kirk: "Any response from the Malurians, lieutenant?"

Uhura: "Nothing since their original distress call, sir."

Kirk: "What about the Federation science team working there? Dr. Manway had a special transmitter."

Uhura: "There's nothing, sir, I'm scanning all frequencies."

Spock calls Kirk over then, to tell him that no one will make contact because, well, ain't nobody home. Kirk thinks that's a bit odd since there were over four billion people present according to the last sensor reading, but Spock insists that there's no life signs of any kind, and fuck all if he can tell why, but now's not really the time to discuss it since there's a huge ball of energy flying right at the Enterprise.

Everybody is put on every kind of alert, and the ball of energy smacks right into- WHOA CAMERA!!!

Everyone goes bouncing around so hard they fling themselves into the title sequence.

(((This hour's writer, John Meredyth Lucas, wrote three other episodes: That Which Survives, Elaan of Troyius, and Patterns of Force.

I think I can therefore safely say that he was aware of K/S, and a supporter. Go John.)))

We come back from titles, where the shields are still holding but they won't last long under this kind of fire since the Energy Balls O' Holy Shit are really super uber powerful.

Speaking of said balls (teehee), another one is headed straight for them. They can't maneuver because Scotty had to use the warp drives to boost the shields, and they wouldn't be able to outrun the thing anyway. It hits, and Spock finally picks up the point of origin of the EBOHS so they fire at the thing, which does a whole lot of nothing and that's kind of weird too because their photons are pretty darn BAMF. Kirk tries to hail whatever the hell has decided to try to blow them apart in an attempt be like, 'Uh, hey, don't blow us apart,' but he gets no answer. Then Spock pipes up to say that the thing is about a meter long, so that's a shit ton of badassery packed into such a tiny space.

(((So it's basically it's a vicious Kristin Chenoweth.

…………

You're welcome, musical theater and/or Pushing Daisies fans.)))

Scotty: "What kind of intelligent creatures could exist in a thing that small?"

Spock instantly turns to Scotty.

Spock: "Intelligence does not necessarily require bulk, Mr. Scott."

(((That's right, Spock, you inadvertently defend your deliciously slender physique. It's part of why we love you so much.)))

They finally start getting a signal from the Littlest Badass, but it's all kinds of fucked up so Uhura's gotta decode it. Spock notes that it's some type of binary multi-channel thing, and Kirk walks on over to him. Uhura figures out that it's some kind of simple, old Earth type of communication, and the message is simply: "Repeat."

Kirk obliges and repeats himself, with a formal introduction this time, and is all 'We come in peace and shit, and your name is…?'

The message they get back is a mathematical one that basically comes tagged with a note that says, 'Yeah, if you could speak like this so we know what the hell you were saying, that'd be greeeeaaatttt.' So the Enterprise obliges, sending the message at a reasonable pace. At least they try to, but Spock's station burns out suddenly.

Kirk: "I guess they can take it faster than we can give it."

(((……::cough::……

……………………

::fishes mind out of the gutter:: )))

But finally, a breakthrough! A robotic voice pops in over the speaker.

Mr. Roboto: "U.S.S. Enterprise: This is Nomad."

(((Dear god I hope you like that name, people watching at home, because you will be hearing it. A lot.)))

Nomad: "My mission is non-hostile."

(((Well okay, so I launched several nearly fatal attacks at your ship but, in my defense, you hadn't said "hi" yet.)))

Nomad suggests they beam aboard, but that's obviously out of the question because they wouldn't exactly fit unless they shrank somehow, so instead they arrange to have Nomad beam aboard the Enterprise.

(((Although, I would have liked to see a mini-Kirk and mini-Spock. Heehee.)))

Kirk makes sure that the Nomad doesn't require any particular type of special conditions or atmosphere. Then he heads off to the transporter room with Spock and Scotty, where Nomad is beamed aboard. It's a floaty rectangular prism with a kind of antennae thing on top. Oh, and it lights up when it talks.

Nomad asks for their point of origin, but when Kirk replies with 'The Federation of Planets' that's apparently not a good enough answer so it wants to have a look-see at their star charts.

