Chapter 17B
A/N: (from desk of Bnjwl)Part of me is so sad to post this chapter, it's the last full chapter from these two. These two are like my kids, I don't want to let them go, but at the same time they are happy and have achieved everything we wanted from them, so they deserve to ride off into the sunset! Don't you think?
So many people to thank- Edward's Eternal, our original beta; A Jasper for Me, our new dictator...I mean beta (LOL, just kidding bb, thanks for helping us out); ttharman and mamadog93 for pre-reading and holding our hands in the beginning. Thanks to all of you who reviewed, it meant so much to us! And to you...the readers...you mean the world! Without you we would be lost! From the bottom of our hearts, thank you!
Now wipe the tears away and go and read!
I can't even fathom the craziness around here. From the time that we have reconnected at the club, life has been a whirlwind of activity. First we decide to move in together, then I find out he has purchased my old house in Forks, to me asking him to marry me, to him asking me to marry him again, to us packing up both apartments and moving full time to Forks.
Whirlwind.
An amazing one.
For once I feel normal, like my life makes sense. I know my place and feel comfortable in my skin. I know that years of therapy and medications have helped as well, I'm not stupid. But I can't discount Edward's involvement in it as well. He makes me want to be better for him. He encourages me to be who I want without fear that he won't love me because of it.
My last therapy session we discussed that exact thing.
"Do you trust Edward, Bella?" Dr. Zafrina asked me.
"Yes, I do, with my life," I responded.
"Then why do you hold back from him?" My gaze snapped to her face in shock.
"What do you mean, I don't hold back, he's everything to me." I defended myself.
"Bella, don't get defensive, I meant emotionally. You need to open up to him, let him see the real you, all of you, show him how much you trust him and allow your relationship to move past this last hurdle." She took her glasses off and watched me as I tried to process what I felt in regards to her comments.
"I'm terrified, what if…what if I open up and it isn't enough?" I bit my lip and played with the already frayed edges to my sweater sleeve.
I heard a large sigh before she spoke.
"Bella, really?" I glanced up at her through my lashes and fought to blink the tears away.
"I know, I know…" I swallowed and grabbed a tissue to dab the tears. "I want to slap myself but he's it, he's all I have, I can't live without him. All the others, I could fake it. I could lock them away in a small part of my brain but him, I can't. It would kill me." I allowed the tears to flow, it burned too much to keep them at bay.
"Bella." Dr. Zafrina set her pad aside and moved to the small couch beside me. "He loves you, he fought for you for so many years, through so much of his own shit to get to you and you doubt he will love you when you open up?"
It was like the heaven's opened up and I realized how much Edward had done and overcome to get to me again, I realized how little I was going to get by sitting here on a couch in a therapists office crying about how he might not love me, so I sucked it up and smiled at her.
He was everything to me and I had belittled him so desperately when I doubted his feelings for me. I had to admit it was a small part of shock that Dr. Zafrina would cuss as well, she obviously saw things I had not let myself see just yet to use language like that to me, her patient.
When I met her gaze again my smile was serene and my tears were gone. I was ready to move on and forget our past, we would build our life together now.
"We're moving to Forks together. I don't think I will be back, I want to be there with him." My shy voice almost stuttered until I pictured his face and how happy he was when I said I would go with him.
"I'm sorry to see you go, but I agree it's time." She stood and hugged me and I walked out of her door without a single backwards glance.
We packed both of our apartments here in Seattle. It felt so good to get rid of my old life. I wanted no more reminders.
I took just my clothes and personal items, a few boxes of memories of my dancing career were packed and we would send those to storage for now. I knew eventually I would want them but for now, I didn't.
Edward's part was harder. He had so much stuff. Some good and we packed that up to take with us and some we sent off to donation right away.
The fun and friendship was amazing. Rose and Emmett, I knew them, I got along with them so well, we always had, but Jasper and Alice, well they were reminders of Edward's past and to be honest…they scared the shit out of me.
It's easy to stay away and stay strong when that life doesn't walk back in your front door and practically live with you again. But so far, both Edward and Jasper had never once mentioned that past life they lived. They both seemed to realize it was a snake pit that would never do a thing but kill them both. I was actually proud of them by the time we arrived in Seattle to pack things up.
Alice was a whirlwind of help as well. She was like this tiny little thing that was hyped up on red bulls and espresso, but she got a lot of shit done while we were there so I couldn't complain.
Edward and I both turned over keys to the real estate agent that would sell them for us and we turned towards the car and U-Haul. Both Jasper and Emmett already sat in the seat, scrunched up together like sardines. Alice and Rose were in the car with the radio blaring and laughing over something together.
"Go Princess, go and ride with them. Make friends and have a good time, Lord knows you deserve it." Edward kissed my forehead and pushed me towards the car to ride with the girls. I kissed him back and started to walk away, our hands touching and stretching until it was not possible to reach any further.
"Race you back to Forks!" I called as I skipped toward the car.
"You're on, I'm gonna kick your sexy ass, count on it!" He shouted back as he raced for the U-Haul.
Our entire ride was spent laughing, joking, and having a good time. We talked girl talk and I explained how good Edward's cock piercing felt inside of me. Rose blushed but Alice loved it.
