With Big Shells and Wings
Summary: Conclusion. Tensions rise between Kirzvolitken and one of Trowzer's lieutenants, Dix begins to wonder what Trowzer's agenda really is, Mario and the gang are warped through more seemingly bizarre traps, and Lemmy's pranking and curiosity leads him to a deadly secret.
Nostalgia (Part 2)
The shady koopa couldn't stop rubbing his head as he and the dark koopa continued to bicker amongst one another. Kirzvolitken sighed heavily and put his hand down before he started to talk to Trowzer again.
"Listen boss, you know you can't rush this. Didn't you say you have big plan for Bowser and his twerps? What, uh, what would happen should we swerve ourselves from plan?"
"We would be getting what we want even faster," said the dark koopa.
Kirzvolitken tried his hardest not to growl. "Did I sound like I was talking to you?"
The dark koopa flashed the Eastern European a smug grin only Trowzer could pull off. "No, but I'm offering my opinion anyway."
Kirzvolitken balled his hand into a fist and approached the dark koopa. Trowzer was tempted to see his second-in-command battle with the dark koopa, but he needed both koopas alongside him if he was to overthrow the Mushroom Kingdom, let alone the whole universe.
"I didn't realize I hired two cats. Perhaps you should give Shannon a chance to thoroughly explain his idea, Kirzvolitken?"
Shannon brushed past the shady koopa and stepped up to Trowzer's desk. "Sir, we should just go through with this now. The Mario Bros. are out the way, Yellow and Iggy are dead, and absolutely no one knows where Doopliss or Ludwig is. What's the point in teaming up with Bowser anymore? He hasn't done anything remotely worthwhile for the past few days; he and his family are just…just cockroaches you see clinging to the wall or ceiling. Why should we have to sit here and tolerate their dreadful appearance when we can just walk over and crush them with our boots?"
"Because the whole plan could backfire!"
Shannon ignored the shady koopa. "You want this, Trowzer. You know you do. You've been waiting for this ever since you reunited with your brother. We have more soldiers, better equipment, better weapons! …All we have to do is head over to his castle and just kill everyone in sight. It'll be a total bloodbath; you know no one will make it out alive. But if by some miracle they do, you can use the survivors as slaves! And once we take over Bowser's glorious empire, we can use the rest of our forces to rain Hell upon this country! Can't you see it, Trowzer?"
Trowzer couldn't help but slowly grin as he thought of all the demented images. Toad Town set ablaze, Petal Meadows ruled by several dragons, all of whom used the unfortunate turtles as their slaves, several crowds of innocent civilians running away from Trowzer's troops, only to be gunned down when they reached a dead end. All the sounds and sights were wonderful to the malicious big-shelled koopa. He could practically taste how exuberant he would be when he finally ruled Mushroom Kingdom. Kirzvolitken started to pant and flashed his eyes back and forth between Trowzer and Shannon, both of whom were grinning evilly.
"Boss! You can't just—"
"I'll tell you what my decision is later. For now…we'll wait and see how your man Lloyd does with his siege on Yoshi's Island. You may go now."
Shannon walked out of Trowzer's personal room with a smug smile on his face, while Kirzvolitken snarled and stomped out the room. The second they were away from the giant koopa's room, Kirzvolitken grabbed Shannon and shoved him against the wall.
"Hey, easy there!"
"Your plan will not work, understand?"
"Don't sound so pessimistic. If all you Neanderthals follow my plans carefully, then we'll be able to—"
"That's not what I refer to! You're trying to take over big boss's empire! You want him to attack Bowser's family, and once they're all dead, you're gonna quietly creep behind Trowzer and stab him in da neck!"
Shannon closed his eyes and calmly slapped Kirzvolitken's arm away. "Please. I'm not the ruling type. I'm like a hound: loyal and willing to do whatever my master wants."
Kirzvolitken stared at Shannon before he backed away and finally came to a grim realization.
"Son of bitch. You're after me, not him."
Shannon just shrugged and kept on grinning. "There can only be one 'hound' in this story, Kirzy. And let's face it: that's just not you."
Shannon could see the Eastern European slyly slipping a hand into his shell, ready to take out a knife. The dark koopa quietly sidled away from Kirzvolitken just seconds before he struck. The blade sliced through the air, unfortunately missing Shannon's throat. The dark koopa grabbed Kirzy's arm and bit him on the wrist. The shady koopa yelped and instinctively dropped his knife. Shannon caught it before it even hit the floor and placed the blade at Kirzy's throat. Shannon scoffed.