Kirk notes to Spock that, with no frame of reference, the charts won't really help so much. He then invites Nomad to come on out of his ship, and they soon find out that Nomad kind of IS the ship, and that it must be a sophisticated computer. We also hear the first (but holy god not the last) "I am Nomad" from the tin can.

Spock throws out the word opinion, and Nomad asks what the word means.

(((What was that about a sophisticated computer, again?)))

Spock explains what opinion means, and Kirk watches him as he speaks.

(((He's kind of amused as he watches and, as we've learned, Kirk's amusement + looking at Spock = Cute.

Not necessarily slashy, but cute nonetheless.)))

Nomad calls Spock's answer an "insufficient response," to which Spock seems to be a touch surprised, of course.

Scotty: "What's your source of power?"

Nomad: "It has changed since the point of origin. There was much taken from the Other. I am perpetual now. I am Nomad."

(((Got it darling, you're Nomad. I made a note.)))

Kirk and Spock have a quiet little exchange about an Earth probe called Nomad that had supposedly been destroyed a long time ago, and there were no other Nomads created.

Nomad asks to see the star charts again, and Kirk goes off to get them but no wait! Nomad's all grown up and can hover around all on his very own. The tin can floats on over to Kirk as everyone watches.

(((And by "floats" I mean "travels along the wire that it must be hanging from." You can't see the wire in this shot, but don't worry, that shot will come eventually.

Yay 60s.)))

Spock and Bones follow Kirk and Nomad to the room where the star charts are. Nomad sits its little metal butt down and takes a poke at a chart of Earth's solar system, and figures out that they come from, well, Earth. Then things take a slightly interesting turn.

Nomad: "You are the creator. The Kirk. The sterilization procedure against your ship was unnecessary."

(((Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh what?)))

Kirk: "What sterilization procedure?"

Nomad: "You are the Kirk, the creator. You programmed my function."

This suggests that Nomad thinks it shouldn't have to tell Kirk, because Kirk should already know.

McCoy: "Well I'm not the Kirk, tell me what your function is."

Nomad: "This is one of your units, creator?"

Kirk: "Yes, he is."

Nomad: "It functions irrationally."

McCoy's expression instantly flares up…which only proves Nomad's point.

(((Aw, it's okay McCoy. We like it when you're irrational.)))

Kirk: "Sometimes."

(((HA! Totally serious delivery, which just makes it even funnier.)))

Kirk: "But tell him your function, nevertheless."

Nomad: "My function is to probe for biological infestations."

(((It'd have one hell of a time with Amy Winehouse, then.)))

Nomad: "To destroy that which is not perfect."

(((Uh oh. This is not safe for anyone less than holy.

Kirk and Spock should be fine then. =P )))

Nomad: "I am Nomad."

(((Yeah, uh huh, I've still got that note, you know. Printed it nice and clear.)))

Spock sets to work on a computer to figure out if a probe was ever launched from Earth with that directive.

Kirk then asks Nomad if it destroyed the Malurian system, to which Nomad replies 'Not the system, just the icky infestations in it.'

McCoy: "Stable infestation…population of four planets? What kind of function-"

Kirk waves a hand and calls him 'Doctor' to quiet him down.

(((The standard issue McCoy comes equipped with the Insta-flare feature. Inappropriate at times? Yes. Absolutely and wonderfully BAMF anyway? FUCK yes.)))

(((Kirk probably called him 'doctor' here because calling him 'Bones' would've most likely just confused Nomad and prompted a bunch of unnecessary questions. This is also a serious, official situation.)))

Kirk: "Why do you call me the creator?"

Nomad: "Is the usage incorrect?"

Kirk: "Well I-"

((…generally prefer Captain Sexy Pants, but really that's only for Spock…even though I can't get him to call me that. Not that I don't try. Look, it's complicated…)))

Spock suddenly snaps up and jumps in.

Spock: "The usage is correct. The creator was simply testing your memory banks."

(((From his delivery of the last line, we know that he just pulled the whole 'memory test' thing out of his ass.

Corbomite, anyone?

The circumstances are a bit less epic than Corbomite, but still. I dig it.)))

Nomad: "There was much damage in the accident."

(((Ahhh, okay, so Mr. Roboto's circuits are crossed, which is why he thinks Kirk is its creator.)))

The BAMF Trio exit then, with Kirk leaving a poor random crewman to look after the probe programmed to eliminate anything imperfect (see also: humans). As soon as they get out of the room, they start chatting.

