Always there - Reid Garwin/OC
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Chapter 35- Begging
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Thanks for the reviews, favourites and alerts everyone its really great =] and makes me really happy =] Sorry for the wait.. No excuse this time, just good old fashioned neglect =] well not good but you know XD
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Thanks to KagomeBadass17 for the huge flux of reviews I got recently and to Mistress Persephone whose latest review made me realise I really need to sit down and write another chapter so I did =] and to everyone who has recently added me to their favourites and alerted me =] Thanks!
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Kelly
I could feel him pulling away so I grabbed at his wrist, and pulled him back down, "Don't Reid" I whispered, hoping, praying that my eyes conveyed all the things I could not say, begging to God above that there was something still left in him that knew me, that loved me, that I could break through to.
"You don't have to do this."
"I know," It was Reid's voice, yet there was still that something else, the thing that stopped him being mine. I thought maybe that was all he would say but his next words were worse than anything I had felt this night, worse than any torture, worse than death itself. I felt crushed, deflated, because his next words told me I was too late, I had failed after all, he said, "but I want to."
"No" I shook my head as he pulled away completely, "Reid"
"I feels so good Kelly" he laughed as he stood, his arms out beside him, spinning in circles, like a gleeful child on his first fairground ride. And I was still struck by his beauty, his saturated blonde hair spraying droplets all around him, his skin paler under the moonlight, and his face was still amazing, even creased with power and evil. He was still Reid, I had to believe that, I had to ignore what he was saying and fight, somewhere inside, he had to be there, otherwise I would be dead. Why save me if he wasn't there somewhere? Plus, my Reid had always sworn that he would never hurt those he loved once he was addicted, that he would never go after Tyler or his brothers for their power, and here he was, in a place that only I knew he visited, as far away from them as possible, if he was completely gone surely he would go after more power, but here he was running and hiding.
"It's so beautiful Kelly!" he exclaimed, "I feel like a God, like a king!"
I felt physically sick again, this was the Reid that people in school thought they knew, the Reid consumed by who he was, I tried to ignore the despair I felt, but on top if this I knew that Caleb would be here soon, they would find him, especially if he kept using, then I realised what he was doing.
"Your waiting for them aren't you?" I asked, as the black abyss of his eyes landed on me again, "You want Tyler's power? Is that it? How could you be so selfish?" I spat.
"No!" and before I could blink he was in front of me again, nose touching mine, except unlike all the other times we had been this close, this time he was menacing, could snap and hurt me at any minute. "I don't want Tyler's power!" I could feel his breath on my face and bit back the memories of all the times he kissed me and held me, loved me.
"Then why are you letting them find you?" I could hear the pleading in my voice as I fisted my hands around his jacket front, "If not to hurt them then why?"
He didn't reply, just wrapped his hands around my wrists and his intense glare, though black as night, still told me everything I needed to know, the way his eyebrows slanted inwards in a sad frown, the way his Adams apple bobbed as he swallowed, I realised my first assumption was wrong, he didn't want his brothers powers at all, he didn't even want his own.
"No, Reid, that's stupid!"
"I made Caleb promise, he always keeps his promises" he said, in a voice barely audible over the pounding rain on our heads, "Not to let me hurt anyone."
"You haven't Reid, you haven't, You got rid of Chase and you brought me back, you've don't nothing but good baby"
"I cant stop, I wont stop, so I will hurt someone, I'll be like Chase, It's inevitable." he said sadly, starting to pull away.
"So this is like suicide by Caleb? Why put him through that, why not just kill yourself now? Why let him live with the guilt and pain? You cant do it yourself cause your scared!"
"I'm scared of nothing!" he roared, hands squeezing my wrists tightly, I was beginning to recognise each side of him, the anger and pain was the power and my Reid was the thing that was left, the fear and doubt and self loathing.
"I am too!" I replied quickly. "I haven't stopped being scared since the first time I met Chase! Except when I was with you, you made it better, now let me do the same for you!" I breathed a sigh of relief as his grip on my wrists loosened.
"There's nothing you can do!"
"There is, if you can bring yourself to stop, you don't have to die, you don't have to leave me, you cant leave me!"
He blinked a few times, then pulled away roughly almost knocking me off balance and stalked away. Not really the desired reaction that I was aiming for.