"You see? You're not ready to be Trowzer's main hound."
Bowser was standing in Peach's room again, staring at the beautiful princess as she sat down on her bed. But he wasn't being aggressive or idiotic like he usually was. If anything, the giant koopa looked distracted by something or solemn. He was speaking softly instead of yelling, which surprised the princess.
"Peach, you know that I care about you—"
"If that were true, you wouldn't have kidnapped me. You wouldn't be threatening Mushroom Kingdom with your giant league of henchmen and trying to take over the world."
Bowser blinked and approached Peach. "But wouldn't you like that? Ruling the world with me by your side?"
"Even if I did—which I don't, but if I did—why would I want to rule the world with you of all creatures?"
"…I don't have anyone else, Peach. Sure, I got a bunch of kids, but they're all idiots. Some of them are probably plotting behind my back. And all these guards…I don't feel the same way with them as I do when I'm with you. Your fragrance, your sunny, optimistic attitude…it's what I need in my life, Princess."
Bowser headed over to the bed and sat down beside Peach, making sure he didn't scare or threaten her in any way.
"I know I'm…abrasive, but I can change, Peach. I just…need you. I don't care about sex or spying on you when you're naked. I just need someone like you to help…to, uh…"
"Complete you?"
Bowser tried not to blush and looked away. "Yeah…that."
For a brief moment, Peach actually began to feel sympathetic for the oversized koopa. "You…you really have no one else in your life like me?"
"No. Just a bunch of useless guards and seven juvenile kids—one of whom I care about more than the rest."
Peach stared at the disheartened beast for a long moment before she slowly moved her right hand across the bed and grabbed his left one. Bowser looked down at their hands touching before he looked up at Peach and saw her trying to smile. Slowly and carefully, the giant koopa leaned over and wrapped his burly arms around her. Much to Bowser's surprise, she did the same, taking care not to grope the spikes in his shell. They didn't kiss or moan or grope each other's nether regions. They just breathed silently and cuddled with each other. Bowser started to smile, feeling like he finally accomplished his destiny. Right then, as he embraced Peach's hug, he felt happy…
Bowser was snorting and mumbling in his sleep, twitching and smiling erratically. Larry and Lemmy Koopa just stared at their father as he drooled on his desk.
"Aww, he looks cute!" joked Larry.
"Hehe, he must be havin' one of them dreams about Peach again."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah, he always smiles like that in his sleep when he's thinking about Peach."
"Wow…didn't expect Dad to dream about her."
Larry and Lemmy sighed heavily and continued to stare at their snoring father. Then Lemmy abruptly lifted a pencil and balloon and snickered.
"That makes this so much funnier!"
Lemmy quickly stabbed the balloon with the sharpened pencil, causing it to pop. Bowser screamed as he was awoken from his dream of cuddling Peach. The koopa king was so startled that he stumbled and tipped his chair backwards, causing both of them to fall and land on the floor with a hard thud. Larry and Lemmy quickly scurried out of his room, laughing heartily. Bowser just roared and started to swear, realizing that he was back in his hectic and not-so-happy life.
Dix sighed heavily just as he finished urinating. The wingless paratroopa flushed the urinal before he headed over and washed his hands in the sink. After the paratroopa dried off his hands, he turned around and yelped. One of Trowzer's elite koopatrol units was standing right behind him.
"Jesus! Give a koopa a goddamn heart attack why dont'cha!"
The koopatrol didn't say a thing. He just blinked and continued to stare down into Dix's eyes. Dix stopped breathing heavily and stared back at the koopatrol. Both of them remained absolutely still; neither of them did a thing beside inhale, exhale, or blink. Dix, feeling a little awkward that he was trying to stare down the koopatrol in the men's bathroom, furtively moved away from the koopatrol and exited the bathroom. Once he got outside, Dix let out a long breath and continued to stroll around Bowser's castle. Everything seemed so strange. Ever since Dix joined Trowzer's league after the botched Toad Town hostage situation, things were becoming grim. Most of Trowzer's army was far too serious and didn't know the meaning of the word overkill. Dix saw a shady koopa stab a spider with a fork before he held it over a lit candle so he could watch it burn. A dark koopa was spotted tearing off a pider's legs, and he and the crowd of dark koopas sitting around him just watched as the poor creature thrashed about in agony. Then one of them promptly stomped on it like it was a cockroach.
