Series: Snapshots of the Past

Series: Snapshots of the Past

Story: Man of the House

Chapter 35

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

Previously: Jed and the girls attended the science fair, where Ellie won first prize and a trip to Space Camp; Abbey was delayed at the hospital, operating on a mugging patient who brought back painful memories for her; the man who once attacked Abbey was released from prison (Chapter 5)

Summary: On the morning of an anti-violence rally she and Liz are going to, Abbey opens up to Jed about the fears and lingering anger of the past

Author's Note: For newer readers, I wanted to let you know that the Crews storyline was the plotline for two stories from earlier in the series - Say You Love Me Too and Phoenix. Both can be found on this site.

Nearly run over by the commotion, Abbey jumped out of the way of the medical personnel rushing to the ambulance to meet the patient who was about to be wheeled into her operating room. Her stomach churned. Nervousness. Anxiety. These were emotions she wasn't used to feeling at the start of surgery, but even before she got her first look at the bloodied man who would be lying on her table, she must have known this wouldn't be a normal procedure.

Frank Crews.

She gasped when she saw him. The wretched lowlife who had tried to kill her nearly six years earlier now needed her help to live. Almost instantly, she was transported back in time to that spring day in 1979 when he forcefully grabbed her from behind and viciously struck her as she fought against his overpowering strength. Her nails dug into his flesh, but that only made him angrier. He carried her away from the hospital parking lot and dropped her so hard on the ground that the brutality of it seized what little breath she had left in her. She struggled against the hands pinning her down, a move that earned her the blistering wrath of the back of his hand.

She screamed once. Then twice. She was sweaty and writhing, kicking at the covers, pulling on the sheets, trying to escape the memory that was haunting her so vividly when she felt a masculine grip on her arms and a heavy frame on top of her. She swung at him, not knowing it was Jed who was with her now.

"ABBEY?" he called to her as he shook her. "ABBEY?" He gently tapped on her face. "Abbey, it's me. It's Jed. Wake up, baby. I'm here. I'm right here."

She finally woke, gasping for air and mumbling something inaudible. Jed held her face in his hands until her lashes parted and her eyes zeroed in on him. Pushing her dampened bangs back off her forehead, he lulled her into the safety of his arms.

"It's okay, honey," he told her. "It was just a nightmare. A horrible, horrible nightmare." He pressed a soft kiss to her skin before he crawled out of bed to get her a glass of water.

It took several minutes for Abbey to catch her breath, and when she eventually did, she said, "It was so real."

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

Sitting up, she swallowed past the lump in her throat. "It was him. Crews. He was back and he was in the O.R. I was supposed to operate on him."

"Oh, Abbey." He couldn't even imagine how frightening that must have been.

"I couldn't do it, Jed. I couldn't save his life. I froze. I remembered what he did, what happened. I was fighting him all over again. This time, it was even more real."

"This time?" He handed her the glass. "Here." After she took a sip, he placed it on the nightstand. "What do you mean this time? Have you had this dream before?"

"Not this particular one."

"I didn't know you had any dreams about him." He climbed back into bed.

"I did, right after he was let out of prison in January. Just once though. Since then, I've been fine."

"Do you know why you had one tonight?"

"The woman I was treating on Friday, she was the victim of a mugging. Aside from her internal injuries, she had bruises on her face and cuts on her hands, like I did. When I saw them…the cuts…I had a flashback."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It was such a small part of the day, it seemed inconsequential. By the time I got home, I found out Ellie won the science fair, we played basketball with the girls, and then we talked about what happened with Amanda. I thought I was over it."

"You weren't."

"No, I guess I wasn't. Believe me, if I knew I was going to have a nightmare about it..." She glanced over at him and this time, she really saw him, the concerned expression on his face and the strange red mark on his cheek. It startled her. "Did I do that?"

"It's no big deal."

Straddling him now, she stroked then kissed the bruise she'd left when she slapped him while she was still asleep. "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry."

