The Book of Hetalia Logic

by Mitsuki Horenake

Welcome newcomers to the Hetalia world! Getting started in a strange new fandom and the Wiki pages are down? Here's a good place to look! From how to write a character in relation to the image of Himaruya to the fangames in existance, whatever you need to know, this will have you covered! Anonymous reviews are open, so ask what questions you have!

37. ALL OF THE VOICES

CHAPTER XXXVI – More Voice Acting Comparisons!

"What?", you say, "Again?!"

Well, of course we go at this again! Why am I doing this? Well, the first chapter that I did, I was only covering the top characters in the series, the Axis and the Allies, voiced by familiar voice actors that a lot of people know in America (Eric Vale, Todd Haberkorn, Patrick Seitz, etc). Hell, the only person whose name I guarantee that you never knew beforehand was Scott Freeman. Well, you know what happened?

Scott Freeman finally obtained a Wiki page.

Yeah, it was probably on for quite some time, but you have to admit that this is as major achievement for this man. Think about it: every single majorly known voice actor / seiyuu / important person etc. has a Wiki page associated with them. Other voice actors that are known in Hetalia such as David Trosko and Joel McDonald (he's also done the voice of Brief from Panty and Stocking, another FUNimation project) don't have a page, but if you've been paying attention to FUNimation's repertoire, a lot of voice actors that you've never heard before are starting to obtain higher roles. Hell, look up one of the newer anime they got their hands on: "Kore wa Zombie Desu Ka?", or put simply, "Is This a Zombie?". Every single main character has a voice actor that has a Wiki page except for the first two names,and those are the usual positions for the MAIN main characters.

So as homage to the lesser known voice actors of FUNimation who is starting to gain more roles due to their position as a nation in this world, why don't we go ahead and start comparing the voice actors of other characters? I'm going to try and aim toward voice actors that don't have a Wiki page, but I won't promise anything. Besides, these people need more attention, even if they do suck at their role XD

/~ So Let's Begin ~/

/= [SPAIN] =/

VOICE ACTOR – David Trosko

SEIYUU – Go Inoue

I love how the very first nation that I choose to analyze was voiced by two voice actors that don't have Wiki pages in the first place. Weird, don't you think? And it's even weirder that despite the lack of attention, these two have to be the best at this role, and I would not choose anyone else to play the role as our lovable Spaniard…except for a dude who actually lived in Spain all his life, that would be interesting.

Now I will say this: they really know how to pronounce their Spanish (it's actually scientifically proven that a lot of languages can learn Spanish better than another language…no idea why). I mean, Go has a bit of an issue with it, but it's basically because of the Japanese accent. Other than that, they play on a different aspect on Spain's character. Trosko's performance sounds more Spanish than Go's, though Go is more hilarious because he knows how to make someone sound so airheaded that his clothes are the only reason why he's staying on the ground. Maybe it's because of the higher pitch, who knows. But Spain's character really plays more like a two-man act, bouncing back and forth with Italy Romano, and I'm pretty sure that I already stated it before, but for those of you who didn't catch on, they bounce off each other perfectly. So the perfect voice is again stuck to personal opinion.

Me? I personally like Inoue's voice. What can I say? I really love hearing the voice of someone who sounds so out there and so happy and high as a kite because, let's face it, everyone else's voices are more down to earth, especially the second-place America voice's laugh. Yeah, that high. Though I have to admit, if you heard these voice actors when they're playing serious, it's freaking sexy. Just saying.

/= [POLAND] =/

VOICE ACTOR – Ryan Bijan / Joel McDonald

SEIYUU – Tanaka Kazutada

I personally have no idea what happened with Poland. When it comes to voice actors with few credentials, this character takes the cake. Bijan and Kazutada's resumes on Anime Network are freakishly small, and that is no joke. McDonald, on the other hand, was stuck with playing minor roles in many different shows, kind of the same level with Freeman, but that just means that you might have a bigger chance of finding him in other anime. Because they play Poland differently from each other, I'm going to have to compare the both of them with Tanaka-kun and see who's the best on top of that.

Kazutada does well with how Poland was written, with that valley girl accent thing and for some reason, I think he sounds like a dude trying to be one of those in-girls with the clicks in high school. Seriously, listen to him, that's the image that comes in my head. Bijan, on the other hand, matches up with Kazutada's acting in terms of voice work (they share the same pitch, I swear), but I dunno…the accent they used for him was kind of weird. And…OK, I have no idea why I think of this, but I swear to God, McDonald makes Poland sound like the Holy Roman Empire with a Polish accent…if that is a Polish accent…not like I would know, huh.

OK, I'll admit it, FUNimation got the best Poland in Joel McDonald. Kazutada grated on me a little, and for some reason, I can't remember any of Bijan's lines, and what I do remember makes him a little bit forgettable. That doesn't make the best argument ever, since Poland is a rather important figure in historical events, and saying that one of them was the better on by default makes this argument rather moot. Still, I'm going to go ahead and say that there must've been a lot of people going on an uproar if they had to replace Bijan with McDonald. Anyone who can tell me what happened should send me a message or leave it in a review or go on my dA page or SOMETHING.

