Chapter 37

I am officially nameless.

It's true! I can't remember the last time someone referred to me by my name. To everyone other than my close circle of family and friends, I am officially the Champion.

And it sucks.

It's lame! I feel like I'm trapped in some low budget kids' video game.

"Champion, sign my daughter's karategi!" or "Champion! What an honour it is to meet you!"

I just wanna climb to the Chantry's roof and yell out at the top of my lungs: 'In case everyone's forgotten, my name is HAWKE.'

Okay, maybe I'm taking this nameless thing too far, but I really hate being referred to as the Champion. It makes me feel so… silly.

Which is probably why Isabela and Zevran won't stop bugging me about it during our night out at the Hanged Man.

"So, Champion," Zevran purrs at Varric's marble table. "How about you and I head back to your gorgeous mansion and see who wins a friendly wrestling match, hmm?"

Smiling, I decide to play along (what? Fenris isn't here yet and I like flirting with Zev!)

"Sounds like an excellent plan, if you ask me," I reply in what I hope is a seductive purr.

"Oooooh," Isabela says. "The Champion finally wants to come out and… play."

"Hah!" Varric laughs after a long gulp of ale. "Wait till Broody gets here! We'll see if the Champion is still up for it then!"

"It's a good thing he's running late, then," I grin, winking at Zevran. I blush a little when he holds my gaze with his bright, amber eyes.

"Someone's feeling a little flirty," Isabela says with amusement. "Are you sure that's just lemonade you're drinking?"

"I'm beginning to wonder the same thing," I laugh. "Merrill, did Bela slip something into my drink?"

"No!" Merrill exclaims.

"Relax, kitten," Isabela croons. "The Champion's only joking. They tend to do that a lot, you know. Champions, I mean," she adds with a smirk.

"Where is Fenris, anyway?" Varric asks.

"Still at his place, apparently," I reply after a sip of lemonade.

I really need to pee.

"Be right back," I say, hopping out of my seat. "Gotta run to the bathroom."

"Don't keep us waiting, O Great One," Varric smirks.

"Wouldn't dream of it," I grin as I turn to leave the suite. I cross the hall and hastily walk towards the bathroom. I'm walking so fast that I literally walk right into someone who's just come out of the men's bathroom.

"Ouch! Sorry!" I say, rubbing my forehead as I back away from the man. I freeze when I realise who it is.

"Anders?" I gasp.

"Hey, Marian," Anders smiles weakly. "Long time no see."

"Yeah!" I exclaim, blinking rapidly in my surprised state. "Yeah, definitely! How've you been?"

"I've seen better days," he smiles.

"Where've you been, lately? You've literally disappeared off the map!"

"Ah, you know, working at the clinic and what not," he says, scratching his chin. "Nothing too exciting. Well, nothing as exciting as beating the Arishok and being declared the Champion of Kirkwall, at least."

"You too, huh?" I roll my eyes but smile nonetheless. "I just really need to pee, but you've got to come join us in Varric's suite for drinks! It's been ages since we've hung out!"

"Yeah… Ages…" he nods, his eyes a little distant.

Something's a little… off. Maybe he's tired? His eyes certainly look tired. His voice sounds tired too. That free clinic of his is really draining him. Poor guy.

"I'll only be a sec, but you can go ahead and join the others now if you want," I smile with one hand on the bathroom's door knob.

"No, I'll wait for you," he smiles back.

"Kay. Just a sec!" I fling open the door (my bladder is on the verge of bursting) and rush into the first free (and clean) cubicle I find. When I'm out, I see Anders leaning against the wall opposite the bathroom with his eyes closed. For a second, I start to think he's actually fallen asleep.

"Anders?" I ask, slowly approaching him. He opens his eyes immediately.

Maker's breath, he's tired.

"All done?" he smiles.

"Yeah," I reply, eyeing him closely. He's got dark circles under his eyes.

"Then, off we go!" he says in a raspy yet cheerful voice. When we enter Varric's suite, I hear quite a few gasps from around the large marble table.

"Anders!" Isabela exclaims, almost knocking her drink off the table in her surprise. "You're alive!"

