A/N: I'm sorry guys - I am horrendously swamped with deadlines at work and have been in the office on average 10 hours a day for the past month. By the time I get home, I'm so exhausted I barely have time to think, let alone write and I still have other deadlines I need to prioritize right now. I didn't want to post this yet because I wasn't that happy with the ending of the chapter, but in the end just decided to post so I wouldn't leave you hanging. Any time I spend writing is unfortunately procrastination and while I love doing it, it's not paying the bills right now! Things should slow down in the new year, but I probably won't post again until mid January - but I have not and will not abandon the story. I have a plan going forward, just no time to carry it out. I know, blah blah let's get to business. But thank you so much for your reviews and support and patience - please don't be too angry with me. :)

Chapter Thirty-Five: Everyone is Special to Someone

I didn't see Remus properly until the next afternoon. I'd seen him briefly at dinner after Hogsmeade, but he wasn't looking that well and went up to bed promptly after eating. So, the festering secret remained growing like a virus inside me and I talked myself in and out of confronting him four times during the day on Sunday alone. It didn't help that the night brought the full moon, which meant that he'd be out of commission and in horrible pain. It obviously wasn't the right time to bring it up.

"If you keep saying that, you'll never tell him," Dorcas said over lunch. As usual, she'd appeared even less surprised than Lily when I finally got a chance to spill my guts to her about my feelings for Remus. If the word 'duh' had been in her vernacular, she would have used it as I waited for her reaction.

"Kate, just pull your suspenders up and talk to him! You're just making it worse on yourself," Lily sighed.

Pull your suspenders up? She'd been spending too much time with James. That was just the sort of old man expression he liked using.

"I think Mafalda's right you know," Dorcas commented, tearing a roll in half. "You like the drama of not knowing – you thrive on it."

"Maybe," I groaned, swigging down my tea. "But it's not like I'm the only one who does that. Remember when you were all googly for James? Didn't you ask me to talk to him for you?"

Lily and Dorcas looked at each other and then away at the same moment and I winced.

"Sorry, was that one of those times I put my foot in it?"

Lily chuckled and Dorcas looked quite impressed.

"Yes! Wow, I thought you were going to laugh."

To tell you the truth, I was drinking tea just not to laugh at their sudden discomfort, but at least I'd acknowledged my mistake.

"Anyway it doesn't matter," Dorcas shrugged. "I don't fancy him anymore and Lily's going to take even maddeningly longer than you to own up to her feelings for him."

Lily didn't say anything, but she made a face.

"Anyway, I still think it's horrible timing. It's selfish of me to get it off my chest when he has to go through bunny flu tonight. And right after his date with Gemma too," I said looking at them hopefully.

"Sure, Kate. Keep telling yourself that's why you won't tell him," Lily said before clamping her mouth shut and shaking her head at me. I glanced over my shoulder and saw that the boys were arriving – Remus looking deadly with heavy bags under his eyes and his hair ruffled. He sat down beside me and helped himself to just tea looking worse after he took a sip.

"Oh Remus, you look awful," I said, squeezing his arm lightly.

"Cheers," he replied dully.

"No! That's not what I meant. I just mean…"

"You do look pretty awful, mate," Sirius added with a grin.

Remus cracked a pained smile, but pushed his tea away.

"You shouldn't have strained yourself yesterday going to the village," I said clicking my tongue and fiddling with a piece of my hair. "What did you and Gemma get up to?"

To my embarrassment, Sirius let out a low whistle and James and Peter laughed.

"Yes Moony, what did you and Gemma get up to?" James said, waggling his eyebrows.

Remus rolled his eyes and tossed a piece of bread at him. It missed by a lot and just landed in James' mushroom soup, which only made the boys laugh harder.

"Leave him alone! Bunny flu, remember!" I scolded in a hushed voice.

James raised his eyebrows and grinned to himself while Sirius scoffed.

"Yeah Kate, we've known longer than you, remember?"

"Shut up everyone, please," Remus said, resting his head on the table. I moved his tea for him so it wouldn't topple on to his head and ignored the knowing looks the others sent me. Bloody Sirius had told James and Peter, I bet.

