Author's Note: This is my first "published" endeavor into the fan fiction world. I'm a bit nervous about it. As of now only one person has read this. I would like to thank PixiePhotos for giving me a little push to put this into the open (if you haven't read her stories, go now! Do not stop, do not collect $200, just GO and read!). Please feel free to review, but be gentle... Also this is unbetad, so any mistakes are mine alone.

Disclaimer: I do not have any claim to Boondock Saints/Connor/Murphy/Rocco or anything else that was in the movie. That's all Troy Duffy (brilliant man that he is). I do not have any claim or rights to any song lyrics or titles that I use. Make This Go On Forever is all Snow Patrol. The Adventure is all Angels & Airwaves. All I can lay claim to is Kher, Ava and any other OC or plot line that isn't in the film, which we are now entering so things may look a little familiar...

Only 5 chapters left... noooooooooooooo!

Chapter 36 (The Adventure):

"I cannot live, I can't breathe unless you do this with me..."

The five of us sat at the kitchen table, the smell of burnt flesh still hanging in the air, but most of the blood cleaned away. We had been sitting in silence, in a circle. Connor, Ava, Rocco, myself, Murphy. I couldn't bring myself to look at the three men. I just didn't know what to say. Based on the deafening silence, I wasn't the only one. I glanced up as I heard the tv come on and Smecker's voice filling the kitchen. I swallowed and pushed myself away from the table as the lump in my throat exploded and tears burst out of my eyes. I blindly walked to my room, shoving the door open before kicking it shut behind me with so much force I thought I heard the crack of a doorframe. I slammed my palms on my dresser as a cry tore out of my throat. I stood there, my body wracking with sobs, struggling to breathe. I cried until my throat was raw and my eyes were unable to produce tears. I stood stock still, my hands still flat on the dresser when I heard the door open. I glanced over my shoulder to see it was Ava.

"You okay?" she asked quietly, closing the door and crossing the room, leaning her hip against the dresser beside me.

I shook my head. "I'm not strong enough for this," I whispered, looking down at the top of the dresser.

She laid her hand on my shoulder, squeezing gently. "You are though," she told me softly.

I looked over at her through what I knew were swollen, red eyes. "We're going to lose them, Ava. They were lucky this time."

She shook her head. "No," she said forcefully. "It's going to be fine."

"Are you trying to convince me or yourself?" I asked.

"Both?" she replied with a forced smile.

I let out a humorless laugh. "Are they still here?" I asked, nodding my head towards the door.

I saw her nod from the corner of my eye. "I think they're stuck for a bit."

I turned and slid to the floor, my back against the dresser. Ava took a seat beside me. "They say what happened?"

"No. But then again, we haven't asked."

I sighed and brought my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. "Am I over-reacting?" I asked, looking over at her.

She shook her head. "I don't think so. It's a lot. But I guess it also depends on the reason for your reaction."

I bit my lower lip. "Meaning?"

"Well... do you disagree with what they're doing?" she asked patiently.

I contemplated the question before slowly shaking their head. "Not necessarily. At least not their reasoning. Granted, I don't believe that God spoke to them, but then again, my faith has never been half as strong as theirs, so what do I know?"

"So, why are you so upset about it?"

I took a deep, shaky breath. "Because I love all three of them. Not the same way, mind you, but I don't want to lose any of them and I hate seeing them in pain. Especially when it seems so preventable and avoidable."

"So you're scared?"

"I guess that's the best way to put it. Actually, terrified is probably more accurate."

"Then, no. I definitely don't think you're over-reacting. It's because you care and no one can fault you for that."

I nudged her with my shoulder. "When did you get so wise?" I asked her.

She shrugged and grinned. "It's a gift."

"How are you able to stay so calm about this?" I asked, resting my head on my knees.

"One of us has to be, I guess."

I snorted. "Apparently."

She sighed and laid her head on my shoulder. "Connor's worried about you."

