Chapter thirty-five
A week later Stef walks out onto the deck with Ali in tow. Stef sits down onto the bench and motions for Ali to do the same, turning to face her daughter as she takes her hand. They'd already told Ali that she could go back to school next week and since then she has gone back to calling them Lena and Stef. They know she doesn't mean to upset them. It's just her way of coping with another change in her life.
"You don't have to worry about being behind, okay? Mama will sort all of that out for you." Stef begins to speak before pausing to look at the little girl's face. Her lips are shut tightly together in an effort to stop them from quivering whilst her eyes begin to water, "You don't need to be scared, baby. A school is a safe place just like home. Nothing bad will happen to you there."
Ali leans forward and lunges into Stef's arms. Stef wraps her arms tightly around her daughter, pulling Ali close as she rubs her back.
"Oh, my love, shhh…It's okay." Stef whispers into Ali's hair as Ali begins to relax before slowly pulling herself away from Stef and smiling sadly up to her, her eyes dry.
At that moment Lena walks out of the kitchen towards them, noticing Stef's concern etched across her face. Discreetly she looks over to Ali who face seems to lack any emotion. Trying to hide her own worry, Lena sits down beside Stef as Ali stands up from the bench.
"Stef, can I go get my bath now?" Ali asks politely.
"Yes, sweetie," Stef says as Lena wraps her arm around Stef's back, "We'll come up in a little bit to say goodnight."
Stef turns to face Lena once Ali is out of earshot, "She didn't cry." Stef whispers causing Lena to look confused, "She was about to but then she just shut down. What if…?"
Lena sighs sadly as she tucks some hair behind Stef's ear, leaving her hand on Stef's cheek as she leans in and softly kisses her wife's lips.
"She isn't going to shut us out. We won't let her. She knows that we love her and will do anything for her. That's what matters." Lena quietly says as she hovers close to Stef's lips.
"I just want to hear her call me mommy." Stef whispers, her voice cracking as days of pent up emotion begin to surface. Lena instinctively pulls Stef into her arms, holding her wife tightly, refusing to let go until her body begins to relax.
Monday morning begins harshly as Stef's alarm goes off, the sudden noise causing both women to jump slightly. Stef reaches out and hits the snooze button, not wanting to separate herself from Lena who is cuddled up close to her side after another night alone. Lena looks up to her wife and smiles.
"Morning my love," Stef whispers as she leans down to kiss Lena's cheek softly.
"Good morning," Lena whispers back lifting herself up from Stef who takes the hint and begins to kiss her wife deeply in long drawn out kisses. After a few minutes, the alarm goes off again signalling an end to their early morning make-out session. Stef sighs as she finally switches the alarm off and sits up in the bed, leaning against the headboard.
"What's wrong?" Lena asks quietly, slowly positioning herself so that she's now sitting beside with her legs crossed.
"Do you think she's ready?" Stef looks over to Lena who takes both of Stef's hands in her own and gives them a gentle squeeze, "I know it's been a month and she's missed a lot of school but I don't know how she's going to react without us there." Stef's voice trails off as she looks into her wife's eyes which are glistening slightly.
"I know you're worried. I am too but Brandon's going to walk her to class and Mariana won't going to let her out of her sight at lunch. I'm sure she'll be fine, sweetie." Lena tries to comfort Stef, knowing that her words aren't helping. Lena sighs sadly as she opens up her arms, allowing Stef to fall into her warm embrace before finally relaxing her own tense body.
After a few moments of peace, Lena pulls back the covers and slips out of Stef's arms, "I'll go and get the boys up," Lena says, causing Stef to moan disapprovingly, "I'll even make my famous pancakes!" Lena slowly makes her way to the door only to be stopped by Stef who rushes in front of her.
"I'll get the girls. Just don't push yourself," Stef smiles to Lena who nods back, "We've got a whole two weeks left before we have to go back to work."
Lena walks into Jesus' room, smiling at the sight of her baby boy sleeping peacefully. Probably dreaming about food, she thinks, moving over to sit on the edge of the bed.
"Sweetie, it's time to get up." Lena whispers, rubbing his legs softly in an effort to stir her son. Jesus groans and tries to pull the duvet over him but it doesn't budge. Slightly confused, he opens his eyes and notices Lena sitting on his bed.
"Mama, please not yet." He whispers, closing his eyes. Lena laughs at his protest as she gets up and pulls back the curtains, allowing some light into the dark room.
"Come on, if you get ready quick enough you can help me make pancakes," Lena speaks in a low voice knowing that food is the only reason Jesus is going to budge from his warm bed. Suddenly, he sits upright.
"You're making breakfast?" He asks, in shock. For the last month, breakfast has consisted of cereal, burnt toast and overdone eggs. Lena nods her head and watches as Jesus gets up and makes his way into the bathroom.
Smiling, Lena heads into Brandon who is already sitting up in bed, rubbing his eyes.
"Did I hear pancakes?" Brandon asks in a croaky voice, looking up to Lena.
"Yes, baby. I'm making them for breakfast. You can help me once you're ready. That's if Jesus isn't eating them right out of the pan!" Lena exclaims, causing both of them to laugh.
