Chapter 35: Feel

~For now, words cannot describe how he feels~

The drive was quiet, but in a comfortable way. There was soft song playing the background and Sebastian was leaning lazily in his seat. The sun was beginning to set. The pair had not gone home immediately since the whole fiasco at the airport and instead, they opted to drive around town to clear their heads. Kurt had called Burt beforehand to inform him that they might not be home till late. Kurt had honestly expected some kind of argument from his dad but Burt had gone strangely quiet and said it was okay.

Kurt casted a glance at Sebastian, who was on the verge of falling asleep. His gaze dropped to their intertwined hands and Kurt smiled. He felt at peace after a long time.

"Hey," he said softly, nudging Sebastian slightly. "It's barely seven. You're not sleepy already, are you?"

He heard a soft chuckle from the boy beside him. "Hm…Today had been rather hectic for me, you know."

"At least have dinner first, you moron," Kurt rolled his eyes but his tone was affectionate. He had a feeling that he would continue talking to him in that tone for quite a while. The concept of it was strange. But it was in a good way. The thought of it made Kurt smile to himself.

"Sure…" Sebastian yawned. "Wake me up when we're there." He snuggled more into the seat and breathed out slowly, his eyes closed. The grip on Kurt's hand became tighter and Kurt smiled fondly. He contemplated on where to go for now seeing as the night was still pretty early. He took a turn and drove towards the direction of a familiar restaurant he had gone to many times before.

It was around ten minutes later when Sebastian felt himself being shaken gently awake. He blinked blearily before his gaze landed on Kurt, who was already outside the car and standing beside him, the passenger door already open. "Come on, Sebastian. It's Breadstix for tonight."

"It's always Breadstix…" Sebastian complained lightly, but he got out of the car anyway. He shook his head and stretched before he noticed Kurt's offered hand. He looked at it with a puzzled expression. Kurt laughed. "Shall we?" he asked.

"Always the gentleman, I see," Sebastian teased.

Kurt shrugged. "Being with Blaine for a certain amount of time has its effects on me, I guess."

Sebastian chuckled some more and accepted Kurt's hand before walking inside the restaurant. Dinner was not too uneventful. Kurt talked endlessly, as if he had been saving up all the words unsaid and released them all in one go to make up for the lost times. Sebastian listened, making up for the times he did not. He nodded off slightly at one part- who could blame him? Kurt was talking about Broadway- but after receiving a playful (at least, he hoped it was) kick under the table, Sebastian managed to stay awake throughout the whole meal. He also explained a few things to Kurt about the whole fiasco, earning a few shocked looks from the latter.

"You were planning to stay with Wes this whole time? What about that distant relative of yours?" Kurt asked.

"Made up. I couldn't tell your parents the truth. They might have told you and all my efforts of running away would have been in vain. You would know how to keep in touch with me."

"You do realize that I could just easily do that by calling your phone, right?" Kurt pointed out.

Sebastian smiled wearily. "I was planning to change my number."

"You coward," muttered Kurt.

Sebastian shrugged, his tired smile still in place. "I wasn't thinking properly. I just wanted to get away from it all."

Kurt sighed and reached over to hold Sebastian's hand, rubbing his thumb over the knuckle like a pale imitation of the way he used to do so with Blaine. He gripped it tightly. "Please don't do that ever again. You have no idea how I felt when Dad told me you were gone."

"I figured that you might be happy. You were angry with me at the time, remember?"

Kurt nodded, biting his lip. "True enough, but still…Just…" he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Please…next time, talk to me. Tell me the truth. And I'll promise I'll listen no matter how mad I am at you." He looked at Sebastian almost desperately. "You aren't the only one here who is afraid of losing the one he loves."

"Kurt…"

"I'm fine," Kurt said hurriedly. "I'm fine. You're fine," he added.

"We both are. Now," Sebastian smiled softly which Kurt returned.

"Finally," he breathed.

They did not talk much anymore during the rest of the meal aside from the occasional exchange of shy (Kurt's) and cheeky (Sebastian's) glances. They were already inside the car when Kurt began to speak again, breaking the silence between them.

"Sebastian…I just want to say that…" he looked at Sebastian earnestly. "Today just seemed unreal, don't you think?"

Sebastian turned to him, raising an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"I mean…when I think about it, today seem just like a soap opera. You, acting as the runaway lover, me, acting as the desperate girl hoping to catch up to the one she loves the most before he's gone forever. The airport scene…" He blushed, laughing slightly. "Sharing a passionate reunion kiss…"

Sebastian grinned. "I can't deny that I love that part especially." Then, his eyes turned soft. "But I suppose you have a point. Didn't really mean to make it all so dramatic," he paused. "Though…I thought the girl usually starts scenes like those?"

