"Gran Mag…"
Summary: Utterly for fun…Sheldon is in deep, deep trouble…From certain povs…When Amy's older sister blows…Into town…For Halloween and their engagement party…
Helps if you look up the wondrous Charlotte Gainsbourg…And one of the better pics of the equally wondrous Maggie Hamilton…
Disclaimer: BBT is all Chuck's…
Part XXXV…
Now I realize that was cruel to leave you in such a state, gentle reader…And I trust children were sent away as soon as things got violent. But it was as events occurred and I must remain true to my literary muse…
However, it should be quite clear that I could not be dead and have written this, unless of course you believe it written by one of my associates acting from notes left by me or perhaps even some other person…
And while truly, the exploits related here might seem of the realm of fictional adventure, worthy of an Indiana Jones or a James Bond…I can assure you…As my friend and ally Stuart's favorite actor, Mr. Orson Welles, once used as a title of a film…"It's All True".
Now, as to the tragic events just witnessed…Namely the fall to her tragic death of Amy Farrah Fowler as she struggled to climb to the roof of the hotel from which her sister Charlotte planned to spirit me away by helicopter, then jet, to France…
And my own suicide in numbed and shattered state on hearing of her fall…
Penny is really to blame/praise here…For it was she, or rather her comment earlier…That we should play into Charlotte's belief, strengthened undeniably by past successes and her remarkable intellect, that she held all cards and could not be beaten by her little sister and friends..Which gave the struggling Amy her brilliant idea…
Since reaching the roof would only result in her immediate capture and my taking, the only option was to let Charlotte (seemingly) have the game…
"Hold on…!" Leonard, you may recall, had called…
"Leonard…" she hissed, hanging on for dear life…My dear life, though…As Charlotte urged her two henchthugs at hand to find and help her sister up to the roof…
"Amy? Get down! You'll fall…Or let them pull you up!" he replied, likewise lowering voice…
"Listen…I'm going to go to the other side. Where Sheldon is…I have enough grip…"
"No…Amy…!"
"I've done climbing on the university rock wall, Leonard…I'm fine. But yell out when I give the word and make then think I've fallen. Can you drop that cape of yours?...I don't have anything to drop unless I strip…"
"Sure…Uh…Don't…"
"Sure, you can yell and drop the cape and don't worry? Or sure you could, but please don't as you're uncertain if I'll make it?"
"The former but correct it to don't strip!" he hissed back. "Though really, Amy…I'm leaning toward the latter…Don't try it."
"I'll be fine…I think Sheldon's made a break for it, they're yelling! Yell, Leonard…And try to tell Penny to do so. Here I go. Don't forget…Whoops! To drop the cape…!" harsh whisper…
"And please stop looking at my ass…Fine, admittedly as it is…"
Truly, as I can testify…
Now…As to my own tragic demise…
It is true that I was not party to Amy's little scheme to distract her brilliant sister and sister's less than brilliant but amply endowed physically, henchthugs…
And believe me, my agony on hearing Leonard's very well acted cries was perfectly sincere. As was my instinctual turning back to make for the roof railing for to join my one and only true love in death. Rather like Isoide…In "Tristan and Isoide" by Wagner…
Though no love potion was ever required for us…The magic of our intertwined intellects and the soulful yearning eyes of my beloved being more than sufficient for me…
Children have not returned, I trust? Very well…
And that admittedly fine ass…Quite an inducement once I was finally ensnared voluntarily in her sexual charms…
I, perched at the brink of death. About to disprove with no little certainty a number of rather strange notions about my inability to enjoy a true and deep regard for another which my roommate, Leonard Hofstadter, has developed…
But it then occurred to me…I had not heard Leonard cry for other help. Nor had Penny or Bernadette raced inside to seek help. Surely, if Amy had fallen, even their shock would not have prevented one of them from seeking additional aid from a source other than Charlotte…
Who would be hard-pressed to reach the ground floor in any time to offer effective help in any case…No, it might be the emotional shock. But even in my shattered state, it didn't add up…
And I remembered how much delight Amy Farrah Fowler had taken in showing me up in the field of rock climbing. The little minx…Though only when I had rather nastily, I admit it, suggested that if I was unable to perform the feat without risk of passing out from fear of heights…Surely she could only do worse.
