Dear William,
Believe it or not, I've got plenty of A&E stories to spare. I was kinda "that kid" - you know, the one who always managed to injure himself in spectacular ways. I played both football and rugby at various points, which provided me with technicolor bruises for most of my teen years, but I think my first A&E visit was around age 3 or so. Harry (my older sister) and I were playing outside a lot that summer, and somehow she ended up with a plastic water gun in the shape of a pink elephant. It was a pretty decent size - I don't trust my childhood recollection all that well, but maybe a good foot and a half long? - and heavy plastic. We lived in a nice little ground-floor flat with a back garden at the time, and the two of us were running around squirting each other. Somehow Harry got it in her head to climb the tree - we only had one - and squirt me from up high where I couldn't reach her. Except when she got up there her fingers slipped and she dropped the water gun directly down onto me. I was looking up at the time (of course), and it hit me just over my eye. Bled everywhere and of course I started screaming.
Anyway, Harry ran inside to find mum, but (from what I've been told later), mum couldn't understand what was going on because Harry just kept saying "I dropped an elephant on John and it hit him in the eye!" and Mum didn't know about the elephant water gun so it just sounded like nonsense to her. We did go to A&E and I got stitches over my eyebrow and Harry was terribly put out about the whole thing because they had to sit and wait for hours. I don't remember any of the A&E part, but I remember Harry pouting the whole ride home. Perhaps that's not as scandalous as what you imagined I'd have done - no actual idiocy involved - but I'll save my other stories for another time ;-)
I'll try to hold off on the "sex chatting" if you prefer - can't scare your nurses again! - but I do wish you as speedy a recovery as possible. I'm forcing myself to not check this site until I actually get home from work, most days, or I'd be spending all my time daydreaming about you and not actually able to focus on my patients . . .
- John