Kirk: "You're onto something, Spock, what is it?"

(((While there are plenty of "one of them figures out that the other is thinking something because they're so tuned into each other" moments, this isn't one of them because it's really, really obvious that Spock just found out something, and Kirk's not stupid. Not by a long shot.)))

Spock says that he's confirmed that the Nomad on their ship and the Nomad probe of old Earth's history are the same thing, despite the report that it had been destroyed. Kirk recalls some lectures he heard on Nomad at the Academy and says that he learned its mission was essentially peaceful.

(((Yay, I love it when Kirk recalls things he learned at the Academy. Not sure why.)))

Meanwhile, back with Nomad and the random crewman, Nomad turns on a little light for a second, but then goes back to normal. Uhura calls in the see how things are going, and is told to hold on for a second. As she waits, she starts singing to herself and, since the line is open, Nomad hears her warbling and must think it's pretty hot, because its little antennae pops right up.

(((…::cough…

………

::fishes mind out of gutter again:: )))

Nomad hovers on out of the room while the crewman is incredibly busy looking over THERE.

Cut to Spock, Kirk and McCoy in a debriefing room, as Spock gives the other boys a little lesson on Nomad's real creator, whose dream was to create a "perfect thinking machine capable of independent logic."

McCoy says the guy's name was Jackson Roykirk.

Spock then points out what all the good people at home are already thinking: That Nomad has confused Kirk for Roykirk, and that's why the attack stopped and why everyone is still, you know, breathing.

They then get a little lesson on Nomad itself, but the specs brought up don't exactly look like the thing that's on their ship. Spock points out that Nomad mentioned "the Other" but they obviously have no idea what that was and what it did to Nomad, or what it did to it, or anything.

Blah blah blah, Nomad was supposed to be the first probe to seek out new life forms, yadda yadda, apparently the programs been changed from 'Find New Shit' to 'Find Perfect Shit and Kill Anything Else,' yabba dabba, the crew kind of falls under 'Anything Else,' oobie doobie, they find out that Nomad is a touch missing.

Next thing you know Nomad pops on into the bridge to track down Uhura for her mysterious singing. Scotty (who's also on the bridge) contacts Kirk and tells him where "the mechanical beastie" is.

(((Heehee, beastie. Scotty = Joy.)))

Now right in front of Uhura, Nomad is all, 'Wtf is that sound thing?' and Uhura is like, 'Derrr, singing?' which makes the Nomad go 'Think about this singing stuff, 'kay?'

And then Nomad puts Uhura in this beam sort of thing and right when Kirk and Spock get to the bridge Scotty goes all OMGWTFUHURA and dives in to save her, only to get zapped by Nomad and go flying across the bridge.

(((It's quite a nice stunt, actually. Kudos to whoever had to do that.)))

McCoy checks on Scotty…and he's dead!!!

(((SCOTTY?!?! NUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!)))

Back from commercial. Well now Kirk's lost a crewman, and a vital one at that, so now his Captain hat is most definitely on.

Kirk asks Nomad why it killed Scotty, and Nomad's response is basically that Scotty tried to cop a feel.

(((Pssh, prude.)))

Kirk notices that Uhura has yet to come around and asks if she's all right. She doesn't respond, merely stares.

(((Lt. Uhura isn't here right now, but if you leave a message and are somehow able to re-educate her in a ridiculously short amount of time, she'll get back to you as soon as possible.)))

Kirk has her taken to sickbay, and Nomad says that it basically wiped her slate clean because coming in contact with her was all confuzzling and stuff.

Nomad asks if they'll "repair" Scotty, to which Kirk says 'Uh…death?'

After Kirk explains death, Nomad asks if he'd like Scotty to be "fixed." The BAMF Trio all kind of get o.O but then Kirk gives Nomad the go ahead and Spock pulls up all of the necessary info on the human body it'll need in order to fix Scotty.

Nomad hovers on over to Spock's console, and there's a couple of seconds where we get a nice little glimpse of the string that's holding it up.

(((Fucking. Yay. 60s.)))

Nomad gets all of the info, comments on the human body's inefficiencies, and then McCoy takes it to sickbay (which is where they've taken Scotty).