"You could say that," Anders grins weakly, moving around the table to take the empty seat on Varric's left.

"Good to see you again, Blondie," Varric smiles, thumping Anders on the shoulder.

"And you," Anders smiles back. I just can't get over how tired and worn out he looks.

"I believe introductions are in order, no?" Zevran says.

"Zev, this is Anders. Anders, this is Zev," Isabela shrugs.

"Hey," Anders smiles, his voice noticeably breaking from fatigue.

"Zevran Arainai," Zevran says formally, leaning across the table and extending his hand towards Anders. "A pleasure to meet you, Anders."

His eyebrows slightly raised, Anders takes Zevran's hand and shakes it.

"Pleasure's all mine," he replies with a hint of uncertainty.

"It seems you are very familiar with the group," Zevran says. "How have we not met before?"

"I've been busy," Anders shrugs.

"Anders is a GP," I explain. "He runs a free clinic in Darktown for Fereldan refugees or anyone who can't afford medical treatment." I smile at Anders affectionately as I say this.

"Really now?" Zevran says, and I can tell from his expression that he's impressed too. "How very noble of you!"

"Thanks," Anders smiles. "Someone's gotta do it, right?"

"You could say that," Zevran laughs. "Although, chances are you're the only human on the face of this earth who is selfless enough to do so, my friend."

"I don't even know how you do it, Anders," Merrill says. I feel a bit surprised to hear her voice. Merrill is more of a listener. Definitely not a talker.

"People need me," Anders says with another shrug. So humble.

"And how lucky they are to have you!" Zevran grins. Anders smiles weakly in response.

"What would you like to drink, Blondie?" Varric asks after puffing out a cloud of smoke from his second cigar of the night.

"Some gin and tonic, I think," Anders replies. "With a lemon wedge, please."

"Coming right up," Varric says, picking up his Blackberry and calls the bar downstairs. "Corff, send Norah up with a gin and tonic. And throw in a lemon wedge with that."

"Thanks, Varric," Anders says appreciatively.

"Don't mention it, Blondie," Varric smiles. "You look like you could use a drink."

"Or two," Isabela smirks.

"You can say that again," Anders laughs humourlessly.

"I think he wants you to say it again, Isabela," Merrill whispers. I nearly choke on my lemonade when I hear that.

"Kitten!" Isabela laughs freely. "He didn't mean that literally. People say that when you say something that they completely agree with."

"Oh," Merrill blushes furiously. "Woops!"

"You'll learn one day, kitten," Isabela smiles warmly. "And stop laughing, Zevran!" she snaps.

"My apologies," Zevran grins at Merrill, whose blushing intensifies tenfold.

I think someone's got a little crush on Zevran.

"So, Anders," I say, leaning my elbows on the table. "What else have-"

Just then, my phone starts ringing in my pocket. I pull it out and look at the caller I.D.

Fenris calling.

"Sorry guys, I've gotta take this." I quickly get up and leave the suite, shutting the door behind me as I do so. "Hello?"

"Marian," Fenris' voice floats into my left ear, and I feel a shiver run through me.

How does he still have this effect over me? How?

"Hey, Fenris. Something wrong? Want me to pick you up?"

"No, no…" he says quietly. Judging from the complete silence in the background, he's most probably still home. "I'm not sure I want to go out tonight. Would it be too much to ask you to come over instead?"

My heart skips a beat.

"No!" I reply a bit too enthusiastically. "Of course not! When would you like me to drop by?"

"Now, if that's possible," he says, a smile evident in his calm voice. "And I hope you don't literally mean 'drop by'," he adds.

He wants me stay over.

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes max," I grin.

"Can't wait."

I hang up and just stand there, grinning at my phone like a lunatic. When I snap back to reality, I turn back towards Varric's suite and open the door, poking my head inside.

"I've gotta run, guys," I say in what I hope is a genuinely apologetic voice.

"But what about our game of Diamondback?" Varric asks disappointedly.

