Chapter 34

BPOV

All the money I had saved up went into paying the down payment on our little piece of sunshine, so when I was approached by Mike Newton at the grocery store to resume my old position at his parents' sporting goods store I immediately accepted.

Who was I to turn down a full-time job especially after all those months of laying around the house doing nothing but cooking, cleaning, and baking?

Sure, the honeymoon goggles were in full swing. Rather than use the money we saved up on a vacation, we had a mini vacation in the backyard with our camping gear and a bonfire. I humoured Jacob by eating my share of everything I prepared for the occasion.

It was nice, and far more practical considering how little we had after we furnished the house.

I pulled up at the shop on the following Monday morning, picking up my old forest green Newton's t-shirt from Charlie's house along the way, making sure he wasn't there when I broke in.

I had little time to wander around the house to reminisce as I had a morning chock-full of cooking to do in preparation for the night's dinner. I was nearly five minutes late when I shut down the engine and jogged into the store while I pulled the shirt over my head.

Mike greeted me at the front cash with a brilliant smile but held up his hand as he finished counting the register's contents. When he was done, he rounded the glass display case the machine sat on and hugged me. I stood with my hands in front of my chest as he swayed us side to side.

"Oh, how good it is to see you in the flesh, Swan. How's the married life? Lots of sleepless nights? Is there a baby on the way yet? Jess swears she's seeing a little bit of a baby bump there," he said, poking at my belly. I froze.

"Or not," he said, examining his finger. "Man, you've put on some muscle, girl. What gym do you go to? Well there is the only one, but I've never seen you there. You've probably got some state-of-the-art one at home, don't ya?"

I was finally able to get a word in. I almost forgot how talkative he was. Sheesh.

"No gym," I shrugged. "Jacob and I just do TV workouts. He's a really good trainer."

"I bet," he said, wiggling his eyebrows. "That man's got some awesome biceps. You must love getting to see the gun show every night." Mike then raised both arms and flexed outrageously.

I had to laugh. Mike hadn't changed a bit.

Though I remembered how to do my job perfectly, I humoured Mike by letting him teach me the ropes again. While he did so, I felt a sudden urge to cry. My eyes burned.

It had been a while since I talked to someone other than Jacob, Seth, Quil, Embry, and Leah.

With them, conversation flowed easy, but always seemed to wash around me like I was some kind of rock jutting out of a river's surface. Every time I felt like water would flow through me it halted and swerved..

I didn't mind before, but as months of loneliness transgressed into nearly a year of strained friendship between us, I felt increasingly saddened by my isolation. We weren't allowed into the reservation. In fact, we lived as close to the treaty line as possible.

Billy never once visited us and as a result, Charlie always seemed to want to pick a fight with me. But he always spoke the truth. We were neglecting all the people we once considered close to us. I found it difficult to spend time with him, even. All he seemed to want to tell me was how broken-hearted Billy was about having to sell his house. Without Jacob and I there to help him, he had to move in with the Clearwaters.

That was the house he and his wife bought when they got married and now it was being demolished to make room for a convenience store.

When my shift ended at closing, I left as soon as I possibly could in order to heat dinner up in the oven. I spent a lot of time during our youth teaching Jacob how to cook, but nothing ever lives up to the real thing, he says almost nightly.

I was mildly relieved when Jacob's SUV was absent from the driveway. That meant I had more time to prepare the side dishes. I parked on the street in front of our house and searched my purse for my lanyard while I climbed up the three front steps. I loved looking at the wreath I made for us when we got the keys to our house. It always reminded me of our good fortune — how life had this strange tendency to come full circle.

Before I closed the door behind me, I stood with the door before me in the foyer and ran my fingers on the delicate black swan feathers.

It was hours later when Jacob came home, however. The pot roast I had made overcooked while it sat waiting for him in the oven. All the splendid meaty juices dripped into an oily puddle within the bakeware I cooked it in.

