"Who is the best cat in the world?" Suzaku cooed. "The very best cat? The best? It's you!" he answered himself, scratching affectionately beneath Arthur's chin.
"I know he was your only companion while we were in Japan, but you have that cat so spoiled, it's embarrassing me, Suzaku."
"Lelouch! You're back!" Suzaku shouted, rushing over to latch onto his friend's biceps with almost bruising force. Lelouch noticed every one of his fingers was bandaged.
Arthur?
"He chews on you incessantly, and he's the best cat in the world?" Lelouch teased, hoping that Suzaku would relax his grip if he just calmed down a bit.
"To me, he's the only cat in the world," Suzaku answered simply.
Lelouch was about to retort when he realized that his friend was completely serious. There must have been other people around when you saw other cats, and so Arthur is the only one you remember...
That only made him more worried. "Suzaku, tell me honestly, how have you been while we were away?"
"Oh, um, I've...I've been great, Lelouch. I mean, all those books and games you left have been...good." As if to prove he was even more pathetic at lying, Suzaku pasted a fake smile on at the end of his speech. He still hadn't released his death grip on Lelouch's arms.
"Euphy's back too, right?" he asked eagerly.
"Yes. She and...someone related to her just went to drop off her luggage in her own suite. She should be here any minute. But remember, Suzaku, as I told you on the phone, you can't touch her, and she mustn't look at you, or else her Geass will automatically target you."
"But Lelouch, what does it matter, if it makes me forgive you and Euphy? I'm not angry in the first place."
"You're not angry according to what you remember, but you don't have all your memories. Although we can't know for sure without testing it, her Geass can likely make you forgive sins that I've sealed off, as well. It will even make you forgive yourself, which could change you in ways contrary to what your will would be, if you remembered everything. That's why Euphy and I have agreed that we need to take precautions. Please just try to be patient. You can still talk to her, and because of the way her Geass targeting works, there may be a way for her to see you again, very soon."
"Good. That's good," Suzaku said, wretchedly failing to produce a real smile, again.
"Suzaku, are you sure you've been alright?" Lelouch pressed.
"How could I not be? I have no responsibilities." No purpose. "I can just sit here and play games all day long." Sinking ever deeper into depression. "I don't have to do anything...or see anyone." Totally alone. "All my meals appear under the door, as if by magic." Slid under door by Sayoko, as if she were feeding a prisoner. "I...I just..."
"You're alone, isolated by the Power of the King," Lelouch stated bluntly.
"I guess...that's true. I feel like you and Euphy are the only people that exist, and when you went away... I just, I wondered if you were ever coming back. If you would forget about me."
Oh, Suzaku, you have no idea how much the two of us worried about you. "No. No, there's no way we could ever do that," he assured him, reaching up to pat Suzaku comfortingly on the elbow before the lack of blood flow in Lelouch's arms completely immobilized them.
"But, for you, there's a whole world out there—"
"That's right. A peaceful world, that we both worked so hard for. You will get to see it again someday, Suzaku, I promise."
"Suzaku, are you in here?" Euphy called, smiling as she stepped into the room, blackout goggles firmly in place. Her expression dimmed a bit, though, as she heard no immediate response.
Putting on a smile for Suzaku's benefit that was surely much more convincing than the one Lelouch himself had received, he tried very hard to pretend that that his best friend hadn't tightened his grip well past the point of pain as soon as he'd seen Euphy. It's probably taking everything he has not to rush over to her right now. Intent on distracting her from the fact that Suzaku was teetering on the edge of an impending mental breakdown, Lelouch told her lightly, "Suzaku was just telling me how good Arthur has been while we've been away."
"I'm glad to hear that. Then, he hasn't been biting you, Suzaku?" Euphy asked, letting go of the wall in order to blindly step a little closer. Even though Lelouch knew it was only a temporary and easily reversible measure, it caused him a surprisingly sharp flash of pain to see her tilting her head around in order to find their location, the way Nunnally had when she was first blinded by their father's Geass.
"You know, I don't know what it is, Euphy. While you were gone, sometimes, when I'd get to...thinking a bit, Arthur would just walk up and bite me."
"For no reason?"
"I wasn't doing anything."
