XXVI
Soma
An awkward silence descended. I cursed to myself. What the hell was Sakaki thinking, giving away such information as if it held no value? It wasn't Song's fucking business what I was. She didn't need to know. She didn't deserve to know.
Her silence was killing me, so I said: "There, happy? Look what your little bout of curiosity brought you."
She turned to me with a light frown. -My curiosity? You're the one who demanded that we watch it.-
I wasn't expecting a snarky response. To be honest, I was expecting her to scream at me for being a monster and then run out of the room. I would have thought that she'd connect the dots between Bias Factor and Aragami. Surely she would have figured out that I was half-Aragami?
Song returned her gaze to the terminal, even though by now it was black. She seemed to be thinking, and I shuddered. What was running through her head? How disgusted she was with me?
-Why didn't you tell anyone?-
I was so nervous I had trouble reading that. It took me a couple of seconds to realize what she'd said. I frowned. "Yeah, admit to everyone that I'm a monster? I'm sure that would go well."
She narrowed her eyes. -Don't say that. You're not a monster.-
I growled. "You'd call an Aragami a monster. So why not me?"
She returned the growl. I noticed that she was being a lot more vocal about her displeasure lately. –A monster? A monster because you were born a little different? Because of a choice you couldn't even make?-
I was stunned. How was I supposed to answer that?
She suddenly took out her notebook, scribbling fiercely. Whatever she wanted to say next was too frantic for her to signal.
If anything your parents are the monsters…but they aren't! You weren't supposed to be a monster, Soma. You were supposed to help people, not be shunned by them!
"That doesn—"
Song plugged my mouth with her hand, looking at me furiously. She looked beyond angry. After she was sure I wouldn't speak again, she removed her hand and signed: -You're only shunned because you shun yourself! That's what your problem is!-
That was when I lost it.
"You're one to talk about problems!" I snapped. "You're mute, for god's sake!"
The surprise made the anger flee from her face, but in a second it was back and more terrible than before.
But there was nothing left for her to back it up with, and I realized that with that one insult I was spent too. For a minute we just stood there, air tense with the sparks of our argument. We were both breathing heavily.
Finally, Song said something.
-Truce?-
She held out her hand.
I glared at it for a while before taking it somewhat reluctantly.
"Truce."
Song took that as an invitation to go sit down on the edge of my bed. She seemed back to normal all of a sudden — not too eager to talk and not as confrontational. Yet that somehow made her look vulnerable, even though that was how she used to be before she became the leader. With a shock I realized how much she'd changed ever since our first meeting.
The frail look suddenly disappeared, replaced by determination. She turned to me, saying -Let's make a deal.-
I frowned, feeling a slight sense of dread settling in. "What kind of deal?"
She paused, returning to her notebook. I watched her write, feeling the dread grow. What exactly did she want?
I'm going to teach you how to not shun yourself.
She'd actually written something other than "not shun", but she'd violently crossed it out until it was unreadable. I read the next part.
"Why the hell would I agree to that?" I snapped. "There's no way you can stop me from being a monster."
She gave me a dirty look.
But you aren't a monster! That's exactly your problem: you see yourself as one so everyone else does too! I want to fix that!
I growled. There was no way she would leave me alone. I wanted to force her out of my room, but the stubborn look on her face told me that she wouldn't be moving anytime soon. Picking her up and throwing her out the door would be easiest.
But what she said next stopped all those thoughts.
Your mother wanted you to be a protector, didn't she? That's why you became a Gods Eater, I bet. She never intended you to be a monster. It was your own attitude that turned you into that!
I was flabbergasted. How…how could she have guessed something like that?! Song was incredibly oblivious. So how could she have found the truth so easily? It wasn't like her to figure things out on her own.
I'm right, aren't I?
I would have expected a mocking smirk with that comment, but she managed to keep it contained.
You've been called a Death God and you call yourself a monster…so why don't we prove them wrong?
"Fine."
She kept writing but suddenly stopped, as if she hadn't thought I would agree just yet.
I met her surprised eyes and repeated myself. "Fine. I accept your deal."
She grinned at that, and suddenly she was back to the normal Song, not acting like a leader but instead a happy-go-lucky rookie.
"But I want something in return."
At that she looked doubtful. I knew she was going to ask "what" so I just continued.
"If you're going to help me with my "problem""—I accompanied that by air quotes—"then I'll help your with yours."
Song looked confused. -And what is that, exactly?-
"I'll teach you how to speak again."
She went pale at that.
I growled. "I know it's not a physical problem. You've spoken to me before. But you stop yourself because of what happened in the past."
She frowned at me. -That's not exactly a problem-
"If you're going to say my self-image is a problem, then being mute definitely is." I said through gritted teeth.
She bit her lip, frustration replaced by fear. -You don't understand. It's not something you can just fix.-
"Isn't it, though?" I snapped. "It's a psychological problem. Sakuya looked it up: it's called conversion disorder, and it's perfectly curable."
At that she looked away, the frustration returning. -You don't understand.-
"No, I don't!" I snarled. "I don't understand how you can think your voice kills people. I'm not dead, am I?"
Her eyes widened, but I wasn't done yet.
"I'm not dead, am I? Your voice doesn't kill people!"
She gritted her teeth, turning away and growling in annoyance. I could practically see her mind working. Finally she turned back to me, deadly serious.
-Alright. I accept your deal.-
Triple update for you guys! ^^ I leave for Italy tomorrow, so today's full of packing and such. O.o It's gonna be long, but I think I'm too excited to care. X3
But anyway! Thank you all so much for you support! I really hope you enjoy these three chapters. Hopefully it will tide you over for this update-less week. I get back home on the 8th, but that's at 5 a.m. so I'll probably spend the entire day sleeping. XD Anyway! Tank you all so much for reading!