Unbelievable, look who's back already! Yeah, I know, I'm surprised too... Anyway, thanks for the reviews. Here's the new chap.
Enjoy,
So ;)
ps:Immi still stuck in that town... :( but thanks for keeping me company :)
Chapter 34
Cath's POV
I'm kissing Sara.
Well… I'm still questioning my state of consciousness but it sure feels real to me.
For all I know I'm probably just having the most amazing dream of my life, with full Technicolor and very, very real sensory overload.
Or maybe I'm awake…
Not that I care much about that detail at this point. I just want to keep on feeling her firm embrace and awkward caresses; her lips discovering mine and her tongue rubbing against mine and teasing my mouth…
I'm kissing Sara…
Although to describe this as a kiss seems weak.
A month ago, she took me away for an impromptu trip, and she was telling me to seize the day, that the world was mine and I could take everything I wanted, so I kissed her. In spite of the calm and slow envelope of the kiss, it was explosive for me.
In comparison, Sara went nuclear on me.
I've never felt so elated, so electrified or dizzy by a kiss. She came unannounced for breakfast and barely five minutes after coming in she spaced out on me. When she came back to her senses, she started to advanced toward me, which kind of scared me so I did the most instinctive thing to do, I stepped away. Eventually I found myself cornered so I leaned away and as limber as I can be, I reached my limits.
She was looking at me with a frown, like I was some sort of strange creature she was studying, I felt really ill at ease under her gaze. I never had the chance to ask her why she was looking at like she was because her lips connected with mine.
She said something which my brain never quite processed and then she kissed me again, with the intensity of a fire kept alive by a whirlwind.
My breathing is laborious, I'm holding onto her like my life depended on it – I was so taken aback that I've been feeling like falling ever since her lips touched mine; the skin of my back is burning where her hand has snuck under my shirt. She's just holding me there, against her, devouring me.
I break the kiss again not because I'm having a hard time to breathe or to keep up with her passion, but my heart is really beating irregularly, so much I'm afraid it won't hold any more shock. As I enjoyable as dying right now while kissing her sound, I know I want a chance to have more, or just a chance to know that I'm not dreaming.
Her forehead is against mine and I'm breathing as heavily as she is; my head is spinning, my heart is still thundering against my chest so violently I can feel my blood pulsing in my vein at the same rhythm.
"Scrambled eggs okay?"
It takes me a moment to realize that she did speak. When I manage to process the information I frown. She just kissed me like there was no tomorrow and now…
"Uh-huh," I reply eloquently.
She shakily steps away from me, her fingertips leave a sizzling trail as they brush my skin when she retrieves her hand from under my shirt. I hold the counter behind me with crisped hands, still feeling an intense vertigo. Sara seems to have disconnected herself from what just happened. She just resumes her cooking like everything was perfectly normal.
I finally gain back some sense of equilibrium and let go of the counter, only to seat on the nearest chair. I think the kiss short circuit all my faculties to think, instead of forcing it, I just watch Sara finishing what she's doing. She serves us both a plate of scrambled eggs and then sits next to me.
She fixes the table as if she could see through it. I want to ask her what just happened but then again that would mean the end of the dream and I'm not ready. She moves her fingers with a frail move and I finally understand that she's not fixing the table but her hand, she seems to be amazed when her hand shyly moves to mine and rests on it.
My skin is still over sensitive and the warmth of such a simple gesture is tenfold. She's still there, she hasn't disappeared yet, surely it means that I'm awake, right?
Her eyes finally meets mine, she smiles tenderly then focuses on her breakfast.
"Thanks," I say after a long pause. I look at my eggs and smile to myself. To hell with convention, I'll hold back my need for answer and just see how things play out with Sara on her own devices.
We don't exchange any more words, we eat in silence and make the dishes. Sara shows signs of tiredness, so I take her to bed, I let her sleep alone too overwhelmed to even rest. My mind is filled with questions but I put them aside, we'll get a chance to talk later.
xxxxx
My confused state gives me a lot of energy to spare so I take a shower, clean around the house and do some ironing. After barely three hours I hear my bedroom door being opened follow closely by the one of the restroom then the bathroom. I know that Sara doesn't sleep much but after pulling a double shift three hours aren't enough rest even for her.
