The Immortal Spacemonkey

Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate or Highlander. If I did, I wouldn't work in the public school system. Any characters from either show what you many recognize belong to their respective owners. Any characters that you don't recognize belong to me. I promise to return the borrowed character once I am done with them, though they will be a bit scuffed.

Warning: Potty language

Chapter 36

Adam explained to the others that he did not think that this was a Dark Quickening since if it had been, the personality change would have happened much quicker and the darkness would have been evident to him a long time ago. Instead, he postulated that the Quickening that he had taken on Holy Ground had not settled properly and was affecting the other two Quickenings he had taken since then, causing them to not settle also. Because of this, the disruption combined with the torture had affected his psyche. The electrical imbalance caused an overload, shorting out the part of his brain that guided personality, restraint, and so forth, causing him to return to a more primitive and primal period in his life. It had been only a matter of time before he blew, he explained to them.

"So how do we get Daniel back out of this primate state?" Jack asked, glaring at the Immortal.

"Its primitive Jack," Adam said, sighing. "Don't play dumb with me. Daniel told me that you're not as dumb as you like to pretend to be."

Jack then glared at the inert form of Daniel. The little bastard has a big mouth at times, he internally groused.

"Okay then," he spoke to Adam, "what is our plan to get him back? We can't leave him like this. Beyond being our friend, he is a potential security risk to the SGC and could end up exposing you guys to groups like the NID. Someone like Maybourne would love to get his hands on an Immortal and see what he could do to make the perfect soldier."

"Normally, for a Dark Quickening, you would have to take a dip in a sacred spring or well and go on a personal vision quest and re-align yourself or die in the process. Unfortunately, the last place I knew like that no longer works. Its power got used up when a friend of mine took a Dark Quickening."

"So can't we just find another one? Surely they can't be all that rare," Sam reflected. "The planet is seventy percent water after all."

Methos smiled at the woman's misplaced logic. "It takes more than just being a hole in the ground that is filled with water. Certain conditions have to be fulfilled. However, such a thing is not necessary for what needs to be done. What we need first of all is to be on Holy Ground that hasn't been violated by whole-sale slaughter of innocents and isn't in view of the public. The floor of a mid-priced hotel, while more private, isn't exactly sacred territory," he said, rolling his eyes.

"What about Wounded Knee?" That's considered to be pretty sacred," Sam offered.

"Many innocent people died there Major Carter," Teal'c's voice came across as a rumble. "Plus, I do not think that the residents of the area would appreciate outsiders trespassing on such a place."

"It was just an idea," she said, looking dejected. She really wasn't sure of what else in the area would fit Adam's needs. "It would figure that when we need to know something culturally like this, the one person we always turn to, is unable to help because he has a case of insanity."

Suddenly Jack had a weird moment of insight. "Remember when Daniel yelled at me for untying that prayer string thing at Devil's Tower? He told me then that we were on Holy Ground."

Methos looked suitably impressed, with the insight not with the removal of the prayer flag. "That might work. I remember driving past it on my way here. Would we be able to get some privacy there though?" he asked. "Doing this at night would be preferable."

Jack smiled. "I am sure that a crusty Air Force Colonel that is providing entertainment for a foreign dignitary would be able to get access. Teal'c, are you up to posing as a diplomat from Mozambique again?"

"Indeed O'Neill if it will help us bring DanielJackson to a normal level of sanity," Teal'c dipped his head, his manner formal and reserved to outsiders, but to Jack and Sam, he was all about the enthusiasm for this attempt to help their friend.

"What else will you need?" Jack then asked.

"I have the supplies that we'll need, but as his friends, I'll need your help with the ritual. It won't be fun and I am sure you won't like it. Danil will say some things that are pretty horrible, but don't take it too personally and don't think for a second that he really means what he says. He is excellent with screwing with other people's minds and has quite the mouth on him, as I am sure you have noticed in the past. Just ignore it and use it against him when you need to put a new roof on your house. Guilt works wonders with him. Remind me sometime to tell you how I got him to finally write the Odyssey."

