CHAPTER 36
"No, no. Nothing at all." Anoki forces a smile. Why did he not like my meat? she wonders. Is he too good for Hopi meat?
Before she says anything, he takes her hand and pulls her to him. She melts at his touch and immediately forgets her grievance. She tilts her head back so that her lips naturally part. He had not intended to jump right in and kiss her again, but here she is, and as Paw says, "Women need to be kissed and fish need to be caught."
Having never kissed a girl, he doesn't know if he is getting better with practice or doing worse. Anoki isn't telling him anything, but since she keeps kissing him, he keeps kissing her. His eyes remain open while she closes hers. When he feels her soft lips press against his, a surge of eagerness causes him to tremble all over. I must be doing this right! he assures himself. If I were doing it wrong, she would not keep pushing into me with her soft lips and hot breath. He closes his eyes, then opens his mouth and works his lips in a way that allows him to put all the burning words of love he felt from a cold lonely winter inside her mouth.
Anoki greedily receives the unspoken words from his heart. She wraps her arms around his neck and presses her lips harder to his. She feels her knees go weak and tremble like two tall trees shaking in the wind. Why does he frighten me? Does he frighten me? Or am I afraid that he's going to hear my weak knees knocking and say something like, "What is that terrible noise coming from between your legs? Are you part cricket? Stop that, or I will stop kissing you." Oh, that would be terrible! Kiss me harder! Take my breath away! Steal my heart.
When he doesn't say any of those things, but instead contracts his powerful muscles and pulls her closer to him, she submits. They kiss and kiss until passion grows as hot as fire, threatening to fuse them together. She fights her nature and pushes him away.
Ah, there it is. I am doing this wrong, he thinks.
"Is something wrong?" Kiowa asks.
"It's just that I hope you don't ever stop wanting me this way. Or looking at me the way you do."
"Eyes must look! My eyes cannot look away from you," Kiowa says, closing his eyes and parting his lips.
"No, I mean I want to be with you always."
He opens his eyes. "Me too." He closes his eyes and parts his lips. She pecks his lips, now with her eyes open.
"I mean I don't want to be with anyone else. Just you. Is this how you feel also?"
Kiowa sits up. I did not expect all this talking to go on. How do I get her to be silent and keep kissing? Do I just kiss her and ignore her? No. No, she does not look like she will be ignored.
Remembering his lessons from the deer, Kiowa decides to be gentle. He runs his fingers through her hair. "I do not understand," he says in a soft tone.
"How do the Kiowa love?" Anoki asks.
"We love like we fight, with the strongest passion! Being by you brings me more joy and passion than can be measured."
"Passion more than joy?" Anoki asks with a trickery that makes him think of Moon Beam's foxy face.
"Of course! Passion is the greatest love of all."
"That is what I was afraid of." Anoki sulks and retreats into herself.
Oh no! Kiowa thinks. She's not going to kiss me anymore.
She turns around and leans into him, patiently waiting for him to ask her something. Instead he runs his fingers through her hair. He eventually wraps his arms around her and thinks, If you were buffalo, I could run you down. Tire you out. Then take from you what I want. But buffalo are ugly and you are pretty like a swan. If I chase a swan, it will fly away and I will never catch it. No, I must find what you eat and trick you into coming closer to me.
They remain in this elated state until a blanket of bright stars twinkle above them.
Patience. Patience. Why am I always the one to be patient? Anoki thinks.
"What are you thinking?" Anoki speaks first, losing her patience.
"I am thinking about what I said when I jumped out of the falls."
"I was thinking that too."
"Then I was thinking about what you said back at the stream, when you were with your brother."
"You heard that?"
He nods. "Now I am thinking…and thinking…and thinking…" He twirls her hair around his finger. Why are we not doing less talking and more kissing? I have been gentle.
Anoki folds her arms and squints. "Now I will tell you what I am thinking." She sits up and faces him. "I am thinking words are easy to speak. Love is hard to find. You say you love me. Show me the tracks or the trail so that I may know it for myself."
"Tracks. Look at me. Do you see the trail of scars you have left all over my heart?" Kiowa points to his chest.
Anoki looks down. She presses her hand to his heart. "No." She sighs. All I see is your muscle. Oh, and I want only to touch it, she thinks. She clears her throat. "I see nothing."
"Ah, of course you don't. There are no visible wounds, but the scars are there." He puts his hand on top of hers. "Being separated from you has wounded me terribly. Moment to moment. Day by day. From one moon to the next, your absence has swollen to a bloom of pain. And now that I am with you, you peel the hurt back one petal at a time."
"You make me sound so cruel."
"Nah. You are sweet Anoki. You are all I see when I close my eyes. My heart burns with a fire that spreads through my veins and makes me fall. I cannot eat unless I know you are safe. I cannot dream unless my dreams are of your face. I miss you. I miss the sparkle in your eyes. Have you fallen in your heart the same as I have fallen in mine?"
The fire crackles.
Anoki's cheeks turn bright red. "Stop. I can see the tracks."
"I will do anything you say so long as you say stay."