What can I say? I was rightly shown up and then some. But out of that slight humiliation came a newfound pride and sense of wonder in my beloved's abilities…And a profoundly well-burned memory of Amy gleefully peering down at me from the top of the university rock face. Though as always, eager to accept my apology and shyly bask in my sincere praise…
Hmmn…
A woman like that doesn't just incompetently fall off a building. And the actions of the others seeming just a bit odd, though not unreasonable to one not intimately acquainted with them…
I gambled…Anyway, if the worst had occurred, I could always jump from the small ledge on the other side of the railing…
So, over I went. And down to the ledge about four feet below, concealed by the darkness as I crouched…
A nervous "Kurt2.0" already, like his compatriots, worried by the sudden outbreak of tragic outcomes, panicked and after a brief look over, ran back…
"Cooper went over! Doc, for God's sake, we gotta get outta here!..."
"Sheldon! No…!" Charlotte looked up from where she'd been peering for Amy's body. Something definitely on the ground, barely visible from the ground floor hotel lights…Dark, perhaps black, like Amy's costume…
"What'll we do?" henchthug Georgiana…Likewise panicking. "I didn't put in for this, doctor!"
"Be quiet! Give me my bag, I'm going down…Keep the helicopter ready!" Charlotte grabbed at her bag. "Leonard, go down to her!…I'm coming…" she called.
"Penny, Bernadette, call an ambulance…And the police!" he called, in turn…
"I've had enough…!" Georgiana cried, racing for the roof door. Several other henchthugs following…
Raj and Howard now at the railing where I'd gone over…Peering…
"Psst!" I hiss…
"Sheldon?! Oh, my God…" Raj called…
"Scream…Don't let Charlotte and her henchpeople know I'm all right…"
"Just a sec, let me help…" Howard, grabbing and pinching a part of Raj's arm…
A most satisfying, if somewhat girlish scream…
"Thank you…" I hiss. "One of you better head down to 'find me'…"
"That hurt dude…" Raj, reprovingly…Rubbing arm…
"Your arm, my heart…And no, we're not even…" Howard, glaring. "Go down like Sheldon says. Make as much lamentation and hand-wringing as you can…A rent garment wouldn't hurt…"
"So like I'm Jewish now?" Raj, archly…
"Hey, you stereotype me all the time, turnabout, fair play." he notes to Howard's glare.
"I'll gladly circumcise you right now…Go!" he points to the roof access door…
Raj heading off…
"What about Amy?" Howard, hissing to me… "Oh, dear God! Sheldon!" he loudly bellows… "Ov vey, the humanity…!" wringing hands.
"Good, but don't overdo it…" I reply. "I think she's all right…She has to be…Can you go and…"
Arghhh…!
"Sheldon!" Amy, having startled me with her touch in the dark. Holding me back with firm grip from a fall to my death…
My God, she's good…
"Go and see about Dr. Cooper!" Charlotte commands the wavering "Kurt2.0" and two other remaining henchthugs… "Go! I'll see to my…"
Hmmn…She peers over again…A bit of light shining on the cape revealing a bit more of the shape on the ground.
Interesting….The dispersal pattern of that, whatever it is…Unless Amy was taking off her costume before or as she fell…It's simply impossible for that thing to be in such a pattern, even from what I can see in the dark…
And that yell of Howard's…
Not bad, but somehow lacking quite the pitch of true anguish I'm so well familiar with both as a doctor and a tormentor/seductress…
And Amy is a good climber. Perhaps too good…
Hmmn…Definitely something wrong here…And where is the alarm? Penny and Bernadette would surely have pulled an alarm to attract attention…
"We've been had!" she screams… "Go back and see if Cooper is still on the building!"
"Amy! Leonard!" she leans over… "Nice try!"
Uh-oh…On the fire escape landing, Penny eyes Bernadette…
Kudos for a great performance, regardless, ladies…
Howard now menaced by the remaining three henchthugs…Who shove him aside and lean over… "There!" "Kurt2.0" calls. "Hey, doc! They're here!" Amy and I pulling back on the ledge…
"Come on, you two! Don't make me come and get you…!"
"Bien!...Bring them over here!..." Charlotte, looking up.