My phone rings, I make a mental note to ask Sara if everything's okay, once she's done showering.
"Willows."
"Catherine, sorry to bother you that early but there's been a massive car pile up on the highway, the day shift teams are in over their heads, so they're calling for back up," Grissom informs me.
"Roger that, where is it?"
He gives me directions and hangs up. Well at least now I know why Sara's sleep has been disturbed. I immediately go to the kitchen and prepare coffee, then I call Nancy to let her know the situation and send a message to Linds to let her know that I love her and that she'll have to go back to Nancy's after her school day. When Sara joins me, ready to go on the field, I simply hand her a thermos of coffee which is warm without being too hot for her to drink right away.
"I'm driving," I simply say with a smile and with that we go back to work.
The day is gruesome and tiring, we spend almost all our first shift collecting evidences, talking to victims, contacting families, then the second one is spent in the lab to analyze everything and trying to figure out what happened based on the information we managed to gather.
When we're finally allowed to go back home and get some rest, Sara drives us back to my place. She parks the car and we stay inside in silence. The day has been full and there were too many things to do to even stop and talk, let alone think about that kiss we exchanged. I think it'd be good to talk however, I mean it was great but I need to know what that was about, I don't want to be played with and if it's just about her trying to drag us back in the 'friend with benefit' territory it's not going to work with me. I doubt it's the case, there was definitely something new there, but I'm not going to play guessing games, so I'd rather know the new rules of the game.
"A cup of coffee sounds good right now, what do you think?" I finally break the silence.
"Sure," she grins.
We exit the car and I prepare the coffee while Sara goes to sit on the couch. I feel panic slowly freezing my blood, making it hard for me to breathe regularly. Maybe I don't want to know what happened, maybe it's just like the time on the car, I just want to enjoy the moment we shared without spoiling it or destroying it with words.
I look at the coffee pot as it's slowly brewing, using those few minutes to try to relax myself; things can't be bad. I grab two mugs and pour coffee inside, I take them and walk back to the couch. Sara hasn't moved from an inch, probably gathering her thoughts as well.
"There you…" I trail off when I realize that she's actually asleep. I chuckle with a sighs.
I don't know if I should feel frustrated or relieved.
I can't really blame her to 'bail' out on me right now; after all she did work two double shifts with only three hours of sleep in between. I guess the words will wait, yet again.
I go back to the kitchen and put down the mugs, then return to Sara. "Sar…" I wait for her to stir. "Sar, come on, let's get you to bed."
I make her stand, and she's giving her body enough power to walk but that's about it, I have to guide her. I don't bother changing her or giving her her sleeping gear, knowing full well that she won't managed today. I push her gently on the bed, and just take off her shoes. I change myself then crawl into bed next to her.
The proximity doesn't help, and for the first time I wish we weren't sharing the same space. I spend an hour tossing and turning, never finding the good position to rest, I do feel however like someone had set my bed on fire.
I'm startled when I feel Sara's arm sneaking around my waist, I'm lying with my back to her, and I'm too shocked and panicked to sense if she's awake or asleep.
"When you kissed me on the car…" she whispers. I hold my breathing vainly, thinking that maybe I can pretend to be asleep. This is ridiculous I know it, if she speaks she knows I'm awake, my constant movement must have waken her up. "… you ignite something in me… something I've been yearning to feel again ever since… I didn't know if it was only because it felt good or if there was something more… now I know…"
She marks a pause, my heart takes the opportunity to travel upward and lodge itself in my throat.
"I feel… something," she finally adds, her voice never raising above the whisper. "I can't label it yet… I don't know much except that… I'd like to explore those feelings… slowly… with you… that is if you're willing to give me that chance… I don't want a friend with benefit thing… I want… something real…" she sighs. "I wish I wasn't so inept at expressing myself when it comes to what I feel."
I grin a bit, slightly more relaxed, but still overwhelmed. This is it. This is what I've been waiting for, and yet it's so different. She's there telling me that she wants to be with me, but at the same time, she's not feeling what I feel for her. I don't know if I should be elated or hurt.