"Forget it," he told her with a tender tone of forgiveness. "But, if you're giving away free kisses, I also hurt here..." he pointed to his other cheek. "...and here..." then to his forehead. "...and especially here..." and finally, to his lips.

"Who says you're not an opportunist?" Abbey kissed him in all those places and when she was done, she rested her head on his chest while Jed ran his fingers lazily through her dark auburn waves. "What time is it?"

"Almost seven," he said as he looked over at the clock. "Do you want to talk about it? About Crews?"

"Yeah."

"I'm listening."

"Not now."

"Why not?"

"Because Zoey's going to be up soon, and then Liz, and Ellie shortly after. I want to have this conversation when the kids aren't around and there's no chance of them hearing us."

"They won't hear us. I think they learned their lesson the last time they walked in on us in bed on a Sunday morning. Liz said she was scarred for life." He was hoping to replace her painful thoughts with the humorous memory of the girls interrupting them in bed, but his effort didn't even crack a smile. Taking a deep breath, he conceded. "Okay. Whatever you want."

"Why don't you sleep for a while longer? I'm going to shower and start breakfast."

"Forget breakfast. Stay here with me."

"Jed, I told you…"

"We don't have to talk. Let's just curl up and have a lazy morning today."

"Yeah?"

"I want to hold you. You can't really fault me for that, can you?"

"Not in a million years." She leaned onto her elbow. "What would you say about skipping church today and instead, having some us time?"

"I'd say we'll do whatever you want. But what's wrong with having us time right now?"

"Zoey's going to barge in here any minute without so much as a fleeting thought about what happened last time. Besides, the weekends are the only days we all sit down to breakfast."

"Right, the 'eat-on-the-go-during-the-week' rule I'm not allowed to complain about."

"Is that a hint of passive-aggressiveness I hear?" She pinched his cheek as if she was scolding him.

"Which part of that did you think was passive?" he grinned.

Grinning back at him, Abbey slipped out of bed, "I'm going to hit the shower."

After a hearty Sunday morning breakfast with the girls, Jed and Abbey took a stroll through the apple orchard. It was a beautiful day, the second of April. For the first time all year, it truly felt like spring had arrived. Temperatures hovered in the high 50s, they could see shades of the buds that would soon swell the branches, hear the gurgling water of the brook as it cut the ice that was rapidly melting around it, and a bright ray of sunshine cast a gorgeous glow on the snow that guarded a clear pedestrian path.

New Englanders treasured these days. It was that one week every year - after the bitter cold of winter and before the messy start of mud season - when they could leave the house without a coat and gloves and walk the grounds without slipping and sliding on patches of black ice.

They looked forward to these days. Most of them anyway. Jed Bartlet was definitely an exception.

"It feels great out here, doesn't it?"

"It's a little warm if you ask me." Dressed in jeans and a blue long-sleeved shirt that was rolled up his forearms, Jed still preferred it a bit cooler. Sweater weather, that's what he wanted.

"I didn't hear you complaining when it was this warm in Washington."

"That was Washington. This is New Hampshire. Up here, anything above 45 degrees is balmy."

"My hardy New England boy."

He threw her a smile. "So talk to me. Tell me what's going on inside that pretty head of yours."

"It's silly."

"There's nothing silly about how you feel, Abbey. Isn't that what you always tell the girls? For that matter, isn't that what you always tell me?" He stopped In front of her and asked that pointed question he'd wanted to ask all morning. "He still haunts you, doesn't he?" She shook her head, but Jed didn't buy it. "You don't have to lie to me."

"I wasn't going to lie. I was going to say, 'no, not usually.' And that's the truth, Jed. I rarely think about him. It's just that sometimes, something triggers a memory and it affects me more than I realize."

"This time, it was that woman?"

"Yes." She began walking again. He followed.

"Are you sure that's it? What about the anti-violence rally that Liz has you going to tonight? Could that be part of it?"

"Maybe a little."

"If it's too much for you..."