When I glared at him however, he looked confused and just shrugged. We ate in mostly quiet for a while with only Dorcas and Peter discussing some History assignment when Lizzy approached and sat so close beside Sirius that their shoulders were touching. He yawned as she pecked his cheek and I coughed and drank more tea to disguise my disgust. That's when I noticed Remus watching.

"All right?" he muttered softly under the sounds of the others chatting to Lizzy about Quidditch.

I rested my head on the table near his so we could whisper and hoped that the glorious amounts of tea I'd drunk disguised the real reason my cheeks were red.

"Yeah, that is just really annoying."

He turned up the corner of his mouth. "If it makes you feel better, I don't think it's serious."

"No," I said. "That's what makes me feel worse."

He nodded and sat up to crack his neck. I rose slowly too and made a face at James' questioning expression and Lily's held back giggles.

"So how did it go yesterday?"

"I don't know why you keep asking," Remus said with a slight edge. "I've told you a million times that we're just friends."

I frowned. "So that means I'm not allowed to ask how the day went?"

He sighed and closed his eyes, nodding a little and wincing as Lizzy broke into a high pitched giggle.

"Take it down a notch Liz," Sirius said, rolling his eyes making a similar expression and then looking at me as if for approval. I'd just learned a nasty hex that stuck your pupils to the inside of your eyes, and my fingers itched to try it on him, but instead I settled for a withering look. I may not have liked Lizzy, but Sirius needed to stop treating her this way, it was horrible. And trust me, I knew how it felt. Even so, she didn't seem to notice his dig and engaged him in conversation once more.

"Moony did you hand in the History?" Peter asked, drawing our attention away from the mismatched couple.

"Just about to," Remus replied, taking another sip of tea and wincing. "See you lot later."

After seeing Liz pull a once-again bored Sirius forward for a kiss, I made up my mind and got to my feet after Remus.

"Want some company?"

He glanced at Sirius and Lizzy, who were now snogging, and shrugged, so I fell into step beside him and we walked out of the hall.

"Still bothers you?" he said as we made our way up the stairs.

"Ugh, yeah. But not in the way you think," I replied. "D'you think Binns will expect me to hand in the homework early too?"

He shook his head. "Nah, it's only 'cause I'm taking tomorrow off. I think tonight's going to be rough – I feel terrible."

I clicked my tongue sympathetically and squeezed his shoulder. "Does it matter? Like does your mood affect the way you are when you transform?"

"It's not supposed to, but the lads think so," Remus said before clearing his throat. "Based on my injuries, I mean."

I looked at him curiously, but he didn't elaborate so I changed the subject.

"So, what did you get up to yesterday then? Or am I going to have to drag it out of you?"

"Just the book reading mostly," he said dismissively as we passed by a group of Slytherins studying a tapestry I didn't recognize. They scowled at us and Remus and I rolled our eyes as we turned the corner "You would've liked the author actually. She quite reminded me of you – talked a mile a minute."

His sudden grin was infectious and even if he was teasing me, I had to smile back. It was much less worrying seeing him smile mockingly than seeing him mope around tiredly.

"Actually, guess who I met yesterday?" I said, stopping myself before I could spill it all. I couldn't tell him what Arson and I had discussed, so the explanation would take some editing.

"I give up," Remus said immediately.

"You're no fun!" I pouted, before pausing for dramatic effect. "It was Arson."

He stopped suddenly and I had to walk backwards a couple of spaces so I could grin at his shock.

"What?" he said, three creases appearing on his forehead.

"I saw Arson Fring at the music shop. He was recording in the studio in the back. We had a chat – I even helped him with a line in a new song."

Remus' mouth was still open and he shut it slowly, the muscle in his jaw flexing before he spoke. "What is wrong with that guy?"

He sounded disgusted – a little angry even. Not really the reaction I'd expected.

"What?" I said, frowning back. "Nothing – he recognized me and we had a chat. It was completely surreal and I'm not entirely sure it actually happened, but brilliant nonetheless. He's much less tortured than he comes off in his songs, by the way."