I should probably walk away from this, there still too much room for uncertainty. But I won't lie, I want it, I want it really bad, I want to take that chance with her, I'd be kind of crazy to walk away now just because
we're not technically on the same wavelength.
Yeah but my heart's on the line here…
Alright let's calm down and process everything rationally. For a reason I ignore I find myself thinking about Adam, perhaps like Luke would think about Yoda in a moment of great doubt. Sara is just being honest, telling me what she offers and what she wants, I have to give her that. The stakes are different though, I know that giving her a chance means exposing myself to a terrible heartbreak, while she figures out what she feels.
Lay all the cards on the table… that's what Adam would say – scary that I can affirm that with confidence. If I jump on this ship, then I have to tell Sara right now where I'm standing, so there's no misunderstanding, no room for useless pain.
Relationships, whatever their nature are a collective games, so every players need to know the rules from the start. I can't avoid pain, I mean if it turns out that it doesn't work between us, I'll be hurt, so I might as well accept the probability.
I take a deep breath and turn around so I can face Sara, my body brushes against her arm that she doesn't move from my waist.
"I have feelings for you, feelings I can label…" I wait to see recognition in her eyes before going on. "It's safe to say that I want to let you in… but I need to know that you'll tread carefully, because you could hurt me really bad… just so we're clear on that…" I tell her firmly in a murmur.
"I'll always be careful… I never want to hurt you," she assures me after a moment, her eyes confidently set in mines.
So this is it… this is how it starts.
I rest a hand on her cheek, my heart flutters at the slow blink of her eyes. I move closer and press my lips against hers, as if to seal our words.
"You think we can get some rest now?" I asks once I pull back.
"I don't know… do you think you can stop rolling in every sense?" she smirks.
"Smartass," I grin. "Well… I need one last roll…" I state before turning myself back in my original position, my hand goes to rest on hers and I bring her closer to me, entwining my fingers with hers for the first time.
"Good night," she whispers and her breath tickles the back of my neck, briefly making my heart beat faster until it takes a regular pace again.
I close my eyes with a contented smile on my face. Sometimes the simplest things are the best.
xxxxx
I am…
…with Sara.
I had pictured a lot of things – in my fantasies, none of which were anywhere close to the reality. I'm not complaining though, I like the reality.
After both stating that we wanted more than friendship, Sara and I have started a new awkward 'dance' around one another. It's funny, because even now that I know where to stand, Sara manages to surprise me.
Nothing much has changed.
We go out like we used to as friends, only when I least expect it I'd feel her hand brushing mine or she'd kiss me. It's nothing like the kiss back in the kitchen, but always tender, and toe curling, and dizzying, and… wow. And I'm just talking about a soft brush of her lips against mine, so a kiss with a little pressure or just the chance to taste her lips… and I'm touching the nirvana.
The bonus is that I don't have to worry about her interaction with Linds – not that Linds knows that Sara and I are together. It's only been two weeks and I've wanted to keep that to myself at least for a little while, when things are still so fragile and beautiful.
One thing I've noticed is that there's no pressure regarding to this new turn in our relationship. Sara just makes it look like we've been together for years, she makes it easy. And I just go with this politic, because I like it. Things are awkward but in a touching way, not in that 'I'm trying too hard' way that generally goes with new relationships. Maybe it's due to the fact that we've been physically close before, maybe it's because we've seen the worse of each other first; frankly I don't know what it is and I don't really care, it works, Sara hasn't changed a bit and neither have I, except for the small display of affections – well mostly the kisses, things stayed the same and that's good for me.
I like the pace we have too, there's no rush, just the enjoyment of what's new and here it's extra affection. Don't get me wrong, I want her; thing is, I've had her in the past in the most delightful, intense ways and we reached great heights together, so I know without a doubt that we are very compatible on that level. What we never had, was those simple things, simple marks of affection, and right now they're not just enough, they're good beyond words, too good in fact to be 'spoiled' by having more, at least for now.
One thing doesn't differ from my fantasies: I feel good with her.
"Put down my cookie," Nick says to Greg when I enter the break room. Sara is seated at the table doing crosswords, Nick is on her right, Greg is on her left and Warrick is searching the cupboards for something.