Just moping around depressed, I'll bet, Lelouch thought.
"Hmmm. I'll have a talk with him," Euphy promised.
That never works with cats, Euphy. I'll just have to send Sayoko out for more kitty treats, so we can get Arthur to lay off a bit now that we're back.
Unluckily, when the bribery of the feline was complete, Lelouch was stuck trying to deal with yet another intractable creature, in the impromptu workshop Nunnally had hurriedly set up for him in her private rooms.
"I wish you would explain this in more detail, C.C.," Lelouch grumbled. At least he could take solace in the fact that when he needed to accomplish something secretly and on short notice, it was incredibly handy to have a little sister who also happened to be Empress. I'll try not to mess up your carpet, Nunnally...any more than I already have. Lelouch winced as he surveyed the strange pattern of bleached and somewhat charred spots he'd created so far. Some of it was also soaking wet.
"Are you sure I'm focusing right?" he asked. It was all well and good for C.C. to offhandedly tell him that he could project the power of the Code in order to imbue an object with the basic building blocks that formed both Code and Geass, but it was quite another thing to actually try to do it with her vague instructions.
"You are if you're doing what I told you," C.C. replied, not even looking up from her perusal of a pizza menu, although she already had a slice in her hand. It would serve her right if she finally got fat.
Lelouch glared at her in frustration. "Can't you take this a little more seriously?"
"What is there to be so serious about?"
He struggled to keep hold of his temper. "I have one Contractee who could accidentally get every mass murderer on the planet pardoned, and another living in a very small prison he can't even imagine the outside of."
"Maybe it's not so bad. She'd make a great defense lawyer, and at least he can catch up on his sleep."
Lelouch scowled at her attempt to make light of the situation. "She's unwillingly violating her own morals, and his entire world consists of three people and a cat!"
"Lelouch, your focus is off," C.C. responded, deadpan.
"My fo—" With a start, he dropped the blackened, smoking item he'd been holding. Great. Now I'm going to have to start all over again. His latest failure produced an annoying hiss as he poured half a glass of water over it, and the best he could hope for was that he'd at least prevented it from becoming a potential fire hazard. Sighing, Lelouch looked glumly around Nunnally's tastefully decorated office, taking in the soft leather and cream of the upholstery, the whimsical watercolor landscapes hung on the walls, and the antique hardwood furniture, polished to an almost mirror finish. His eyes landed on the photos placed prominently on Nunnally's desk with a sharp pang of guilt. She must have gone to some trouble to get that picture of the two of us with Euphy when we were children, and that one of Suzaku—it's so rare for him to smile like that.
Lelouch's fists clenched. Although Nunnally tried not to let the enforced separation drag her spirits down, he knew it hurt her deeply to be completely forgotten by such a close friend. Now, Euphy can't even look at her, either. The thought of everything they'd lost already made him fiercely determined to succeed in at least his current endeavor, even if it did end up costing several more hours of his strained patience and three more burnt patches of carpet.
"Well?" he asked, holding the clear disk up to the light.
C.C. nodded. "It's as good as the first. I still don't see why you insisted on making two, when you don't even know if these will block her Geass yet."
"Cornelia is already complaining about how much pizza you charged to her credit card. I don't want to know what it would cost to get you back here a second time."
The witch smiled, stretching luxuriously across the arm of the couch (which she'd forced Lelouch to drag in from the living room), in order to reach for another slice. "I have centuries of experience; she should expect high consulting fees. Speaking of which—"
"You know I don't have any money, C.C.," he told her.
"I happen to know that Zero has access to a great deal of funding."
"I'm not stealing money from Suzaku, especially not when he's helpless like this!" Lelouch exclaimed, scandalized.
"Then why don't you—"
"I'm not going to abuse my Geass by ordering Schneizel to give you money, either!"
"Well, you could always—"
"And I'm not bumming money off my little sister, even if she is Empress!"
C.C. pouted. "Such a grave misuse of your predictive talents, Lelouch. Instead of heartlessly shooting down my attempts to further my culinary education before I even voice them, why don't you predict what style of pizza I want to eat next?" she asked, closing the empty box.