Remus was still glowering, my joke landing without effect, and his jaw remained tight.

"You're…he's…what is he like thirty?!"

"What? No, Remus. He's like twenty-two – you know that."

"Still!" Remus said rather loudly. "That's ancient. You're not even seventeen yet!"

"Neither are you!" I snapped, my voice entering the uncomfortable ultrasonic decibel it usually did when I was feeling defensive. "What does it matter?"

"He's like…eugh, he's too old for you. What are you thinking, Kate?" He said folding his arms over his chest and grimacing at me disappointedly.

I put my hands on my hips and glared right back at him. "I'm thinking that the man we've idolized for years wanted to talk to me about my life and I thought my mate might find that interesting!"

He scoffed and looked away. "It's a bit much isn't it? What does he expect to get out of you?"

"Remus!" I said, shoving him harder than teasingly. What was wrong with him? He wasn't jealous, was he? I was sure Arson would've chatted with him too if they'd coincidentally bumped into each other again – we were the only two at Hogwarts who knew The Ghouls' old stuff.

But then it hit me like a sharp tickle at the back of my throat. Maybe it wasn't me Remus was jealous of…maybe it was Arson. Was that possible? How could I ask without sounding like a complete egomaniac? Instead of deciding, I presented him with some logic.

"He just appreciates his fans! He wasn't trying to get into my pants or anything. He was asking about my life like…er, Sirius and the breakup and everything, and he asked about you, too!"

Remus frowned. "Me? Why would he give a shit about me?"

Oh good Godric, I had such a fat mouth.

"You were his other fan at Slughorn's party! Of course he remembered that!" I said hurriedly. "Why are you all twisted in knots over this? You know, he said he'd get us tickets to the gig in April. Us as in both of us!"

"What? Why?" Remus exclaimed, still looking skeptical and annoyed.

I huffed in frustration. "Because he cares! But if you don't care, then maybe I'll ask Greta Catchlove to come along with me – she's one of the try-hards who's been wearing Ghouls' t-shirts ever since we got back this term."

His mouth twitched and I knew he'd come around and I was out of the hole I'd dug myself. Even if he thought Arson was a creep, he still wouldn't want to miss out on The Ghouls in concert – they were epic at least and glorious at best.

"I still think he's weirdly obsessed with you," he muttered.

"It wasn't even like that. It was like he was a mate…or a brother even," I said punching his shoulder lightly.

He stepped back from me and raised his eyebrows in that adorable way that made my stomach flip over.

"Brother?"

I blushed. "Okay, let's not go that far."

He laughed and shook his head. "Well, I guess as long as you don't fall in love with him…"

The pause was thick and sticky and while Remus' expression changed instantly, I was still blushing. I also couldn't move my hand, which was hanging oddly between us after he'd backed away from me.

He cleared his throat and I looked at the ground. Oh bloody hell – was this it? Did he just maybe admit he liked me? Oh Merlin why couldn't I think of a non-awkward way to ask? Maybe I should've just snogged him.

"Sorry," he said shaking his head again. "I'm in a really crappy mood. I shouldn't have taken it out on you. Or Fring. I'm just exhausted."

I nodded. "That's okay. I don't mind your moods so much."

He shrugged and smiled weakly.

"Thanks for putting up with me, Kate. You're a good friend."

Yuck, that one hurt.

There was another pause full of tension and flutters in my stomach. I started to gather up my nerve – I felt myself rise almost onto my tiptoes and just as I was about to speak, Remus cracked his neck and sighed.

"You know, I'm just going to drop this in Binns' classroom and then isolate myself in the Hospital Wing for the rest of the day. I'm not doing anyone any favors right now."

I deflated and swallowed. "Yeah, you should nap or something. Do you sleep usually? When it happens?"

"Hardly. Too many distractions."

"Where do you go?" I said scratching my head. There was so much I hadn't asked him about being a werewolf. How much did he remember? How come he got all torn up – was he scratching himself or fighting something in the woods? Would he even share that much with me?

"The Shrieking Shack actually," he replied quietly. "There's a tunnel under the Whomping Willow that leads to it."

