SOUL DEEP
KATE & RANA PART 36
Untimely decisions…..
Imran sat studying a law book for an upcoming case when Rana slung the door open, "Hmmm, I'm guessing she didn't take it very well," He quickly closed the book getting up and embracing Rana, "It was awful, I don't know if she'll ever speak to me again," She plopped down in the chair. "Give her some time, you know she loves you and she will come around, but I've got to say living with mum is a real strain and out of character for you," He gave her advise. "What do ya' mean? Mum needs me Imran," She spoke in a heated tone, "Kate needs you, especially after your confession, mum will survive you have to trust me on this one Rana, mum sees a real chance to get between you and Kate and she'll use any disagreement to her advantage, living with her only gives her fuel for the fire," He crossed his arms leaning against the desk, "I have to wean mum, it won't be easy, but I made the decision to keep it traditional," She replied honestly. "I see," He remarked running his fingers through his beard, "And did you even give Kate a choice? Or did you just tell her that's how things were going to be?" She looked at him strangely, "Having kids is a difficult decision I know and I know you so well, your not cut out for, snotty noses and sticky hands let alone screaming babies," Rana touched his sleeve stopping him, "I have to make Kate understand," He chuckled at her words, "You have to find compromise," He warned.
Kate lay on her back in the bed, hands behind her head she stared at the ceiling for what seemed like hours. Her mind reeled about Rana and what she had revealed to her, "I'm not ready to start a family," Echoed through her mind like an annoying buzz. "God," She stammered getting up from the bed she leaned over the sink washing the disgust from her face she stared in the mirror not sure if she was hurt or angry or both. Kate dressed and made her way to the Rover's Johnny and Jenny would be there and they were such good listeners. Rana left Imran's catching a glimpse of Kate heading into the Rover's, "Now's a good a time as any," She whispered under her breath she was determined to make Kate see. "Kate," Johnny looked up from behind the bar, Kate was sullen, "What's wrong with my girl?" He had a look of sincerity walking from behind the bar. "I want to have a baby, but I'm not sure," She stumbled over her words, "Here have a seat," Johnny clutched her by the arm, Rana entered, "Rana over here," He motioned to her, Rana sat next to Kate, Kate bit her lower lip shifting an eye to her. "Now what is it that's got you in such a state?" He questioned, Rana remained quite Kate felt sick to her stomach.
"Look if this is about having a baby," Johnny started to say, Rana could feel the tension between her and Kate, "If the expense of trying to conceive is what's got you out of sorts, I could help finance it, I know this means so much to you both," Rana swallowed hard and waited for Kate to speak, "Thank you dad," She managed to mumble the words, "Kate and I will talk, but thank you Johnny," Rana said getting up, "I'll be late for work," She grinned placing her hand on Kate's shoulder, "Yeah me too," She slip out of the booth and kissed her dad's cheek, "I love you dad," She winked, Rana waited patiently by the door, "What is it Rana," Kate groaned walking past her, "You can't ignore me, this forever Kate, we need to talk seriously about our future," She followed behind her, "Kate," Rana stopped dead on the cobbles, "I'm going to be late, I'm already late," She looked at her watch," Dismissing Rana, "You can't ignore me forever Kate," Rana repeated from the other side of the street. Kate paused briefly lowering her head with hesitation she took in a deep breath ignoring Rana further entering the bistro and preparing for the days work. "Did you fix things?" Michelle quizzed, "No," Kate didn't look up, "We only made them worse obviously Rana doesn't want children at all," She tossed the napkin she was folding down on the bar.
Kate worked her shift and called Carla, "I need you," Her voice sounded scratchy and suspect to Carla, "I'm at the office, shop's closed up for the evening, I'll put on some tea," She hung up with Kate. Kate grinned at Michelle, "Carla's the best for talking and listening," She clutched Kate by the arms, "If you love Rana," Kate slightly shook her head, "I do more than ever, but its been so hard Michelle," Michelle tightened her grip, "Nothing will stop you two, you truly love one another," Kate felt the encouragement Michelle offered course through her heart she left for the factory hoping for guidance from Carla. "You sounded pretty down on the phone," She poured her sister a cup of hot tea, "Thank you," Kate clasped her hands around the hot cup feeling its warmth, "Rana doesn't want children," A tear fell to her cheek, Carla embraced her, "Sit down," She led her to the sofa, they sat down together, "Do you want to talk about it?" She eyed her. "I'm hurt and angry," She clinched her teeth together, "I asked you about this awhile back, you told me Rana was on board," Kate bowed her head. "I guess she couldn't be truthful," She replied taking a sip of tea. "Don't let this ruin the good thing you two have," Carla advised.
