Lacunar

36. Rise

Bella curled up on the bed as she watched the clouds, through the window, pass by- one at a time. Her eyelids lowered as sleep conquered her dreary thoughts. Flashes of her wedding night brought a smile to her face, causing her to relax amongst the memories where she still had an Edward who was brave enough to put up a fight. She escaped the quagmire of her reality and into a veiled history of delicate simplicity.

It had only felt like a few minutes before Bella's eyes slowly opened. The sky had darkened into a shade between musky tangerine and burnt maroon. She let out a sleepy yawn as she stretched her sore muscles. But then she froze, recognizing an anomaly that lied close-by.

There was a weight pressed up against her back that inhibited her from moving too much. She looked down at her waist where she saw an arm wrapped tightly around her.

Arching her neck, Bella caught a quick glimpse of Edward's peaceful face which contained no traces of trepidation. She snapped her head back to where it was before, in a speedy motion that was sure to have pulled a muscle in her neck. Bella suddenly sank into a stupor of confusion, stricken with indeterminate facts.

She thought he didn't want her anymore.

A few tears leaked out of Bella's eyes as she wondered if this was Edward's way of saying goodbye. Did he not want to say any words? Did he only want to remember her by the curves of her body that he had once memorized through impressions of the fingertips?

Bella inhaled deeply as she tried to remember this moment forever. She closed her eyes, pretending that this wouldn't be a despondent memory being added into her collection. She deceived herself by thinking that this was her waking up from every sleep and nap. Every afternoon and night.

Next to her husband.

Next to eternity.

She tried settling into a calm sleep by envisioning what her future would have looked like if the ground hadn't transitioned from concrete to rocky soil. She wondered if it was all in fate's best wishes to create a fall that would wake them up. Scraped knees and palms with tiny rocks digging into it- perhaps, it had all been a planned challenge to test where Strength resided.

There were too many questions floating inside her head. Sleep didn't offer her the support that she needed. So she opened her eyes, frustrated.

"I wonder if we'll be like this again," Bella whispered, almost to herself. "I can't even savor this moment."

Bella adjusted herself in Edward's arms as she mumbled about the worries on her mind, knowing that saying it aloud was better than keeping it inside her head. She talked about a time when faith was at its zenith. She talked about love and hope, knowing that they were pivotal to resurrection.

She had both of them in her hands. And she didn't need a manual to know how to use them.

"I love you," Bella whispered as she touched his forearm.

She didn't know if he had read through the divorce papers yet, finding out that she hadn't granted him her signature. Bella closed her eyes as more tears ran out of their hiding.

She couldn't let him go so easily.

Even though it'd broken her heart to see that he'd signed her away in an instant.

But suddenly, a broken cry slipped from Edward's lips. "Please don't leave me."

Bella held her breath, freezing in his arms as he held onto her tighter. She wasn't sure if he was sleep-talking or not, even though she knew her husband never rambled in any of his drowsy phases. It was usually her who did that, to which he took advantage of. Edward would always scare her by making up lies of what she'd said the previous night.

"I can't ever let you go," Edward whispered, bringing his lips to Bella's shoulder. "I never wanted to."

"Why?" Bella croaked. "Why did you give me those papers?"

"Happiness," Edward managed to gasp. "Your happiness."

Bella turned around after coaxing Edward to relax his hold on her. He was frightened that she would vanish, bringing upon perpetual darkness in his heart. He understood that Courage waited for him on the other side of the road. He just needed to cross it, with his wife by his side. The act itself would be courageous in all aspects, demolishing the fear that had multiplied in his heart. But he needed to make the first step. Himself.

He'd never wanted to leave her. It'd all been too much for a man who awoke to a fairytale, only to register the worst of his actions before observing everything resuming back to normal, as if love could be resolved with the plainness of words and kisses. It had seemed too perfect to be true yet too imperfect to give up on.

A signature later and a suitcase packed, he had wondered if he would only be a memory to her.

He knew she would continue to be a gem that outshone his present with an indomitable splendor.

But now, everything was changing. Her strength in standing up to him, telling him that he had nothing to be afraid of, was the key to ease away his terror of the unknown. She encouraged him- not to be afraid of his memories, not to be afraid of his future.

The tears that trickled down his face caused an ache in Bella's chest. Edward hardly ever cried. She was gripped with sadness as she remembered the tears of her husband from the night he had found out about her and Jasper. She quickly pushed away the incident, feeling nauseous from retracing the details. The past would always stay with them, giving rise to new challenges. But it was all about how they dealt with them. How they stood up on their feet to regain the valor that was needed.

She cradled her husband's cheek with a loving caress as she brushed away the trails of his weeping. She pressed her lips to his, creating a unity between the tears on their faces.

"Happiness is in this home. It is within both of us."

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