"Oh, so that's why Sirius told Snape how to get down there?" I muttered. "What a massive idiot – I bet he's tried to go down there with you too, hasn't he? Seems like the kind of reckless thing he'd enjoy."

Remus face darkened momentarily before he squinted at me.

"You're not getting any bright ideas are you?"

I chuckled. "I mean…how dangerous are you? I get it – werewolf, but–"

He cut me off seriously even though it was clear I was joking.

"You can't come near me when I'm transformed. I'm not myself – I don't even remember most of what I do during the night," he said sharply.

"So, what do the lads do?" I said, with a small shrug. "Maybe I could help them this time."

"No."

"But Remus, if they're helping –"

"Kate, no!" he roared, making me step back a little. He barely looked apologetic as I cowered away from him, shaking at his raised voice and terrifying, un-Remus-ish look.

"Stop making jokes," he continued, thankfully lowering his voice although it remained stiff. "The lads just fuss and there's no use you fussing too. Pomfrey will start asking questions and then Dumbledore will get involved and then something will get out and the whole school will find out. Just…forget about it."

"How can I? I'm worried about you. And..." I argued, biting my lip. "You're snapping at me and you never snap at me."

He groaned and stretched. "You're right. I need to sleep. Will you drop this off with Binns, please?" He handed me his essay scroll and without waiting for an answer, turned on his heel and headed away to the Hospital Wing. Truthfully, I was glad he didn't look back – his tone had almost made me cry.

I wandered around the halls for a while feeling depressed, but I didn't go looking for anyone to complain to. Even though my friends knew now, I still felt strange about whining about Remus – that didn't feel right. Having a whinge about Sirius when were together was what got me through the hard times, but this was different. I didn't need my friends or my sister to tell me that Remus was being unnecessarily mean to me because I'd prefer if they didn't take my side in this. I couldn't blame him – I had no idea what kind of hell he went through before he turned. Although it did seem pretty unfair for him to get angry with me now that I knew – he never snapped at me when I was in the dark about his condition.

I ended up in the Kitchens for lack of places to go. Hot chocolate could solve this.

The House elves fetched me the hot chocolate and some scones and left me to mope at the table in the corner. No one ever gave them any credit for picking up on moods – but they seemed quite good at deciphering when someone wasn't interested in chatting. I sat swirling my cocoa around in my mug and making patterns with the foam and sighing a lot. I hated arguing with him - it made me properly miserable.

The last time I'd been in the Kitchens had been ages ago – the day after Slughorn's party, I think. The day I'd kissed Remus in Sirius' bed. I smiled a little remembering the way he'd looked under the glowing light in the Kitchen – which was oddly flattering – and then realized he'd been going out with Emmeline back then. It seemed forever ago. When he'd flipped out and refused to tell me anything about their kiss. I sighed heavily again and slumped on to the table feeling ill. Why was I suddenly running our accidental kiss over in my brain and making it into something it wasn't? It had been a case of mistaken identity – I thought I'd been cuddling Sirius – but now, in my deranged brain, I could feel passion and I was imagining the softness of Remus' lips even though I actually couldn't remember how they'd felt. My heart was racing a bit, so it was not surprising that when someone tapped my shoulder and I shrieked loudly.

Gemma jumped back from me, clutching a hand to her chest and staring at me with wide eyes as I tried to mop up the spilled hot chocolate with the only napkin I had. As the napkin clumped in my hand, the House Elf called Bumpy hurried forward to clean up for me.

"Sorry Bumpy!" I said, standing up and drying off my lap. "Gemma! You scared the hat right off of me."

What? Maybe I'd been spending too much time with James too.

"Sorry! I didn't realize you were sleeping," Gemma laughed. "I was just saying hi."

"What are you doing here? I thought the Kitchens' location was a secret!" I said, sitting down and thanking Bumpy for the new mug of cocoa. Gemma sat down and helped herself to some biscuits to go with her tea and rolled her eyes at me.

"You Gryffindors think you know all the secrets. Hufflepuffs know about the Kitchens from our first day at Hogwarts," she said.