"How can you be finished with that, already?!" he shouted, staring at the box in blind shock for a moment. Shaking his head, Lelouch finally decided that some things were beyond even his genius level of understanding. After grudgingly seeing to it that C.C. was once more appeased by the gods of crust and cheese, he was more than grateful to call Cornelia and leave for Euphy's suite. Thankfully, his older sister didn't keep him waiting there long.
"It's good that you got here so quickly, Cornelia," he said, as soon as she'd finished greeting Euphy, who was keeping her eyes closed for the moment. "We need to test this out right away. You understand what will happen if it fails, though, right?"
"You've warned me more than enough times about what can go wrong, Lelouch. I only wish C.C. could have been clearer about the initial explanation," Cornelia grumbled.
"Yes, she was annoyingly vague," he commiserated, remembering his own lingering frustration. "Well, since you went to the trouble of hauling her back here, I'll see if I can explain it a little better, now that I've actually completed the process." He frowned, trying to think of how to phrase things so that Cornelia would understand. "Essentially, forming a 'false Contract' with an object, which obviously has no will or wishes to manifest, results in the creation of an 'anti-Geass', an inverse echo of what Geass should be, which is what makes it capable of cancelling a normal Geass out."
Of course, since it doesn't have the will to accept a Contract gracefully, the object is often overwhelmed by the power of the Code searching in vain for a connection, which apparently ends up cooking small items and carpets—but I'd rather forget about that part. "While it's nowhere near as flexible as Jeremiah's volitional, range capable Geass Canceller, which was produced by binding a Contract to a cyborg—both man and object at once—the advantage of using a totally mindless object is that its 'false Contract', not having a human will directing it, relies passively on the immortal strength of the Code it's bound to. Therefore, it will work continuously, constantly blocking Euphy's Geass, without someone having to deliberately will that Geass off. Theoretically, at least. Now, we'll get to see if what I made actually works."
"Euphy, open your eyes." She did, looking straight at Cornelia. "Do you feel any differently now?" he asked their older sister. "Any sudden urges to forgive yourself for everything you've been guilty of since the last time Euphy looked at you?"
"No," Cornelia answered slowly, frowning, "but as you insisted on pointing out to me back in Japan, I already forgave myself for everything that happened before then." Sadness briefly tugged the corners of her mouth down. "Even about Lady Marianne's death, and what happened to you and Nunnally afterward—even about Euphy herself..."
Lelouch winced, and Euphy gave their sister a sympathetic look. "You know you weren't to blame for my death to begin with, Cornelia."
"None of that was your fault," Lelouch agreed.
Cornelia shook her head. "Even if the guilt is gone, I still know it was my responsibility to protect my little sister—just as it was my duty to guard Lady Marianne. You blamed me for her death yourself, didn't you, Lelouch? That's why you—"
"I was wrong, Cornelia," he said, forcefully cutting her off. When Clovis told me that you and Schneizel would know more, I just assumed... "I am sorry, for that," he added, much more quietly. The truth of my mother's assassination was so very different than what any of us imagined. "I'm glad you've forgiven yourself for my mother's death and for Euphy's. The invasion of Japan while Nunnally and I were there was never your fault, either. But there are things you do hold responsibility for—no one wants to see a repeat of what happened in Saitama Ghetto, even if you no longer feel any guilt over it."
He sighed. "Remember, too, that the big, obvious things aren't all you have to worry about, Cornelia. As I explained to you and Kallen before we returned home, you need to spend some time thinking very critically about how you've treated people in the past, because you're not going to feel like you have anything to apologize for. Also—"
"You already gave me that lecture twice, Lelouch. I assure you, I don't need reminding," Cornelia said, her patience for his warnings obviously beginning to wear thin. So, the contacts really are working.
"Very well," he agreed grudgingly. "Then tell me, are you still mad at me for sending you off to retrieve C.C.?"
She grimaced. "I know Zero has a media problem right now, Lelouch, but you could at least have warned me about that woman. The moment she got her greasy fingers on my credit card—"
"Okay, Euphy, that's your cue."
"Right!" she said and promptly dumped a glass of water over Cornelia's head.
"Euphy, what in the world are you doing?" Cornelia sputtered.
"Testing if the contacts work," Euphy answered straightforwardly, apparently not feeling the least bit ashamed of her behavior.