"It's not. I want to go. I'm so proud of her for being involved in something like that. I want to be there with her. It's just a tad overwhelming, being around all these women confronting their fears when I'm not able to do that yet. I mean, I've dealt with it myself, but I'm not ready to say it out loud, to share it."

"You don't have to. Not ever if you don't want."

"I feel like it won't be over until I do. I won't stop having these flashbacks every now and then or these nightmares. I want them to go away."

"Abbey, pushing yourself isn't the answer. These memories you talk about, they're not crippling, right? Who cares if they sneak up on you from time to time as long as you know how to handle them."

"But what if I don't? What if you weren't home this morning and it was one of the girls who walked in on me having a nightmare? Am I supposed to tell them?"

"You tell them that Mommy had a bad dream and leave it at that."

"It's not that simple."

"It is that simple. If it's not, then there's something I'm not seeing. What's going on? Are you afraid of him coming back into our lives?"

"No. He doesn't have to come back into our lives for me to fear him. I just want to forget him, that's all. I keep telling myself it should be easy to do that. It's not like he raped me. He didn't knock me into a coma or rough me up with a slew of internal injuries like the woman I operated on on Friday. He just scared me."

"Wait." Jed stopped again, stopping her as well. "Did I just hear you say that Frank Crews did nothing but scare you? Abbey, he TRAUMATIZED you. You went through hell because of that cretin!"

"I know."

"For six weeks, you could barely remember your life - our life - before the attack. And putting aside the aftermath for a minute, let's talk about the sheer BRUTALITY of what he did. He could have KILLED you and he would have. The only reason you're standing here today is because you fought back!"

Firmer this time, she replied, "I know that."

"And since when is rape the barometer for how you should be feeling? Thank GOD he didn't rape you, but just because he didn't doesn't mean that you're expected to get over it any faster than if he had!"

"The longer it takes for me to let go of it, the angrier I get. Just like you."

"Me?"

"Yes. Look how worked up you are."

"What do you expect? I know you were the one who bore the physical and psychological trauma, but I was right there with you. The first time I saw you after...in the hospital...with the bruises...I can't even put my feelings into words. And what he took from you, from us...Abbey, you didn't even recognize me when you saw me. You didn't know who I was. That's how badly he hurt you. The cops questioned me. You doubted me. You even wondered if I had anything…"

"Stop." She reached out her hand to calm him down before he finished that statement. She never wanted to relive those weeks again, never wanted to think about not recognizing Jed's face or being suspicious him that night when she couldn't even remember that she was married.

"How can I not be worked up when we talk about him?"

"That's my point, Jed. The anger isn't healthy for either of us. It's over. I need to move on and so do you."

"I have moved on."

"You haven't."

55h"I have," he insisted boldly. "But I will never be able to hear his name without getting angry. That's my right. What he did, he did to both of us."

"Is it my right too? To be angry?"

"Yes."

"Then why do I feel like the longer I hold on to it, the more malignant it becomes?"

"What do you mean malignant?"

"If the scenario in my dream had really happened, if he had been wheeled into the O.R., do you know what I would have done?"

"What?"

"I wouldn't have saved his life. I wouldn't have. I would have let him bleed to death. To hell with the oath I took and with my values and ethics as a doctor. To hell with the fact that doctors are liable, that they're required to treat the patient right in front of them. To hell with all of that, I would have let him die."

"And no one would have blamed you. In fact, we would have stood up and cheered and then asked where was all that fire when he took the plea agreement?" He was trying to be supportive, but it was clear by the way her eyes narrowed against him, he did exactly the opposite. "What?"

"Why would you think it's appropriate to bring that up now?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm opening up to you. It's not exactly a great time to remind me that he's out of prison because of me. How could you throw that in my face?"

"Abbey, I wasn't thinking. It didn't come out the way it sounded in my head."

"Let's go back to the house."

He took a step towards her, his hands coming to rest on her upper arms, softly massaging them. She wasn't angry, she was upset. More upset than he initially realized, and he didn't quite understand why. Her reaction to Crews made sense, but he didn't expect her to be sensitive about the plea agreement after all this time.