"I cant stop," and I noticed a chiming quality to his voice like he was high, drugged up. "I don't want to" The conflict inside of him was so obvious, the way he kept changing his mind. Branches and other objects kept flying around us, though never touching us, no matter how it looked, he was in complete control, I had no idea how fast they aged when using once they had ascended, Chase had apparently been under the powers influence for a long time but still looked to be our age, well, maybe a little older.
"You can, if you want to you can do anything" He laughed, bitterly.
"I don't want to! I don't want anything but this! I want to be in control!"
This wasn't happening! It wasn't going to end this way! God dammit!
"You son of a bitch!" I cried, lunging after him, "You selfish bastard!" I was sick of it, sick of everything! I pushed him roughly and he stumbled, even though he could swat me like a bug at any time, even before his addiction, I never was the strong one.
"What are you doing?" I thought I heard him ask, but then he sounded like my Reid again and I screamed, "I hate you! I hate you! You never gave a shit about anyone other than yourself!" I felt myself, saw myself pounding on his chest as if someone had taken control of my body and I was watching from another place, "You never think! Why bring me back if I'm just going to lose you again? Why put me through that?" I saw images in my mind, Caleb wracked with guilt, he could save his brother and in the end he killed him, Tyler returning to his dorm, empty and silent, the mess that was once Reid's packed away and empty, no one to tease him or call him baby boy anymore. Friends and family, gathered around his body, as he is lowered into the ground. Me, alone, everyone broken and blaming the other, bitterness where there was once love and happiness.
I felt angrier again and a new wave of strength washed through me as I pounded him again, and he just stood there, stoic, taking it, saying nothing, not even trying! "I hate you! I cant do this on my own! I cant do this without you! Your so adamant on dying then take me with you! Dammit! Don't leave me!" and I'm sobbing, begging, screaming, punching him with as much power I can muster and I hate him and love him and I don't know what to do, I can hear the engine of Tyler's hummer coming closer and I know they've found us. I know I'm too late, I look deep into Reid's eyes the rain entwining with the tears on my face and I can barely speak for crying but I beg anyway, panicking, hearing the ticking of the clock in my head, "Please, Reid, Don't let this happen, please. Please. Please!"
I look behind me and I see Caleb and Pogue and Tyler, and Kate and Sarah and Michelle, they're all here and they're all staring with horror and I know how it must look, at some point Reid grabbed my hands and I look like a captive and I'm forced between begging them not to hurt him and begging him to stop! I swirl back to Reid, who has stiffened and knows what's coming and I think he might be crying too, that maybe my Reid is on the surface somewhere, fighting to be free, but his eyes are still black and he's not even trying and they're climbing the hill coming closer shouting and threatening.
"Please Reid, don't let this happen" he's looking at me and I know he's crying too because he's given up, he's resigned himself to the knowledge that he is going to die.
"I love you Reid," I say, and though I know it is a waste of time and its too late it still feels like a huge weight is lifted from my shoulders and before I know what I'm doing I say, "I wish I'd told you everyday" and his lips are on mine so gently then he pushes me away and I land in a pair of arms that are not Reid's and I'm screaming at them to stop, begging as Caleb and Pogue advance on Reid, whose not even moving or trying to run.
"Leave him alone!" I scream and I turn to my captor, Tyler's crumpled face and say, "Make them stop!" I look to Sarah, Kate, Michelle, any of them, Sarah is crying into Kate's shoulder and Michelle still looks sort of bewildered and morbidly fascinated.
Now Kate has taken initiative and her and Tyler are dragging me down the hill and I cant see them anymore and I cant hear anything over the rain but I can imagine what's happening, Reid letting them hurt him, kill him, and though I know they will make it quick it does nothing and just knowing I wont see him again and this time it is real breaks me and I can barely breathe so I stop struggling and let my body his the ground, I close my eyes and curl up on the sodden ground and I don't care that I'm just like one of those tragic story characters who've lost the love of their lives, I don't care if I look pathetic and I don't care if they decide to leave me here to freeze. I don't care about anything anymore. I can hear their voices talking to me.
Then I think I drifted off to sleep cause I heard a voice that I thought I would never hear again, "It's okay Kelly, It's over, It's okay"
And then I sleep.
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Xxx
NOOO! This is not the end theres a couple more chapters before the end =]
Disclaimer----- If I owned to Covenant the Kelly would be a real character and the movie would be centred around Reid not silly old Caleb =] Or even better … I would be in Kelly's place XD