I'm a terrible author, I really am, and I'm so sorry about that. The whole month, I've been in the process of moving apartments, which is fortunately winding down. Thank you all for understanding, and thank you more for reading!
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Tony ended up in the floor. He backed up until he bumped into the nearest wall and slid right now. It was quite the sight- a speechless Tony Stark. An emotionally burdened Tony Stark at that.
Natasha and Steve remained where they stood at the table, paralyzed. However, Steve was shaking, more likely from exhaustion than the fact that he thinks he ruined someones life. Natasha pulled the file closer to her to better read the contents. She also leaned a little closer to Steve, without it being obvious.
" Tony," Steve finally said, " I am so sorry. I was just…I didn't know."
" It's not your fault," Tony's voice was so frail, " though I'm starting to have a little more compassion for you. I know it's nothing in comparison, but, the whole life altering thing…right in your face. I get that, I get that now."
Heck, Steve was nearly as stunned. Peggy Carter secretly being Tony Stark's biological mother? The whole thing being hidden from the ugly clutches of Hydra, that didn't matter in comparison. He wasn't sure how to adjust that kong the memories of Peggy, or at least the ones that he still had.
Natasha was still reading, though she wasn't sure what exactly what she was looking for.
" Is Howard still my father?"
" Yes," she answered quickly, only because she had just read that particular section.
Tony sighed, " well, that's avoiding a lot more follow up questions." Fortunately, no one saw Steve's eyes bugs in reaction. Howard probably lied about fondue really was back in the forties.
A sharp pain rode up her back, and she did the best she could to quiet the involuntary groan that slipped out. Steve glanced over as she leaned forward against the table, noticing the ripple in her stomach from a cramped baby, sen under her shirt. Without drawing attention away from the ongoing situation, he reached over to rub the small of her back in slow, soothing circles.
The gesture was soothing all over, more than just her back. She wanted to cry, and hold him. He had been mad, but not mad enough to have never touched her again, like she was fearing.
" Are you going to be okay, Tony?" Steve asked.
Tony nodded, then shrugged then nodded again, " I shouldn't be, right? This doesn't change anything about my life up until this moment, right? Only everything after…now. It shouldn't matter.
Steve continued massaging Natasha's bag, " however you want to feel is the right way, you don't have to make excuses."
That seemed almost too much for an over sensitized Tony. It was obvious that he was already in too deep, but he wanted to portend otherwise, and they were going to let him. He jumped to his feet, " will you two be okay? I need to…I need to not be here. But, I won't leave you alone if there would be issues.
One nodded, and the other shook their head, which was enough indication that they would be fine without him. He approached the table and took the folder from under Natasha on the tabletop, and she didn't put up a fight.
" Say something if you need something," she said to him on his way out, and hunched further over the table.
Steve waited until they were alone.
" Are you in labor?"
" No, it just hurts," she glanced over, and saw that he was still obviously shaking, " we're going to get you to bed, Cap," she gently patted his bum to get him moving towards the elevator. Enough time had passed that Tony would have been as far away as he wanted to be. He had never requested alone time before, so it seemed most necessary to provide it.
They stumbled into the elevator.
" No, I'm fine," he mumbled.
" Sure you are."
Once the doors had closed, he latched on to her- tightly enough to get the point across, lightly enough to not harm the being in between them. His head nestled where her head met her shoulder. She smiled, he couldn't see it. Days ago, she was convinced this would never happen again. Now, she had her hands holding on to the back of his sweater, feeling his weight press in to her, the smell that she missed.
" I don't deserve you," he murmured, sadly, " I don't deserve to be holding you."
She turned her head to breathe in more of the scent of his soap, " don't say that. You're right where you need to be."
He squeezed a little tighter, " I am so, so sorry for what I said. I had absolutely no right to say that. I should be thrown back in the Atlantic for that crap."
" No, you shouldn't. I need you here." He muttered something to her. " Did you mean to say that?" she dared ask.
" No."
" Then it's okay." The elevator dinged as they arrived at their previously abandoned apartment. Steve leaned back and stood up straight, she noticed the puff in his eyes, and the exhaustion certainly wasn't helping him much. " It'll be okay," she stroked the side of his face, " it's over now."
Steve kept looking down at her, " I love you, both of you, so much. Neither of you ruined everything. You both fix everything that was wrong."
Her smile warmed up, " I love you, too. But, right now you need to get some rest. You're really wound up, even for you."
He perked up again, and was through their front door before she was even off the elevator, " I'm find, but we have a lot to do. Well, I can do it. YOU need to rest."
Natasha followed after him, " we both need to take it easy, Steve." She rushed over to grab his arm before he ran off to do something else, " hey, Steve," she pulled him close again, wanting his undivided attention. He looked down at her, blue eyes wide and desperately waiting, " our time us running low."