Kirk orders for two security guards to keep an eye on Nomad, and the next thing you know The BAMF Trio is standing around Scotty in sickbay as Nomad brings him back to life. Spock lets loose a 'fascinating.'

McCoy: "Lay down, Scotty. We'll check you out."

Nomad: "The unit Scotty is repaired. It will function correctly if your information to me was correct."

McCoy: "I'd like to check it out, if you don't mind. A man is not just a biological unit that you can patch together!"

(((Leonard McCoy: Getting huffy at robots but still retaining his BAMFness since Nomad beamed aboard.)))

Scotty wonders what happened, and Kirk says that McCoy will explain.

Spock: "Well, Doctor?"

(((Spock, you seem to be pretty amused by this whole thing. What gives?)))

Kirk then orders Nomad to "repair" Uhura, who's lying in sickbay, still blank as Miley Cyrus. Nomad says it can't do that, though, because he essentially wiped her slate totally clean. Spock chimes in that she could be re-taught.

McCoy: "Yes, I'll get on it right away."

He turns his attention to Nomad.

McCoy: "Oh, and in spite of the way you repaired Scotty, you metal ticking-"

Spock: "Does the creator wish to wait elsewhere?"

(((Jesus, McCoy, you will get feisty with ANYTHING.

I love you so hard.)))

Kirk then orders Nomad to go with a couple of security guards. Spock explains to McCoy that he interrupted because Nomad's response to emotions is unpredictable, which can most definitely equal a shit ton of trouble. Kirk orders Spock to completely analyze Nomad so they can figure out how to shut it down for good.

Cut to later. Spock is sitting next to Nomad, and Kirk enters.

Kirk: "What's the problem?"

Spock: "An almost human stubbornness, captain. I have been unable to convince it to lower its screens for analysis. Without its cooperation, I can do nothing."

(((Hm, stubbornness, eh? That sounds more like Kirk than Spock, even though Spock is always the obvious one that we compare to machines.)))

Kirk: "Nomad, you will allow Mr. Spock to probe your memory banks and structure."

Nomad: "Mr. Spock is also one of your biological units, creator?"

Kirk and Spock trade looks. Spock is wearing a "see what I've been dealing with?" expression.

(((Something tells me Kirk is very familiar with logical entities, Spock…)))

Kirk: "Yes."

Nomad: "This unit is different."

Spock's eyebrows rise.

Nomad: "It is well ordered."

Spock looks from Nomad to Kirk with a "Well maybe this thing knows what it's talking about after all" expression.

(((Seeing Spock's ego is very, very interesting. He's got a lot of pride. Actually, we've seen more examples of Spock's ego than Kirk's, and yet Kirk is the one with the huge cocky ego reputation. Hm.)))

Nomad lowers its screens.

Cut to Chapel teaching Uhura to read, and she's starting to catch on.

(((Ouch, my suspension of disbelief. It's stretching.)))

Cut back to Spock and Kirk, where Spock announces that he simply can't get any specific answers from having the computer scan Nomad. Kirk then sits on the edge of the table.

(((In Closeness News: Either their legs are touching or they're very, very close. Hard to tell. Shadows.)))

Spock volunteers a good ol' fashioned Mind Meld.

Kirk: "You saw what it did to Uhura…"

Spock: "There is a risk, but I have formed a partial hypothesis. I must check it out."

(((Q: Will Kirk warning Spock about danger ever be anything but adorable, no matter how small the instance?

A: Fuck no.)))

Kirk then tells Nomad what Spock's gonna do, and it's all cool with the Nomad. Spock does his touchy touchy.

(((Gotta hand it to Nimoy for this bit. He did some lovely voice work here.)))

Spock: "I...am…Nomad. I am performing my function…….the emptiness…it approaches…collision…damage…blackness…I…am…the other…I am…Tom Rue…ton rue….Nomad…ton rue…error…law…imperfection…must…sterilize…rebirth…we…are…complete…much power…dun ta…nu…the creator instructs…search out…identify…sterilize imperfections…we…are…Nomad…we…are…Nomad….we…are…complete….we are instructed…our purpose is clear…sterilize…imperfections…sterilize imperfections…Nomad…sterilize, sterilize, Nomad…"

Now Spock is backing away, no longer in contact with Nomad. Something is clearly wrong, and Kirk knows it. He goes to Spock's side and grabs him.