"True…In a way, I'm glad for everything that has happened to me today. Things had never been this…dramatic when Blaine confessed to me," Kurt replied, smiling at the memory. "I guess in away…It shows how much I really want you. How much I come to treasure you despite the mishaps that has happened between us." He leaned slightly against Sebastian's shoulder. "Getting to know you helps me learn that most of the time, we can't really know what fate has in store for us," he smiled at Sebastian, turning his head slightly to face him. "But I like what it has in store for me so far, despite how much it hurts at first."

"That's because Kurt, the events in your life are all so catalytic." Sebastian teased.

"I'm glad it is," Kurt agreed, before capturing Sebastian's lips in a gentle kiss. Sebastian sighed into Kurt's mouth and returned the kiss with fervor, pulling Kurt closer. He nipped Kurt's bottom lip and slid his tongue into the boy's mouth, taking the time to taste him. "God, I miss you," Sebastian murmured between kisses.

Kurt laughed breathlessly. "You just miss doing this," he said, motioning to the way Sebastian's hands travel lower down Kurt's sides.

"No," Sebastian insisted, looking at Kurt determinedly. "Not just that. I miss you. All of you." He kissed Kurt softly for a moment before looking at him again. "I m making up for all the time that I wasted being scared of nothing. I miss you."

"I miss you, too," Kurt whispered, kissing him again. Sebastian let out a soft moan and tangled his fingers in Kurt's hair as the latter pressed himself closer against Sebastian. When the kiss began to grow heated, he tore his lips from Kurt's and looked at him. Kurt's face was flushed and his eyes were darker. And from the looks of things, Sebastian was sure that his appearance mirrored that of Kurt's.

"I…"

"I don't want to go home…" Kurt interjected. "Not yet."

"And where do you suppose we should go?" Sebastian whispered, breathing slightly heavier than before. He could feel Kurt's heart thumping in his chest and this made him swallow. He knew. Of course, he did. And he was pretty sure that Kurt knew he felt the same way.

Something clicked in Sebastian's head. "My house."

"What?"

"Let's go to my house."

"Do you have the key?"

"I always have the key, Kurt. I so happen to visit that house of mine every once in a while to keep in clean."

"How come I never noticed?"

"You were always hanging out somewhere whenever I go there."

"Well, you never invited me."

A laugh. "True." Sebastian kissed Kurt chastely before looking at him for any signs of confirmation. "Well…how about it?"

"Sounds…" Kurt laughed breathlessly. "Somewhat romantic."

"It's a gift."

Kurt swatted Sebastian's shoulder playfully before scooting back to his seat. "Give me the directions, then."

Sebastian only grinned in response, patting Kurt's knee affectionately. As they drove, no one spoke. But it was not as if they needed to, anyway. Kurt knew that both of them could feel the anticipation hanging in the air around them. His loud heartbeat was proof enough.

Kurt had not felt this excited and nervous in a very long time.

~*.*~

The house was quiet when they entered it. True to his words, the house did look relatively well-taken care of. Kurt looked around, observing the place carefully. "This is a nice place…" he mused. "Very chic and modern, yet with a hint of vintage in it."

"Yeah, well." Sebastian hung their coats on the hanger. "My mom loves interior designing. She took care of all the decorating and stuff. Dad and I just help out wherever we could."

"I really like her taste in furniture," Kurt hummed approvingly. "Oh…And I texted Finn to tell dad that we might not be going home tonight," he added, slightly shy.

"Oh?" Sebastian's lips curved into a tiny smile. "And?"

Kurt blushed. "Dad said….that…it's fine. He understands." He placed a hand on Sebastian's chest where his heart beat a steady rhythm. "Would it be weird for me to say that I'm nervous and excited at the same time?" he whispered.

He felt a rumbling in Sebastian's chest and he realized that the boy was chuckling slightly before he found himself enveloping into a hug. He felt lips kissing his hair and he found himself relaxing despite himself. "Not at all," replied Sebastian. "Would it be weird if I'm the one who's nervous?"

"A bit, yes," Kurt admitted with a laugh. He released himself from the hug and faced Sebastian. His eyes shone and his lips trembled in a way that made Sebastian bite back a groan. And they had not even done anything yet.

He nodded and took Kurt's hand silently, leading him upstairs. When they entered Sebastian's room, Sebastian released Kurt's hand and pushed him slightly towards the bathroom door. "Why don't you shower first? You'll probably feel weird not having a bath the whole day."

"What about you?"

Maybe it was a trick of the light, but Kurt thought Sebastian's cheeks reddened. "Um...I'll just use my parents' bathroom."

"Are you sure?"

"Very. Now go on before the water gets too cold."

After Kurt disappeared into the bathroom, Sebastian took several deep breaths as an effort to calm himself down. Hell, he was not kidding when he said that he was nervous. Huh, how ironic it was for him to be nervous at things such as sex.