"Oh," I frowned. "That's not fair."

She laughed. "Neither is life. How are you? You look exhausted."

"You know I know that's just a nice way of telling me I look like a poltergeist, right?" I said, trying to straighten my hair a bit.

"Kate, you always look great – stop it," she said, drinking more tea and nodding at my cocoa. "I just mean – you're drinking liquid comfort."

"Time of the month," I lied.

We sat in what outwardly looked like comfortable silence, but what felt like detention, for a while before she spoke again.

"Have you seen Remus? We talked about doing the History homework together," she said, tracing her finger delicately around the rim of her cup.

"Oh he's ill," I lied before wincing and shaking my head. "No, sorry – he went to the Hospital Wing for some Pepper Up, but I don't think he's there anymore."

Oh wow. Now I knew how the Marauders felt when I used to ask too many questions. I smiled uncomfortably as Gemma surveyed me before she finally shrugged.

"Yeah, he wasn't feeling well yesterday either. Maybe he went to the Library then?"

I shook my head again. "Oh, no. It's um, lad's night."

And then because I felt I had to do the thing properly, I rolled my eyes and flipped some hair over my shoulder.

"Losers."

Gemma laughed even though I could tell she was upset about hearing it from me instead of Remus himself. She nodded and shrugged with over-the-top nonchalance.

"Oh good, so I guess I could ask you. You know how it's Remus' birthday in a few weeks? What d'you think he'd like as a gift?"

I wanted to burst into tears, or at the very least, whine loudly. She was going to kill me with her niceness. It all just made me feel horrible for liking the same person as her. What a horrid life.

"I don't know. To be honest, I hadn't given it much thought," I said with a small smile. "Bad friend."

"I was thinking of getting him tickets to The Ghouls. I heard they're playing in Hogsmeade in April. What d'you reckon?" she asked hopefully.

I winced. "Um, it's sold out."

She sighed and ran a hand through her hair before straightening her glasses on her face. "I don't know what else he likes other than books."

"So, you could get him a book?" I suggested, wishing she would just figure it out herself. I couldn't help her with ideas and like him at the same time. It would only make me feel like even more of a wretched person.

She looked glum and propped her chin on her hand. "I know we're just friends – but I just wanted to give him something he'll like."

Godric, my heart. Even a part of me was rooting for the two of them.

"I'm sure he'll like anything you give him, Gemma," I said seriously. "He's not a difficult lad to make happy. Although, having said that, he's also not a difficult lad to make grumpy either."

"Who we talking about?"

Yuck. Stupid Sirius had slumped into the seat beside me and made my stomach turn angrily. His lips looked swollen.

"What are you doing here?" I said coldly.

"Stealing your food," he grinned, grabbing a scone from my plate and nodding at Gemma. "What's up Gems?"

He came up with the stupidest nicknames.

"Hey Sirius," Gemma smiled, pushing her plate of biscuits towards him so he would stop stealing my snack. "You all right?"

"Yeah, just boreder than a bored person," he sighed dramatically and reached around to put his arm over my shoulders. It might have been intended to be friendly, but all it did was bring up memories, so I shrugged it off.

"Heard you have Lads' night tonight," Gemma said, still pleasantly. It was strange to see a girl not acting weird in front of him. His absurdly annoying attractiveness didn't seem to faze her. Had Remus been hanging out with Gemma and the Marauders…together?

Sirius glanced at me, but caught on quickly.

"Yup, you'll have to get used to it I'm afraid. It's a casualty of going out with one of us. Kate's used to go through it all the time."

"Yeah and thank Merlin I'm done with it," I said, stuffing another scone in my mouth to keep from snapping too much. It wouldn't really be fair to take my mood out on Sirius, no matter how irritating he was.

He was watching me curiously, but seemed to decide not to push it. Instead, he leaned forward and focused on Gemma, waggling his eyebrows playfully.

"So, will you spill the beans on what happened between you and Remus yesterday?"

"No! And I mean, nothing! We're just friends," she laughed nervously.

"Yeah, yeah," Sirius winked.