"Lelouch! You put her up to this," Cornelia growled.
"Euphy, grab her hand, now!"
Thankfully, the instant she did, Cornelia's expression gentled. "Well, I supposed it was only a harmless test," she conceded, lifting her hand as soon as Euphy released it, in order to wipe her wet bangs out of her face. "Actually, I suddenly feel much—" Lelouch dumped another glass of water on her.
"Lelouch!" Cornelia snarled, fury returned. "I swear I'm going to—"
He grabbed Euphy's hand.
"To forgive my annoying little brother for his annoying little stunt," Cornelia finished with a wry smile, shaking her head at him fondly.
"Hmm. So it appears that blocking Euphy's eyes does not prevent the Geass from working through physical contact, even just one sided contact. Perhaps it's enough for her to know the other person is present? And Cornelia, you forgave yourself, didn't you? When Euphy first touched your hand?"
"I...yes," she said after a moment's hesitation. "I had to lie to Guilford when we returned here, in order to keep Euphy's Geass and your own survival a secret, Lelouch, but now, thinking back on that deception doesn't make me uncomfortable at all."
"I see," Lelouch said, frowning heavily. "We should probably continue with the test—"
"Lelouch, I may have forgiven you," Cornelia interrupted, "but there's nothing wrong with my logic. I'm not stupid enough to passively stand around and let you to use me as a guinea pig, in order to work out the minor details of your pet theories," she informed him, accepting a towel from Euphy with a small smile.
"Fine," he grumbled, not exactly pleased with her decision or the condescending way she had described his "pet theories". "Well, I guess I know enough to extrapolate," he said. "But the conclusions are..." He trailed off, frowning.
"How bad can it be, Lelouch?" Cornelia asked. "At least with the contacts in, it's not affecting everyone."
"It's not her affect on other people that is going to be the biggest problem, anymore," he replied, trying not to sound as worried as he felt. "Cornelia, I'm sure you realize that Euphy is normally an extremely kind person. That's partly because she's so sensitive to the suffering of others that she feels very badly if she hurts someone else, intentionally or not. That feeling motivates her to be kinder in the future. Now, however, with her Geass constantly active, no matter what she intellectually knows, she will never truly feel the weight of any harm she causes."
Euphy nodded. "I can feel sad that you suffered something unpleasant, Cornelia, when you were unexpectedly soaked. I can feel disappointed because we all hoped these contacts would solve everything, and that didn't happen. I don't feel guilty, though," Euphy told them solemnly. "Not even for doing this test without asking. I really tried to it, and I know I should, but I just don't," she confessed, beginning to reach out for her elder sister's hand, as if to give comfort or receive it, before aborting the gesture. "I guess I shouldn't touch people anymore," she said sadly, "since I can't control it."
"Euphy, no," Cornelia said, reaching out to take her hand, anyway. "I don't care if I have to forgive Lelouch for his annoying tests. I just want to be close to my little sister."
Euphy smiled gratefully up at her for a moment before impulsively throwing herself into her sister's arms, headless of her still damp hair and clothes. "Thank you, Cornelia! You are the best big sister ever!" she said, tucking her head under Cornelia's chin.
"You know I'll always be here for you, Euphy," she answered fondly, fiercely hugging her little sister back.
Of course, her Geass won't allow you to get angry enough to leave.
It was a particularly dangerous combination. At the same time as it erases your anger, her Geass now constantly dissolves the greatest incentives she would have to be careful with others' feelings—all the little guilty reminders that help people continually readjust their behavior and thereby grow closer to each other. If her normal modus operandi were to follow a very regimented set of rules, it would be different, but Euphy is not an analytical person. She doesn't make decisions by dispassionately considering every option in minute detail and then logically selecting the one with the best risk to reward ratio. She just does what feels right, but now everything feels equally right to her.
...How long will Euphy still be Euphy?
It only took until the next morning for things to go horribly wrong.
"But Lelouch, you told me last night that I have to be more analytical from now on, and that's exactly what I did—I sat down and thought about all the conditions, just like you do. After thinking it completely through, this is definitely the best solution."
"Euphy, you can't have actually considered all the implications of what you're asking, or you wouldn't have suggested this in the first place. You're just thinking of the ends, without being able to understand the true impact of the means."
