When I got in the house, I found Fleur in the kitchen. I wanted to do something useful. I needed a purpose.
"Do you have potion making supplies?" I asked her.
"Of course," she said. "But what do you need? More pain potion?"
"No," I said. I was in pain, but I did not want my mind to be fuzzy anymore. "I just need something to do, and, well... our potion stores were getting low..."
I could tell from the look on her face that she was starting to understand. "Yes, of course," she said "I keep it in here." She led me to a small closet like room next to the pantry. There was a giant rack of any potion ingredient you could think of, and an empty cauldron.
"Do you mind if I...?"
"No, no! Go ahead. I think it's good if you keep busy."
I had not had the chance to sit in front of a cauldron in many, many months. It felt right. I took a deep breath and could smell all the herbs and ingredients, the dusty smell they all combined into. I started with somethingeasy, a pain potion that I knew by heart, and potion makingcame right back. It reminded me of long hours working on potions in the dungeons at Hogwarts. It just felt right. It made me feel more like myself.
I spent all afternoon in there, until my hands were dry and cracked from being near the heat so much. I had brewed three simple potions that would go with Harry. Maybe I could even use them as a bargaining chip. I knew it was getting late, because light was not streaming through the small window that was over my head. I could smell dinner and it smelled good, but I didn't want to go out if it was not ready yet.
However, I could hear a commotion outside. It was loud, and there were many excited voices. I cracked open the door and saw that Remus Lupin was standing outside. It seemed like every inhabitant of the house was gathered around, listening to him.
"Yes- yes- a boy!" he said. It dawned on me that he was talking about his child- hisson. "Harry, you'll be godfather?"
"M-me?" Harry asked in disbelief.
"You, yes, of course- Dora agrees, no one better-"
"I- yeah- blimey!" Harry said, and he smiled for the first time in awhile. It was nice, to see him smile. He looked happy and younger. I was sad that I couldn't make him smile like that.
"And Hermione? Godmother?"
Hermione looked incredibly shocked. "Why, yes, of course, Remus! I'd be so honored!"
Bill was moving past me to grab a bottle of wine. "We have to celebrate!"
With a glass of wine, things became a bit more bearable. I settled into a corner of the couch as the rest of them cooed over the thought of a new baby. The thought made me a little sick. Who would want to bring a baby into this horrible world? What kind of life would this child live?
I was probably just bitter because I didn't know if I'd ever get to know the joy of announcing my child to friends. Would I ever see that sort of a future? It was looking dim. Who knew if I would be alive? Moreover, if I were, would I have friends to tell?
"...I think he looks like Dora, but Dora thinks he is like me. Not much hair. It looked black when he was born, but I swear, it's turned ginger in the hour since..."
I didn't give much attention to Remus, just letting his words go in one ear and out the other. I accepted another glassful of wine from Bill.
"I must get going, no, I can't possibly accept another glass-" Remus said, declining. "I'll try to come by in a few days; I really should get back-"
He grabbed his traveling cloak, and Bill and Harry saw him out. I went into the kitchen to help Fleur set the table for dinner. Fleur was so graceful as she put the finishing touch on the meal. I had struggled with putting together meals for the four of us when we were traveling, and she seamlessly pulled together for ten people.
"Dinner is ready!" she said. "Kat, will you go get Bill and Harry?"
I nodded. They had not yet returned from outside, but as I got close to the door, I could hear Bill's voice. He sounded angry, and that piqued my interest. I cracked the door so I could hear.
"She's been through something highly traumatic, Harry. She needs support right now, from you especially, and you won't even look at her-"
I realized that they were talking about me and my stomach dropped. I felt a surge of gratitude toward Bill
"I won't stand for that in my house. You better start treating her with a hell of a lot more respect-"
I knew that Bill was wasting his breath on Harry, so I decided to announce my presence by opening the door the whole way. "Dinner's ready." I said.
"Thank you, Kat," Bill said. "We'll be right in."
I shut the door behind me, and joined everyone else at the table. People were very happy tonight. It was as if the news of Remus' child's birth gave everyone some hope. And in a way, it was nice. I hadn't heard much laughter in awhile. However, I was just too angry to take it well tonight, and the wine had not helped.
When Harry came in, he took the only available seat, which was across from me. I looked up at him, to see if the talk Bill had with him had done anything. I looked at how ragged he looked, how angry his face was, and I felt like I could sympathize. He briefly raised his eyes to look at me, and then darted his eyes away. I must have looked pretty ugly.
After dinner, I made myself scarce by going into the potion closet and cleaning up the mess I had abandoned earlier. It was chilly in there, because I had left the window cracked, but it felt good on my flushed skin. I wiped up the potion I had spilled and returned all the ingredients to their proper, alphabetized spots on the shelf. It felt good to leave everything in order. Then I figured there was nothing left to do. Ron and Luna were probably playing Exploding Snap in the living room, but everyone else had probably gone to their separate corners of the house.
Fleur and Bill were in the kitchen, speaking softly. "Good night," I said quietly.
"Actually, Kat, can we speak to you for a minute?" Bill asked.
"Yeah, of course," I said and turned around.
