"So we meet every other Wednesday afternoon. We'll usually start with brunch, then we get in a circle and work on a craft—" Carolyn paused before stacking another pillow by Leda's muzzle. "We're preparing the Lovely Cards the Dark Lady hands out for the Love Is In The Air festival. Lyra told me that they're usually boring old cookie-cutter notes, so I volunteered our guild to create some more personalized cards."
"That's helpful," Leda said a bit too loudly, on account of her hearing being muffled with a motley of linen pillows over her face.
Today was in fact that fated Wednesday of Carolyn's weekly meeting, and neither of them wanted to chance one of the members accidently finding Leda. They also couldn't cancel the meeting, because Carolyn feared her members would think something had happened to her and check in on her. Leda had suggested that she hide in the barn, but Carolyn didn't want to move her just yet. So it was decided that Carolyn pile all her pillows on Leda's face and lock her window and bedroom door during the meeting.
"If Father Teller comes this time he likes to lead a prayer, but his prayers can be a bit…" she pursed her gray lips, then continued, "over-eager. After that we spend one hour talking about how our week's been. I know it must seem strange for the undead to be in group therapy."
"Well, I mean, you are—" Leda bit her tongue.
"Damned. Abominations. A blight on Azeroth."
"I'm sure there's a nicer way to put it."
Carolyn chuckled with barely any humor to it. "There is no nice way to put it, and that's part of the reason why I started this guild. It's hard to look at yourself in the mirror and feeling like your old self but seeing the monster everyone else sees."
Leda couldn't help but smile at this.
Carolyn gasped. "Oh my word, I'm so sorry. I don't mean to mean that you're a monster in anyway, I just, oh! I just speak without thinking."
"No, I understand what you mean. Could I trouble you to scratch the top of my nose?"
"Here?" Carolyn asked as she gently scratched the bridge of Leda's snout.
Leda's paws curled from the cold touch of Caroyln's gloved fingers. "Yes, yes thank you. I think I've got the nervous itches out of me now."
It surprised Leda how well she got on with Carolyn over the last few days since she had woken up. There was a genuine air of cheeriness about the woman that permeated her horrifying appearance. Leda tried not to stare at the thick black stitches that connected Carolyn's jaw to the rest of her skull, nor did she gawk at the bulging ridge of vertebrae under layers of fabric. The coral pink dress stuffed with bolts of lace she wore clashed with her decaying appearance.
Leda silently scolded herself. Carolyn had been nothing but kind to her, and here she was judging on appearances. No, it's not just how she looks, it's what she is. Her existence is unnatural, she thought. But what of my existence? At least I'm alive, but in a way Carolyn is alive too. This is her life after death. Why can't I just accept that?
"CAROLYYYN, OH CAROLYYYYN!" bellowed a monstrous voice so big that it caused the window to rattle.
"Oh heavens, Whack came early!" Carolyn said.
"Whack?" Leda asked.
"He's one of the abomination guards. He's really a sweetheart once you get to know him, and the poor dear's picked on by the other guards because they're bigger than he is—"
The cabin shook as the great abomination approached. Leda heard Carolyn run out and lock the door. A scurry of feet and-
"Whack! I wasn't expecting you so early," Carolyn said in a quieter but still clear voice.
"That's because Whack wanted to say hello to you before the others came."
"Oh, you're too sweet. Here, let's sit outside where the meeting is going to be."
Leda's body locked still under the quilts, hoping that this risky plan would work. Shortly after Whack's arrival Leda heard more undead of a variety of guttural voices arrive.
A whispy woman's voice that sounded close to the window said, "Carolyn, I'd like to introduce you to Mr. K.P. Putz."
"It's good to meet you, Mr. Putz. How are you today?"
A bored, gravelly voice answered. "Today's the day we're all going to die"
"Forgive me, but aren't we already somewhat dead?"
"We will all experience true death when the universe collapses back into a singularity again, thus erasing all information to the point where we never even existed."
"And that's happening today?"
"I'm 73% sure it will happen today. If not, there's always tomorrow."
"Well, I suppose it's good to be optimistic about something. Here, help yourself to some refreshments, Mr. Putz."
More voices joined the crowd. Listening closely, Leda guessed there to be at least nine people in total, including Carolyn. Her ears quivered at the wet smacking sounds of one of the guests eating loudly.
"Does anyone know if Father Teller will be coming?" Carolyn said.
A different man murmured, "He's been sent to the Gilnean front."
"Oh!"
"Shall we have a bet to see how quickly we'll take Gilneas? I give it another week," Lyra said with a laugh.
Leda's grabbed the edges of her bed so tightly that her claws pierced the mattress.
"You're generous. I say a couple more days and we'll have rid that land of the living," Putz said.
Carolyn broke in, "Let's talk about something else, shall we? Something more cheery?"
"What's more cheery than our inevitable victory?"
"Our weekly craft! We're going to make some splendid Lovely cards for the Dark Lady."
There were a few happy interjections, but they were interrupted by Mr. Putz's exaggerated sigh.
"This ain't worth the cheese and crackers," he said.