"Oh it's on now, Jasper is so getting one! I knew that would feel good, I told him." Rose and I just laughed at her.
It takes no time for us to unpack and settle in. Life forms a routine for us. Edward disappears into his music room and works on stuff, sometimes Emmett and Rose come out for the weekend and stay with us so they can talk business. Alice and Jasper come over and we either watch movies or play cards.
I almost spit my popcorn out one night when Alice came into the room and burst out laughing.
"What?" Jasper sputtered.
"I just can't get over you two big time rock stars with glamorous lives, sitting here on the floor in pajama pants, eating popcorn and watching Top Gun on TV. If only your fans could see you both now." Alice taunted.
The almost spitting came from the look on Edward's face. He turned to look at me and just smiled.
"Maybe this is the real us and back then we were just posers!" Edward spoke as Jasper pushed Alice out from in front of the TV, it was time for the fight scene.
She dropped on the couch beside me and whispered. "I agree this is the real them, don't you?" I just nodded and rubbed a hand across Edward's bare shoulder.
I stood and looked at myself in the full length mirror in our room. Esme, Elizabeth, Rose, Alice and I all got ready in our house. The men were banished to Ed and Liz's house to get ready. I missed Edward and hardly got any sleep. I just needed to feel him next to me, my hand in his.
"Bella it's time." Liz spoke to me as she looked at me in the mirror. "He's gonna love you in this. It's perfect." I just nodded.
I chose my wedding dress with him in mind. It was a combination of a ballet costume and a wedding dress. It hung just below my knees with layers upon layers of tulle to fill the skirt out. The bodice was a simple tight white satin with beading along the edges and up over the shoulders. I decided to wear white satin ballet slippers with it as well, Edward always went crazy over those simple tied up slippers. He loved them for whatever reason.
I had on the earrings and bracelet that matched his grandmother's ring he gave me. Nothing else. I didn't need lots of frou frou stuff today. I wanted it plain and simple, just us and just the things we loved about each other.
I hear the music start and I knew that in a few minutes I would be walking down the aisle to him. I couldn't wait, no cold feet here. In fact, mine were pretty hot, ready to run to him and make it official. I wanted to be Isabella Masen.
We lined up and slowly made our way down the aisle and I was suddenly nervous, until I saw him. He looked amazing. He was dressed simply in a dark dress pants, a white shirt, with a dark red tie and a matching jacket. He was stunning and his face was positively lit up with his smile. Mine matched his, I was sure.
Charlie pressed my hand into Edward's when we made it to the end of the aisle and spoke a few words to him. I tuned him out, and focused on Edward. In fact I tuned out Pastor Webber as well. He spoke about love, commitment and honoring God. I knew without a doubt we would have no problem with those. We had fought too hard and too long to ever just disregard our commitment.
My attention focused back on the ceremony when Edward let go of my hands and I worried that I had missed something. I took a quick glance around and realized that no one was laughing or staring so I focused on Edward again.
He had moved around and took his guitar. Tears welled up in my eyes, I knew he was going to sing and I wasn't sure I could hold it together through that. Liz pressed a tissue into my hands as I watched him get ready. When he looked up at me I saw the love in his eyes as she began to strum.
I do not love you for the way you kiss
Though your lips, they can put me at ease
And I do not love you for your sweet brown eyes
Though I love when they're looking at me
And I do not love you for the way your hands
Can touch me and quiet my soul
I love you for all of this and so much more
My tears flowed in true honest rivers now. It was beautiful and beyond words, It was hard to stand and listen to him sing it, I wanted to go to him and just wrap him in my arms and find a way to show him how much he meant to me as well.
I do not love you for the way you dress And all I know is you're the part of me that keeps me strong I do not love you for the way my heart
Though you do look so lovely tonight
And I do not love you for the things you know
Though I've always admired your mind
And I do not love you for the way I feel
That first moment you walk through the door
I love you for all of this and so much more
And what I want is for us to face forever
Standing up together, eyes turned towards the heavens, arm in arm
Seems to live somewhere inside your chest
And I do not love you for the way your arms
They can hold me until I forget
And I do not love you for the way you've been
Exactly what I'm looking for
I love you for all of this and so much more
I love you for all of this and so much more
Somehow or another I found it in me to stand still and listen to him sing the song to me. But as soon as it was over I rushed to him and kissed him. I smashed myself against his guitar and wrapped my arms around him. A cheer rose up over the small crowd and I realized that they were all as happy to see us happy as were to be happy.
We slowly let each other go and moved back to repeat our vows. Words were said, and a ring was placed on each of our fingers and we kissed one more time to make it official.
"I meant every single word, Mrs. Isabella Masen. I can't even express how much I love you and how long I've waited to be here with you. Always with you, only you.." His whispered words were perfect and loving.
"Ditto." I choked out and caused laughter to enter into our little bubble. I wanted it all with him, hard times, scary times, fun times, sexy times, and most importantly loving times.
A/n: I can't believe we're almost done….I hope you've enjoyed this journey so far…I think the epi is amazing and I can't wait for ya'll to read it!
See ya Saturday
Kyla