"We should be having a family, dad won't be around forever, Rana's mum could be more receptive," Carla interjected, "Kate that's not realistic or logical thinking, Rana play's a part in this too, have you even considered how she feels or did you just jump the gun and lose your sensibility?" Carla demanded to know, "Rana won't listen," She muttered, "I think that's all she's done is listen she doesn't want to hurt you, but you need to take her in to consideration when you decide you want something, maybe you should reconsider marrying, take a break, see what you future holds," She was abrupt but honest. "I've already told Rana we need space, I love her, this is so gut wrenching, but I feel so strongly about having a baby with her, I just can't let it go," She moaned wiping the tears from her face. "If you want her and I know you do then you will have to find a compromise, its not fair to Rana, you're young and have so much ahead of you to look forward to, children are a wonderful addition, but maybe a waiting period is what's best," Carla rehearsed, "I feel terribly sick about it all," Kate mentioned sitting her cup down, "I'm tired and have a lot to think about," She bent down kissing Carla's cheek, "I love you," She whispered, "Think about what I said and take care of it before its too late," Kate put on her coat and wondered back onto the cobbles.
Rana tapped on the door at number six, Yasmeen answered welcoming her in, "Hey, good to see you," They embraced, "Alya about?" She asked, "Late shift," Yasmeen answered, "Around for some more of my recipes?" Rana sat down to the table, "Its Kate Yasmeen," She began to tear up, "Sit tight, I'll put on the tea," Rana contemplated how to start, Yasmeen touched her shoulder, "What's wrong my dear?" She sat next to her, "Nothing and everything," She replied, the tea pot whistled, Yasmeen fixed them a cup bringing it to the table, "Kate want's a baby now," She finally broke her silence. Yasmeen sighed, "And I assume you don't?" She knew the struggles between her and Zeedan, they came to light, "Not now, we've just begun, we have time, we should enjoy ourselves before things get hectic, Kate gets these silly notions in her head and she won't let them go," She began to complain. "Silly or not they're real to her," Yasmeen stated and continued, "What if she agrees to wait and then five years along, you refuse, what then?" Rana frowned, "Am I being selfish? I don't want to lose her," She cautiously admitted. "Do you love her, truly?" Yasmeen asked knowing the answer, "You know I do, I have to confess, I believe I've known it all along, I swept it away because I didn't want to hurt Zeedan, I knew something was different with Kate, I just couldn't pinpoint it in those days," She furrowed her brow thinking.
Kate stood at the bar in the Rover's, "I'll have a tequila shot," Jenny looked at her strangely, "It's a little early don't you think?" Kate groaned and eyed her, "I want to celebrate, alone," She grumbled swigging the shot down, "Gemma another?" Gemma grinned, "Don't want Jenny to see ya' eh?" She looked at Jenny going into the backdoor of the flat, "No, hurry on," Gemma poured Kate another she guzzled it quickly, "Marital problems?" Gemma asked leaning across the bar, Kate laughed loudly, "Rana's stubborn," She answered, Adam entered, Kate smiled and eyed him over, "Join me for a drink?" She urged him he moved closer, "Sure, I'll have a scotch," Gemma obliged, "Kate here is getting hitched," She spoke, "Adam frowned, "Hitched you say?" Kate nodded, "I am," Gemma handed her another shot glass full of tequila she swigged it frowning, "Yes, to stubborn Rana Habeeb," She began to waiver, "Gemma, another round for our friend, Adam," Adam began to enjoy himself.
