A/N - thank you again for the precious reviews and comments, I love you!
Chapter 37.
Serena closed the door behind Jason and turned round to find Bernie now in her own meltdown. She scooted herself back against the wardrobe and buried her face in her hands. In exactly the same way as she had with Jason, Serena moved herself slowly down and touched her fingertips to Bernie's forearms. Having expected the recoil, it no surprise when it came so she managed to keep the contact between them. The heat was radiating off Bernie and she was visibly trembling, sending vibrations up the brunettes arms.
She took a risk and spoke:
"Bernie, I know you're so upset right now and you have every right to be but try to hear me saying, this was not your fault. Whatever happened, Jason reacts like this sometimes. You did his stitches when he smashed the shed window because he broke the lawn mower and was so upset with himself, even though it was old."
Bernie didn't respond and the trembling increased in its intensity. Serena shoved down her own rising panic and through about how to get through to her beautiful best friend who was so clearly in pieces. Did she try and talk about what had happened or ignore it and talk about something unrelated? In the end she did neither as suddenly Bernie, in an echo of Jason, smashed her own head violently back into the wardrobe twice before Serena realised and managed to drag her away just enough to stop a third hit, even though the army medic resisted her pull. "No Bernie. No." she stood them both up and manoeuvred the trauma surgeon over to the bed to sit on the edge.
"Stay there Major. That's an order."
Bernie looked up then with fire and ice in her eyes as Serena nodded at her and went to the ensuite to retrieve the discarded pyjamas the blonde had previously been wearing. "Let's try this again shall we?" She gently tugged off the hoodie and for the second time that day unlaced the shoes. Bernie seemed to have lost all ability to think and so she took over, gently unzipping her jeans and raising her arms to take her t shirt over her head. Removing her underwear she bundled Bernie back into her pyjamas and sat back next to her. The army medic just stared into space in front of her, the tears had stopped and she wrapped her arms around herself because she was still trembling. Serena rubbed her knuckles lightly over her upper arm to try to impart comfort but she wasn't at all sure Bernie was even mentally in the room with her, when slowly, the blonde turned to face her and the brunette's heart went out at that moment. The other woman's eyes, always so expressive, were wide and all consuming. The depth of the pain took every ounce of Serena's strength not to sob. She made a decision.
"Bernie, I'll put pyjamas on too and we will clear and away and sit down comfy okay? That's the plan. Why don't you go brush your teeth, there's a spare in my cabinet and wash your face and I'll change."
Bernie nodded but made no movement so Serena wrapped her arms around her and kissed the side of her head. She felt Bernie trembling still and kissed again gently. "Go on" she said and squeezed her arms gently and this time the blonde responded by going into the ensuite and shutting the door, giving Serena a moment alone.
She closed her eyes and ran her hands through her hair and yawned slightly, exhausted from the last 24 hours on no sleep. How on earth was she going to manage this?
She started to undress slowly, throwing each garment into the laundry pile. She found herself some pyjamas, pale blue cotton with a white floral print and pulled the bottoms over her thighs. She pulled on the top and started to button it. Her fingers were clumsy and she had to redo several of the pearly buttons.
She looked at herself in the full length mirror and realised she'd done exactly the same thing, naked, only yesterday, having decided Bernie couldn't possibly want her like that. She flushed from thinking about it. She knew what she wanted most of all was Bernie beside in everything, the mountain tops and the valleys. Sharing everything. If that side of their relationship came, wonderful, but kisses and cuddles and hand holding, the affection side was just as important. She wanted to fall asleep entwined in Bernie's arms and wake up in them with lazy kisses. She wanted them to talk, really talk about everything and anything. She just wanted her heart whole and Bernie, precious, sweet, complex Bernie was the missing piece.
She moved to the dresser to take off her jewellery, laying her necklace out carefully in its box, reminding her that Bernie still had on the little bird bracelet and that thought warmed her heart.
Followed closely by a cold hand of realisation running up and down her spine.
The water hadn't started running in the bathroom.