/= [AUSTRIA] =/

VOICE ACTOR – Chuck Huber

SEIYUU – Akira Sasanuma

FUCK. I thought I was going to be avoiding characters with famous voice actors today. But I guess this one could count…just because few people know who the hell Sasanuma is. Seriously, go to his Wiki page. His resume pales in comparison with Huber's. I will admit that the hardcore anime sub watchers are very likely to have encountered his work perhaps once (especially if you're a Gundam fan), but let's face it, Sasanuma has one role that basically beats anything Huber has ever done: LINK. With that in mind, let's keep going before I start going nuts.

Austria is known for his elegance and excellent piano skills. He's also known for being the world's clumsiest and womanly person ever (geez, now I know where Italy lost his backbone). Sasanuma sounds rather perfect in this role, with his voice elegant enough as it is and rather hilarious to hear him scream. On the other hand, Huber sounds more Austrian with his German-like tone and voice that sounds more like a leader. I think I can summarize these two in one phrase: Sasanuma is Roderich, while Huber is Austria (for those of you who don't get it, Austria's human name is Roderich Edelstein). As a result, this character is again determined by personal preference.

I think I sound too obvious for this, but Sasanuma gets my vote. Not because he needs more attention, oh no. I think I got all of you interested the minute I mentioned that the Hero of Time is on his resume. I'm saying that the way Austria is portrayed in the show, it makes Sasanuma perhaps one of if not the best voice for this characterization. Let's face it, if he was rather a thinner, more cunning version of Germany, Huber would've been perfect. But he's not, so…yeah, Sasanuma. Still love your portrayal of Hiei, Huber. Better than the seiyuu, I will say :D

*sigh* If I'm going to be talking about him, I think it's only appropriate that I bring in his better half into the conversation…

/= [HUNGARY] =/

VOICE ACTOR – Luci Christian

SEIYUU – Michiko Neya

I think we figured her out already. Hungary is basically everything Austria is not: manly in her own womanly way…that sounded weird. Both of them are rather interesting to watch, which makes sense because she is unintentionally the insert of many female viewers into the show (she ships men and writes about them. How much more of an insert are you asking from a dude?). So how do these two women do?

Well, for starters, Neya makes Hungary sound adorable. She definitely has that womanly voice with her, making her sound more like a woman in comparison to every single other female character in the Japanese dub where everyone's voices seems to crack the ceiling in terms of how high voices can get (SERIOUSLY). Which is hilarious in hind sight, because let's face it, Christian is famous for making her characters squeak like a Japanese high schooler. It's weird, because she actually has a deeper voice in this series, and kind of sounds like she has an Austrian accent. Then again, I'm a college student with dwindling time. How am I supposed to know what the heck a Hungarian accent sounds like? Both of them sound like very good mothers (which in my head gives them bonus points because let's face it: she is technically the mother of Italy Veneziano…or the father, depending on how cynical you want to be). Again, this goes purely by personal preference.

Hooray for Neya-chan! She wins my vote for preferences! Wow, I am just loving the Japanese cast in terms of their back-ups, aren't I? The thing is that these two women sound very much alike, just different in terms of octaves. The thing is that I heard Neya's voice first, so I'm more used to her than Christian. Plus, Christian's other roles sound more like Neya's, so there was a time where I couldn't tell the difference D:

/= [LITHUANIA] =/

VOICE ACTOR – Josh (Mina Marie?) Grelle

SEIYUU – Ken Takeuchi

Jesus, someone messed up the Wiki page for Josh good. The picture and the voice clearly show that it's a man doing the part, that's fine. It's just that for some reason, every single page refers to Josh as Mina, a woman that goes under the name Josh. Will someone please be so kind as to verify whether or not this is truly a dude or something like Clarine Harp with her awesome man-turning skills, and if this is in fact a dude, someone please fix his Wiki page before I start going nuts? OK, that's enough out of that. Lithuania. Punching bag of the century. How do these men do it?

I think it's because of how plain Lithuania is compared to the cast that is on some type of drug (LSD on America), but these two guys make him one of the more reasonable characters in the show. Grelle has a natural tone on him: not too high, not too low, and his accent is more understandable compared to words that I cannot hear at all (I'm looking at you, Brooks). Sure, it might not be Lithuanian, but let's be honest: would any honest-to-goodness Texan know what the heck a Lithuanian accent is? Heck, who knows what the heck a Latvian accent is (Latvians, please don't hurt me…second of all, nice to know that Latvians read this fanfic…apparently). The same can be said for Takeuchi: not too high, not too low, fairly normal compared to psycho bitch and her brother.

