RITUAL LAW

"Come here, come closer" I requested flirtatiously. Empress let down her guard and leaned in for a smooch with me. I drove my knee into her chest and wrestled the gun from her hands, pointing it at her. "Hands up! Tell me one good reason I shouldn't shoot ya!"

She raised her hands in the air. "You love me" she tried to make the insane false claim that I would even consider falling in love with her. That's the last thing I'm feeling for this bitch.

"I will never...EVER...love you!" I screamed, putting my finger on the trigger but not squeezing it. Not yet.

"Funny...you said the same thing about The Joker...or words to that effect anyway."

"Enough with tha crap talkin! I want answers! Who sent you?"

"Nobody sent me, why would someone send me to kill you and Joker? It wasn't exactly difficult to find you, I had your car tracked and then when I brought you back to this apartment...I had enough to work with"

"I'll ask again. WHO...SENT...YOU?" I raised my voice and pressed the tip of the gun on her forehead.

"Deaf and stupid? I'll make a note of that on your chest. In blood." she smirked at me.

"You have no idea how close ya are to dyin' and yet you don't seem ta care? You're like a more sick and twisted female version of Mistah J!"

"Working with a clown, surrounded by clowns whilst getting paid to protect a clown...yeah I got a few similarities embedded into my skull from that"

"What's your real name? Not this 'Empress' villain shit, Mistah J knows your real name...so what is it?"

"Oh... If I told you that I'd have to kill you"

"I'm not in tha mood fur ya games!"

"Goodness me, that accent is really annoying. Have you always sounded like a broken toddler who got high on helium?"

I scowled at her. "You betta watch ya tone with me or I'll jus' kill ya right now!"

"It'd be better than listening to your whining"

"No more games! Tell me where Mistah J is! Now!" I demanded angrily.

"Why would I do that?" I lowered the gun and shot Empress in the leg. "ARGH! YOU ACTUALLY DID IT HAHAHA!" she yelled out in agony, falling to the ground and grasping her leg. I delved into her trouser pocket and grabbed her phone. I dialled the number of the person who was last contacted by Empress.

The phone rang. I had to try really hard to sound like Empress, my adorable accent couldn't become obvious throughout the conversation.

"Yes, Empress?" one of the thugs answered.

Why was the thug calling her name as if it was law? Did she create some sort of ritual to make them obey her like a god?

"Let the clown go, and do me a favour and let Batman kill your sorry asses when he gets there." the urge to say B-man or use my ordinary fun tone was unbearable...hopefully this would be over soon.

"But...why?"

"Do I have to remind you what happens to the poor little thugs who misbehave?"

"No, Empress. Sorry...I'll tell Jerome right away...forgive me, Empress"

"Don't grovel, just pass me over to Jerome. Take a gun and shoot yourself in the head, I want to hear it."

I heard a gunshot. Holy shit...he actually just shot himself in the head because I told him to? That's some commitment to Empress...she has them wrapped around her regal little fingers like lapdogs...and they won't disagree with anything she does.

"Jerome here. What's up?" I was passed over to Jerome. He would recognize my ordinary voice for sure...I had to be extremely careful.

"Change of plan, let the clown go" I ordered.

"Harley Quinn... Joker was really looking forward to seeing you die, weren't you? I must admit, you did a pretty good job at pretending to be Empress, you managed to get someone to kill themselves...but she has a very strong British accent, that's something you'll never be able to mimic" Jerome spoke suspiciously. He recognized my voice...shit. "Another thing, Empress would never change her plan or order someone to be set free. She would order them to be killed or keep them there until they died by her hand, or by mine" he explained.

"HARLEY! IT'S A TRAP! SHE-" Mistah J tried to shout from in the room, I could only briefly hear him before I heard him get beaten and gagged.

"Oh, he is such a funny guy. So where's Empress? Did you kill her already? Or did you just drive a knife into her stomach...a bit like you did with me?" he asked. If he was in this room, I could imagine I'd be dead by now. "And the Bat is here, right on schedule. I doubt you want to miss the moment your beloved hero fails your boyfriend...but your 'puddin' has front row seats!"