He was trying to punish me. I had to go far, far away. In fact – I wanted to write. Maybe getting Arson Fring to sing a song I'd wrote was a ridiculous and impossible goal (especially since Remus didn't seem to like him much anymore), but I still had to find a way to get my mood out without just obsessing with my friends.

"Well, I'm off. It's a bit crowded in here," I said, dusting some crumbs off me.

"What, with just us three?" Sirius asked, shooting Gemma a conspiratorial look.

"Well, there's your enormous ego too," I retorted, flashing Gemma a look of my own.

They both laughed and Sirius shook his head, pulling the rest of my hot chocolate towards him.

"You make me laugh, Katie."

I couldn't. He was so annoying.

So I just waved goodbye to Gemma, ignored his look of confusion and left. Let him figure out why he was annoying me. We weren't going out anymore – I didn't need to yell at him. I just didn't care anymore.

It was surprisingly easy to write a proper song. The tune was kind of the hard bit, since I didn't play an instrument and could only sort of sing the parts to myself under my breath and in not very good pitch, but the lyrics came surprisingly easily. In fact, they sort of flowed out of me in the way that essays never did. Of course I had no idea if it was any good, but it was therapeutic. And because I'd spent half the day worrying about and then arguing with Remus and the other half being furious with Sirius – the words became about the two of them. And even though I'd never compared them out loud, or even in my head – imagining being with Remus made the juxtaposition between the two very obvious. It also made me feel increasingly bitter towards Sirius and made me yearn more and more to be with Remus. But it didn't help that with all of the confusion and all of the unspoken words – he and Gemma were now well on their way. And part of me still thought that would be better. I could settle for liking him in partial secret for the rest of my life. I didn't have to be with him – just as long as I could write about being with him, I might be able to deal with it.

What complete bollocks.

Dorcas and Lily got bored asking me about what I was writing and getting no response, so they went off to the Library and then eventually up to bed, while I wrote and wrote and ripped paper up and sang-muttered for hours. I stopped for a couple of hours to finish some homework, but got back to writing again as soon as I could. I put in all my frustration at not being able to help Remus when he was hurt and my worry for his well-being in amongst all the dopey love-sick stuff and I'd written probably four songs worth before I was finally in the kind of groove that was starting to make sense. It helped that the Common Room had emptied out and I was able to hum the words out loud, but soon enough the Marauders were there looking tired and secretive.

"Kate, shouldn't you be in bed?" James said in an anxious voice as he looked at his watch.

I just raised my eyebrows at the hypocrisy and he glanced at the others with an unreadable expression. They were talking with their eyes, obviously, and I noted with detached amusement that I didn't even pretend to imagine what their conversations were anymore. He seemed to decide to ignore me in the end and just muttered to Peter and headed off to the Portrait without explanation. Sirius – the bloody git – stayed back, hovering there like he wanted to speak to me.

"Padfoot, you coming?" James called from the open portrait hole looking antsy.

Even though I didn't look up I could sense the tension coming off Sirius.

"Yeah, I'll catch up," he said as he walked around the sofa and sat on the armchair near me. I peeked up, but didn't meet his eyes. I was too worried and sad and annoyed to focus on him. I wished I knew what they were doing and how it would help Remus. Why couldn't I help too?

"Okay, don't take too long," Peter said, glancing out the window.

"See you later Kate," James added before the two of them left.

"Bye," I replied turning back to my parchment and looking at Sirius again. He was sitting in quite a twitchy position with his knee bouncing unconsciously.

"Where are you guys going anyway?" I asked, unable to stop my curiosity. We all now knew that there was no such thing as Lad's night.

"Ah…um, just getting something ready for Remus," Sirius said not even looking like he'd convinced himself.

"Sounds like a lie," I shrugged, pushing away my parchment and curling up on the sofa to pull my knees to myself. They would never tell me and I was too concerned to really care if they wanted to keep their mysteries.

He looked sheepish, but I didn't smile.

"Just another secret. You probably don't want to be in on this one," he said guiltily.