Well…there was always a first time for everything, after all.

~*.*~

Meanwhile, Kurt leaned against the wall as the water continued to rain down on him from the shower head. He took his time because, he really did feel a little dirty from all sweat, but also mainly because he was a nervous wreck. He should be because…this was Sebastian. Sebastian, who probably had lots more experience than him at things like that. It was not as if he did not have any himself, of course, but…sex with Blaine was all tender and sweet, with a lot of foreplay before. He was not sure how it was with Sebastian.

Oh dear god, what if he messed up?

He shook his head. No, those were typical school girl thoughts. He cannot afford to let himself think like that. He turned off the tap and stepped out of the shower stall. Wearing a bathrobe and taking a towel to dry his hair, he got out of the bathroom. Only to stagger back against the wall in shock.

Sebastian was drying his hair as he sat on his bed, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. His eyes widened in shock when he saw Kurt.

"Oh…um, sorry. I thought you'd be in the bathroom slightly longer," said Sebastian, getting up from the bed. "I'll just…"

"No," said Kurt hurriedly. "I..it's fine. I don't mind." He averted his eyes, his cheeks burning. God, what was wrong with him? They both knew why they were really here and it was not as if this was Kurt's first time or anything but somehow, Kurt could not stop the blood rushing to his face.

"Hey…" Sebastian reached out to caress Kurt's cheek. "You alright?"

"Fine, just fine," Kurt smiled hesitantly. "Just…nervous, I suppose."

Sebastian smiled gently, leaning over to kiss Kurt's forehead. "Don't be. I…we'll take it slow, alright?"

Kurt could not help but to roll his eyes at that, his lips quirking into a wider smile. "Please, Sebastian. I'm not some blushing virgin."

"Well, you certainly act like one," pointed out Sebastian, his thumb swiping against Kurt's cheek.

"It's the nervousness," insisted Kurt. "Um…"

Sebastian cut him off by leaning in and captured his lips in a searing kiss. Kurt sighed in his mouth and parted his lips to let Sebastian's tongue through. Sebastian took the time to drink Kurt in, to really taste him. His arms wrapped around Kurt's waist as they staggered backward towards the bed. The kiss continued heatedly until they both found themselves collapsing on top of the bed with Sebastian hovering over Kurt. He tore his lips from Kurt's and looked at him searchingly.

"Are you sure?" he asked again.

Kurt looked at him for one long moment before he nodded. "Yes. I'm sure."

And that was all Sebastian needed to hear.

Sebastian leaned down to kiss him again, his hand reaching out to part the material of the bathrobe until it slid down Kurt' shoulder. He started to trail kisses down Kurt's neck to his collarbone. He heard a pleased sigh from Kurt when Sebastian experimentally flicked his tongue around Kurt's nipple, teasing it before moving over to do the same to the other one.

He continued to kiss his way down Kurt's body, pressing his lips softly at Kurt's inner thigh, enjoying the sound of Kurt's moan, all high and sweet. When Sebastian finally closed his mouth around Kurt's cock; already half-hard, he was rewarded by the sound of Kurt's sharp cry before it faded into a soft groan, fingers twisting in Sebastian's hair.

Sebastian did not tease him this time. He simply sucked wet and hard until Kurt's hips came up off the bed. Sebastian smiled around him a little and flicked his tongue back and forth over the swollen head. Kurt moaned, hands working hard against Sebastian's shoulders, and rocked up into his mouth.

"Sebastian…fuck," Kurt gasped, body pulling taut. Sebastian made an approving sound and sucked Kurt down all the way, and swallowed slowly around him. The cut-off moan that answered as Kurt came undone, shuddering under him, would have made him purr except his mouth was full. So he just thought it.

He could not help the way his smile turned slightly smug when he kissed his way back up Kurt's body. Kurt let a breathless laugh escaped his laugh when he looked at Sebastian's expression. "Enjoyed yourself, did you?" he asked, still trying to catch his breath. Sebastian grinned wickedly. "I should be the one to ask you that, Kurt." He nuzzled Kurt's neck briefly. He looked at Kurt again, his eyes rather serious.

"Are you-,"

Kurt pressed his finger on Sebastian's lips to shush him, smiling at him reassuringly. "I'm fine. You can…" he sucked in a breath. "You can continue."

Sebastian was silent for a moment before he nodded. "Okay." Sebastian reached over to the bedside drawer and opened it before taking out a small bottle containing lube. This made Kurt raise his eyebrow. "Not that I'm complaining, but…why do you still keep lube in your house if you're no longer living in it?" he asked.

Sebastian smirked. "For emergencies. Knowing me, that should be self-explanatory."

