"What was that?"
"What was.. what?"
"In the courtyard, Diana.. You acted too freely."
"What do you mean?"
"You acted.. like some little southern whore."
Lord Bolton's words cut deeper than his blades...
Southern whore?
What?
How?
I don't...
"You barely know him, yet you wanted so badly to be.. alone with him." he continued "That is not a proper behaviour for a lady of your age and position. You are a maiden. Right?"
Maiden..
I said nothing. My own voice left me and I couldn't find any words for what he said. He never talked to me like that before, I disappointed him. Now I know what Ramsay feels every day, I thought. Being a bastard is bad enough..
"You.. can.. act like you did down there." he suddenly stood up, and looked at something through the window. After a while, pointing his hand towards the yard and than me, he said: "But only when alone.." he gazed at me, his eyes so sharp and pale "Alone with Harrion, of course. Do you understand that?" he asked me.
"I.. I do." I could only answer. I didn't dare to look him in the eye again, I knew what I'll see there.. Snow and rocks, blood and knifes, sea and winds, mountains.. When he looks at you like that, you can only feel emptiness, emptiness and pain. And I was done with pain. For once, it was my decision!
"Good." he said "Lord Rickard is a traditional man, very stubborn and proud. If you think that Harrion decides about you and your marriage, than you are very wrong, Diana. You're fooling yourself, Harrion decides nothing."
Nothing..
"You do have to charm your future husband, but never forget that he has a family. They have to like you. This is very important for me, for us. Do you know that?".
Important..
"Yes, father."
After some time of just sitting and watching my own pale and cold, shaking hands, while listening to his voice, analyzing and accepting his every word, I pulled myself together and with my lord father's permission I left the working chambers.. I left, with my eyes full of tears.
This is embarrassing, stupid, wrong! How dare he? How dare he to call me like that, to lecture me? He was never here, by my side, never! I never had a father, a real father.. He told me himself that I have to make Harrion love me.. I don't understand.. I never wanted to marry him, I didn't ask for this. Oh, how I need my aunt...
No Diana, calm down. . This is just another lesson, another lesson, I had to learn.
No..
Calm down.. It's just few more steps..
Gods! What is wrong with me?!
"You seem upset, little sister."
And than I hugged him. I ran to him, I ran to my enemy, I ran to my demon and he took me in his arms..
"Diana?"
"Shut up!"
"Dia.."
"Just take me.. Take me somewhere away, somewhere away from here. Please!"
And he did.. He always does.
"You're sensitive." my mother used to say, and I guess she was right. For years I was trying to hide my feelings, to push them deep inside me. I refused to show them and especially to my father. Now I was showing everything.. to everyone. But my mother was the same. How many times did I see her crying like this? Many, many times.. countless times. She was pathetic, always crying when my father did or said something she didn't like. And now I'm acting just like her.
"What happened?"
We were in her garden now. I was sitting, again staring at my hands and my knees, trying to calm myself, to calm my body, but every inch of it betrayed me and in front of Ramsay.. Ramsay, who stood by my side..
"He made you cry.."
His voice is just hypnotizing, so nice and gentle, yet playful and exiting.. I hate him.
"What did he say to make you cry?"
What did he say? He called me a whore!
"He just.. told me that.. I'm.. leaving Dreadfort soon.. and that he.. will.. miss me."
Gods! When did I become such a liar? I always hated people who are able to lie so easly.. and in your face! Now I'm doing the same damn thing...
I hate myself!
Ramsay than sat down beside me saying: "I will miss you too, little sister." Than he pulled me closer to him, cupped my face in his hands, and started dropping kisses on my forehead, while pulling his hands through my hair "I know you love me." he said between kisses "I know you do.."
His kisses.. His hands.. I felt like I was going to faint..
"Enough." I said coldly "I have to go."
He watched me leave.. I know he did.
I spent the rest of the day alone, in my chambers. Anna and Willa insisted to stay with me and help me with my dress and my hair, but I didn't want their company. I just wanted to be alone, and to sleep.. When I couldn't sleep, I decided to call our maester.. I hate to say this, but I needed purging.
He placed them on my skin, and they felt cold, cold and relaxing. "Soon you will feel much better." I heard maester's gentle voice. And when I woke up, everything seemed much better. I accepted what happened earlier that day with my father, and I knew what I was going to do and how to act at the welcoming feast. He was right, my father.. I should think better, Harry has a large family. Their opinion is important. I should act with more discretion.. "I can't ruin this." I whispered to myself.
"M'lady, you called?"
I looked towards the door, Willa stood there and Anna was behind her, looking shy as always.
"Yes." I said "Get my bath ready."
"Yes, m'lady." they spoke like one.
Soon the bath was ready and the feeling of hot water on my skin felt perfect "Oh this is good." I murmured and I noticed girls' small laugh "What are you smiling at?" I asked them, but they laughed anyway. Stupid maids.. Why can't I have normal maids? I was asking myself. "Did my dog eat?" I asked smiling Willa and she nodded, saying: "He did m'lady.. Master Ramsay fed him."
Master.. Ramsay..
"Master Ramsay?" I asked, shocked.
"Yes m'lady." the stupid girl responded.
"MASTER?" I was done.
"Y-Yes M'lady." Willa said again.
I rolled my eyes, and took a deep breath "Willa.." I started "Why do you call my father's bastard "master"?" I asked her and the girls looked at each other in great confusion. "He.. He told us to call him like that." the red-haired one answered.
"Do not call him "master"." I simply said, and to both of them, not eager to ruin my night with more of Ramsay's bullshit. This was MY night, a time to shine for my father, my followers, my betrothed and my new family. Nothing and no one will ruin this for me!
..
Singers, dancers, food, lights, people.. Everything looked perfect, and everyone thought it was my fault.
"Diana, come." Lord Bolton offered me his hand. He stood with Lord Karstark, the older one, Harrion's father, who always looked.. grumpy.
"How old are you again." Lord Karstark asked me, and I smiled.. a perfect lady's smile.. "Sixteen my lord."
"Ahhh if only I could turn back time." he said "back then when I was sixteen.. I would do it all different."
"We all would." my father said.
Old people are boring when talking like this..
"Ahh Harrion.." Lord Rickard saw his son approaching us. His firstborn, his pride.. They're boring when praising their sons, too.
And there he was.. Tall, dark, bearded. I had to admit that Harrion was handsome. He maybe even looked better than me. "My lords, my lady." he bowed his head, and I watched him, attracted to his look, almost forgetting to bow, myself.
Harrion.. Harrion.. Harry. "You look beautiful." he said.
Beautiful..
I noticed his gaze moving up and down my body.. To be honest.. I was doing the same to him.
"Let's take our seats." father said, when the rest of the Karstark family arrived.
hey people, i'm back! the next chapter is coming soon.. i promise it will be much longer than this one, lots of stuff need to happen :)