The Luckiest

The Five Senses (Push You Down)

A/N: The lyrics are pretty, the message is better. We're going to pass some time with some pretty music, okay? Push by Matchbox Twenty…It fits this chapter. Let it engage your senses, for that is the theme of this chapter—the five senses. Smell, hearing, taste, touch, sight.

She said I don't know if I've ever been good enough
I'm a little bit rusty, and I think my head is caving in
And I don't know if I've ever been really loved
By a hand that's touched me, well I feel like something's
Gonna give, And I'm a little bit angry, well

Smell

Maxie creaked open the door to her home. Finally, she was released from the hospital. Mac had driven her home, apologizing that he couldn't stay to take care of her. He explained that there had been a homicide on the docks with the work of the mob written all of over it. The station needed him. Maxie was fine with that. She really just wanted to be alone.

Mac had asked her where Spinelli was, why he wasn't shadowing her like he had been for the past 8 months. They'd broken up, she explained. Her dad tried to ask for an explanation and the torrent of anger Maxie unleashed on him had been enough to make sure he didn't bring it up again.

The house looked like Maxie felt on the inside—dark and empty. She had begun to think of that place as just another house and a residence; it no longer felt like home. It hadn't been home for a long time, not since her mother had abandoned them, though Georgie's presence had at least left a makeshift family atmosphere in the air. After her death, the house gave up its charade as home and settled for its status as a place to cook the occasional dinner and receive junk mail. Then, Spinelli happened. For so long now it seemed Maxie had been sleeping in his bed with his gentle warmth fitting her curves perfectly each night.

She needed to get some sleep. The baby had tests to go through in the morning. Maxie wanted to be there, as much as it hurt. Trudging into the living room, Maxie was struck by the heavy fragrance of flowers. The room was filled with vases and baskets of flowers all varying in size and type. These people must have been too afraid of the devastated parents of the dying baby to bring the floral arrangements to the hospital.

It smelled like a funeral home. She'd been to enough of those to know the scent well, and Maxie resented it. Tears started burning in her eyes and Maxie tried to blink them away. She wondered if she could ever be in the room with another bouquet again and appreciate it's aroma of nature without ever thinking about death.

Her fingertips crept down her frame, expecting that familiar rise and fall that she had been tracing in mindless patterns for months. It was gone, though. Nothing was growing just below her heart anymore. That was when Maxie truly felt alone. She grasped the corner of the couch for support.

Amidst the trail of lilies and roses mingling in the air, a different trace registered her senses. This was distinct, something she wouldn't ever forget. It was perfume, the kind she'd played with as a little girl sitting at her mother's vanity. Maxie remembered that it was the prettiest bottle. Only one person she knew wore that same aroma. Her body tensed and she drew a shuddering breath when the floor creaked behind her. Spinning on her heels, Maxie gasped when she saw her mother standing in the door way that lead into the kitchen. Felicia looked equally stunned.

"What are you doing here?" Maxie asked, incredulous.

Felicia shuffled awkwardly as if caught with her hand in the cookie jar. "I left my phone in the kitchen…" She trailed off. Maxie shook her head, confused.

"Why…"

"Mac called me when the baby was born. He asked me to come to town. I was going to try and leave before you came back home…but…"

Maxie crossed her arms in front of her. "Who said I needed you."

Felicia was blank. It was strange to see the once great Felicia Jones seem no taller than her actual height. Perhaps Maxie had truly cut her down to size at Georgie's funeral. For a long time Maxie's frustrations had centered themselves around her hatred for her mother. Today it just didn't seem worth anything, anymore.

"He just asked me to come. I'll go." Felicia started backing up, intending to leave.

Maxie closed her eyes. "Wait."

When she opened them, Felicia had stopped in her tracks, looking hopeful. Maxie searched her eyes for some sort of connection, that essence that only a mother had with their daughter. A spark, something?

She found it. "I don't care if you stay here."

"Okay." The corner of Felicia's mouth twitched. They were silent for a moment.

"Mac said you named him Caleb?"

Nodding, Maxie replied. "He's really small…" Her voice broke. Covering her eyes like a mask, Maxie tried to press the tears from her eyes. She wasn't ready to breakdown. Or, maybe she was. It seemed the breakdown was coming and Maxie had no say in the matter. Her lips sputtered and she backed into the arm of the couch so that she didn't crumple to the ground. It was only a moment before Felicia was tentatively wrapping her arms around Maxie's smalls frame. Stroking her hair soothingly, Felicia began making up for years of absence with small, quiet words of support. Maxie pressed herself into the warmth of her mother's embrace and pretended for a moment that she had forgiven her, because in that moment she just didn't have the strength to hate her anymore.