But the worst part was when Dix briefly spotted one of Bowser's koopatrol units being dragged into a large, dark room. He was badly beaten and having trouble breathing, but Trowzer's men didn't care. They dragged the whimpering, struggling koopatrol into the room, and he never came out. Dix was tired of being left in the dark. He needed to find out just what the hell was going on before he got himself involved in something he couldn't get out of. Luckily, Dix was a great chef, and the kitchen in Peach's castle was still operable. The wingless paratroopa spent a large amount of time fixing several snacks before he stuffed them into his shell and headed outside. Dix found the chubby koopatrol Benson sleeping on the job again, snoring with his head planted on a table and an empty can of super soda in his right hand.
"Benson!"
The fat koopa snorted, dropped the can, and lifted his head. "Whuh, what? I-I was only sleeping for a little…oh, it's you."
"Benson, how long have you been working for Trowzer?"
The koopa shrugged. "Few years. Why?"
"So, uh, you could probably tell me what he does in his spare time? Maybe share what his hobbies are; what his plans are when it comes to taking over the world?"
Benson chuckled. "Don't be ridiculous. I can't go around spreading all of Trowzer's personal secrets—oh my God, is that a hot shroom?"
Dix had stealthily taken the recipe out his shell and placed it down on the table in front of Benson. "Indeed it is. Fresh out of the oven too."
Benson licked his lips and greedily threw himself at the plate. But Dix removed it at the last second and held the plate up in the air.
"You gonna speak or what?"
Benson huffed. "Trowzer's hated his brother ever since he was born. They fought over everything: toys, games, food—you name it. Trowzer always likes to beat Bowser at his own game, and as you can see, he's already done that by capturing Mario."
Dix put the plate back down, and Benson snarled as he began to ravenously chomp away at the steamy hot shroom. The former Bowser paratroopa waited until he was halfway through before he took out a plate of spaghetti and held it close to Benson's face. The fat koopa snarled and tried to grab it, but Dix moved the plate away, grinning.
"Not just yet. Tell me, what happened to Iggy Koopa? A lot of people have been saying that Mario killed, but that seems a bit of a stretch, dont'cha think?"
Benson growled and blinked. "We got rid of him. We just made it look like Mario did it so it'd spark rivalry between Bowser's family and the Mario Bros. If it hadn't been for us, we probably wouldn't have the Mario Bros. now."
Dix started to frown. He had a feeling he was asking questions a bit too sensitive to Trowzer's regime. But he still just had one last question to ask before he decided which team to side with. Dix put down the plate of spaghetti and watched the koopatrol voraciously tear away at the dish, getting spaghetti sauce all over his face. The wingless paratroopa took out a fresh, sweet, smooth choco cake from his shell and placed it in front of Benson's face. The koopatrol stopped slurping up the noodles and flared his nostrils. Still holding the pastry, Dix grinned and slowly moved it left and right, watching as Benson's eyes followed the delicious dessert.
"Holy crap! You have a choco cake!"
"Yes…such a mouth-watering treat, ain't it?"
Benson nodded and lowered his jaw, feeling some dribble hanging from his mandible.
"We're almost done here…is Trowzer planning on killing Bowser and his entire family?"
Benson almost nodded, but after hearing the question in his mind, he frowned and looked up at Dix. The paratroopa was still grinning and waving the cake in front of Benson's face when the koopatrol grabbed Dix's wrist and snarled.
"Hey, hey, c'mon, Benson! Just answer the question and I'll give you a scrumptious—URGH!"
Benson grabbed Dix by the throat and stood up. He shoved the wingless paratroopa against the wall and snarled as he tightened his grip.
"How's about I just take the cake from you and you shut the (censored) up?"
Benson choked Dix with one hand and used his other to snatch the cake from him. Benson opened his mouth and devoured half of the cake with one giant bite before he let go of Dix and let him fall to the floor. Dix grabbed his neck and started to cough and hack violently before he slowly backed away from Benson.
"If I were you, I'd do as you were told and stop asking questions you don't need to find answers to. Wouldn't want a little 'accident' to happen to you, now would we?"