" I know," he whispered.
She trued to push herself closer to hi. The stomach, per usual, caused a barrier, but this time it was more symbolic. " These last few weeks, or whatever amount this baby chooses to give us, I want it to only us. Just you and me, and whatever we can get. We have the nursery, we have the diapers, Tony said he would go with you to check out the hospital, and we did the birthing class. Now, I just want you, for as long as I don't have to share you."
Her hands flattened against his best before clutching the soft fabric of his shirt. With a firm yank, she pulled him down and kissed him. She wanted to distract him, but also wanted to make up for time lost.
When they separated, he lingered close by and asked, " who are you sharing me with?" she poked his side, " oh, right. But, wait, no! It won't be like that!"
Natasha kissed him again. This time, it was just to silence him.
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Some time later, they had ended up in their bed, which had become cold in their absence. Natasha had not been able to get Steve to sleep, but having him laying down and relaxed was enough success for now. Her fingers laughably dragged through his growing hair.
The action was easily soothing him from the over exhaustion mania he had pushed himself in to. He missed the sensation of her skin, the hold she has on him. It had only been a week, but the fear that it would be permeant still haunted him.
" I never thought we'd be here," he softly said, tracing the side of her stomach, " not once."
Natasha smiled, " me either. And this is only phase one."
" Are you scared?" he asked, fingers still trailing, " about giving birth?"
She sighed, " not really about the pain anymore, even though the contractions were bad. It's more the unknown. I know what's going to happen, but I don't know what it'll be like. Not to mention what comes…after."
" Well…I can't carry around a baby for months and for things to automatically go back to …where ether were before. It'll be awhile before I'm in a catsuit again."
Steve nestled against her, " oh."
" Yeah. Not that I'm typically self conscious, but, anything I've read on the weeks following a birth don't sound pretty."
" You're pretty," he murmured, kissing the top of her stomach, " you don't need to worry about anything."
Natasha laughed, making her stomach and his head jump a little, " you're a smooth talker, Rogers."
" I try."
She continued playing with his hair, sensing that he'd soon be out cold. " The hormones are going to crash, too," she continued, " everything could fall apart."
There were several deep breaths, but he did manage to respond with, " don't worry, that's why I'm here."
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" I don't like hospitals," Steve muttered, eyes scanning the bright hallway.
Tony shrugged, " because when you're here, it's usually bad, and it's usually you that's hurt. But now, it'll be a good thing."
A few days had passed. Steve finally emerged from his own apartment, as did Tony. As promised, they both were at the Manhattan Women and Children's Hospital, for a proper preview of what was to come. Tony requested that nothing about the other day be discussed, and Steve was respecting that. For now.
For now, the captain remained suspicious, " the next time I'll be here, I'll be a dad." He was terrified, but, Tony was nothing short of amused.
Before he could say anything, a young, professionally dressed woman turned the corner and was greeting them with a wide smile. " Mr. Rogers, hello!," she firmly shook his hand, " and Mr. Stark, pleasure to meet you both. I'm Samantha Killen, I'm part of the VIP security personnel team."
" VIP?" Steve perked up, feeling uncomfortable by the term.
" Yes, of course!" Samantha remained just as joyful, " Mr. Stark donated the children's neonatal wing here years ago, so we're happy to help in return. Please, follow me, I'll show you around."
Steve eyed Tony as they followed the woman down the hallway, " neonatal wing? Good for you."
" I honestly don't remember doing that, but, go me."
Samantha led them to the other end of the floor- the maternity ward. The letters announcing that was that location were above the thick, wooden doors.
" Don't be fooled," she said, swiping an employee badge over a black pad on the wall, which was followed by a clicking sound a few moments later as the doors unlocked, " these are reenforced steel doors, and bullet proof. Not that we've ever had to test that, fortunately."
The men followed her inside the ward, which was much more dim and far more quite than the area they had just been in. There were closed doors all along the hallway on both sides, filled with new mothers who were protected by the curtains on any available window. It was making Steve light headed, and he couldn't be sure as to why.
" We strive to keep this area calm and quiet at all hours, for mom and baby. As far as staff, only pediatrician, gynecological, and related personnel are allowed through the doors. There are special badgers, and they have to be cleared by the cameras before the doors will unlocked. The security team is located behind the nurses station up here."
" Wow," Steve was genuinely impressed, and wasn't just trying to be polite, " it's like getting on to an airplane these days."
Samantha looked over her shoulder at him, " it's more important than that." She led them through another set of doors that had a similar unlocking mechanism, " this is our labor and delivery wing, same security measurements."
The area was nearly abandoned, but she went on to say that it was a slow day, having just passed a full moon
The tour continued as she led them into an empty room, set up with a bed, countless other tools, and a small, plastic cradle in the far corner. The walls were painted a soft blue. Steve saw the stirrups attached to the bed, and felt the color draining from his skin.