She shook her head. "You always make things so complicated, Lelouch, but it's actually very simple. You made him forget everyone who is alive in order to save me, when you should have just made him forget one single person: me. Then he could keep his memories of Nunnally and Cornelia and Schneizel and everyone else. While it's true that Cornelia will be sad to lose me, it's not fair for me to keep living as a parasite. Besides, if I tell her ahead of time what we're going to do, I can make sure that she forgives us for making this decision. Then, as soon as its done, Suzaku will be free and all the people who are sad about losing him will have a chance to be happy again."
"You forgot just one important thing, Euphy," Lelouch told her, gesturing toward the doorway.
"Oh! Suzaku! I didn't know you were there." If she had been herself, she would have been aching with guilt for putting that shocked, agonized look on his face. Instead, she only seemed a little sad. "I know you want to help me, but please understand that it would be much better for you to just forget about me."
"No! No, there's no way that could be better for me!" Suzaku objected, taking a few rapid steps forward into the room.
"Of course it would be better. Once it's done, you'll be reunited with everyone else, and you'll have forgotten that I even existed," she told him reassuringly. He responded with a look of pure horror.
"Euphy, pleases stop saying this! You haven't thought it through fully!" Lelouch insisted, wondering how Suzaku would react if he tried to temporarily gag her in front of him. Don't you realize what you're suggesting, Euphy? It's terrible enough to lose someone important, but to forget that person completely, to lose all the beautiful memories and everything you learned together...
Lelouch felt a vibration creeping across his skin, like some deep impact had hit somewhere far off, and the rippling waves of it were just beginning to reach him.
What was that?
He only had to wonder for the few seconds it took him to turn toward his best friend. Thanks to his focusing work with C.C., Lelouch had finally gained the skill to see the light of Geass manifested in the eyes of his Contractees, without needing any physical contact at all.
Suzaku's right eye is...
"Euphy, no matter what, I don't want to forget you!" he shouted.
"But this is for your own good, Suzaku," she told him patiently.
"Euphy, don't say another word," Lelouch commanded, "not until you understand. You're half his world, and you're threatening to take his sole purpose in life away! There's no way he'll agree."She frowned, and the ensuing moment of silence allowed him to believe he'd gotten through to her.
"But Lelouch, you can just make him forget me, can't you?" she responded eventually, her frown clearing as Euphy broke both the silence and his naïve optimism. "That way he can finally have his real life back."
"Suzaku, no!" Lelouch shouted, his eyes registering a flicker of movement off to his side, but it was too late. Suzaku was already dashing forward in response to her words, the light of Geass blazing in both of his eyes with the ferocity of his singular focus of will.
"No! No! Don't take her from me, Lelouch!" he screamed, reaching out to clutch her close before Lelouch could even take a step in her direction. "Don't make Euphy die!" he pleaded, his Geass working overtime to tether her to life, even as his anger faded completely away into fear.
Oh, Suzaku, I warned you not to touch her.
"I won't make you forget Euphy," he promised. "Suzaku, you don't remember this, but someone once made me forget the person I wanted to protect more than anything." He faced Euphy squarely. "Euphy, do you truly think I could bear to rob anyone of such irreplaceable memories? Do you want me to become just like that—that thief, who took something so precious from me?" I am not my father. "No, not even for you will I betray my best friend like this." Not after all the ways I've betrayed him already.
She blinked, looking back and forth between him and Suzaku, seeming to slowly realize some of the nasty implications of doing what she'd just suggested. "Lelouch, Suzaku...I've made a terrible mistake, haven't I? I missed something very important. I thought Suzaku could just give up on me, but the truth is, he would feel so guilty if he did that, wouldn't he? And you would feel so guilty if you took his memories away, Lelouch. But when I tried to think about how the two of you would feel..."
He sucked in a shocked breath. "You couldn't even properly imagine our guilt," Lelouch realized in alarm. "You normally empathize by putting yourself in the other person's place and thinking about how you'd feel in that situation. Of course, for you, there's no guilt in any situation now, hypothetical or not. The Geass goes that far in erasing all guilt from your mind."