"Sorry, boss," I say. "But I've really gotta run. I'll make it up to you, I promise. And it was great to finally see you again, Anders! I'll see you all soon. Night!"

"Night, Champion!" Isabela and Zevran call out.

"Good night, Hawke!" Merrill squeaks.

I give them a small wave and hurry down the stairs and through the heavily crowded main bar. Once in my car, I sing along to 'Little L' by Jamiroquai on the way, my spirits at an all-time high.

The things love does to a person. It's ridiculous when you think about it.

It takes me less than fifteen minutes to reach Fenris' mansion. I park right under a street lamp and head to his main door. Before I reach it, I hear my phone's message notification. I pull it out and scan the illuminated screen.

Message from Fenris:

It's open.

I feel my heart begin to accelerate. I reach towards the door knob and twist. Sure enough, the door's unlocked. I step into the dimly lit entrance hall, the sound of soft piano music filling my ears. I lock the door behind me and follow the sound of the music. It's coming from upstairs.

The piano.

Butterflies swirling in my stomach, I start to climb the staircase with a dry throat and a racing heart. When I reach the first floor landing, I see something that stops me dead in my tracks.

Rose petals.

Hundreds of them.

Blood red rose petals are strewn across the floor, along with burning candles, forming a path away from the room right opposite the stairs, the room that I automatically head straight into, the room from which soft music is drifting into my ears at this very moment.

I'm really tempted to ignore the illuminated rose path and walk into his bedroom, where I know I'll find him seated at the piano and playing the special piece he composed just for me: Hawke's Sonata. But the rose petals and candles form such a precise and clear path to a room that I've never been in before, and he obviously wants me to follow the path, so with just a hint of reluctance, I move past his bedroom door and follow the path, my curiosity growing with each hesitant step.

The room's door is ajar. I lightly push it open, revealing a large, dimly lit bedroom.

The master bedroom.

After a quick appraisal of the room, I look down and see that the rose petals and candles don't stop there; they continue to lead further into the room's left, where another door is standing ajar. I can tell from the space between the door and the floor that this room is dimly lit too, though it's a bit brighter than the bedroom. I push open the door and gasp.

The path leads to a huge bathroom, made entirely of creamy marble. And when I say huge, I mean huge. There's a chandelier nearly as grand as the one hanging in the master bedroom dangling from the centre of the high ceiling, filled with illuminated candles. The rose path ends right at the foot of a deep and spacious bathtub made of marble and intricately gilded gold. It's filled with steaming hot water, surrounded by candles, the surface of the water strewn with even more rose petals.

I jump when I feel a pair of strong arms wrap around my waist from behind.

"Fenris!" I gasp. "You scared me!"

He presses his lips against the side of my neck, and I can feel that he's smiling. I turn around to face him, and he rests his forehead against mine, his eyes gazing into mine with intense warmth and sincerity.

"I missed you," he whispers before gently kissing my lips. "So much."

Ever since that little phone incident with Varric, Fenris and I sort of drifted apart. Even after I won the championship, our relationship wasn't quite the same. In fact, we haven't been intimate since the phone call a month and a half ago.

"I missed you too," I say, gently running my fingers through his hair.

He closes his eyes and kisses me again, slowly and gently at first, before picking up the pace and urgency of the kiss with each passing second. He lifts up my shirt, barely moving his lips away from mine. I feel his nimble fingers snake back to the back of my bra, and I giggle when I feel him fumble there for a while.

"The clasp is in the front," I smile, guiding his fingers to the clasp between my breasts. He smiles back, and I'm almost certain he's blushing (it's hard to tell in the dim candlelight).

He quickly undoes the clasp and pulls my bra off. In a flash, his own shirt is off and strewn on the marble floor alongside mine. He then leans into my chest and starts to very lightly kiss my breasts, the hollow between them, and my midriff, before he pauses at my waist and begins to undo the button of my jeans. He pulls them down slowly, gently kissing my thighs as he does so. I tremble and bite my lower lip to suppress a moan. Looking down at him, it's hard to believe that this is real. That he's real.