" Are you alright, Mr. Rogers?" Samantha obviously noticed that.
" He's fine," Tony whacked him on the back, " he'd probably be better if he puked."
Samantha gave him a sympathetic smile, " there's nothing out of the ordinary here, standard delivery room. Every mom is assigned two nurses and a doctor, should she not already have one. We have extra staff available if any concerns come up during the delivery. The doors here have the same locks as well."
" It's really nice here." Steve didn't know what else to say.
Fortunately, Tony never had that problem- " the paint job in here will really contrast nicely against any splatter."
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After the tour completed, Samantha fought them to the security office that was located inside the maternity ward.
" This what I was most excited to show you."
She removed a small case from one of the desk drawers (Steve assumed it was hers, but couldn't understand why he was concerned with such a detail), and opened it. A collection of thin, rubber black brackets were nestled inside.
" IN special circumstances, we can issue thee. The parents each wear one, and we have smaller ones for the newborn. The assigned nurses also wear one, as do select visitors. There is a microchip embedded in all of them, coded so that it matches and links with the chip in the bracelet the baby will wear. If anyone picks up the infant without corresponding bracelets, an alarm will be set off. If the alarm continues for more than sixty seconds, all the doors in the hospital will lock.
Now Steve was thoroughly impressed, and that nagging feeling somewhere in the depths of his stomach was beginning to subside.
" No one is going to be touching your baby," Tony told him.
" At this point, I'm afraid to touch my baby."
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Steve returned to the apartment not long after the hospital visit ended. He had been given the bracelets and brochures- perfect, since he was just running low on reading material. Tony returned to his cave a few floors away, just as excited about all they had seen, doing Jarvis knows what.
But, on this floor, he only wanted to see her, the moment he walked through the front door- probably before. And found her he did, in their bedroom. There was an open duffle bag on the bed, a small stack of things next to it.
He leaned against the doorframe, watching as she padded across the room, deep in thought, collecting other items to pack. It looked like she was leaving, but, he knew better. Something made a sound, and she looked up. The look of suspicion went away when she smiled at him.
" Hey! How did it go?"
Steve pushed himself off the frame, " intimidating, really intimidating. I saw stirrups, and clamps. But, it was very reassuring. That baby is going to be safe, so safe, they may not even let me near it once it's born."
Her lips curled into a small smile, like she was waiting to hear the report. She gestured the black case he was holding in his hand, " what's that?"
" Security bracelets." He held up said case, " we wear them, the baby wears one, and anyone tries to hold the baby without one…well, it's not going to happen." She stepped over to study the bracelets up close, " Tony said he can mimic a similar security system for here, when the baby comes home. Though we better make sure he gets a bracelet, or we'll always be on lock down."
That small smile of hers suck around as she locked over the security bands, then up at him, " thank you, for going. I know hospitals make you uneasy, but, knowing all this…"
" I promised you there would be a plan, and now there is. It'll be okay."
She reached behind her to place the case on their dresser, " I think it's probably the hormones, but, watching you want and take the steps to protect your child."
His eyes darted to one side, which only happen when he confused, "…are there fathers who don't do that?"
" Probably, but, you're the one I'm focusing on." She brushed a little closer to him, " thank you for sticking with me, through all this."
" Where else would I be? It's my baby, too. I'm with you, right where I need to be."
Natasha smiled, leaning in to him more, wondering if she'd still want to smell him as much when she she was no longer pregnant. To think, that day was coming.
" Lets get married," he whispered.
She circled her arms around his hips and looked up at him, " we already decided to do that, Sweetie."
He ducked down, his forehead hovering over hers, " now. Before the baby is born."
" The baby could be born now, why don't you want to wait?"
He was starting to get that confused look again, " do you not want to anymore?"
" No, no, of course not. I still want to! I just…" she dropped her head, her dark hair falling around her face.
Steve heard a choked sob coming from her, and then felt the warm rush of guilt for now making her cry, " oh, crud, what did I say? I'm sorry." She began sobbing harder, Steve warped his arms around her to pull her closer. She went without a fight.
" It's not you," she sniffed and hiccuped, " I just..I don't…" she looked up again, eyes brighter and slightly puffing, " I don't want to get married without Clint being here. I know that doesn't seem important, but…"
He cradled his hands around her face, thumb pads brushing under her damp eyes, " it IS important. I'm sorry, I didn't even think of that." At least for him, it was easy enough to get used to Clint not bring there. He as used to the Hawk wandering off, being gone for months on end. This situation was a bit different, and obviously taking much more of an impact on her.
" I don't want him to miss out on that, if he's still alive," she ran her hand over her stomach, " he'll probably miss this anyways."