Dix finally caught his breath and inhaled deeply as he watched Benson shove the rest of the cake into his mouth. Realizing how irritated Benson was becoming, Dix headed out of the room and left the pudgy koopatrol alone. He didn't need to learn anymore; Bowser's family was in danger.
Mario shouted with frustration as he tried to throw an egg at the cloaked Inviso. But since he wasn't a Yoshi and rarely used eggs as weapons, his throw was subpar.
"Damnit! Where the hell—"
Mario shouted when the invisible monster bumped into the plumber, taking away a small portion of his health. Geno, Luigi and Kooper saw the monster for a brief moment, but moments later, it turned invisible and floated away.
"ARRRRRGH! This is taking too long! Don't you have some sort of heat-vision power, Geno?"
"I'm a star spirit, not a cyborg," replied the doll.
Just then, a few more peepers silently flew past the gang's head. One of them bumped into Kooper from behind, knocking him down and taking away another fraction of his health.
"I'm sick of these birds! Don't we have any weapons left? !" shouted Kooper.
"Besides your shell, no. I just used our last egg," said Mario.
"Why don't you do something, Luigi? ! You've just been standing around dodging and ducking while we're the ones getting' our asses kicked!"
"Hey, I can throw my shoe if you want," said Luigi flatly.
Kooper, frustrated out of his mind, yanked off his own shoe and screamed as he tossed it into the air. Miraculously, the koopa hit Inviso dead in its mouth. The monster reappeared, its mouth agape as it began to pulsate. Everyone stared at the defeated monster with wide eyes, surprised that a simple shoe could trounce a boss like Inviso.
"Holy crap, it worked," muttered Luigi.
Kooper put his shoe back on as it fell to the floor and noticed the ground shaking. "(Censored). I think we're about to teleport again!"
Everyone shouted as the Tall Tower stage suddenly disappeared in a blinding white light. Once again, the heroes were thrown into a dark void where they couldn't scream or move their bodies on their free will. They floated through the dark space for half a minute before they abruptly landed on the ground with a massive thud. Everyone groaned briefly before Mario shook his head and slowly got to his feet. He looked all around at the gang and noticed that all of them were still fine, but they were all standing on odd red platforms. Luigi stood up as well and took a look around. After analyzing the stage for a moment, he smiled and started to chuckle.
"It's a miracle, bro! We're on Yoshi's Island! Don't you remember that KEEP MOVING! ! ! ! stage?"
Mario scratched his head. "It can't be. After everything we've been through, I doubt those portals would magically teleport us here. Besides, look around: the stage is messed up. Everything's covered in this odd black fuzz and the stage is clouded with green fog."
Luigi shrugged. "Who cares? We're here; why don't we—"
"Wait a second…if this is the KEEP MOVING! ! ! ! level…holy (censored). EVERYONE START RUNNING!"
Mario began to sprint across the red platforms. Everytime his foot left one, the platform would disappear in a cloud of white smoke. Everyone who stared at him sprinting away raised an eyebrow. Luigi, however, knew exactly why his brother was running, and quickly followed him.
"I don't get it. What's so horrible about this stage?"
Just then, a massive thud was heard. Geno and Kooper made sure to keep their balance, but as they turned around, both of their eyes grew wide at the behemoth they saw. There was a gargantuan chomp shark covered in unbreakable gold fuzz. It had red spikes on its head, and unlike typical chain chomp creatures, this one seemed to have an evil glare. It flashed what Geno and Kooper could've sworn was a malicious grin at them before it opened its humongous mouth and roared. Seconds later, it began to chase after them, eating anything in sight.
"Oh, (censored)! GO, RUN!"
Soon afterwards, Kooper and Geno began to sprint down their column of platforms as well. The platforms they were standing on were number platforms, and someone unfortunately rigged them all to disappear after just one step. The chomp shark was still hot on their tails, its massive teeth tearing through anything it could find. Mario and Luigi were further ahead than Geno and Kooper, but after seeing the horrible monster, the doll and koopa sped up. All of them were panting and huffing as they sprinted from platform to platform, hoping to find hard ground soon so the chomp shark would crack its teeth on it. That's when all of them spotted a gap in the column of number platforms. Kooper swore to himself before the gang prepared themselves on the final platform. All of them shouted and leaped over the gap, landing on the next platform with ease. Unfortunately, the madness didn't stop there. Something up ahead fired, and the next thing the gang knew, a banzai bill zoomed towards the platforms and took out five of them instantly.