"Yes," she admitted sadly. "I didn't mean to suggest something so upsetting. I just—"
"Wanted to help. I know that, Euphy," he acknowledged. "That's why Geass Runaway is so dangerous—it twists your true wish into something that can work against you. In this case, your Geass destroys the moral compass that you would normally have to guide you toward the happy future you want." He sighed. "I'll keep searching for something better than the contacts. I know we can't just leave things as they are, Euphy."
"Don't make the situation sound so dire in front of her, Lelouch," Suzaku pleaded. "This was all just a misunderstanding, Euphy, so please don't look so sad. It's okay, really," he insisted, any anger he might have held unnaturally soothed by her Geass.
"It is not okay, Suzaku," Lelouch insisted. She won't have her normal guilt to caution her against doing something like this again, so she has to be told explicitly. "As terrible and wretched and destructive as the darker human emotions are, we can feel hate and anger and guilt for a reason. To take the risk of trusting another person is the only path toward peace—but to trust unwisely is the surest path to destruction." He shivered as he thought of what V.V. had done to his mother and Nunnally, of how Rolo had killed Shirley, of how the Black Knights had turned on Zero.
If I'd stupidly reconciled with my parents and placed my trust in my father's path, then the whole world...
"These negative feelings should teach us caution towards others and even more importantly, caution about our own actions. Even though a person can't find happiness without eventually forgiving himself, if he feels no guilt for the harm he does, he will eventually destroy the happiness of everyone around—including himself." The Mt. Fuji landslide that crushed so many civilians, the massacre at the Special Administration Zone, F.L.E.I.J.A.—sometimes I can't even bear to think about how much suffering my own foolish decisions have caused. What if I'd learned nothing at all from my mistakes? How many more people would have died because of me?
Euphy looked at Suzaku very sadly. "The truth is I owe you a very deep apology. I wish that I could feel remorse the way I should—"
"You don't have to apologize, Euphy. I forgive you."
"I know you do," she said, giving him a soft, tired smile, but something in her tone sounded almost despairing. "I just wish I could tell, whether you would have chosen to forgive me of your own free will or not," she said, looking down at one of the hands he still clutched her with, her left eye burning with the inextinguishable Power of Kings. "Lelouch, I think I can understand a little bit of what you must have been through, at last. The power of Geass...it can leave the wielder so cold."
"I'm truly sorry, Euphy," he told her, feeling the awful chill in the pit of his stomach, which had set in when Suzaku's left eye first began to burn, ice further up his spine. "I only wanted to make things better, and yet I've granted you the very power that is destroying your kindness."
"I warned you at the start. I wish you hadn't done something so dangerous," Suzaku said tiredly, apparently content to admit the truth now that Lelouch had refused to sugar coat things for Euphy.
"You were right to censure me, Suzaku," he admitted, feeling the guilt all the more keenly now that he had to handle Euphy's share as well. "I shouldn't have pushed this on her."
Pink locks spilled over her shoulders as Euphy shook her head. "You're being a bit conceited, aren't you, Lelouch? You didn't make the decision for me, and it's not only you that wants a better world," she objected. "When you offered me this Geass, you never once claimed that it came without drawbacks, or that change would be easy. But even if my choices are much heavier now, I won't simply abandon the things I believe in." She looked at him earnestly. "Just as you and Suzaku have shouldered the weight of your own decisions, I will bear the cost, too, for the sake of the kinder world I want."
"So please don't feel guilty anymore," she added, giving Lelouch a pleading look, "because this is the path Ichose for myself, and just like always, I forgive you, Lelouch."
He laughed, half amused and half bitter. "If only I could tell whether that's your true forgiveness or just an effect of your own Geass."
She smiled. "Lelouch, you told me that my Geass is the wish that repeated again and again inside my heart, so either way, if I've forgiven you, it's because it was my wish to do so."
"Euphy..." He smiled wryly. "You're right. This is the path you've chosen to follow. Since that's so, you must press forward, for the sake of the future you want."
"Is there a way to that future, Lelouch? A future where all of us can be happy together?"
Lelouch looked at Suzaku's burning eyes and made the calculations.
"There might still be a way, Euphy," he answered hesitantly. "It depends on how much you're willing to risk."