"I wasn't throwing it in your face. It was a careless comment I made with no thought or purpose." He draped his arms around her as he felt her loosen up a little and when he heard a soft whimper, he said, "Oh, please don't cry. You know it kills me when you cry. What's going on, sweetheart?"

Abbey hugged him back. "God, Jed, I'm so MAD at myself!"

"Why?"

"You were right back then. I shouldn't have accepted the plea bargain."

"Why are you going back over this? Is it because he was released a few months ago?"

"I was pregnant with Zoey when he attacked me. She was his victim too and unlike me, she didn't have a choice about the plea bargain. I'm her mother. I should have stood up to him, if not for myself, then for her. I was so scared to face him."

"Of course you were. We all were."

"You weren't. You saw him at the hearing and knocked him out, remember? Not me. I was afraid I would put myself and you and the girls through a trial and at the end, I would lose. I took the easy way out." She pulled away from his enveloping arms and clenched her hands hard until they were balled up into fists. "Why did I do that? Why didn't I listen to you?"

"Do you want to hit something?" Jed was staring at her fists.

"What?"

"The anger you were talking about a few minutes ago, I see it now. You look like you're about to clobber someone."

"Believe me, if Crews was here, I think I would!"

"I wish he was here so we could both get a shot at him." He gestured to his upper arm then, to give her a target. "Since he's not, you want to hit someone, hit me."

"Be serious."

"I am serious. Get your frustration out. It's not like you can hurt me."

"That's ridiculous. I'm not going to…what makes you think I can't hurt you?"

"Prove me wrong."

Abbey clenched even tighter, then lost her composure before striking. The angry creases on her face faded with laughter as Jed folded her up into his arms once again. "What was the point to all that?"

Now that he had taken the edge off the conversation, he replied, "Just trying to make you feel better. Did it work?"

"Not even a little bit," she said, ending the embrace.

"Liar. You wouldn't have laughed if you weren't feeling better."

"I laughed because of your goofy expression as you waited for me to punch you."

"I knew you couldn't do it."

"Don't tempt me."

"I won't. The volatile clenching of the fists is gone and that's all I wanted."

"Why?"

"Because when you're angry the way you were a second ago, you're off in your own little world. I couldn't have that. I needed your undivided attention when I told you that the plea bargain was the best decision you made through that whole ordeal."

"You don't really believe that."

"I do. Honey, we couldn't have won in court. That's why you...why WE took the plea bargain. It was the only way to insure the son of a bitch served some time."

"Yeah, Jed, I've heard that line. But that's not how you felt when it happened. Remember that terrible fight we had when you found out I caved?"

"I never thought of it as you caving."

"You said that by taking the plea bargain, I was sending the message that what he did to me and to our family didn't matter."

"And you told me how wrong I was to say that. You were the one who was right, not me. We made the only decision we could. I will believe that 'til the day I die and if you need me to, I'll remind you of it as well. Now, instead of continuing this trip down memory lane, answer my question. It's been five years since the plea agreement. Why are you going back over it?"

"Because I didn't know then what I know now - about Zoey."

"This is all about Zoey?"

"We could have lost her and I blame him for that. I did even back then...well, right after myself. At the time the D.A. approached me about the plea bargain, I was so worried about Zoey. But I was relieved, too, because she had made so much progress. She was going to make it. I had to keep telling myself that. I focused all my energy on her, on getting her better, on getting our family back together. That was the most important thing to me."

"Understandably so."

"But now that we know how Zoey's been affected and how she'll be affected for the rest of her life..."

"Abbey."

"If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have jumped to conclusions about Ellie's teacher, I wouldn't have gone to her school that day, I wouldn't have had that memory of the attack, I wouldn't have collapsed and gone into early labor..."

"If, if, if, if, if, if. Do you know how many loops of hypotheticals you have to go through before you get to Zoey's birth? You were just barely pregnant when Crews attacked you. His crime isn't what caused the early labor. No one caused it. It just happened."