"It's okay sweetheart," Felicia muttered.

Cherry blossoms--that was the perfume.

This ain't over, no not here, not while I still need you around
You don't owe me, we might change, Yeah we just might feel good
I wanna push you around, well I will, I will
I wanna push you down, well I will, I will
I wanna take you for granted, I wanna take you for granted
Well I will

Hearing

Spinelli leaned against the wall outside of the NICU biting his nails down to the bed. His nerves were wrecked. This was it. He glanced over at Maxie sitting on the bench nearest the door. She looked just as stressed as him. He noted she wasn't wearing any makeup. The blue of her eyes stood out more without it. Robin sat next to her, rubbing her back in circles, speaking quietly to her. They hadn't said a word to one another all morning. It really hurt.

The tapping of Maxie's shoes on the ground mimicked the pounding in his chest. Everyone knew how important today would be. Dr. Lee had done everything she could. A ventilator had been keeping Caleb alive for almost two weeks, and this would be the day that they moved him off of it. Do or die was too morbid a saying in that moment, but it was pretty close to the truth. No one had asked what would happen if the little baby didn't breathe on his own. After this, it was up to time. Faith, prayers, hopes, dreams, & wishes had no voice anymore. What was going to be done was done already.

There were murmurs going on in the room, their small rumbles traveling through the wall in low otherworldly cadence. Spinelli wished he was Superman. Supersensitive hearing would be a lot better than straining to translate one muffled sound from another. He strained to find Dr. Lee's voice amongst the two other nurses and various shuffling and machines.

After a few minutes, Spinelli found himself staring at Maxie. She caught his eye and he looked away with a sigh. Twice over the last week she had called him in the middle of the night, the ring shaking him from a shallow sleep, only to hang up on him. He tried to call her back but Maxie refused to answer. Spinelli was at a loss. There didn't seem to be a good explanation for what was going on. Jason told him to wait, give her some space. Not knowing anything else better to do, Spinelli did just that.

The door creaked open and Dr. Lee stepped out. Maxie bolted up from her seat; Spinelli felt a surge of nausea wash over him, fear of whatever news the doctor might have had.

"What happened," Maxie swallowed hard. She had that determined look on her face. Spinelli tried not to fall in love with her for the thousandth time that day but failed.

Dr. Lee nodded, stoic. "He's holding his own."

A great rush of air left his lungs at once and Spinelli realized he'd been holding his breath for a long time. Lived? Survived? The procedure alone could have killed him.

"Thank you, Doctor," Spinelli whispered.

She smiled. "We're not out of the woods yet, but this is a step in the right direction."

"Can we see him," Maxie chirped.

Dr. Lee nodded, opening the door. Spinelli and Maxie put on the protective scrubs like they always did in silence, but this time with a little more enthusiasm than usual. It would be the first time either of them saw their son without the tube. A milestone.

There was something different in the air. He couldn't put his finger on it at first, but then Spinelli realized that it was an overwhelming hush. The rhythmic puff-click of the ventilator was gone. It was like Spinelli had traded grape juice for a red wine. This was music with meaning—quiet, endearing quiet.

And as Spinelli neared the plastic tub that cradled his son, he heard a true opus—his life's work.

Caleb's light breathing was the sweetest sound he'd ever heard.

She said I don't know why you ever would lie to me
Like I'm a little untrusting when I think that the truth is gonna hurt ya
And I don't know why you couldn't just stay with me
You couldn't stand to be near me
When my face don't seem to want to shine
Cuz it's a little bit dirty well

Taste

The salty tear crept down her cheek and settled on the corner of her mouth. It was one to be savored, though. Maxie didn't brush it away. That was her first tear of happiness in a month. One month. Caleb's original due date came and passed. She'd been a mother for a solid, terrible month. Maxie felt as though her heart were twitching to life for the first time. Dr. Lee had called it a miracle and that thought had stunned her. Maxie had a miracle set aside especially for her? Was it possible? Could you really just Google one of those these days?