"Okay, fair enough," I said closing my eyes and stretching back over the sofa. Maybe if I didn't talk to him, he would go away. He didn't.

"Hey," he finally said after a long silence and my eyes flew open, narrowed.

"Hi?"

He smiled again. "Hey."

"What do you want?" I snapped, pushing my hair behind my ears and folding my arms staunchly. Writing about us for the last hour had made me even more resentful towards him than I'd realized. With all of the other drama since we'd broken up, I'd never had a chance to cuss him out for all the things he'd done or said that had made me angry. Even worse, I realized that I'd forgotten about how small I'd felt after the way he'd acted right when we got back to school – and now we were friends again, something in me wanted to fight that because even if I'd moved on from him, parts of me were still furious with him.

"I just wanted to see how you are," he said quietly, looking offended.

"I'm fine. Doing some homework," I replied, fiddling with my parchment, smoothing it on the table and pretending to read it over.

"Doesn't look like homework. It's all rhyming…"

"Fine. I'm writing something then," I said curtly. "Can I help you? What do you want?"

His familiar grin flickered a little and he sighed heavily.

"I wanted to talk you about…" he hesitated, biting his lip as I watched in frustration. "About the other day. When I saw you…crying with your sister."

I looked away feeling another sting. I'd wondered why he hadn't brought that up yet.

"What about it?" I sighed.

"I mean," he started, taking a deep breath, before I cut him off.

"Sirius, look – I really don't want to talk about it. I just want to sit here and write my rhymes…and sulk, okay? Go and do whatever it is you need to do."

"Okay," he nodded, "But–"

"Oh Godric," I groaned, tugging at my hair. "Even when we're broken up, I can't get rid of you! Go away."

He ignored me, his face turning thoughtful. "When you were crying – like that horrible, sobbing…"

"Yeah," I scoffed, folding the parchment up and shoving it into one of my textbooks. "I'm sorry I looked so hideous."

He gritted his teeth. "No! I've just…never seen you look like that before. Was that because of him?"

I looked up in shock and he was staring back at me expectantly. My heart twisted a little in my chest. Things were easier before.

"I don't want to talk about it," I muttered, running a hand over my eyes and rubbing them. "Why do you care anyway?"

"Of course I care, Kate. You're my friend," he said, his brow furrowing as he leaned forward to touch my arm. I yanked it away and exhaled loudly.

"Ugh. You know, if I have to hear 'you're my friend,' or 'you're a good mate,' one more time – I might blow my brains out."

"Well, now you know how Remus felt," Sirius quipped and I laughed humorlessly, shaking my head.

"Oh yeah – brilliant. Thanks. Go ahead, make me feel even worse."

He fought off his usual grin and said, "Sorry. I was just joking."

"Yeah, well…I don't really find things that funny anymore," I grumbled.

He moved so he was sitting beside me on the sofa and I let him pat my back for a second before I slid away and looked at him with a hard expression.

"Well, if you're not going to go off with your friends, shouldn't you be bothering your girlfriend or something?"

He leaned against the armrest and nodded knowingly. "So…you're mad at me?"

"No! I'm not mad at you," I said impatiently. "I'm just done with you. I just want you to leave me alone – I don't want you to feed me some lines about how I was special and it was different with me and then I have to go watch you snog Lizzy's face off!"

He looked surprised, his grey eyes swirling mysteriously and when he didn't speak, I carried on. The cork had been popped and it was all rushing out of me, just like with my songs.

"You can't just give me some big speech about how if you were going to pick anyone, it would be me – but you wanted to be alone, and then go and get off with the girl who broke us up in the first place! It's not fair."

He wet his lips, and his brow was still furrowed as he nodded. "I know."

"And to make it worse – you're awful to her! One day you say you did it to piss me off, another day you're all over her and I can't figure out why you keep trying to get me to make fun of her or something? You've never been fair to her, or me, or any other girl!" I said, getting to my feet and pacing in front of the fire agitatedly. And he just went on nodding, like he'd expected me to explode like this or something. Eventually the pacing made me feel even more exhausted and I slumped back on to the sofa on the verge of tears.