I kick my jeans off and pull him up, kissing him hungrily as soon as he's standing up straight. I blindly reach down to the waistband of his track pants and pull them down. My thigh brushes him and I blush when I feel how… ahem, excited he is.

"The initial plan was to make love after our bath," he says in a husky voice. I look up to see him half-smiling.

"We could still do that," I smile back, brushing the hair away from his eyes.

He laughs lightly as he tenderly gazes into my eyes.

"You'll be the death of me," he whispers. The seriousness of his tone catches me by surprise.

"What do you-"

He silences me with his lips before I can finish my question. I feel his fingers fidgeting with the waistband of my underwear as he attempts to pull it off. I reach down and help him, feeling extremely impatient. He takes his briefs off in a flash before he gently pulls me down to the floor, pulling me on top of him. He groans when I straddle him, reaching up to cradle my face with his right hand. For a few seconds, we both stop and just stare at each other.

His markings look so strange in the candlelight. It's almost as though they're glowing.

I lean down and kiss him slowly, causing him to groan longingly into my mouth. Very shortly after that, we're both making love on the cold marble floor, the sound of our shallow and quick breathing echoing off the walls, the two of us oblivious to anything but each other.

"I think I could do with a bath right about now," I breathlessly say around ten minutes later as I'm lying on top of his panting body. I feel his chest vibrate as he laughs lightly.

"So could I," he replies hoarsely.

When I get into the bath, I see two empty glasses balanced on one edge, gleaming in the flickering candlelight.

"I got you some lemonade and some cranberry," Fenris says when he sees me glancing at the glasses. "Take your pick."

I bite my lower lip as a smile creeps across my face.

"I think I'll try something different tonight," I smile. "Something new."

"Oh?" he says with raised eyebrows.

"Mmmhmm," I nod, my smile getting wider.

"And what may that be?" he asks in a low purr as he slides closer to me and takes me in his arms.

"Well, you've tried all of my favourite drinks," I say. "Now, I think it's time I tried yours."

He stares at me, his expression one of disbelief.

"Are you- You're serious?" he stammers.

"And why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, it's just that… you never drink alcohol," he says. "Never."

"And that's not going to change," I say. "I just want to try it, Fenris. Try it. Let's not get too excited here," I grin.

He returns the grin before he reaches across the bath, uncorks the bottle of Aggregio and pours a little into each glass. An amused smile still playing on his precious face, he takes a glass in each hand and hands me mine, his eyes studying my expression.

Probably still thinks I'm joking.

I meet his gaze and hold it, as though challenging him. I slowly raise the glass to my lips and instantly stop breathing to avoid taking in the strong, almost putrid smell.

Then, I take a sip.

I instantly hear laughter echoing throughout the large bathroom, and my immediate response is to gag.

"Your face!" Fenris laughs heartily as he takes my glass from my hand. "It's priceless!"

I think he's referring to the fact that, almost as soon as the red liquid touched my tongue, my face scrunched up like a raisin. It's that disgusting.

"This is awful!" I gasp. "How do you drink that stuff?"

"It's an acquired taste," he says, chuckling as he quickly jumps out of the tub to rinse my glass. I'm still gagging when he slips back into the hot water.

"Lemonade or cranberry?" he asks politely.

"Cranberry," I gasp. "Quick!"

I snatch the glass from his hands as soon as he's done pouring the drink, completely ignoring his light chuckles as he watches me gulp down the juice.

"So, I'm guessing you won't be making the switch to alcoholic beverages any time soon," he grins.

"Not if it was the last freaking beverage on the planet!" I exclaim.

Still chuckling, he takes my empty glass from my hand and places it alongside his before he takes me in his arms again. We sit silently for a while, and I catch myself smiling as I listen to the slightly fast-paced beat of his heart.

And at this very moment, I really want to say it.

And I mean it.

How I feel about him.

The 'L' word.

He must know. I'm sure he knows, but it's just not the same as actually hearing it. Maker knows how much I want him to say it. I've dreamed about it often, but something tells me it'll be a while before I hear it from his lips.

But I really want to.

Go on, Hawke.

Say it.

Tell him how you feel.

You can do this.