"Your name's not on it," Greg protests.
"No but my shoe will be in you ass if you bite it."
"Boys, what did I say about sharing?" Sara scolds them gently never leaving her crosswords.
"But it's my cookie!" Greg whines.
"Give it to me," Nick frowns like he was about to throw a tantrum.
"Settle down," Warrick finally jumps in. "Let him have the cookie; here's a new box," he pats Nick's shoulder before putting a brand new pack of cookie on the table. Nick stops making a face and opens the new box.
"Rick…" Sara sighs. She glances at me then focuses on Warrick. "How many times do I have to tell you, we need to have a coherent policy. Don't say 'yes' when I say 'no', it undermines my authority and they don't learn to share," she points out, and I have to grin at the scene, you'd believe them the parents of Nick and Greg.
"Oh just give them boys some slack," Warrick shrugs.
Sara chuckles "Figures you'd side with them," she shakes her head and returns to her crosswords.
"Come on, don't give me that… Cath you think I'm too latitudinarian with them?" Warrick turns to me.
"Nuh-huh, don't drag me into this, they're yours not mine," I snort and go to pour myself some coffee.
He sighs. "Boys, Sara's right, you need to learn to share," he adds to Nick and Greg, still busy having coffee and cookies.
"He's the one who has to learn to share," Nick sulks.
"Eat your cookies, cow-boy," Sara just replies clearly thinking that he's no better than Greg.
"I'm just saying… I would have shared."
"Yeah, right," Greg snorts.
Warrick and I laugh at their childish behaviour. Sara tuts and keeps filling the cases on the paper she's holding. Greg starts to giggle on his own without any warning Sara punches him in the shoulder – not a light punch at that.
"Ow!" Greg whines and bites his bottom lip to smother a whine. "That hurts."
"That's one," Sara simply smirks looking down at her paper.
"She hits you," Nick teases like a kid.
Greg rubs his arms and after a few seconds he mumbles something and in spite of his pout of pain he's grinning. Sara punches him again, harder.
"Dang! Fine!" Greg half wails half laughs. "I'm going to have a bruise," he sulks.
"Aww Sara not you too…" Warrick sighs
"He started it!" she exclaims.
"I didn't do anything!" Greg defends himself.
"I didn't do anything," Sara mimics him with a whiny voice.
"Just…play nice," Warrick laments a bit.
"Yeah, where's the love?" Nick asks.
"Right now, it's where my shoe's at, you want some cow boy?" she looks at him smugly with a raised eyebrow.
Nick just grins and looks at Greg. "Here, have some cookies," he offers.
Warrick and I just chortle at their antics. "At least, now they share," I deadpan.
"Good evening everyone," Grissom comes in. "How is everybody?" he queries before serving himself some coffee.
"We're all good, and behaving," I beam at him.
"Very good."
"You look cheerful, today."
"That my dear friend is because I've learnt something new this weekend. Actually does any of you knows what the most terrifying bees are?"
"Damn…I had it on the tip of my tongue," Sara snaps her fingers in mock deception.
"Really funny, anyone else?" he asks seriously. Sometimes – we wonder how, he manages to forget that he's the only one to love creepy crawlies enough to know this kind of things. "The boo bees!" Grissom replies excitedly.
Coffee, milk and cookies spill a bit everywhere, as each one of us choke as an unexpected laughter infects us all.
"My ten year old nephew told me that one," Griss adds with a light chortle. "I've been going through all my books but haven't found it yet though, I think it's a rare specie," he says seriously.
The general laughter dies momentarily, we all look at Griss; Warrick, Greg, Sara and I almost immediately pick up on the subtle spark of amusement in his eyes; Nick however, falls for the joke and we all notice. It's hard not to explode at his naivety.
"Griss… you know that…" Nick starts hesitantly. "It's… you know…"
Griss looks at him impassively as he's struggling, then bursts with a boisterous laugh. "I'm joking Nick. I know what 'boobies' are, though for your guidance us grown men call them breasts and other lovely names," we all explode at Nick's surprised expression. "Oh come on, son; I've been thoroughly studying and adoring the curves of the women's bodies since before you were born, and against popular beliefs I'm not out of that game yet," he adds.