"WHAT! How the hell are we supposed to jump over that? !" shouted Luigi.
Just then, four paratroopas appeared and hovered in the middle of the oversized gap. The four heroes jumped and stomped on the paratroopas' heads, then used the added momentum to continue their jump and land on another series of number platforms. The menacing chomp shark was still on their tails, seemingly speeding up the faster they ran. Up ahead, they could see a dark cloud swirling around; they assumed it was another portal to another bizarre, mind-boggling stage from Mario's past.
"C'mon, we're almost there! As soon as we hit that portal, we'll be safe!" shouted Mario.
But the madness didn't cease. There was a gap even bigger than the two ones the heroes just crossed, and to make things worse, a few banzai bills appeared from below and ascended. They rolled their thick bodies around until they were staring at the heroes with nasty grins on their faces. Mario and the gang stopped, but only for a short moment. The chomp shark was still right behind them, and it was getting closer and closer. The banzai bills began to spin, zooming towards Mario and company. With no other option, all of them shouted and started to sprint to get a head start at the jump they were about to perform. Then they leaped, just barely missing the horrible weapons' angry grins. They bounced off the banzai bills and found themselves floating in mid-air for a short moment. As they began to fall, another series of banzai appeared from the bottomless pit. They luckily bounced off those as well, just in time for another banzai bill to appear. After another bounce, the gang mercifully landed on the number platforms. Mario glanced behind his shoulder and saw the chomp shark obliterate all the explosive banzai bills like it was nothing. It was still coming towards them.
With no other option, the gang kept running, panting as they neared the dark portal. Just then, a loud bang was heard, and several missile bills began to home in on the four heroes. Not only did they follow Mario, Luigi, Geno and Kooper, but they were also moving faster than they ran. Kooper looked over his shoulder and yelped when one of them was inches away from touching his tail. He hid in his shell and the missile bill exploded on impact, sending Kooper flying across dozens of number platforms. Mario and Luigi hopped into the air just as they were about to get hit; they stomped on their missile bills when their assailants tried to hit them. Geno took a huge risk and turned around so he could fire some stars at the missile bill. After he did, the missile-like projectile exploded on contact. The blast sent Geno a few platforms ahead of the Mario brothers as well. However, both he and Kooper had taken more damage than either of them anticipated. Mario hopped onto Geno's set of number platforms and sprinted to the fallen doll. Kooper meanwhile groaned. He landed on his shell, and the number platform was far too small for him to roll around on without falling off.
"KOOPER! Hide in your shell!"
The koopa already knew what Mario was about to do. Once he hid, Mario picked up Geno and started to carry him over his left shoulder. Then the plumber ran towards the blue-shelled koopa and kicked him as hard as he could. Kooper zipped across the number platforms and immediately disappeared into the void. Mario jumped back onto Geno's set of number platforms and started to sprint again, not even daring to look behind. The two plumbers ran as fast as they could, getting closer and closer to the portal, the chomp shark speeding up and snarling. Using their last burst of energy, the Mario brothers shouted and leaped as far as their bodies would let them. They reached the portal just seconds before the chomp shark bit through Mario's back. All four heroes disappeared into a soundless dark space and floated around for a moment before they finally landed on the ground with a hard thud. Not wanting to get attacked while they were down, everyone immediately got to their feet and looked around, panting and breathing heavily.
"Where are we? A castle, some lava mountain?" asked Luigi.
Mario exhaled heavily and looked around. The stage they were on was sunny and cheerful. Fruit was hanging in the air, and everything seemed tranquil. At least, until the spear guys showed up.
"Uh, I think this is the Shy Guy Limbo stage."
"Good. Then that means all we gotta do is jump over a few of the limbo guys' bars—"
Kooper howled in pain as a spear guy chucked his spear right at his leg. The koopa went down and landed on his shell, whining and moaning as he grasped his abused leg.
"GODDAMNIT, MY LEG!"
Luigi instinctively pulled the spear out, unaware that the spear probably cut several arteries in the koopa's leg.
"What are you doing? ! Put the spear back in; taking it out will just antagonize the wound!" shouted Geno.
"Sorry!"
Luigi stabbed Kooper in the leg again, but not in the same area as before. The koopa howled with pain again and continued to whine.
"…Oops."
Frustrated with everything going on, Koopa bellowed as loud as he could and got to his feet.