"More wine?" he asked, holding up what was left of one of the bottles opened earlier.
"No, thank you," I said. I had plenty of wine tonight.
"Sit," Fleur said, gesturing to the table. I was a little confused; what did they want to talk about that necessitated sitting down?
"We just want to extend an invitation for you to stay here," Bill said. "I spoke with Harry earlier and they are planning on moving on within a few days."
"And although you are physically healed, maybe it would be best for you to stay here and recuperate a bit longer..." Fleur said.
"And not have to deal with that prat." Bill added.
I tried to smile, but was afraid it just came out as a grimace. I did appreciate what they were saying. They were being incredibly kind to me, and really, I did not deserve it. I was not related to them. I had just ended up in their house.
"I really, really appreciate the offer," I said. "But... I would really like to continue on with them. I've come this far already..."
"Kat, I'm not sure he's going to let you go with them," Bill said, his voice softer.
It was not a possibility, to me. I was going to leave with them. "I have given up so much to be with them," I said. I knew they were right, and I was starting to get emotional. My voice cracked, but I willed myself to hold myself together. "I don't think it's very fair to not let me finish what I started."
"But-"
"No buts," I said, trying to take a deep breath. "I really do appreciate the offer. But I won't accept it, I'm sorry... I'd like to go to bed."
"Good night," they said.
~.~
On the way up to my room, I asked Ron if I could speak with him. We both padded up one more set of stairs to my room. "What's up?" he asked.
"Are we leaving?" I asked. "Your brother's under the impression that Harry wants to leave."
Ron sighed, and slumped down on the end of my bed. "I really think you should talk to Harry."
"He won't even look at me, Ron, do you seriously think he'll talk to me?"
"Corner him, or something," he suggested. "I'm sorry, Kat, I don't know what to say."
And that was it. He wouldn't say anything else, before he left to go back downstairs.
It all gave me a sick feeling in my stomach. I sunk into the bed, and let myself cry.
~.~
I woke up early, and I felt sure that I was the only one awake. Maybe, I could stake out for Harry and wait for him that way. I threw on my dressing gown and slippers and headed downstairs.
I was right; it seemed like I was the first one awake. The house was chilly, so I put a log onto the fire in the living room and sat in front of it. It was then that I noticed the door was slightly ajar. Interested, I stood up. Out the kitchen window, I could see Harry's back as he walked away from the cottage.
Enough was enough. I was going to talk to him, and he could not avoid me this time. I walked to the door, opened it slowly so it would not make a lot of noise, then shut if behind me.
I walked quickly over the long grass to try to catch up with him. For a few minutes, I followed him, until he sat down at the edge of the cliff, overlooking the water.
"Harry!" I said. He jumped, startled, and had already reached for his wand.
"You startled me," he said, turning back to look at the ocean. I sat down next to him.
"Sorry," I said. "If you hadn't been avoiding me so thoroughly, I wouldn't have had to sneak up on you."
He shrugged. "Sorry."
"Can we talk?" I asked. He wouldn't even look at me.
"I guess." He sighed.
"Look," I said. I was angry that he was directly treating me like this. "I get it. Greyback went after me and now I am not remotely attractive or anything. Believe me, I understand. But can you at least give me some dignity and look at me?"
"All I see when I look at you is the broken nose and black eye," he said quietly. "And you know what, Kat? I am the reason you have those."
"No, you're not," I said.
"Yes." He said. "I put you in that situation. If you hadn't been with me, you would not have ended up at Malfoy Manor, you wouldn't have been hurt. Look at you. Your nose is broken, your eye is black, you're cut from head to toe, and Bill said Greyback got a bite in."
"It's not a bad one!" I said. "Not even as bad as his…."
"I don't care!" he said. "It happened. I thought I could handle this, you know? Manage to take down Riddle and still manage to protect you from harm but I can't. I've failed, and every time I look at you, I see my failure."
"I'm not a damsel in distress, Harry. I don't need constant protection. I knew the risks going into this. Considering I thought I was going to die there, what I came out with isn't all that bad."
"I should never have even let you get in a position where you felt like you would die there. It's… I can't do this." He said, turning as if he was about to get up.
"Harry, wait," I said. "Please—"
"Bill told me that they extended an invitation to you to remain at Shell Cottage."
"I declined." I said. I appreciated the offer, but I would not accept it. I had given up so much this year. I was not going to give up at the eleventh hour. "I've come this far, I am not going to leave you guys now."
"I'm sorry, Kat." He said. "But when we leave here, you will not be coming with us."
"Harry-" I said, starting to get choked up. I was not going to stay here.
"I'm sorry. I can't let you come with us, I just can't risk you. Your journey with us is over." He leaned in and kissed the top of my head, then started to walk away. I let the tears come. I was exhausted and I hurt and my mind was so clouded by emotions that I just didn't have it in me to fight back.
Author's Note: Merry Christmas everyone! And Happy Other-Holidays as well. I was blown away by all the reviews I got on the last chapter- think I can have a repeat? It would make my Christmas! Hope Santa was good to everyone. Thanks to potter-reading-coastie for betaing. Let me know what you think?n