"Yes, stay!"
They kiss.
AHA! Kiowa has a brilliant thought. My words are your food, sweet Anoki. I will catch this beautiful swan yet!
"My heart rises to my lips." She holds up her hand. "Now it sinks to my palm."
Kiowa holds up his hand, and they press their palms together. "Then I hold in my hand what cannot be caught?"
Anoki nods. Her smile reveals all. She speaks so softly her voice sounds like the twitter of morning birds. "My pledge to you is this: My love for you is as deep as the earth and as limitless as the sky. You flashed into my life like lightning, and I yearn to feel your blaze. The more of you I feel, the more of you I have."
"Till we are one?"
She nods.
"Ah-hoe! Sweet Anoki…I had words of plenty bursting from my heart and rushing rivers through my mind, but now that I am here with you, they have all escaped me."
Anoki, be careful. He is a man and you are woman. If you are always telling him how you feel in your heart and not pushing it deep down inside of you, he will tire of your rattling lips. Besides, Mother says, "Men who rattle their lips are like the snake who rattles its tail. Behind the lips, both have fangs and will strike." Be wise, Anoki. Be patient, Anoki. Don't rattle your lips. Lure him with your eyes, lips, and hips, never with words! Oh, it would be terrible to love him, confess it, and have my love cast aside. You must hold your tongue, Anoki. He must love me. But how can I know for certain? Anoki bites her bottom pouting lip.
"…I have a large tepee and many furs. Plenty of meat." Kiowa finishes, but Anoki hasn't heard a word of it. She tilts her head down and stares at him with an intensity that invites another kiss.
"Tell me more," Anoki begs, wanting to hear what he has to say, since she was consulting herself and not listening.
"What more can I say?"
"I must hear more now, for I have waited so long."
"What you must understand about the Kiowa is that we are artists first. Did you see the paint on my arm before I washed it off?"
When he doesn't call it "war paint," she breathes a sigh of relief. "I did." She nods and places her hand on his knee. This encourages him to go on.
Kiowa swallows, bobbing his pronounced Adam's apple. "When I paint this red line on my arm, I do it on my heart arm." He holds his left arm up and shows her where his war paint was.
She leans forward and excitedly follows his trail.
"I do this because it is the arm that leads to my heart." He makes a fist, and his eyes flash with a wildness that startles an affectionate smile out of her. I could stare into those eyes and see something new every time I look.
"I do this when we go to war so that the spirits know that I am ready!"
She looks confused and wants to hear nothing of war, only words of love.
"I have been fighting a war since I met you. Can you see what I have painted with red since last we met?" He turns his arm over and shows her the smeared streaks.
"Ah…Let me redraw it for you."
He picks up cooled ash from the fire and remakes the marks with the charcoal.
She watches as Kiowa draws a round smiling sun on his forearm. A horse, probably Night Wind, carries what must be a girl on its back. Farther up his arm, Anoki sees a man with outstretched arms reaching for the girl on the horse.
"I hurt when I am away from you. This sun is the light I feel when we are together. It rises in me and shines in my eyes. My lips on the sun go dry because water cannot exist on the sun, and when I am away from you, they burn hotter than the greatest fires. My eyes burn like the sun without you, but I use the sun's light to search all over the earth for you. When I think the Navajo may return and I am not there to protect you, I send Night Wind and he brings you to me." His hands tremble and his voice cracks when he points to the horse painted upon his muscled canvas.
"When I am with you, it is as though I have water and my eyes and lips do not burn. I am myself again and the wound is healed. This is the war I fight."
She gasps and is grateful for her mother's advice. Had she uttered a word, she might not have heard him confess his heart's true words.
"Did you mean that I make you feel like the sun rises inside you?" Anoki gushes to herself, You are not a snake at all. You are something greater than I have ever known. You are the hope for a new life. You are center?
"Yes! That is exactly what I mean." He grinds ash up and smears it on his chest. The orange fire dances around the shape of a wolf. "This is my father, who watches my heart and tells me that I am right and it is good to confess these difficult words. I believe he is proud of me. I believe he would like you very much. I know he would want you to make his grandchildren. I cannot imagine a day without you. I cannot live another winter without you. Neither my body nor my spirit will survive it. My invisible wounds will return and I will die without you. These are my words. I write them with the smoke of my soul and whisper them with the wind of my lips. I seal them up with this kiss." He presses his lips to hers and steals her breath away.
Tears of happiness well in her eyes. "Then we must never part."
She wraps her arms around his burning neck and presses her cool lips to his. His hands no longer shake. They grow confident and travel down her slender shoulders to the small of her back. He pulls her in and breathes her winds deep into his lungs. They remain like this, as though they can never be pulled apart.
Gentle kisses. Delicate touches. Long stares. Sweet sighs. All the intricacies of love weave the fabric of their souls together in pure, innocent, adoring, coveted love.
"Tell me something, Kiowa. Why do you love me?"
Kiowa feels the fabric stretch.
A word from the author: If you would like to see the story with pictures check it out on Wattpad "Harvest Moon," by Zachary H. Lovelady