"How clever of you," Kurt rolled his eyes but his tone was teasing. Kurt heard the bottle being uncapped and before long, he felt Sebastian's lube-slicked finger pressing against his entrance, before it pushed in slowly. Kurt bit down a hiss and closed his eyes, gripping Sebastian's forearm. The sensation itself was not unfamiliar, but it was slightly uncomfortable. Sebastian kissed his throat almost as an apology before moving his finger in and out of Kurt, slowly and carefully.

"Just try to relax," he whispered before he added another finger. He took his time to fully stretch Kurt, eventually finding Kurt's prostate judging from the way Kurt suddenly let out a high moan and arched off the bed. After a while, he felt Kurt's hand on his shoulder and saw the way the boy looked at him, with his cheeks all flushed and sweat beaded along his forehead.

"I think…I'm ready now," he gasped when Sebastian's finger brushed his prostate again. "Sebastian…"

Sebastian kissed Kurt briefly, nodding before taking out his fingers. Kurt groaned at the emptiness for a moment. He heard some shuffling of movement before he felt a cool, blunt pressure pressing against him. Kurt adjusted his position so that he was straddling Sebastian's lap, faintly noticing that the towel was now gone and the bathrobe he was wearing currently pooled around his waist. He wrapped his legs around Sebastian's waist and leaned against his chest.

Sebastian kissed Kurt heatedly before he began to push in. At that, Kurt let out a startled gasp which morphed into a throaty moan. He heard Sebastian swear fervently, his hands gripping Kurt's hips tightly as he continued to push in until Kurt was filled up to the hilt. They remained like that for a while, taking their time to catch their breaths.

"Are you okay?" Sebastian whispered.

Kurt bit his lip before nodding. "Y-yeah…" He sucked in a sharp breath. "Y-you can move…"

And when Sebastian did; pulling out slowly and thrusting back in, Kurt groaned and buried his head in Sebastian's shoulder. Sebastian kissed Kurt's own shoulder, as if reassuring as he continued to move. He felt electricity running down his spine and stars burst beneath his eyelids. "Kurt…" Sebastian trailed off as he hit something deep inside of Kurt that made the boy cry out softly and arch against him, gripping his shoulders tightly for support.

Kurt never tore away his lips from Sebastian. He did not want to know what he might say if he had his lips all to himself. "K-Kurt…" Sebastian gasped into his mouth as he continued to hit that spot deep inside of Kurt, making him arch and see stars every time.

"Sebastian…fuck," Kurt hissed. The way his name spilled from Kurt's lips made something hot and possessive tighten through Sebastian. When Kurt's body finally clamped down around him, he growled, driving up into that tightness with short, hungry thrusts until pleasure raked him over the edge.

They fell into a steady pace, moving as one unit.

Sebastian eventually groaned low and loud against his lips, thrusting one more time before a wave of warmth filled Kurt. Kurt himself was not too far behind as he felt Sebastian's hand on his cock, rubbing it until he too, came all over Sebastian's stomach.

They fell into a comfortable silence, Kurt curled around Sebastian, arms holding him close. He worked to catch his breath, ghosting over Kurt's neck, head nestled against his neck, nose in his hair. Kurt's fingers idly played with Sebastian's brown locks of hair, letting out a sigh.

When the fire that wrecked his nerves finally died down, Sebastian carefully eased himself out of Kurt and guided Kurt into a lying position. He kissed Kurt's eyelids, forehead, cheek and eventually his lips, at which Kurt smiled before returning almost in a lazy manner.

"You alright?" Sebastian whispered against his neck.

"I'm more than alright," Kurt smiled tiredly at Sebastian. "That felt very good. It was amazing."

Sebastian grinned cockily at that. "Well, what can I say?"

Kurt laughed as he playfully swatted Sebastian's shoulder before snuggling against his chest. His eyelids were beginning to droop and he yawned. Sebastian's arms tightened around him. "Sleep," he said softly, pressing his lips against Kurt's hair.

"You don't have to tell me twice," answered Kurt. There was a brief silence before Sebastian heard Kurt's breathing becoming softer and lightly slower.

He was already asleep.

Sebastian stared at the ceiling for a brief moment and took the time to contemplate his thoughts. Kurt was right. He truly had no reason to be afraid when it came to love. Especially when it came to Kurt, who was stubborn as hell and refused to let go despite everything. Kurt and his determination. Kurt and his smile. Kurt and his kindness.

Sebastian closed his eyes and simply decided to be grateful to life for ever letting him meet someone like Kurt.

A/N: Wow…that was harder than I thought. So okay…I've got…sad news. The chapter after this will be the final one and I'm like…omg. Is it truly? But anyway, I'll save the teary part for the next time we'll meet.

Dedicated to justyoursummerboy for helping me in a way and for accidentally giving an innuendo in a tweet that was meant to be friendly. Remember guys, as a word of precaution, be careful on how you use the wink.

Reviews are lovely and appreciated.