"I don't know why I let myself believe…" I trailed off and covered my eyes.

"Believe what?"

"That I'm special," I snapped, glaring at him. "That there's something about me that makes me different. I'm just like every other bloody sad git."

"No," he said firmly, grabbing my wrist. "You are special."

"Ugh, shut up."

"You are special!" he insisted. "Lizzy's special, Gemma's special – Lily, Dorcas, me, James, Remus, Peter – we're all special!"

I frowned and twisted my lip. "Are we using special as an insult here?"

He burst into laughter and I cracked a tired smile before he began again.

"Kate look, you are special. Everyone is special in some way to someone," Sirius said. "I haven't found it yet."

"Not Lizzy?"

"No, not Lizzy. Although I guess I'm special to her," he frowned. "But you're special to Remus and Remus is special to you, and maybe Remus is special to Gemma too, but I don't think it's the other way around."

I sighed at him tiredly. It was what I wanted to hear, but why did I suddenly not want to hear it?

"I have no way of knowing that. I can't just ask him – forget about it–"

"Forget what?"

"What my sister says, what my mates say – what Arson Fring said…"

"What Arson Fring said?" he said looking disgusted.

"Yeah," I nodded.

"You talked to Arson Fring about this?"

"Yeah!"

There was a pause and suddenly we both chuckled.

Sirius shook his head. "I don't know how you think that guy's cool."

I laughed and rubbed my face. "I don't…I don't want to laugh. I can't just ask him. Like…how do you ask someone something like that? 'Er hey Remus – did you happen to maybe fancy me – have you happened to fancy me for a really long time? Because oh! Guess what? I fancy you too!'"

Sirius shrugged. "Seems like a good way to do it."

I laughed again and gave him a look."

"Maybe you should get a bit drunk first or something," he smiled.

"Ha! Your solutions are hilarious."

He shifted in his seat and kicked me lightly. "I mean, why don't you just let me talk to him?"

"You would do that?"

"Sure."

Maybe that was the key to it – instead of keeping things secret, I could just have Sirius break the news to him and then if he wanted to deal with it, he could come to me. Ugh.

"Ugh. But I'm not five-years-old! I can't get someone to pass notes for me. If I'm going to ask him, I've got to ask him myself."

Sirius looked impatient now and got to his feet, stretching. "Well, what if I told him to ask you?"

"Just – I think you should stay out of it to be honest. As much as you want to help – I think you and me 'helping' each other isn't exactly the best course of action," I said.

"Yeah, maybe you're right. But maybe you should just stop being so bloody…wishy-washy about it!" he snapped.

I jumped to my feet and looked at him, amazed. "Wishy-washy?!"

He laughed and ran a hand over his eyes. "Yeah! Wishy-washy. You're just sitting around sulking and writing…song lyrics about it and moaning about it. If you want something to happen be…Kate!"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean – listen to Mafalda and listen Arson Fring and listen to me! Be Kate – who was so flirtatious that nobody could have denied that you liked me. Why won't you do that with him?"

"It's different with him," I argued.

"Yeah, yeah. It's different with him. But that's just another excuse for saying 'Oh we're friends, it's gonna ruin our friendship.' It's not going to ruin your friendship. It might be something great."

He was the worst. He was even more unbearable when he actually made sense – when he was actually being a good friend.

"Ugh. I hate you."

"That's what friends are for," he smirked and I smiled back.

"You need to break up with Lizzy!" I snapped. " As a friend, I'm telling you – you've got to do that."

He nodded. "I know."

"And you've got to…not be a prick about it."

"Yeah, I know."

"And you need to stop leading girls on!"

He smiled. "Yeah. And you need to remember that you don't need to be scared of something you want."

He squeezed my arm and I sighed, falling back on the sofa.

"Okay, go away wise one."

He smiled again softly before he waved and I couldn't help but feel a sudden warmth. I had just needed to get it all out. Sirius and I were really proper friends now and I was happy about it. I really could well and truly move on now. And I decided, that it had to be with Remus. I had to tell him.

A/N: Blahhhh - hope it was okay. Thanks for reading, friends!