"It didn't just happen. It was the emotional distress of the whole pregnancy that caused my water to break. She could have died."

"But she didn't. A number of things could have gone wrong in the first few years of her life, but they didn't. She's healthy and happy. So she has a little problem with reading. She can't put together a puzzle by herself. Big deal. Not everyone's good at the same things. You can dismiss this as a proud father talking if you want, but I think we have an extraordinary daughter on our hands. She's going to make her mark on the world in her own way, with her own talents. There was a time when you thought that too."

"I still do."

"Then don't torture yourself about the what ifs. In the grand scheme of things, who cares if she has a minor learning disability? There are people who have this same disability and they overcome it to graduate college, with Latin honors by the way, and go on to lead productive, influential lives. Am I right?"

"You are."

"So why harp on it? Is it because…" He trailed off.

"Because?"

"Because you just lost a baby? Are you going back over what happened with Zoey because of the miscarriage?"

"No. If there's one thing I've learned the past few months, it's that one has nothing to do with the other. My regrets about Zoey are directly linked to Crews and my thoughts about him are a result of Friday night."

"What can I do to make it better for you?"

"Nothing," she said a little too quickly. "Well, that's not entirely true. You can tell me more about Zoey. Give me more of your proud father spiel." She could always count on him for that.

"My proud father spiel, huh? That won't be hard." He wrapped his arm around her. "She's amazing, isn't she? Do you know that she can say 'supercalifragilisticexpialidocious' ten times in less than 15 seconds?"

"I did know that and it doesn't surprise me in the least. She's seen Mary Poppins 350 times."

"So have I, doesn't mean I can say it. Can you?"

"Forget it. I can't even get it out three times."

"She can also outtalk Lizzie. I didn't think anyone could outtalk Lizzie, but Zoey…when she's a teen, she's never gonna shut up! And she's always got something to say too, something clever."

"Her preschool teacher is so impressed with her. Did I tell you? She says our little chatterbox is blessed with an imagination she's not used to seeing from kids this age. And she's articulate too, Jed, with a strong vocabulary, more advanced than any of her classmates." Sharing stories about their pride in Zoey cheered Abbey up right away.

"I can't say I'm shocked. Whatever she's missing in visual learning, she more than makes up for in other areas."

"I guess there really is a reason they call it a non-verbal learning disability. She hasn't been short-changed in that department."

"Hey, she hasn't been short-changed in any department."

"That's not what I meant."

"Zoey didn't draw the short straw. She's very lucky she was born into the family she was because she has you and me and two sisters who would walk to the ends of the earth for her."

"I didn't mean it the way it sounded."

"I know. You're talking to the guy who stuck his foot in his mouth not five minutes ago. But the same thing we've said a hundred times before bears repeating. Any adversity Zoey faces now will only make her stronger later. That might not be a bad thing for a child who's going to be as spoiled as she is, being raised the baby in the family."

"She wouldn't be spoiled if you didn't spoil her."

"That's a responsibility I share with you, my love," he said affectionately. "Anyway, it could have been worse, you know. She could have been born with so many other impairments. An extra limb, an extra tongue, an extra ear." He rested his hand on top of his head like a claw. "Imagine how dangerous that kid would be with a third ear, one right up here on top of her head. It'd be like eavesdropping with a satellite dish."

Abbey laughed. "You're a real goofball, you know that?"

"Made you laugh though - again. You gotta give me credit for that."

"I do." She kissed him. "Tell me more while you walk me back to the house. We have to take you to the airport on the way to the rally."

"No we don't. I'm staying another night."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm flying back to DC tomorrow."

"Because of me? Jed, you don't have to do that."

"Not because of you, because of me. And I already changed my ticket."

"When?"

"When you were in the shower."

"That wasn't necessary."

