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Date: Sometime In the Near Future

Location: In a Galaxy Far, Far Away…

"DO YOU WANNA BUILD A SNOWMAN!?"

Genesis jarred awake, shrieking in an entirely non-masculine way. Snowman? What? Oh. Genesis growled, throwing off the covers of his sleeping bag. "Zack Fair, I will CUT YOU!"

Zack cackled gleefully, running away. "No, you woooon't! Because I'm gonna be hiding behind Tiiiifa!"

Genesis sighed. "Do you actually do anything useful around here?"

"'Course I do! I'm entertainment! Ha-HAAAA!"

Genesis rubbed his forehead. "Really, does ANYONE do anything useful around here but me?" He glanced over his shoulder at Barret. "You?" Barret stared at him, gnawing on the bone of an animal they'd cooked. "Ah, right… you eat all the food."

He spun around. "Vincent! You can be useful, can't you?"

Vincent stared blankly into the distance, sitting cross-legged inside his coffin. "No. I must continue to sit here and wallow in self-pity."

Genesis rolled his eyes. "Strife?"

"Huh?" Cloud looked up from the fire. "I was about to join Vincent."

"Of course you were… Kunsel!" Genesis grinned as he strolled over to Kunsel and Yuffie. "I see you're busy trying to get us information?"

Kunsel grinned, tapping keys on his phone. "Yep!"

Yuffie scowled, looking over his shoulder. "No, he isn't! He's texting Jessie about where she wants to eat dinner!"

"Hey!" Kunsel swatted her on the back of the head. "Come on, I have a reputation!"

Clearly this was going nowhere. Ah, there was Aerith, sitting against a tree. "And what are you up to, last of the Ancients? Preparing for battle?"

Aerith didn't move.

"Aerith? Helllo?" Genesis waved a hand in front of her face, and then poked her in the arm. She fell over, a sword wound in her stomach. "OH." Genesis stopped back. "Well… that is unfortunate…" He glanced around the tree.

Sephiroth quickly hid Masamune behind his back. Or at least… tried to. "I, uh, found her like that."

"ZACK. SEPHIROTH JUST KILLED YOUR GIRLFRIEND!"

"Yeah, very funny!" Zack called back.

Genesis threw his arms in the air. "I'm serious!"

"Suuuuree!"

Genesis sighed deeply. "You know what? I quit."

No sooner had the words left his mouth than purple smoke surrounded him, obscuring his vision for a moment before it passed, leaving him in some sort of golden throne room. A dark-haired man dressed in green sat upon the throne.

"Welcome, my friends, to Asgard!"

A high-pitched laugh came from a smaller, gold-skinned man who was standing to the side. "That's not the quote, dearie! That's from his fandom!" The imp pointed at a tall, grey-bearded, grey-haired, grey-hatted, grey-dressed man in grey who was holding a staff.

"Hush, man, you're ruining Loki's dramatic welcome!" said a rather normal-looking boy with dark hair, fingers tugging at the ratty scarf around his neck.

Genesis blinked. "Okay… Where the hell am I?"

Loki rolled his eyes. "I just told you!"

"Allow me to handle introductions!" The golden-imp-man-thing stepped forward and bowed dramatically, sweeping his arms to the side. "Rumplestiltskin! And that's Loki, Gandalf, Merlin, and… Harry is around here somewhere. Ah! There!"

"Weeee!" A boy flew by riding a broom.

Genesis blinked again. "…I want to go home now."

Rumplestiltskin giggled. "Oh, now you can't do that without hearing our proposal first, dearie!"

"…Okay. I'm listening."

"Well, dearie, we're starting up a club, you see! For those of us gentlemen with" – he made a weird gesture with his hands – "magic!"

Genesis crossed his arms. "Are all of you useful?"

"Of course!" Loki grinned. "Well, all of use except Merlin, but that's just because the authoress hasn't actually seen his show – she just stuck him in here to make her beta happy."

"Hey!" Merlin protested. "I can move things with my mind!"

Genesis nodded. Looking good so far. "Are there any women?"

Gandalf folded both hands around his staff. "We considered it, but then we decided that would lead to everyone writing romance fanfics and we didn't want that."

Genesis scowled. "Well, now they'll just write slash…"

A cricket chirped nearby.

Rumplestiltskin grimaced. "…We'll work on getting some girls. Now quit breaking the fourth wall!"

"Fiiine," Loki grumbled. "So! Genesis…"

"Do we have a deal?" Rumplestiltskin finished.

Genesis tapped his chin. "I'll need Saturdays off for my real story."

"Done!" Rumplestiltskin clicked his fingers, and an unraveled scroll appeared in his hands. "Just sign on the dotted line!"

…HAPPY APRIL FOOLS! :D :D :D :D The real chapter will be up on Saturday. :P