"Mr. Putz, just wait a moment, why don't you finish the meeting first before you decide never to come back again."
Lyra's whispy voice turned mournful. "And I want to do this craft with you, Kiefer."
He sighed. "Fine, fine. I've got nothing better to do, anyway."
"Excellent," Carolyn said, "grab a glue bottle and some glitter and we'll get started."
Putz groaned, but now he sounded closer instead of farther away. Their chatter thankfully stayed away from the invasion of Gilneas, instead focusing on fluffier topics like what their plans were for the Love is In the Air festival. It was strange how they sounded like living people but with really bad colds. Of course, they were all living people once. It was the curse of the Scourge that changed them into undead monsters without a shred of humanity, or so she had once believed.
"Does anyone remember if they were married when they were still living?" Carolyn asked.
Lyra answered, "I had my wife, but she wasn't in Silvermoon when Arthas came."
"Never settled down," said Iono, the murmuring man from earlier.
"Married three times, divorced twice, buried the third. She's risen too, but we don't keep in touch at all. Don't know if I'd call that married or not," added Putz.
"I had a fiancé," piped Gnock in his absurdly high-pitched voice.
"I was married but I left him about three years before I died," Carolyn said. Silence. "I say 'left him' but I never officially divorced him. We lived in Southshore and I took what I could fit in a carpet bag and ran away back to my mother's cabin out here. I didn't know what would happen if I…"
"Do y'know if he was turned into a Forsaken?"
"No. I mean, I don't know."
"I can inquire the records to see if he has been resurrected and where his location is," said Lyra.
"If Whack sees him, Whack crush him."
"It's all in the past. Really, don't worry about it. I don't even know why I brought it up."
Iono said, "But if he—"
"I don't want to talk about this anymore. Let's talk about something nicer."
Silence again before Iono continued, "If he gives you trouble, you let us know."
"I doubt he will," she snapped. "I'm sorry. Really, let's talk about something else. Someone mentioned something about love boats?"
"Oh yes, you'll find them in the sewers," Lyra cooed. "It's quite romantic. You should try it! Perhaps you'll get some inspiration for your next book."
"You're a writer? Why didn't you say so! What do you write?" Putz exclaimed.
"Romance," Carolyn said. "I'm the author of the Exhumed trilogy."
"I should have guessed as much."
Unearthly laughter erupted. Gurgling and high-pitched squeaking and whistly and croaky cacophony laughter. It frightened Leda at first, but she felt the warmth that came afterward and she felt infected by their joy.
Several hours later, the chatter finally died down. Carolyn entered the bedroom, pressed her hands and the door, and sighed.
"Well, everyone's finally left," she said.
Leda sat up, pillows rolling off the bed.
"How much did you hear?" Carolyn asked.
"All of it."
"I'm sorry about the Gilneas talk. I tried to stave it off as much as I could."
"It's fine. You can't control what everyone says."
"No, you really can't."
"When you were all talking about your past marriages—"
"Oh. That." Carolyn scowled. "It's nothing to worry about. What's past is past."
"Right." Leda looked away from her. "I'm sorry for bringing it up."
Leda expected Carolyn to either leave or start talking about something else. Instead, she sat at the foot of the bed and took her gloves off finger by finger.
"May I ask why you brought it up?" she asked nonchalantly.
"It's not the same but when I was fifteen, I ran away from home. I know it was the best thing for me to do, but I can't…I can't shake off the guilt. I'll feel it now and again. I regret what happened, I wish I could have done something to change it, but then I realize that there's nothing I could have done. I'll be fine for a while, but now and then, especially during the holidays, I think back and feel regret again." Leda blinked as if she were waking from a trance. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to babble on like that."
"It's funny, because I feel guilty too, and then I feel guilty about feeling guilty," Carolyn said softly, running her fingers through her peat brown hair.
"Yes! It sneaks up on you too, even when you're having a good day. Like it's punishing you for enjoying your life."
A fine mist fell over Leda's vision. Carolyn took Leda's paw and squeezed gently. Leda clasped her hand with her other paw.
LLL
"You're doing quite well, Leda. Actually, you're healing a lot faster than I expected you to."
After almost a week of bed rest, Leda was finally on her feet and walking slow laps around the bedroom. Now she rested on the side of the bed, with a cup of tea in her hands and a plate of molasses cookies on the bed between her and Carolyn.
"It's good that you were able to find your home again, after resurrecting," Leda said and finished her tea.
"Well, this isn't the original cabin. It was completely demolished when I found it, and with the help of my friend Sarin I was able to have it rebuilt."
"I had a cabin back home, with my dogs and my rabbits, after I left the city and made a new home for myself. My cousin, Gregory, lived with me. He was nineteen, and the only member of my family who could stand being near me. I don't know, Carolyn. I want to go back home, but I know it won't be the same anymore. I know I'll die trying, and I don't want to die."
She gasped from a short shock of pain from her ribs. She had healed considerably since she first woke up, but her torso was still sore and tender.
"Leda, maybe it's best to focus on one pain at a time. When you've healed, then we can work out what to do next. How does that sound?"