Yasmeen thought briefly before moving forward with the conversation they were having. "I know you've been through a lot, first the denial, the breakup, your parents kidnap attempt, I could go on, it was and has been a heavy burden," Rana quivered, "I thought by taking that cruise with mum she would change, it's been a difficult task getting her to accept Kate, I know deep down she harbors a lot of resentment towards me and the fact that I'm really gay," Yasmeen groaned, "You are who you are, could you have handled it differently, yes," There was some pause between them. "Kate has it in her mind that if we conceive my mum will come around, there's never been the discussion of children in our household, my parents were cut and dry, education and careers was on the forefront, they didn't want us to embarrass them," Rana acknowledged thinking of the sterile past with her parents. "As it is, I believe they still loved you and were happy when you chose Zeedan," Rana inhaled deeply holding it in her lungs, "Yes but I managed to screw that up," Yasmeen caressed Rana's hand, "Go and find Kate and work it out," Rana smiled wiping away the tears from her face, "Thank you Yasmeen," She left in search of Kate.
"I'd say your rather handsome," Kate broached, Gemma winked at Adam, "I'd say you're right," She agreed, "Another," Kate demanded with a giggle she touched the lapel of Adam's suit jacket sizing him up, "A very handsome man," She whispered. Rana entered the doors of the Rover's stopping in her tracks, Kate grabbed Adam around the waist moving her face close to his she swiftly touched her lips to his, Rana shocked and surprised cried out, Adam pushed away from her, "What do you think you're doing," He was shocked at Kate's boldness she look towards the door seeing Rana, standing there with tears streaming down her face, "Rana," She chased after her, "Leave me alone Kate," She winced loudly trying to escape from her, "Please Rana, I'm sorry," She plead grasping ahold of her arm, "Sorry? Really Kate, are you so caught up in the moment of wanting a baby that you would cheat with a man? Seriously you make me sick," She jerked away from a trembling Kate leaving her in the street to mourn what seemed to be the loss of the love of her life. "Please Rana," Kate yelled out from across the cobbles but to no avail. Rana walked into the dark shadows not looking back, Kate sorrowful turned back towards the flat.
Saira noticed Rana's bloodshot and swollen eyes, "Rana," She called out to her, "Did you not sleep well?" She probed, "No mum, actually I didn't," She could tell Rana was irritated. "I'll fix you some breakfast, "I'm not hungry, I have some business to take of this morning, Rana stormed out her thoughts on what she would say to Kate her heart broken from last night's raw encounter. Rana's heart was pounding she slipped the key in the lock climbing up the stairs she unlocked the door. "Kate," She called out, the apartment was quite she walked into the bedroom Kate came from the bathroom, "I just can't do this with you, I can't," Kate voiced throwing the hand towel on the bed, "Can you imagine how I felt, seeing you there hanging all over Adam like he was some kind of prize," She grumbled, "I didn't mean anything by it, we were just drinking, having a little fun," She crossed her arms tapping her foot. "Fun? Kate you're a lesbian and engaged to a woman, me," Rana barked pointing to herself. "We are at opposite ends, I am sorry for the way I acted, I was wrong for what I did, I'm hurting inside because you and I don't want the same things, how can we marry knowing things between us will never be comfortable, meaningful," Kate sighed leaning against the door facing and resting her head.
"That's not true, are you listening to yourself, I love you Kate, but your right we need time away, time to think, our own space, maybe we can meet in the middle one day," Kate shifted a look to her, "Sounds like a breakup to me," She answered her voice cracked, "I don't want this, but I don't know what else to do, your set to your ideas and ways, having a baby isn't a good idea, even if Johnny agrees to pay for it, what if you or I don't conceive? What then? Are we going to continue to throw money away trying to make your father and my mum happy because you think this will be acceptable? It's not a reason to have a child, we both should want it, I'm not ready for children, I've never been susceptible to the idea anyway," She spoke with heated passion wanting Kate to understand her plight. "And what about me? I've listened to you, I don't want a row over this Rana, I don't think we're suitable for each other, we want different things, we've hurt people and ruined lives only to discover that we just can't work it out, meet on common ground, god I love you, but I think your right, time away is what's best, I don't know that we can ever salvage what we had," Rana frowned not speaking another word she left the apartment her stomach turned, the pain and anguish she felt too much to bare.