"STOP! EVERYBODY STOP!"
Surprisingly, the spear guys stopped charging towards Mario and the gang. Panting heavily, Kooper grunted twice and shouted when he removed the spear from his leg, ignoring the blood pouring out of the wound.
"Kooper, what are you doing? !" shouted Mario.
"I can't take this!"
Kooper hid in his shell for a moment, then suddenly reappeared carrying a copy of With Big Shells and Wings in his hands. Everyone's eyes grew wide.
"Dude! How did you get a copy—"
"I bought it when we were in Isle Delfino; that's not the point! We are skipping all this bull(censored) right now!"
Kooper slammed the book down on the ground and opened it up, hastily flipping over to chapter thirty-six. Mario and Geno were at a loss of words.
"I—" Geno stammered. "Wait, how can we skip this?"
"When I was reading this book, I noticed that Lemmy burned part of it. That's why we kept warping back in chapter twenty-two!"
"What's your point?" asked Luigi.
Kooper reached chapter thirty-six and ripped out several pages. "My point is that the whole reason why this chapter and the one before it exist is so the author can (censored) with us as some sick-ass joke!"
"I thought this was all an elaborate trap that Trowzer—"
Kooper interrupted Mario. "I DON'T (CENSORED) CARE! I am burning these (censored) pages and we are gonna skip this (censored) right now!"
The koopa took out a lighter, flicked the lighter's wheel, and waited for the flame to come out. When it did, Kooper set all the pages he ripped out on fire. Mario, Geno, and Luigi's eyes grew wide as they watched pages from the fanfic burn.
"Kooper, are you absolutely sure about this?" asked Luigi.
"Of course I am! Once these god-awful pages burn, we'll be able—"
Everyone landed on the stone floor with a hard thud. The four heroes lied still for a moment before Mario groaned and rolled off of his brother. The rest of the heroes grunted a few times and shifted around before they got back to their feet.
"…Where are we now?"
"Uh, I guess we're back in Trowzer's dungeon. …How'd we get here again?"
Kooper shrugged. "Beats me. This scene just started with us falling on the floor. I remember something happening to my leg but it feels better now…"
"Perhaps we healed before we got here?" suggested Geno.
Luigi sighed. "Whatever. We're out of that demented portal…thing, that's all that matters. Let's keep going. With any luck we'll find Peach nearby."
"Right."
The four heroes continued to walk down the corridor when something buzzed loudly. Mario and the gang froze and were about to turn around, but it was too late. A trap door hidden in the floor activated, and the four heroes shouted as they plummeted into a vast amount of darkness. All of them hit the ground sooner than expected and rolled down what they believed was a hill covered with dirt and granite. They coughed, grunted and shouted as their bodies tumbled this way and that. Mario and Kooper acquired several scratches, and Luigi bashed his left arm against what he thought was a stalactite. They rolled for two whole minutes before they slid through another hole at the bottom of the hill and landed inside a dark red cave. Kooper landed first, followed by Geno, Mario and Luigi. The heroes remained still again before they gradually groaned and rolled off each other. Just as they began to stand, the heroes heard a massive thud. Everyone looked up ahead and gasped. Sharktail, Gloomtail's long-lost cousin, was standing right there. He lifted his head and roared viciously before he growled and lowered his head towards Mario and the gang.
"Finally! I've waited over twenty chapters for this! Twenty long, agonizing chapters! I've been in this cave for so long even the goddamn readers have forgotten about me!"
Kooper raised his left eyebrow in confusion. "Readers?"
"I'm really getting tired of people breaking the fourth wall," said Luigi.
"Look…Gloomtail—"
"DON'T SAY HIS NAME!"
Sharktail laughed evilly and grinned widely as he approached the four heroes.
"You're gonna pay…you're all gonna pay!"
"W-Wait a minute! I wasn't even there when Gloomtail died! This (censored) ain't fair!" protested Kooper.
"Yeah, and Geno was the one who killed him! We just roughed him up a bit!" said Luigi.
Geno flashed the skinny plumber an annoyed glare.
"Doesn't matter…you three are responsible! And you," he said, glancing at Kooper. "I've always wanted to know what koopas taste like. My other cousin, Hooktail, says they're delicious!"