There's only Gil to be able to pull jokes like that off, and after so many years Nick still falls for it. I love Gil's humour, it's always so full of spirit. Coming from any other man, the 'boobies' joke would have a highly inappropriate, and bad taste to it, but not from him; he can make the dirtiest joke sound innocent. He always appears so serious, so guileless, aloof and disconnected from the world, you'd think the man lives in a cave; and he sure plays around with that impression – like he just did. And if he's not as out going as he once was – yes believe it or not I used to be able to drag him into clubs, he's fuller of life, goofier and more social than one would think. I won't call him a player, but he doesn't need any help with the ladies, he sure knows how to put them under a spell.
"I knew you were joking…" Nick tries to recover.
"Sure you did," Greg shakes his head still laughing.
"Alright everyone, who have an open case?" Griss gets serious. Sara and I both raise our hands. "You keep working on it then, for the rest of you put your paperwork to date if it's not already done, then go see if you can be useful in any labs. It's a slow night, so if anything comes up I'll let you know."
"Got it boss," we all answer.
"Rock on then," he says before standing from his chair. He stops at the threshold of the break room and looks at Nick again "Boo bees, I'm an entomologist for goodness sake!" he rolls his eyes and leaves.
"What's creepier, that he just made two jokes in a row or that he hint at his sex life?" Nick asks after a while.
"I don't know about you buddy, but his jokes doesn't gives me chills," Warrick teases him.
"Come on, Nicky boy, you didn't think he was a monk did you?" Catherine adds up.
"Yeah, I bet he does things you'd be blushing about," Greg joins us.
"Too much information, stop it," Nick shivers, with a grimace. Nick can be quite a baby when it comes to some things, he's like that kid who thinks he's the product of some immaculate conception.
"Word's around he's a leather kind of guy too," Warrick continues.
"Ah, la, la, la, I'm not listening anymore," Nick sings while blocking his ears with his fingers. "I'm going to work," he announces before leaving.
We laugh even more. "He's way too easy to tease," Warrick states as we watch Nick walking away.
"Oh yeah…" Greg chuckles. "Boo bees… he's never living this one down," they laugh harder and high five each other.
"Okay, let's get some work done. Hey Cath, it's our turn to get lunch," Warrick informs me, then he exits the room with Greg.
"Roger that," I wink at him
I look at Sara and she's whipping tears from the corner of her eyes. "Gee, my stomach hurts," she giggles.
I beam at the sight, I like to see her laughing. "That was a good way to start a day."
"Yeah."
Without adding anymore we go to our lab to review our case.
xxxxx
"So… you told Greg about us?" I ask Sara when we're making breakfast.
"No," she smirks.
"But he knows…" I grin tightly.
"He does."
"How? I mean… if you didn't tell him… I don't see when he could have figured it out."
"Today, I'd say about four seconds before I punched him the first time," she shrugs.
"How can that be? We barely paid attention to each other," I frown.
"He just reads me easily…" she states as if it was the most natural thing. I don't know why, but her declaration bothers me. "What?"
"Nothing," I force a grin on my face. "I just forget how close you two got when being a couple."
"Oh no, he's always been able to read me like that since the first tome we had a real long talk that was back to the first months of me being in Vegas… his shrewdness is underestimated," she chuckles.
"How does he take it?" I ask what's been nagging at me. I think I'm afraid of his reaction, not afraid… just… apprehensive.
"He's happy," she snorts.
"Really? Doesn't it bother him?"
"Not one bit. You know he picked up on the fact that I had feelings early on."
"Wait… he played matchmaker?" I frown.
"No, no… he's just known I've felt something for you for a little while and until today he never knew if I had acted on it."
"And he's really… okay with it?"
"Yes, Cath he is," she chortles. "Are you bothered, he knows?"
"No… I was just worried he'd feel… uncomfortable about it."
"He's not like that," she smiles. She comes to me and wraps her arms around my waist from behind before kissing the crook of my neck. "You're okay?"
"Yeah," I genuinely smile at her, then kiss her lips.
I'm working on the next chap -might take a little more time. The joke is silly, I know, but it does cracks me up even more coming from Grissom. :P
Thanks for reading.