Kirk: "Spock!"

As Kirk tries to get a good hold of Spock, he yells at Nomad to cut the connection.

(((Kirk/Spock body contact like WHOA.)))

When Nomad finally disconnects, Spock sags into Kirk's arms. Kirk turns him around and gets him the hell out of there, with Spock dazed, but alert enough to wrap his arm around Kirk's waist for support.

(((::tugs at collar:: Is it warm in her to anyone else?)))

(((EDIT: Okay, so I didn't know that people thought there was a nipple pinch in this sequence, but apparently people do, so I'll comment on it.

While Kirk's hand lands in a place that makes us all giggle, it's not a deliberate pinch. He's moving his hands around, trying to maintain his grip, and his hand lands in a humorous (and really quite mmph when you think about his hand really being there) place.

Also, I really can't believe that Kirk would choose this moment to do that. He's way too worried about Spock's well being to pull a stunt like that. We're given nothing that indicates he did it on purpose, and it would have been pretty out of character in the first place.

Funny? Hell yes. Deliberately slashy? I'm afraid not. =( )))

One of the security guards watches them go.

(((I keep hearing that this moment from the guard is very "well, Kirk and Spock are at it again," but I must admit, I don't see that here. I just see kind of a blank stare from an extra.

Not to worry though, a similar (but way more HOLY SHIT) moment is coming up in this season. Really soon in this season.)))

Kirk takes Spock down the hall and presses him up against the corner of a wall.

(((Does the above sentence sound like it's straight from a fanfic or WHAT?

But nope, not a fic.

Canon.

I love this show.)))

(((Now so far the physical contact has been necessary. That doesn't stop it from being completely UNF, but still. Necessary. He held Scotty in the same way for a few seconds a while back (Space Seed I believe) when he was hurt, so this kind of thing is fairly par for the course for Kirk. Now, he didn't end up holding Scotty for nearly as long…)))

Kirk holds onto Spock's shoulders as he slowly regains his composure.

Kirk: "Spock?"

Spock (very quietly): "Yes..."

Kirk (more urgent): "Spock??"

Spock: "Yes, captain. The knowledge…the depth…"

Kirk: "What does it mean, "we" are Nomad?"

(((Um...::cough::…Kirk? Spock is kind of standing on his own…he's even talking and stuff…you…you can let go now…)))

Spock: "It was, um…it was damaged in deep space…"

(((No, really, Kirk. It's cool. You don't have to be holding him anymore. He's fine. I promise.)))

Spock: "In, undoubtedly, the meteor collision. Its memory banks were destroyed-"

Kirk finally releases his grip on Spock's shoulders, letting his hands slide down the Vulcan's arms.

(((I said "let go," not "trail your touch down his biceps.")))

(((My beta also mentioned that Kirk has never touched Spock like this before, and she's totally right. I don't think he would have dared touch him like this before Amok Time, but now that he is most likely aware of Spock's feelings towards him, we're seeing Kirk be a little more liberal with his touchy touchy. And by "liberal" I mean "ten solid seconds of completely unnecessary Vulcan holding, followed by letting his hands slide down Spock's arms. Fascinating.)))

(((The "ten seconds" was literal, by the way. I timed it from when the contact became extraneous to when Kirk let go.)))

Spock: "-or most of them. It wandered without purpose, and then it met the Other. The Other was an alien probe of great power. Somehow they…merged, repaired each other, became one."

(((So physical contact is really wonderful and squee-inducing, but am I the only one that finds this bit hotter than the full frontal assault of man groping that just pranced across my screen? Spock is all worked up and excited to share the information he's just learned, and then he starts talking about merging and becoming one…it's just…::fans self::

I'm not saying it was on purpose, but fuck if it isn't amazing to have Spock talking like that with Kirk about .23 feet away. GUH.)))

Kirk: "Then it isn't Nomad."

Spock: "Not the Nomad we launched from Earth. It took from the Other a new directive to replace its own. The Other was originally programmed to secure and sterilize soil samples from other planets, probably as a prelude to colonization."

(((OhhhhhhhhHHHHhHhhhhh, so Nomad has misinterpreted the directive of the alien probe, which is why they have this huge problem on their hands.