"Daniel is Homer?" Jack asked his eyes wide.

Pause.

"No. I'm just screwing with you," Methos laughed, knowing that the group needed a little bit of lightheartedness in such a dark and heavy time.

"You really are an ass you know that?" Jack shot back, looking at the Immortal with perplexity and humor.

"People tell me that all the time, but somehow I always manage to win them over," Methos smiled in return. "It must be my winning personality."

SG1SG1SG1SG1SG1

Towards the evening, after Jack had called Hammond and requested that the General "arrange" for a private tour for their visiting dignitary and his friends at Devil's Tower. Jack had then promised the General that there would be a full report and a case of Guinness at his house within the next week as a form of payment for his continued understanding and latitude.

Working together, they smuggled Daniel out of the hotel, by-passing the front desk and the other guests that were lounging out at the pool who would see them hauling a dead body out the door that was located near the pool area. With Jack's incredible acting skills, they made it look like Daniel was just passed out drunk and Jack, the noisy, boisterous drunk was clearly on his way to joining his friend in the land of oblivion and future hangovers. Jack figured that if he made enough of a ruckus, people would remember him, rather than the lifeless and quiet form of Daniel.

"Hey Sam! You wanna run off, get married, and have lots of babies?" he yelled at the bright red major. He was holding a half empty bottle of beer in one hand as he kind of bounced off the walls and out the side door, slurring his words. The tail of his shirt was half tucked in and his hair was a bit wilder than normal, giving him the look of someone who had been boozing for quite awhile.

Sam, who was given the role as herder of Jack, was trying to shoo him through the door, couldn't help but laugh at her commanding officer's antics. "Of course Jack," she said sweetly. "As long as they all grow up to be astrophysicists, love blue Jell-o, and hate the Simpsons."

"Woman," Jack slurred, "your words break my heart. You'll come around some day, mark my words!" The desired effect was taking place; everyone that was hanging out at the pool had their eyes on him.

Sam just laughed and "helped" her boss to the car, making sure that they made as much of a scene as possible, keeping the attention on themselves, rather than the figures of Teal'c and Adam who were carrying their "dead drunk" friend to Adam's Humvee.

Jack had tossed the bottle into the grass before he closed the door.

"Why do we have to take your vehicle?" Jack, completely sober, asked.

"Because," Methos sighed, "I have all of the necessary supplies loaded up already and Daniel's screaming death metal machine isn't big enough for all of us."

"Oh, okay then. Carry on," Jack said and looked back at his friends. "How's Daniel doing?"

"He is still dead O'Neill," Teal'c responded solemnly.

Carter, he noted, looked freaked out as all hell. "Carter! What's wrong?"

She looked at him with her big, baby-blue eyes, causing something inside to immediately melt, making him go into protective mode.

"I'm touching a dead body Sir," she said between clenched teeth.

"Okay," he said, not sure where she was going with this. He noticed that she was sitting as far as possible from Daniel, who was plunked down between her and Teal'c. Sam was pressed up against the door of the vehicle, but Daniel's lanky arm was flopped out onto the seat next to her, brushing up against her side. "You've touched plenty of dead bodies before Sam. What's different here?"

"It's Daniel and he's been dead for a long time. When we're out in the field, I don't lug the casualties around and keep their corpses near me. It's always been check for life and move on," she explained, looking slightly pale.

"Sam, he's not dead really," Methos tried to find words that would comfort her. "Well, he is but it's different with us. Try to think of him being in a coma, not dead. Besides, it just so happens that your friend here is only mostly dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all-dead."

"Oh that really helps," she muttered. Finally sick of being touched by his mostly-dead, non-alive arm, she pushed the appendage away and accidentally dislodged the knife that had been keeping him dead for almost twenty-four hours.