"Can you slip round the corner, Sheldon?" Amy, peering past me to view the corner of the building behind me…
"Actually I'm amazed I could manage to stand on this ledge…No, there's no more ledge…"
"We can't go my way…" she eyes "Kurt2.0" who stands ready to grab us if we move any closer…
"Get a rope!" he sends off one of his fellow henchthugs…
"We'll have to climb down!" Amy notes.
"Down…?" I gasp.
"It's not that hard, Sheldon. Just let me start…" she insists.
Whoops…In her anxiety, Amy has miscalculated…
No fire escape here…Meaning it is not an easy climb down.
"Whoa! Wait!" she cries. "I can't get footing…"
"Don't be idiots, you two!" "Kurt2.0" calls… "Just wait for me to get a rope and no one gets hurt!"
"The heck you say, you overgrown hunk of…!" Amy ponders… "Hunk…!"
"Where are they?" Charlotte has run up.
"Leave them alone, Charlotte!" Howard, advancing from where he'd fallen…
"Or what, little monsieur…You'll do what?!" Charlotte, sneering. Waving arms sheathed in witch costume sleeves… "Go on back to your friends before I have you thrown over the side!"
"You're not going anywhere, bitch! The police are on their way and the airport's been alerted! It's over!" he calls back.
"We'll see as to that, little man!" she hollers, then turns to lean over the railing. "Amy? I'm glad you're alive, dear. Now be sensible and let us pull you and Sheldon up…"
"Like heck!" Amy…
"Ditto!" me…
"Fine…Bring the fire hose over! Lets try the weapon we Fowlers should most fear, eh, sister…?"
Uh-oh…We eye each other…
Water…Right…Amy regards her witch's robe…
"You grab the rope when we toss it over and come up or I'll have you liquidated the hard way! Both of you!"
"That's murder, Charlotte!" Howard cries.
"Let them try and extradite me from France! The paperwork alone'll take decades." she sneers. "If Sheldon won't come with me, he'll go with no one…!"
"I'll go with no one but Amy Farrah Fowler!" I call back. "Kurt2.0" now tossing rope over…
"Come on, don't be stupid…" he calls. "She's crazy enough to do it…" lowered voice…
"And you'll go to jail for it…" Amy calls.
"Just let me get you up…" he replies. "I'm not a murderer. Come on…I won't let her hurt you…"
Sound of sirens…
"Time's up!" Charlotte howls, hose now visible over the railing… "Come up or so help me, we'll blast you off this building…"
"Sheldon, we're no choice…" Amy turns to me. "I think she will do it…"
"You take the rope, Amy Farrah Fowler…" I point. "I'll stay here…She won't blast me off. Though she certainly has pissed me off tonight…"
Smile from my beloved… "Fowler girls do have that effect on you…" grin. "But that's Fowler-Cooper from now on…" she reaches for rope.
"You too, Sheldon…Or we fire on Amy…" Charlotte insists.
"Sheldon! Amy!" Leonard's voice…
"Here!..." Howard calls.
"Merde!" Charlotte, stamping foot. "NOW! Vite…!"
Amy kicking away from the building, leaving me, hanging onto rope…
"Damn you, sister!" Charlotte, fuming. "Kurt2.0" pulling hard…
"Fire!" she cries… "Kurt2.0", heaving to lift Amy up…
"Let her go!"
"Doc, are you crazy?!" "Kurt2.0", again demonstrating a genetic link to my roommate, turning, holding and pulling rope. The henchthug holding the hose uncertain…
"Give me that! Morons!" Charlotte grabs for the hose. Amy now grabbing the railing as I watch on the ledge…
"Doc…You saved my kid but I can't kill for you. Come on, kid…" "Kurt2.0" pulls up Amy as Charlotte struggles for the hose with the nervous female henchthug, a final male likewise nervously watching. Then with Leonard, Penny, Bernadette, Raj, joined by Howard, advancing on them, gives up and runs for the copter…
"I'm not done with you yet, Sheldon Cooper!" Charlotte screams, leaping over the railing…To join me…
"Sheldon! Watch out!" Amy cries, leaning over…
"Hello, sweetheart…" Charlotte, advancing on me. "What a romantic evening, eh?!"