…that's pretty clever, actually.)))

Kirk rubs his chin for a moment, and leans up against the other side of the corner near Spock.

Kirk: "Changeling."

(((And we have a title! ::throws confetti:: )))

Spock instantly turns to face him.

Spock: "I beg your pardon?"

Kirk: "An ancient Earth legend, Mr. Spock. A Changeling was a fairy child that was left in the place of a human baby. The Changeling assumed the identity of the human child. So it is to sterilize…and for sterilize read: kill."

Spock: "And it has the power and the sophistication to do it."

Kirk starts rubbing his hands together.

(((When that man gets active with his hands…::ogles:: )))

Kirk: "Yes, it's powerful, sophisticated, but it's not infallible. It's…space-happy!"

(((That is sooooo my favorite line of the episode. XD

The way he says it, plus the gesture with the arms (that's not over the top, it makes sense), the term space-happy…SQUEE.)))

Kirk: "It thinks I'm its…mother."

(((::cue double take::

Uh…what?

Is there a uterus you wanna tell me about, Kirk?

There was no mention of mothers in the fairy thing, no mothers anywhere else…so why didn't he say 'father?' Because maternity is just such a masculine thing to associate with the big sexy playboy Captain? Huh?)))

(((Also, my lovely beta, TheLoyalOne, pointed out that Spock has no problem/argument/comment or anything about Kirk referring to himself as the thing's mother. Hmmm…)))

Spock: "That is the only thing that has saved us until now."

Kirk scoffs very lightly.

Kirk: "Yes…"

Kirk pulls Spock along by the shoulder and they walk off.

(((These guys do more pulling and tugging than gay porn. Srsly.)))

Meanwhile, Nomad hovers right through the force field that's supposed to be keeping it imprisoned and kills the guards outside. It then floats down to the engineering deck where Scotty is immediately wary, for obvious reasons. Nomad says that the ship's main drive is inadequate and goes about making it more efficient.

(((It killed a couple of guys to go fix the ship?

Psycho-bot is psycho.)))

Next thing you know the ship is accelerating at warp 11, even though the ship isn't designed to go that fast, which is kind of a huge problem.

But never fear, Captain Sexy Pants is here!!!

Kirk strolls on into the room, the picture of cool, calm and collected as he gently orders Nomad to stop.

(((His ship is hurtling through space at speeds it wasn't even built for, and this guy isn't even batting an eyelash.

Can't breathe, too much BAMFness in the room.)))

Kirk has Nomad reverse the improvements and all is back to normal. Spock arrives then to tell Kirk that the prison cell door is damaged and that the guards have gone bye-bye and are assumed dead, so...you know…whups.

Kirk loses his cool for a brief moment, and almost gives Nomad the what-for but the robot's cool dismissal calms him down.

(((We get a nice shot of suddenly worried-Spock when Kirk lets it slip that he's just another human. Adorable.)))

Kirk then orders Nomad to go with two more security guards back to the waiting area, and it obliges, after mentioning something about reevaluating.

Kirk: "Reevaluate?"

Spock: "I suspect that it is about to reevaluate its creator. Captain, it may have been unwise to admit to the Nomad that you are a biological unit. In Nomad's eyes, you must now undoubtedly appear imperfect."

(((Not my eyes, mind you, in my eyes you are still perfect, but NOMAD'S eyes aren't as in love with you as I am.

I mean.

…………

Logical?)))

Kirk: "It was a foolish mistake."

Spock: "Even worse, Nomad just now made a reference to its launch point. Earth."

Kirk: "Spock do you think it's possible that it got a fix on Earth when it tapped the computers earlier?"

Spock: "I do not believe there is much beyond Nomad's capabilities."

Kirk: "And we've shown it the way home…and when it gets there…"

Spock: "It will find the Earth infested with imperfect biological units…"

Kirk: "And it will carry out its prime directive…sterilize."

(((I love it when they get in this kind of let-me-finish-your-thoughts groove. It feels like they just had mental sex, which brings new meaning to the phrase "Mind Fuck."

And really, do they ever finish thoughts like that with anyone else?

Hell to the no.)))

Back from commercial, where Nomad doesn't feel like following the security guards anymore and blasts them to Red Shirt Heaven.