"Mistah J will stop you, Batman will stop you, Empress will stop you" I threatened.

"You're calling yourself the fucking empress now?" he asked, slightly laughing at my proposed plan.

"No, but I'm known to be very persuasive" I looked over at Empress, she was clasping her leg and looking at me with anguish.

"You manipulating Empress is about as likely as Joker here still having a head in the next hour...very unlikely."

"If ya touch a hair on his head... I swear I will come down there mahself and cut yur sassy tongue straight outta your mouth!" the adorable accent returned with the threat. There was no point in imitating Empress anymore.

"I've done a bit more than that to your poor 'puddin' already. Right, J?" I couldn't hear Mistah J...but I knew he was in trouble. "Ah, he's normally a talker...I guess he doesn't want to be sociable today."

"I swear...I will-" I started angrily.

"Mhm, sure... but listen sweetie, I got things to do, I'll catch you later on the other side of my blade, alright? Stay as adorable and predictable as ever, I'll miss that cute little accent of yours when you're dead." Jerome ended the call.

I threw the phone on the bed.

I saw Empress trying to struggle, I took this moment of her agony to try and get some sympathy from her. Inside all of us...there's innocence. Even a tiny bit of sanity. I was a psychiatrist after all, I know this...I experienced it first hand.

"You managed to kill someone over the phone? Heh...maybe you'd make a good Empress" she said, braving the pain.

"I will never be like you. Ya jus' kill people for power."

"I kill for fun, just like you" she smirked.

"We're not tha same, so don't ya even think fer one second that we are!"

"You and I are more alike than you think" she winked, getting up from the ground and struggling on her bullet-filled leg. "But bullets and pain bare no burden on my shoulders. If you get slapped on the cheek...then, well, that's it...you've broken down into tears on the floor and just end up crying to yourself for the next thirty minutes"

"That's not true, you just talk a load'a crap!"

"At least I actually sound sexy, nobody would ever love you. Joker is just using you for his own personal gain."

"Don't ya think I don't know that? I don't care! He's my puddin! An' I love him" I replied defensively.

"Sure, but deep down it's killing you" she stated confidently.

"Everythin's killin' me, I'm the one who always gets on the receiving end of all of the shit, guns, knives, anything sharp or remotely dangerous gets shoved in mah face for fun."

"And why do you think that is?"

"Because they think I'm weak..."

"No, well...yes but also because they're using you to get at Joker...he cares about you. Or at least he pretends to."

"That almost sounded like an apology"

"Maybe it was, but you'll have to come here to find out" she said flirtatiously.

Was the key to her heart...the key to saving Mistah J? Ugh...fine! But I won't let her manipulate me like Mistah J does. She will never replace him.

"Before that, call your partner and tell him to release Mistah J." I picked up the phone from the bed and handed it over to her. She held it in her hands. "Do it" I said, pointing the gun at her.

She dialled the number, I was watching her closely, finger poised firmly on the trigger just in case she tried something.

"That's hardly a nice way to speak to your cousin, is it? Yes, I know...Harley? That bitch is lying dead on the bed, her blood is actually staining the white bedsheets. Yes I know but the plan's changed. Joker can be released now, just chuck him in the van and bring him back over here. Yes I know what I said but I changed my mind. Don't argue with me, dearie...you know being a blood-relative with me doesn't stop me from killing you. Yes...alright, fine...good...just kill Batman and let me worry about Joker. Fine, talk to you soon...Yes, I love you too." she ended the call.

"What did he say?" I asked.

"Joker's on his way back here as we speak, you're welcome. Now you owe me some of your sugar."

"I'm bitter-sweet" I tried to get out of this situation...but she's a huge flirt.

"Doesn't matter to me" she replied, gripping me by the waist with her hands.

Fuck...take one for Mistah J being still alive...but give one to Empress for attempting to have sex with me. And I am not into having sex with anyone, not even Mistah J. He understands that, even if he's a forceful asshole he at least respects my boundaries.