I say this goes by personal preference, but in a different way than the rest of the cast…in fact, in the best way possible in terms of personal preference. Due to how similar they sound and how much they sound like Lithuania, I would go far as to say that Lithuania is perhaps the best indication for one to know if they have a preference for subs or dubs. They sound that good and that similar to each other. Is that a bad thing? Course not. It just means that in terms of acting quality, Lithuania will not disappoint, and I would say that he's one of the best voices to listen to in both English and Japanese. To put in comparison, the only other two that I put up on this list are France and Germany. Yeah, that good. In fact, so good that I can't tell you which one of these two I prefer. Yeah, in the world where I can tell you which voice I can tell you with the rest of the cast, it's freaking Lithuania where I can't do it. Props to you Grelle, Takeuchi. And if you can tell that pervert shinigami over there that I'm not talking about him and that his butler friend is in London, we'll carry on.

/= [ESTONIA] =/

VOICE ACTOR – Mike McFarland

SEIYUU – Atsushi Kousaka

Way to go on range there, Kousaka-kun. Didn't even realize it was you until I looked it up. But then again, if we were going to be talking about the character that everyone basically states is an author avatar (despite the fact that he was, say, Japanese), we might as well get King Awesome and Master freaking Roshi to do his voice. Well, how did they do?

First of all, can someone please talk to me about McFarland? When I hear him talk as Estonia, he sounds like the English version of Holy Rome if he didn't hit puberty (you know, like Chibitalia). This has indeed been the reason why I not have the crack-canon that Estonia is the reincarnation of Holy Rome and not Germany (LOL). Seriously, go back and listen to Estonia in English mode. Do you not hear mature Holy Rome in it? As for the Japanese version, I admit: I heard Prussia in his voice. Though I will also admit that I much rather prefer this voice to Prussia's. Not as grating, half as painful, all that good stuff. If Prussia suddenly came out of nowhere and started talking like this, it would be because he was serious. Heck, I'm going to go so far and say that this has to be Kousaka's normal speaking voice. If I'm right, BOOYAH.

Uh…I'm going to have to put my vote on Kousaka on this character. I dunno, McFarland's voice annoyed me a little bit for some reason. Maybe it was because I thought he sounded like Holy Rome. Maybe it was because it sounded like he was yodeling half the time. Is that bad? Well, I can't remember many episodes with him (fail fan, I know), so let's just go forward and state that while I do have a vote in this ever-growing war between Japan and America in terms of voice quality, it shouldn't be considered a great backing supporter because, well, what do I know?

/= [LATVIA] =/

VOICE ACTOR – Ryan Reynolds

SEIYUU – Tanaka Kazutada

Before I start talking, no, I'm not talking about the Canadian guy who is a great Hollywood actor and who was a part in butchering up the Green Lantern. Not that Ryan Reynolds…unless this is the same Canadian guy who is a great Hollywood actor. In which case AWESOME! But if not, well, let's get to comparing.

Before you start asking, yes, this is the same seiyuu that is doing Poland. And they don't sound all that different. He sounds like a shy Poland…wait, more shy version of Poland. Though it makes it very hilarious to consider that since Poland is one of the few people who are scared of Russia, you can imagine Poland still be terrified of him if you close your eyes a bit. The thing is that I kinda still hear Poland in Latvia's voice, so it's kind of hard to separate the two of them. On the other hand, Reynolds sounds like a girl trying to do a boy's voice. I call that an achievement, since we all know that girls can do guy voices if they go deep enough, but I find it rare to hear guys with feminine like voices. Is that weird for me to use as an analogy like that? Yes? All right then. If you noticed that I'm not having much to talk about in terms of the Baltics, it's because I can barely remember watching the series, I don't have time to watch the Netflix version of the show, and trying to watch it online is too much of a hassle at my current state. Not fun, I tell you.

But from what I do remember, I believe that Reynolds does rather well in the role, and gets my vote. Maybe it's because of the small amount of roles I can remember and talk about in this sense of time, but that's my vote on it. Then again, the fact that they had to use someone on the cast to play two roles if not for actual reasons (like the Italy and North American brothers) just goes to show how cheap the entire production of the anime really was. Can't blame them for that, huh?

/=+=/

And these are all the characters that I have to talk about right now. I know it's not the best list so far, since the other chapter had a billion more details, but the fact that most of the characters (especially the Baltics, my god) are rarely given any screen time next to the big shot Allies / Axis goes to show how much thought was put into them. Though I will say that despite the fact that I loved the Japanese back-up voices more, this does prove a point that shatters a seiyuu stereotype that I think is looming around: that all seiyuu have a crazy-ass long voice range. I mean, look at Konishi-san, Namikawa-san, their ranges are nuts, and they are nothing compared to the football field that is Takahashi Hiroshi. But the fact that I hear the similarities between Prussia and Estonia, Latvia and Poland paints the more realistic picture that, really, they're just like us, some with only one voice range and are best known for that.

Then again, we could've already come to this conclusion through Yasumoto Hiroki, but what do I know?