I did my best to salvage it when midnight came around by shredding it for pulled pork sandwiches. I prepped some kaiser buns and veggies so that he'd at least have something to bring for lunch tomorrow.

It was nearly 2 AM when his car pulled up in the driveway. Rather than greet him at the door I glared sourly at the rerun of the 6 PM news.

I had to laugh when he inserted the key into the lock as quietly as he could, but my bitter chuckle turned into a grimace as he crept into the foyer and closed the door with equal if not more reverence.

"If you must know," I said cooly. "I can hear you coming the moment you turn off the main road. Whatever that just was is pitiful."

He stood under the archway between the living room and the front entrance.

"I thought I left you a message," he said casually. "My phone died once I got to the bar with the guys."

"So charge your phone before bed."

"You know how I get. All I want to do is go to sleep."

"Yeah, but charging your phone so you can tell me you're not going to be home for dinner or bedtime is important for me to know."

"Aw, Bella you know I can handle myself. I'm always safe. C'mere," he said, trying to pull me up from the couch.

I snatched my hands away.

"You know that's not it."

"Then what is it?"

I looked at him incredulously. How many times have we had this argument this week alone?

"You want me to cook dinner so I spend hours the night before and the morning of preparing something of worth for you and your friends should they come by. When you don't tell me you're not going to be home for dinner, I let whatever I've just slaved over stay warm in the oven. Then I sit here in the living room trying to decide if I should just scrap the meal for tomorrow's lunch or to let it stay out in case you come home. It irritates me, you know that. I like knowing."

"Okay," he breathed. "I'm sorry. I know I do it often but…it's so hard to find a moment to escape from everyone to call you."

"So text me. I don't get it. You do it all the time when you're driving so why can't you just send me one?"

"Alright. I'll make sure to bring a portable charger with me next time so it doesn't happen again."

"Well why don't you also just charge your phone at night?"

"Right, I'll do that too Bells. Don't you worry your pretty little head."

I rolled my eyes and went to his awaiting arms.

"How was work?" I asked, pressing a kiss just under his top lip.

"Good, good. Same old, same old. More cars, more oil, more stains on my shirt. You know, the usual. How was your first day?"

"With Mike? It's always a good time. You know Jessica told him she thought I was pregnant?"

Jacob stopped swaying us and pushed me away a little bit. He gave me an indecipherable look.

"What?" I asked.

"You should have told him yes. That would have been good fun."

"No…it wouldn't."

"Would make my dad finally keel over."

I smacked him in the chest. Hard.

"What the fuck? Ow!" he yelled.

"You're horrible, Jacob. What would even possess you to say that? He's your father!"

"I dunno," he said, rubbing the spot where I hit him. "He's been on my ass lately."

"About what?"

"The usual."

"As in?"

"Bella's no good for you. Marry a rez girl. A good girl."

"He's still your father, Jacob. That's a horrible thing to say about him."

He shrugged and padded over to the kitchen to wash his lunch box. While he did so I prepared for bed. I took a quick shower and put on a pair of leggings and a t-shirt. I turned down the bed and picked something from the growing pile on the nightstand to read whilst Jacob slept.

And that's how life went. It was an easy routine to follow, though it sometimes got disturbed when the pack came over for food. As the Alpha's wife, I had the obligation to prepare as much food as I possibly could whenever they were here.

It wasn't physically tiring, no that wasn't what bothered me. It was the fact that it happened so often that we were routinely emptied of all our food. Nearly all my paycheques went towards groceries. I did all I could to help Jacob with the mortgage, but I honestly was left rubbing pennies together as he too had other bills to pay.

Soon after I picked up the job at Newton's, I applied to work for a transcription company that allowed people to work from home. I picked up as many projects as I could worked long into the night and sometimes, into the morning.

But this was my life. Despite how hard we had to work to keep ourselves housed and fed, it was worth it.

I couldn't imagine it playing out in any other way.