"Shh." He touched his index and middle finger to her lips. "I know it wasn't necessary. You're resilient, Abbey, I know that. It takes a lot more than a lousy nightmare to rattle you, I know that too. But every now and then, I like taking care of you. I want to be there for you tonight. Even if you and Liz go to the rally alone, I want you to remember that I'm at home waiting for you. It may not seem important to you now, but it could mean a lot more later."

"Who says it doesn't mean something now? It means the world to me, Jed." She snuggled up to him and slipped a hand into his back pocket. "Let's go home."

An hour after they got back to the house, Abbey had changed out of the old faded jeans and sweatshirt she was wearing earlier into a pair of crisp blue jeans and a fire engine red knit sweater. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail with a thin layer of bangs swept to the side of her forehead.

She was standing at the mirror, threading a black belt around her waist when Jed walked in and approached her from behind. She looked up to see his reflection, his radiant smile catching her eye immediately. He loved the sophisticated Abbey who could charm a room full of dignitaries while dressed in a beaded ball gown, but if someone had questioned him about his favorite look for his wife, he would have said this - casual, with little makeup, and her natural beauty shining through.

He circled his hand around the thick strip of hair hanging from the back of her head and yanked. "Look at you, you're Sandra Dee. A brunette Sandra Dee, but Sandra Dee no less."

"Jed?"

"Yeah?"

"I assume that when you return to Washington, you'd like to have your fingers with you?" Still staring into the mirror, she raised her brow at him. "Let go of my ponytail."

"You never let me have any fun!" He swatted at the dangling locks before he moved to the closet.

"What are you doing?"

"Changing into a pair of sneakers. Zoey and I are going to toss around the football. She wants to learn how to play."

"No tea parties today?"

"We just finished and I'll have you know, Miss Wiseass, it was quite a nice gathering. Ken and Barbie were model guests and Zoey, as always, was a gracious hostess."

Abbey loved watching her daughters engage her husband in activities he would have considered girly before they were born. She couldn't count the number of times she'd seen him playing dress up or fooling around with their doll house or helping them churn out delicious pies from their Easy Bake Oven. Jed, himself, was a child at heart and whether he was teaching them the ins and outs of football, soccer, and basketball or joining them for a whirl around the backyard in the Barbie Convertible, he was a dad who was deeply involved in his girls' interests.

"MOM?" Liz bellowed from down the hall.

"I'm almost ready!"

"Are you stalling?" Jed asked her.

"No."

"Because if you are, I'll help you."

"I'm not." Abbey grabbed a light leather jacket. "I meant it when I told you I wanted to go to this thing. I don't know how late it's going to run."

"Don't worry about me and the girls. We'll be fine. We're going to play a little ball, eat some dinner, I'm going to give Zoey her bath, and then the three of us are going to change into our PJs and watch The Sound of Music in the family room."

"It's a school night. Don't let them stay up too late."

"They'll both be nodding off by the second verse of My Favorite Things. As for you..." Jed helped her into her jacket, then straightened her collar. "I want you to take it slow, okay? If it doesn't feel right…"

"I'll be fine."

"Yeah. I'll be waiting here with a bubble bath when you return."

"Will you be waiting in it?" she flirted.

"Maybe."

"MOM, I HAVE TO BE THERE EARLY!"

"I'm coming, Elizabeth!" Abbey hollered back.

Jed chuckled, sitting on the bed as he slipped into his sneakers. "Did you know that P.T. Barnum of Barnum & Bailey fame used to have a sign up in one of his buildings that read 'this way to the egress'? People would pay all this money just to see his exhibits and they'd read that sign and wonder what the egress was. So, thinking they'd find yet another exotic and worldly exhibit, they'd follow the sign down the hall and open the door to find themselves outside the building and having to pay to get back in. Egress means exit. Shrewd businessman, wasn't he?"

After tying his shoes, he stood up.

"And the relevance of that story would be?"

"If you feel uncomfortable, find the nearest egress and drag Lizzie with you. She won't know what's going on until she's sitting in the car."

Amused by the thought, Abbey took his hand and led him out of the bedroom.

TBC