The heroes slowly backed away just moments before Sharktail began to inhale a large amount of air. Thanks to Bowser's teachings, Sharktail could breathe both fire breath and nasty poisonous breath. And he was about to use the former on his four foes.
"RUN!"
The heroes split up as Sharktail exhaled a large cloud of fire breath at Mario and the gang.
"You guys think Roy's doing okay?" asked Morton.
"He's downstairs inside a chamber—with Wario, let's not forget—beating the ever-loving snot out of a chained Mario and Luigi. Trust me, Roy's gonna be fine. If anything I'm worried about Lemmy," said Larry.
"Why?"
Larry sighed. "That pranking of his is getting a little out of hand."
Morton laughed. "Is that why you got that eye patch?"
"No, that was from something else. You remember that ghost guy? Y'know, that weird-looking freak-in-the-sheet?"
"What about him?"
Larry shrugged. "I dunno, but he's why I got this eye patch. …I haven't seen him lately and neither has Lemmy. Come to think of it, I haven't seen Ludwig in a while either."
"Pfft! Who gives a (censored) about Ludwig? ! He spends all day sitting up in his room sulking just cause Iggy's dead! We're all upset over what's happened; you don't see us whining and bitching about it!"
"Some of us handle grief differently. Ludwig sulks, Roy beats the (censored) out of random things, you yell, and Lemmy plays pranks on people."
"I did not yell when Iggy died!"
"You sure as hell cried a lot."
Morton didn't have any retorts to that. He just blinked and remained seated, fidgeting with the desk. The loud-mouthed koopaling sighed heavily as he began to think. He was about to say something else when Lemmy showed up snickering to himself and carrying a large bucket.
"Hey guys, how big is Trowzer's door?"
"…Why?" asked Larry.
"Err, no reason. I wanna…fix the shaving…wood."
"There's no shaving wood on a door, Lemmy."
"Yeah, well…Trowzer got a new door. Yeah, hence why I'm asking how big it is! It's new and-and I don't know its height!"
"What's in that bucket, Lemmy?" asked Morton.
"Stuff."
"Stuff."
"Stuff an' stuff like the salt-shaker…lemons."
Morton and Larry stared at Lemmy in silence before Larry finally figured out what the prank-loving koopaling was trying to do.
"You're gonna put that bucket over Trowzer's door so when he opens it, he gets covered in a bunch of slimy, smelly gunk, aren't you?"
Lemmy stared at Larry for a long time before he hastily dropped the bucket, pulled out a thin rubber band, and shot it at Larry's other eye. The koopaling howled and stumbled out of his chair, clutching the eye that wasn't patched. Lemmy picked the bucket back up and sprinted away.
"GOD, MY EYE!"
Morton couldn't help but guffaw to himself. "You gotta admit that's still pretty damn funny!"
The mischievous koopaling set the bucket right above Trowzer's door, which he had left ajar. Lemmy hopped off the small ladder he used to reach the top before he giggled to himself and hid behind Trowzer's desk. Miraculously, Trowzer wasn't there; he had been called away on another matter: a petty dispute between Kirzvolitken and Shannon. Lemmy was going to wait for Trowzer to return, but after several mishaps with pranking Trowzer, he decided it would be best to test it first. So Lemmy got up and casually opened up the door all the way, then threw himself backwards so the bucket wouldn't fall on his head. He was expecting a loud splash and a rank stench to fill the air, but nothing happened. Lemmy waited for a second before he glanced up and realized that the bucket hadn't fallen. It was sitting in mid-air. Lemmy curiously raised an eyebrow before he walked over to it and blinked.
"Really. You're really just gonna sit there," he said flatly.
Lemmy closed the door all the way before he opened it again. The bucket still didn't even budge. He opened and closed the door six times before he finally sighed heavily and rubbed his head. Lemmy took out a rubber band and flicked it at the bucket. Nothing happened. He took out another one and shot it at the bucket too. Still nothing. Lemmy stood underneath the bucket, but it still didn't even fall. The koopaling opened the door and stuck his head outside, then stuck it back in. And yet the bucket still floated in the same spot right above the door. Lemmy walked out of the room and closed the door. He rubbed his chin and waited a few seconds. Maybe I should forget about it, he thought. Any second now those guards I fooled into heading outside to look for that freak-in-the-sheet guy will be back. But Lemmy couldn't resist. Just watching all that slop splash onto Trowzer's face was too good to resist. So Lemmy turned around, opened the door again, and stepped inside.