Stef walks into the kitchen to find Lena alone.
"Your little helpers are nearly ready. Brandon nearly ran me over on the landing!" Stef says as she lifts up a mug and pours herself some coffee.
Lena laughs, reaching up to grab a pan from the rack above the stove causing pain to shoot through her ribs as she drops the pan. Stef puts down her coffee and runs over to her wife.
"Honey, please you've got to be careful." Stef begins to say before noticing the tears in Lena's eyes, "I'm sorry, love. You're hurt, come here." Stef leads her to the nearest stool.
"I'm okay," Lena says quietly, slightly winded as her ribs continue to sting. Stef shakes her head as Lena looks down to her feet.
"You have to be honest with me. Please, let me help you." Stef whispers, kissing Lena softly on her cheek.
"I'm Sorry. Can I've my medication?" Lena waits for Stef to return before she removes her hand from her ribs. Knocking back the pills, Lena gently places the glass down onto the table as Stef picks the pan up from the floor.
Suddenly the kitchen erupts into noise as all four kids make their presence known. Stef laughs at the looks of disappointment on their faces as they notice the lack of pancakes.
"How about one more day of eggs and toast?" Stef asks, her voice full of energy as she tries to hide Lena's pain from them. They all glance over to Lena, her hand still hovering over her ribs subconsciously.
"Yea, that's fine," Jesus chimes in, sitting down at the table as the others join him. Lena and Stef look over to him in shock, "What!" He exclaims as they all stare at him causing everyone to laugh.
Ali takes a deep breath as she watches Brandon leave after walking her to her first class of the day. Suddenly the door opens and everyone begins to move inside, taking their seats as their teacher makes her way back to her desk. Ali's last in and is shocked to find that her seat has been taken.
"Ali, we've had some seating changes since you've last been in. Certain people in the class couldn't seem to stop chit-chatting." Mrs Henderson looks to no one in particular but a few boys around the room shuffle uncomfortably in their seats, "Why don't you sit here?" She says, pointing to a chair in the front row.
Ali nods and moves to her new seat, aware of everyone staring at her. Ever since she'd started at Anchor Beach she'd found it difficult to make friends and then the rumour spread around school. No one wanted to sit with the daughter-who-lived. It was even worse now. Everyone knew about Lena getting shot and Ali being kidnapped.
Thank god I have Mariana, Ali thinks as she looks out the window, not really understanding anything Mrs Henderson is writing up on the board. If anyone even looked at Ali funny, Mariana would be all over them. The only problem is that Ali's a year older so class time is a solo battle.
"Ali," Mrs Henderson says, noticing Ali's lack of interest, "Do you need any help?" Ali turns her head back around to face her teacher, noticing that she doesn't even have her books open. Staying quiet, she quickly gets out a pen and begins to take down the work from the board hoping that Mrs Henderson will leave her alone.
Following class, Ali walks quickly to the canteen only to be shoved out of the way by an older boy. Suddenly the whole world begins to close in around her as her mind goes blank, her ears filling with white noise. Ali stumbles back inside to the now empty corridor, attempting to make it to the girls' bathroom. Her knees begin to cave in as her legs turn to jelly. Slowly sliding down beside a locker, Ali pulls her knees up to her chin and tightly shuts her eyes, trying to stop the tears that are now flowing down her cheeks, I can't breathe, Ali thinks as she gasps for air.
"Honey, have we got time for another movie?" Lena asks, calling into Stef from the front room.
"Let me check," Stef says smiling as she looks around for her phone, placing two coffee mugs back down onto the dining room table. As Stef picks up her phone it begins to ring, "Hello?" She answers.
"Hi, Stef?" A female voice says, which Stef immediately recognises as the school nurse, "Would you be able to come and collect Ali from school?"
"Yes, of course." Stef says, moving into the kitchen to get her keys, "What's happened?" She asks, praying that their little girl's okay.
"She's had a panic attack. She's calmed down now. Your son Brandon found her in the corridor during lunch and brought her straight to me." The nurse tries to explain over the phone, not knowing the full story herself.
"We'll be right there," Stef says as she walks into the front room.
"Ali's had a panic attack. Can you come with me?" She whispers, knowing that she can't cope with this on her own.
"Of course, love. You don't need to ask." Lena says quietly as Stef helps her up from the sofa.
Stef and Lena hold hands tightly as they walk through the corridors of the school. They pause outside the nurse's office. Stef knocks before the nurse opens the door to reveal a terrified little girl sitting up on the bed, her legs dangling over the edge. Lena sits down beside Ali, wrapping her arms around the little girl and looking over to Stef, both stunned by Ali's sudden regression.
"She hasn't said a thing since she got here." The nurse whispers to Stef who nods slightly, realising that their nightmare of Ali shutting down might be coming true, "I'll give you three some time alone." The nurse leaves the small office, shutting the door behind her as Stef moves over and sits down on Ali's other side.
"Baby, can you talk to us? We just want to help you." Stef whispers, trying to hide the shake in her voice as she looks down to Ali.
"M-Mommy," Ali whispers, leaning into Stef's side. Stef looks over to Lena, both women watching as the other's unshed tears begin to fall.