Immediately blue lightening raced along the wound, healing it swiftly. The wound that had been held open by the metal of the knife was sealed and mended in no time. After that, Danil, the blood thirsty immortal came roaring back to life, pissed as all hell.

"You mother fucking asshole!" he bellowed, enraged, remembering his supposed friend shooting him in the heart. The rage he felt, the pure hate he held was bubbling forth, screaming in his mind, demanding retribution. An eye for an eye, if one wanted to go biblical about it. "I'll fucking kill you for this!"

"Oh Christ!" Jack cursed from his relatively safe position in the front seat.

Danil grabbed Sam and slammed her head into the glass window, leaving her dazed from the blow.

Teal'c tried vainly to grab a hold of Danil, immobilizing him in a strong hold. Instead, Danil managed to twist and turn, not allowing the Jaffa to seize him in a secure grip. He even managed to punch the former First Prime in the face. While it did not truly hurt him, it stunned him a bit, more out of shock than any real impairment. Daniel had never actually hit him before.

Methos was able to keep a clear head, despite the chaos around him. They were on the interstate, headed towards the South Dakota-Wyoming border. The second Danil came back to life, the powerful Buzz registered at the base of his skull, feeling as if a troll was hitting him repeatedly with its club.

Glancing in the rear-view mirror, he checked for other cars in the lane next and behind him. Seeing none, he jerked the steering wheel to the right and veered the Humvee to the side of the highway. The breaks locked and gravel went flying as he brought the machine to, literally, a screeching halt.

Reaching down beside him, he turned around and brought to bear a pistol.

"Ears," he warned everyone, giving them a split second to cover their ears before he smoothly pulled the trigger, twice, stopping Danil and temporarily deafening the passengers.

Danil, caught in mid-lunge, collapsed. Apparently his goal had been to leave the vehicle, regardless of the danger in such a move. Instead, he fell back, with two bullets lodged in his chest.

"Stab him," Methos ordered his voice cold. He couldn't afford to be nice and concerned about the mortals' feelings. They only had a few seconds before Danil healed once again.

Teal'c grabbed the knife and swiftly stabbed his friend in the heart, once again making sure the Immortal stayed dead until circumstances proved more favorable.

"Well, that was fun, wasn't it?" Adam asked his voice a bit too loud. "I just hope I didn't put any holes in the upholstery." He checked for traffic before pulling back on to the sparsely traveled highway and tucked the gun back into the seat by him.

"You're idea of fun and my idea of fun is two completely different things. Now, no more fun incidents, I mean it!"

"Anybody want a peanut?" Methos crowed.

"Okay, stop with the quotes will you?" Jack yelled.

Methos/Adam just laughed.

A/N: Okay, what do you think? Hit the shiny review button and let me know.

I come back, check my email on Tuesday and find 173 messages sitting in my inbox. Ignoring the ones that were nasty spam (no I don't want to refinance my home nor do I want Viagra), a few MLS and SciFi Channel updates, and update notices, my heart was really warmed to see so many reviews (even though I had already seen a good majority of them earlier - if I missed someone, I'm sorry). Thank you so much everyone for their kind words and encouragement as I traveled down to Alabama. No, I didn't kill my step-mother-in-law, though I was sorely tempted to do so. Instead I put a big old smile on my face and muddled on through. Really, except for stupid-ass Gordon and his equally stupid-ass teammate Johnson screwing up the race on Sunday, it was pretty pleasant. I feel refreshed and re-invigorated. Also, I think I worked out parts of this story that I wasn't entirely happy with while at 35,000 feet. So yay! I got to go do my NASCAR thing, spent quality time with the family, and got some writing done.

Thank you again to everyone for reading and/or reviewing. I hope you all know how much I appreciate it. I'm off now. It's late and the one beer I had is making me sleepy and kind of loopy - I'm a lightweight. Take care and cheers!