"It's a plan, at least."
Carolyn patted her on the shoulder. "We'll work this out, I promise you. It's just going to take some time, is all, and 'a half a cup of patience,' as my mother would say. Here, let me get some more tea to go with these cookies and to calm our nerves a bit."
Carolyn took the empty teacup and left for the kitchen. Leda felt something hard bump her back. She turned around and saw that it was Snickerdoodle nosing her. Her flesh crawled at the sight of the skeletal horse, and the way he blankly stared at her for a moment before resting his bare bone jaw on her shoulder.
"You just want cookies, don't you?"
Gingerly Leda took one of the cookies and brought it up to the horse's jaw. Snickerdoodle opened his mouth, grabbed the cookie with his slimy purple tongue, and munched on the cookie. Crumbs scattered all over Leda's shoulder and on the bed. Once finished, Snickerdoodle nuzzled Leda's shoulder until she gave him another cookie. Leda knew she had stayed in this cabin for too long, because she was quickly finding this activity adorable.
"All right, here's—Snickerdoodle!" Carolyn groaned, a full cup of tea in her hand.
"It's all right, really. Unless you have something else I can feed him with."
"Well, he doesn't need to eat, but if it makes you happy, feed him all the cookies you want. He's a glutton, but he's very sweet."
Snickerdoodle whickered in response, and Leda fed him another cookie. Feeding him made her miss her dogs Maggie and Molly dearly, and she secretly wished that they were all right.
"What's the date?" she asked, not wanting to think about her dogs' fates at the moment.
"February 13th."
"Oh. My birthday's tomorrow."
"Really?"
"Yes. I'll be forty. Never expected to be here when I turned forty."
For the rest of the day Leda was in a daze, as if time had whacked her across the face. Had her world not been flipped upside down, what would she be doing now? She'd be hiking around the forest with Gregory and her dogs, maybe go into town for a treat. Calm, routine, nothing terribly special. She never put in an effort to celebrate her birthday. She suddenly felt very tired.
When night fell and she laid down to sleep, her fatigue was replaced with restlessness. Her eyes were tired and her body was sore, but her mind buzzed with energy and refused to let her sleep. She spent the night staring blankly at the ceiling, her brain spinning old memories about Gilneas, her parents, Mrs. Evergreen, Arthur, Gregory, Castor, Helene, Hazel and everyone in between. So much of her life had been a struggle.
She tossed and turned until morning, and Carolyn came in with her breakfast before disappearing into the kitchen. Once finished with her porridge and eggs, Leda stared out into the colorful garden that grew in spite of the gray gloom. Where did these forty years go? To abuse and to self-hatred with her parents, but also to contentment when she finally broke away from them. How long would she live after today? With the way things were looking, probably for not very long.
She closed her eyes and tried to imagine how she looked as a human. At first everything was a bit murky, like she was looking at a mud-splattered mirror. She saw her amber eyes, her olive skin, her shoulder-length brown hair, her muscular and sloped shoulders, her square torso. She held tightly to this image and opened her eyes, but her physical form had not changed.
She closed her eyes again, and the reflection in the scythe burned beneath her eyelids. It had only shown Leda in her current worgen form, but its cold image showed something she couldn't see but knew was there. She opened her eyes, still physically unchanged.
She had to trust herself, and be honest with who she was.
Leda took a breath and said, "My name is Lawrence, and I'm a man."
In a blink of an eye his body shrank and shifted from his gray worgen form to his human form. His white shirt hung so loosely on his shoulders that he clamped the shirt with his fist so his breasts wouldn't show. He wanted to call out to Carolyn for a smaller shirt, but stopped himself. With a free hand he pulled his quilt up to his chin. Yes, he would explain to Carolyn what had happened, but for now he just wanted to sit with this enormous relief that filled every nerve in his body.
Carolyn, however, burst in with a small chocolate cake lighted with a crown of candles.
"Happy birthday to—oh goodness!" She jumped and blew out the candles. "What happened to Leda, or are you Leda?"
He stared at her, fear clamping his throat. No, you only have a little time left, you must be brave, he thought to himself.
"I'm the worgen," he finally said, though his voice trembled. "I know I said my name was Leda, but I want to—but my name is Lawrence."
He held his breath when she chuckled in response.
"Oh, okay. You just surprised me! I thought worgen couldn't turn human."
He looked upon her with disbelief, then turned away and mumbled, "They can, I was just having trouble."
"Then we have quite a bit to celebrate, don't we? Let me just start over real quick."
Caroyln left the bedroom and re-entered a minute later, the candles relit, and sang:
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday dear Lawrence,
Happy birthday to you!
Rubbing the tears from his eyes, Lawrence blew out the candles.
AN: I've been waiting so long to write this chapter! ;_; Super stoked about it. Also giving you a heads up that the next chapter will be up sometime in June since it's finals crunchtime. Thanks for sticking with me! Also, I've been accepted for my very first reading! :D It's on May 2nd and I'll upload my experience on the blog at thegiddyowl dot wordpress dot com