Steve moved a hand to rub the middle of his back, lightly rubbing. " Clint is fine. And I'm not saying that to make you feel better, but, I've seen his file. He actually outranks Tony and I for the weirdest things to survive."
Natasha sniffled again, " yeah, that's true. I'm so worried that I'll never see him again."
" You will. Tony thinks he's in the Bermuda Triangle. Or the South Pole, he can't decide."
Another sniffle, " both are valid suggestions. I need him to be okay."
" I know his tracker went down, but, are there other ways you can find him? I know you two have…connections between the two of you." Natasha leaned back, and gave him the same look she had when she was confused by the factual content of The Little Mermaid. " I-I didn't mean it like that. I know you two are, um, were close. Still close? I don't know."
She stepped away from him, returning to her packing project on the bed, " yeah, well, I suppose it looks confusing from tour outside. Sometimes I wonder if we're making it look okie that on purpose. Mostly, everyone assumes we were, at one point, sleeping together."
" Were you?" Steve both asked the question and then reacted as thug someone else asks and he was formally stunned, " I am so sorry, that just slipped out. That is NOT my business."
Natasha folded something and shrugged, " Sweetie, I'm pregnant with your child, and you already know that I slept with your best friend. But, no, never Clint. He was the only one I could get close to before you defrosted, and I didn't want to ruin that."
In a way, he took that as a compliment, but watched as she struggled with herself on the topic. " I didn't mean to upset you."
" You have the right to know."
" Not if it upsets you, and it's something between you and Clint."
She shrugged again, " and Loki. I got the impression that that information was out when he had Clint's brain."
Steve leaned against the dresser behind him, " you're the one I'v ever heard call him that."
Natasha swiftly nodded, " he's the only one that's ever called me Natalia, at least on the good guys side, and it's only ever once in awhile." Her mouth opened, it took a moment to continue, " Coulson originally sent Clint to assassinate me. During the life I had before, SHIELD was on to me, in a big way, before it was a popular thing. Clint was sent to Romania to kill me, but, uh, he didn't know I was a woman. He didn't want to kill a girl, not that Coulson necessarily wanted to, but, that's part of the job." She looked up at Steve, " I'm sorry, you probably don't want to hear this."
" I want to hear whatever you want to tell me." He spoke softly, not wanting to spook her, and have her stop when really, he was always desperate to know something about her. Anything. Good or bad.
She continued.
" So, Clint didn't want to kill a lady, but, was accepting that it was necessary. There was a banquet, in Moscow, I had been assigned by the KGB to take out…I don't really remember who, some diplomat." She placed some socks into the duffel bag, " Bucky was there with me, and that was the last time I had seen him before DC."
She stopped, taking a deep, coarse breath. He was almost worried she would become too caught up, but, did go on.
" Clint was also there. Bucky and I acted, and he made his move at the same time, which did't end well. There was a bomb that went off, mine and Bucky's mission failed, which was seen as a good thing, I suppose. We fled, but Clint trailed us, and he struck me with one of his arrows that has the tranquilizers on the tips."
" The one he shot himself with last New Years?"
" Yeah, those. Anyways, instead of a showdown, some kind of agreement went on between Clint and Bucky- one didn't want to murder the girl and the other didn't want the girl staying with the life she had. They cam ego an agreement. That's how I ended up here."
Steve became more concrete from the story he was told. He wasn't sure what he was expecting, but it most certainly was not that.
" They both saved you," he confirmed, his voice hardly registering.
She nodded, " Coulson wasn't always expecting Clint to do a job flawlessly, but I think returning with the Russian agent he was assigned to kill likely took the cake."
" I'm certainly glad that's what he did."
A hand came up, wiping away a stray tear form her cheek, " sometimes, I am too. The debriefing process was long and agitating, and sometimes not very kind. I think I grew closest to him because he was there, and the only one who I could remember half the time." A few more items were thrown into the bag before she added, " this is the girl you want to marry."
Steve pushed off the dresser, " hey, your Russian badass background is exactly what I first loved about you," she glared at him, not catching on to the adorable vibe, " it's true. I love being afraid of girls. I'm good at that."
" Even if he never came back, I just want him to be okay."
He walked around the corner of the bed to where she stood, " has Tony mentioned anything about looking for him? Or even knowing where he was?"
" Montana. But, that was awhile ago."
Steve scratched the bridge of his nose, " you know, one of the best things about Clint is that he always rebounds when you think he's down. He's like a cat."
" That is one of his qualities," she muttered.
" I can talk to Tony. He has to have some sort of way to hunt him down. Fury had to make that mandatory for Clint after the whole incident with the polar bears."
Natasha had a smile that was soft, so soft that it was almost not a smile, " you don't need to find my best friend. You need to find yours."