(((I feel bad for them. It's crowded as shit in that Heaven.)))

It slooooooowly hovers down the hall then sloooooowly floats up the ladder shaft thing.

Cut to Kirk and Spock walking down the hall, when McCoy calls them to sickbay over the PA system, saying it's an emergency. They take off running, and get there as Nomad is leaving. Kirk orders it to stop, and it doesn't.

(((Hm, Nomad's disobeying Mommy's orders and killing people. It must be a teenager.

………

That almost worked.)))

They go in to see McCoy holding an unconscious Chapel. Apparently Nomad was perusing Kirk's medical file and Chapel tried to stop it, but she's not dead. This means that now Nomad knows that Kirk is just a silly old human and doesn't need to obey him anymore.

Scotty contacts Kirk to report that life support systems are down, thanks to something happening in the Engineering deck. As McCoy is about to say how much time they have left before they run out of air, Kirk cuts him off and orders Spock to grab some "antigravs" and meet him in Engineering.

(((Aw, poor McCoy. He just wanted to remind the viewers that the stakes were really high. =( )))

Cut to Kirk running into Engineering and ordering Nomad to repair the life support. Nomad doesn't respond, but orders Kirk to stop when he moves to do something himself. Nomad is trying to hijack the ship to take it to Earth. Kirk then starts to manipulate Mr. Roboto and convinces it that it's imperfect because it made the mistake of thinking Kirk was its creator.

(((It's quite brilliant, really. You'd think they'd have Spock doing the Logical Dance, but nein! It's Kirk, and he's very good at it.)))

Nomad then starts fritzing and smoking, and they slap the antigravs on it and take it to the transporter, where they beam it into deep space as it destroys itself with a big oxygen-necessary explosion…in space.

(((Yay 60s.)))

Cut to later. Kirk and Spock are chatting on the bridge.

Spock: "My congratulations, captain. Dazzling display of logic."

(((Spock giveth.)))

Kirk is grinning widely.

(((There you go again with the shameless flirting, Kirk.)))

Kirk: "Didn't think I had it in me did you, Spock?"

(((…::cough::…

………

::fishes mind out of the gutter:: )))

Spock: "No, sir."

(((And Spock taketh away.)))

Spock's flat delivery makes Kirk's brow furrow.

(((It's a ridiculously cute, "But…wait…you really didn't? I thought you did...and that made me happy…" expression. His face totally reads that, while he said 'you didn't think I could do it' he obviously thought that Spock really did. Poor cap'n, the Vulcan pulled the rug from under him.

So. goddamn. adorable.)))

McCoy pops onto the bridge to say that Uhura is now up to college level and should be back on the job in a week.

(((OW!!

Sorry, my suspension of disbelief just ripped…I'll have to sew it back up…)))

Kirk has a seat in his chair and crosses his legs.

(((Best. Sitting position. Ever.)))

Spock: "Remarkable."

Kirk: "What?"

Spock: "The destruction of Nomad was a great waste, captain. It was a remarkable instrument."

Kirk: "Which might well have destroyed more billions of lives. Besides, what are you feeling so badly about? It's not easy to lose a bright and promising son."

(((Heeheehee…)))

Spock: "Sir?"

Kirk: "Well, it thought I was its mother, didn't it?"

(((Again with the mother thing…)))

Kirk: "You think I'm completely without feelings, Mr. Spock?"

(((Ahhhhhahahaha, his delivery is priceless. ::applauds Shatner:: )))

Kirk: "You saw what it did for Scotty. What a doctor it would have made."

Spock is pretty damn confused.

Kirk: "My son…the doctor."

Spock arches an eyebrow.

Kirk pats his fist on his chest.

Kirk: "Gets you right there, doesn't it?"

Kirk and Spock trade looks. Kirk looks away with an "okay I guess not" expression.

(((HEEHEEHEEHEEHEE, Kirk messing with Spock's head makes me so freaking giddy.

Also, I can't help but think that Kirk is screwing him to get him back for the rug-pulling incident that happened moments before, bwehehe…)))

End of episode!

Score-Happy!

Episode Specific:

Times McCoy had to get BAMF at the Mr. Roboto – 3

General:

Random Crewman Body Count – 17

Times Kirk outsmarts computer – 4