Maxie remembered a few months back sitting with Spinelli at a picnic in the park. They had been talking about religion. She didn't know much about the Greek gods he mentioned or the Buddhist traditions that he rambled about, but Maxie actually enjoyed hearing him. She found it adorable how he would gesticulate wildly when talking about great wars in Olympus and what they symbolized to humanity. He would get solemn when comparing the plight of Native tribes, recounting to her their various beliefs about spirits in the sun and water.

"Spinelli, heaven and hell is a little above my head…" she joked, passing him strawberry.

Spinelli paused his tangent. "Religion isn't about heaven and hell…It's about humanity. It's a statement about what we believe as people."

Maxie rolled her eyes. "And what about those that don't believe anything?"

Spinelli smiled. "Then that says something about you too."

She poked his stomach. "Don't judge me."

He rolled his eyes. "As if I could ever judge you."

Maxie laid back on the picnic blankets, tracing a circle over her growing stomach. "So, what about you. Your Mr. Computer Science Man. What do you believe?"

Spinelli cocked his head to the side and looked at her. "I'm the Jackal, Assassin of the Internet. Code is my life. Details…building structures that work on a mental and tangible level. Everything is complex, and there is thought that goes into it all. Every code has a reason, a natural order. Sometimes one must go to great lengths in order to create something minute. And all of it has my handiwork behind it."

"Yes…"

He snatched a strawberry from the basket and held it up to her. "Look at this strawberry. Molecules, cells, nutrients…It's red. It's sweet. It's a fruit, it's small. It has commands—grow, reproduce, shrivel and die. Details… Code…God is in the details, Sassy Max."

Spinelli stretched the strawberry out to reach her mouth. Maxie bit the tip of it coyly. Spinelli laughed and tossed the rest in his mouth, lying down beside her. Maxie kissed him, the sweetness still on his lips.

"So how do you explain a miracle?" She asked.

Spinelli shrugged. "Hacking the code."

Maxie had been a mother for one month, a month longer than she'd ever expected.

Don't just stand there, say nice things to me
I've been cheated I've been wronged, and you
You don't know me, I can't change
I won't do anything at all

Touch

Spinelli was a traditional person for the most part. Except for the hacking, the pot smoking, working for criminals, sleeping with girls he didn't love and knocking them up…He was rather conservative. Or, perhaps the term was old fashioned. Romantic? Oh well. The word didn't really matter. It was all relative. The point was there were certain things he believed to be true.

They seemed simple to most people, but often were the most overlooked things about life. People who loved each other should be together. Good hearted people should be rewarded, bad people should suffer. Parents should be with their children (he often reiterated this to Jason regarding Jake).

It was nearing a month and a half that he and Maxie had been "broken up". They still had to see each other every day at the hospital. Caleb was improving, eating on his own. He had hoped that once Caleb started strengthening maybe Maxie would soften. In the first few weeks without her Spinelli had been wrecked, but that pain had been trumped often by concern about how the baby was. It was when Caleb started improving that Spinelli really started feeling the effects of her absence. She wasn't leaving her high heels in the floor of his room where he could easily trip over them. The counter in his bathroom wasn't covered with girly hair care products or makeup. She wasn't stealing the blanket from him during the night.

And she wasn't around to laugh. Or smile. Or sit quietly with him while he worked on stuff for Jason. He missed cooking her favorite pasta like he did every Thursday. He missed how she made him feel about his own being. Maxie Jones loving you meant the most beautiful and strange creature loved you. He was confident in knowing she was his. He was special.

All that was left was an empty bed and a quiet bachelor pad. Life with Maxie had been holding a stick of dynamite in one hand and a match in the other, the two only inches apart. Now he had a firecracker.

People asked him what had happened. He didn't know what to tell anyone. Surprisingly it had been Mac that had pulled him aside one day and given him the best advice so far on dealing with the situation.

"Just…hold on," Mac muttered gruffly. Maybe he knew something Spinelli didn't. It didn't matter. He would hold on for her until his death if he had to.

Tradition number one: People who loved each other should be together.

With that belief in mind, Spinelli found patience.

On this day, Spinelli stood in the NICU across from Maxie, mere inches apart. For the first time, Dr. Lee was allowing them to finally hold their son. He had to note how she simply glowed with life with the small child pressed close to her heart. Heart pounding, Spinelli tentatively outstretched his arms as Maxie passed Caleb to him. A river was running down her face but she smiled, overjoyed.

For a moment, Maxie's hands brushed his arm. Electricity raced through him as his family was connected all together for a brief, shining minute. This was the finish line of a very long race. If anyone tried to tell him that his Caleb wasn't going to make it after that.