And then the bucket of slop fell down on his head. Lemmy yelped as the sticky, disgusting bluish-black gunk covered his entire head, body and shell. Anyone who stepped within five feet of him would scowl and plug their noses. Whatever the slop was, it smelled worse than wild ramsons and stinky herbs put together. Lemmy glanced down at the fallen bucket and screamed with frustration. The koopaling picked up the bucket and hurled it at the wall, shortly before he started taking out his frustration on the room. He kicked the wall several times, swearing to himself, before he picked up one of the wooden stools and threw that at the wall too, unaware that he just opened up the secret door leading to Trowzer's clandestine cabinets. Lemmy swore and shouted with frustration a few more times, taking out more of his anger on some of the furniture, before he started to breathe heavily. Lemmy sat down in Trowzer's comfortable chair and began to pant and growl.
"Why can't I never prank this asshole? ! No matter what I do, all my goddamn plans always backfire! I'll bet if Iggy was here, I wouldn't have this problem in the first place! We would've pranked Trowzer weeks…ago…"
Lemmy exhaled heavily a few times and began to calm down. The mischievous koopaling sat in the chair for a while and sighed heavily. It wasn't until now that it finally hit him. His brother was dead, and he wasn't coming back. Lemmy dejectedly looked down at Trowzer's desk before he frowned. Suddenly he didn't care about pranking his half-uncle. He didn't care about pranking anyone for that matter. All he could think about was Iggy and all the good times they shared. He knew Iggy still lived on in his memories, but that wasn't enough. He actually wanted to see a living, breathing Iggy standing right before him, giving him a noogie like he always did. But that was never gonna happen. Lemmy closed his eyes before he placed his head down on Trowzer's desk. His vision became blurry as hot tears began to fill his eyes. Lemmy tried to blink them away, but he couldn't. The koopaling sniffled as two tears slid down his face.
"I miss Iggy…"
Lemmy just sat there, sulking in the same fashion as Ludwig before he disappeared. Two more tears came down Lemmy's face and he sniffled. As much as he wanted to grieve, Lemmy was still stuck in Trowzer's room. If his half-uncle saw him and realized he tried to prank him, he wouldn't show any mercy. Lemmy sniffled again and wiped his tears away before he got out the chair and looked for a towel. Not realizing that the cabinets weren't there to begin with, Lemmy started to open them one by one. Unfortunately, none of them contained any towels or napkins, just a bunch of files and folders.
"(Censored) it."
Lemmy took out a folder and randomly opened it up. He took out a blank piece of paper and started to wipe the muck off his face and out his multi-colored Mohawk. Just as he was about to take out another piece, Lemmy glanced and spotted a few pictures. They were of his brother Iggy, and Yellow and a few other people. It wouldn't have concerned Lemmy at all, except their pictures had large red Xs through them. Curious, Lemmy began to sift through the pages, and started to glance at Trowzer's files. Some of them had detailed explanations of how Trowzer's targets would be killed, or who his targets were. Others were just personal records, journals of Trowzer gloating about how smart he was and how he was gonna overthrow Bowser and his family. Lemmy's eyes began to water again and he fell to his knees.
"No…Iggy…"
Lemmy's hands shook as he grasped the paper revealing his half-uncle's betrayal. Two tears landed on the paper; Lemmy whined softly and gritted his teeth, unsure of whether he should be filled with anger or sorrow. But in the end, he wound up sobbing. Lemmy didn't know what to do now. His brother was dead, and the rest of his family was being targeted too. The koopaling shouted as he threw the folder at the wall, then a few more tears started to come out his eyes. He was so busy sobbing that he didn't realize he left Trowzer's door open. A koopa scowled as he smelled the mess on the floor before he saw the koopaling sitting on his knees, crying his eyes out. Lemmy sniffled two times before he wiped more tears away and finally mustered the strength to stand. He didn't notice that Kirzvolitken had stepped in the room and silently closed and locked the door. Just before Lemmy could turn around, he let out a high-pitched yelp. The Eastern European shady koopa had wrapped an arm around Lemmy's neck. There was a knife pressed against his throat. Kirzvolitken grinned widely as he heard Lemmy whimper.
"Y'know, maybe Shannon is right. Perhaps it be best we just kill you all now," he whispered.
Lemmy whimpered again as the knife's blade began to cut through the skin…