"Maybe he should worry more about himself," I replied, my tone lacking conviction.

She shrugged. "That may be true. He wanted to come in here after you but I told him to wait."

"Probably good advice."

"You ready to talk to him?" she asked gently.

I sighed and glanced over at her. "If he wants to come in, I won't stop him."

She gave me a hug, which I returned. "It's all gonna be okay, Kher," she murmured in my ear.

I closed my eyes. "God, I hope so."

She gave my hand one last squeeze before pulling herself to her feet and walking out of the room. I rested my head back on my knees, my brain swirling with thoughts. I heard Connor's footsteps, heavier and slower than usual as he entered the room, but I didn't look up. I listened to his labored breathing as he approached and felt him stop in front of me. I finally looked up at him, my eyes meeting his. He gingerly lowered himself to my level in a squat, wincing as the motion pulled at his gunshot.

"Probably not the best position for your leg," I reprimanded gently.

"We' i' ye weren' sittin' 'ere, wouldn' 'ave ta be 'n et," he replied with a shrug.

"Touché," I replied.

"Ye alrigh'?" he asked quietly.

"No, not really," I told him honestly. "My boyfriend was shot."

"Ye weren' 'posed ta com' 'ome when ye di'," he told me.

"Shouldn't have come to the apartment then," I replied with a shrug.

A smile quirked at his mouth. "Goo' poin'." He rose to his feet, hissing at the pain and held his hand out to me. "Can' sit down dere. 'urts me leg."

I sighed and took his hand, letting him pull me to my feet. We stood, looking at each other, my hand still in his as he gently traced circles with his thumb.

"Conn... what happened?" I finally asked.

He sighed and looked down. "E'ryting wa' fine. Bett' den tha'. Bu' den we walked ou' an' dere wa' a man. An' he star'ed shootin'. Go' Roc first. Den I saw Murph go dow'. I di' ge' a 'it o' 'em, bu' no' befer 'e go' me leg."

"Who was he?" I asked.

Connor shrugged. "Don' know. Bu' I know 'e wa' sen' ta take care o' Roc."

I bit my lower lip. "Conn, you have to stop." He shook his head. "Please, Connor."

"Kher, I can'. 'specially no' now. Are we gon' 'ave dis tal' e'rytime?"

I sighed and looked at my feet. "Probably," I mumbled. "I want us to be like before."

He moved his hand to lift my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze. "'m sti' me, love," he murmured. "'m sti' 'ere. No' goin' an'where."

I swallowed heavily before slowly nodding. He gave me a smile before pressing his lips to mine. He moved his hands to each side of my neck, resting just below my ears. I sighed against his mouth and moved my hands to his hips, my fingers slipping through the belt loops. I shivered as his thumb trailed over my cheekbone and he nipped my bottom lip. I lost myself in the kiss, forgetting what had happened as his tongue gently tangled with mine. Reality crashed back when he hissed and pulled away.

"What's wrong?" I asked as he rested his forehead against mine. "Your leg?"

"Jus' moved th' wron' way, da's all," he replied, leaning his weight to his right side.

I sighed and gently pushed him towards the bed. "Let's sit down. You shouldn't have your weight on it like that."

He frowned but obeyed, sitting on the edge of the bed. I sat beside him, our arms touching.

"'m sorry," he murmured.

I glanced over at him. "For what exactly?"

"Tha' dis es so 'ard fer ye," he replied.

"I wish I could make myself be okay with it. It's not that I don't understand because I do. I just... I'm just so scared for you." I swallowed heavily and looked at him, my eyes shining with tears. "I just can't imagine my life without you in it."

He didn't reply. He reached over and pulled my mouth back to his, kissing me deeply. I fisted my hand into his shirt, pulling him closer. I pulled away with a gasp when I felt him attempt to move me to my back. "Conn, your leg..."

"Fuck me leg," he growled as he pinned me to the bed, his mouth sealing over mine.