The baby was heavier than he'd expected, and warm. Maxie checked so that Spinelli held his head the right way then leaned forward to kiss his temple with a butterfly's touch. In a brief show of affection for him, she brushed her hand against Spinelli's cheek before backing up to give him and Caleb a moment together.

"Hello, Caleb," Spinelli laughed. Maxie chuckled too, as well as a few nurses who were watching nearby with glittering eyes.

Though already falling back to sleep, Caleb clutched the front of Spinelli's shirt and held on tight. Spinelli leaned in and kissed the top of his son's head, the soft brown curls feeling like silk against his lips.

"I'm glad you chose to stay."

Oh but don't bowl me over
Just wait a minute well it kinda fell apart, things get so
Crazy, crazy
Don't rush this baby, don't rush this baby

Sight

"Have you noticed his eyes?" Maxie muttered quietly.

Spinelli nodded. "I have indeed."

They were finally at the point of speaking in small sentences. Communication was good, considering.

"I didn't expect that," Maxie added.

"Neither did I. I thought he would have your eyes. One of them is being very stubborn though."

"What does that mean?"

"That our son is refusing to go with expectations," Spinelli rocked softly in the chair. He held a small mask up to the baby's face. Dr. Lee had prescribed round the clock breathing treatments for Caleb in order to aid him in breathing. Every four hours someone had to give him a treatment or Caleb had issues. Spinelli felt that was an easy task if it meant his son would survive.

After everything, Spinelli and Maxie were finally going to be real parents. Caleb was scheduled to be discharged from the hospital after two months in the NICU. Two months filled with rage, tears, and frustration had finally ended in peace.

It was a little pathetic to see a baby getting a breathing treatment but he didn't seem to mind it much. It caused him to sleep a lot.

Maxie reached out a hand a brushed the hair the baby's head. "Of course he's going to go against the grain. He has us for parents…but…I mean…his eyes!"

She was referring to a rather strange discovery they'd made only recently. Every dream Spinelli had ever had involving Caleb made it so that his son had the bright blue eyes of Maxie. Imagine their surprise to discover that one was changing a suspicious shade of green. That excited Spinelli, because so far all Caleb seemed to be inheriting from him was his pale skin and crazy hair.

Caleb hiccupped. That amused Spinelli. Maxie snickered too. They made eye contact for a moment, both of them lingering in each other's gaze for a moment longer than usual.

"We did it." Spinelli said quietly.

Maxie smiled sadly. "Yeah, we did. Now we just have to worry about the rest of it…"

Spinelli shook his head. "No. We're not going to worry. Just take it one day at a time."

"Well, Spinelli, he's going to need special care if he's deaf and I just don't know how well I'm going to do with that," Maxie said in a rush.

Dr. Lee had warned them that the strong medication mixed with the fact that he hadn't been breathing at birth set him at risk for deafness. They wouldn't know if he had any learning deficiencies until he was older, but they weren't off the table. He seemed to be responding well to tests in that area but Dr. Lee had some serious doubts about his hearing.

"We'll deal with it," Spinelli stressed. Maxie bit her tongue.

The treatment was over. To calm her, Spinelli slowly handed Caleb to Maxie. She swaddled the baby and brought him close.

"You're going home tomorrow with me, little baby." Maxie curled some of his hair around her fingers.

Spinelli held his breath. She wouldn't say the rest out loud. They were going to trade him back and forth like a divorced couple. He didn't know how well that was going to work, and he didn't understand why it was going on. They didn't need to share custody of a baby that way. They could live in the same place together and raise Caleb together, if Maxie wasn't so stubborn. He had suggested this at one point and the fight that had followed was just as messy and confusing as the night they broke up. Of course, they didn't have a place of their own. Spinelli had a crib set up in his room and Maxie had one in hers. It was like pieces of a home spread over a great distance. He couldn't make her see that though. She had her own very odd and self-deprecating perception all her own.

"You have the strangest eyes…" Maxie muttered quietly. "It's like he's really half of us."

…………

Author's Note: I KNOW! I updated in a timely manner. I hope you liked this chapter, I really liked writing it. That's probably why I wrote it so fast.

We're nearing the end of the road. Odd to think about. Please read and review! I'd love to see this fic make that 700 reviews mark! What an accomplishment!

Next Chapter: Custody Life. Some Jason and Spinelli…plus one. And maybe a surprise for Maxie's birthday? I think you'll like this surprise.