I'm sorry it has taken so long to get this chapter up. Life just kept getting in the way. I had to put my dog to sleep after his battle with heart cancer. He was my friend for over ten years. So I was focusing my free time to be with him which didn't leave a lot of time for writing. But now that he's at peace I can write. I am committed to finishing this story and I hope you will stick with me. We are heading toward the trial and I may end it there unless there is interest to continue. Please review and let me know that you are still reading and what you think of where the story is headed. Thanks to all of you who are still reading.
Chapter Thirty Seven
The following week everyone noticed a different lightness with their two team members. Of course Garcia was the first one to investigate the cause. She was very happy for her friends and was starting to feel that things were beginning to come back to normal for the two of them. Even though Emily seemed to be more relaxed and comfortable being back at the BAU she still played her feelings close to the cuff as she did before her thought she would have better luck talking to Jennifer than Emily.
Garcia bounced over to JJ's desk and perched herself on the corner in her most casual pose. "Hey sweet pea, haven't had a chance to talk to you much this week. How are things going?"
"Things are great." She peered at her friend with a quizzical eye. "What are you really trying to ask me Penelope? Remember it's difficult to be crafty with profilers."
"Nothing really. Well, I…well maybe some of us have noticed that the level of tension between you and your love bug has decreased some lately. And I was just wondering if another type of tension has increased between the two of you." Garcia gave her a knowing wink and smile putting emphasis on the words 'another type of tension'.
JJ looked down at the paperwork on her desk trying to hide the blush she felt rising in her cheeks. She thought to herself how Garcia knew that things had improved between her and Emily. She didn't talk about their sex life except in the most general of terms and she knew Emily kept most of her significant counsel with Mary. In fact Garcia and Emily seemed to still have the most strained relationship other than her and Morgan since she was found.
Realizing that she wasn't going to get a response from the blonde, Garcia stood with a knowing smile but before she left she leaned down to whisper in her ear. "Whatever is going on I'm happy for you both." She gave her a soft peck on the cheek before she walked back to her techno lair.
Not looking up at the departing tech wiz, JJ muffled her amusement at her friend's assumptions although true. It took her a minute to get her thoughts back on her work and off the brunette who was working in the office across the bullpen. She couldn't help but smile when she thought about how good the last few days had been for them. The tension that felt like it had taken up permanent residence in her life was finally feeling like it was dissolving from their lives. Emily was starting to be more comfortable, she was finally talking to someone even though it wasn't her, and their romantic life was getting back on track.
Morgan took advantage of Garcia occupying Jennifer's attention to go talk to Emily without either one of them finding some excuse to interrupt his conversation with his friend. Today he had a plan where they could spend some uninterrupted time together like they used to. He thought since she was doing so much better that now would be a good time to help get her back up to speed with her field skills. The gun range would be the best opportunity. And since it was close to the end of their shift they might be able to go for a beer when they were done.
When he walked into her office the brunette was huddled over a stack of case files and apparently didn't hear him enter. He realized that even though she had done a good job stepping into JJ's role of identifying cases for the team she was still skittish about doing press conferences in front of the camera. She would usually get either Hotch or JJ to actually be the public face for the BAU. She was fine with the written statements or giving the press what they needed to be said but there was something about standing in front of the world that she could bring herself to do. He thought maybe some gun practice might help build her self-confidence.
"Hey Em whatcha up to?"
Looking up briefly she quickly said, "Just going over some cases to see if any could use our help."
"Anything pressing?"
"Nothing yet. What's up? Do you need anything?" She looked at the man waiting to offer him whatever assistance he might need.
He inwardly bristled at her professional tone she took with him. She was always so carefree with him, joking and playing practical jokes with him. Although she had regained most of her memories he couldn't help but notice that she was different around him, more formal as if they had not shared years of experiences both professional and personal. 'Yeah, taking her to the firing range will do us both some good. Maybe we will have a real chance to talk, just the two of us like before,' he said to himself hopefully.
"Can you give me a few hours of your time? I was hoping that we could spend some time together. Maybe get in some practice at the firing range to help you get your mojo back so you can be field ready again," he presented good naturedly.
He had her full attention now and he figured she was game for the idea. What he didn't know was that she was experiencing a panic attack and it was taking all of her strength to keep herself under control.
"Umm…Derek I don't know. I think Jennifer had some plans. Maybe we can do something some other time," she stumbled as she tried to come up with an excuse.
"Come on girl, your lady is up to her eyeballs trying to get through case files. She can spare you for a couple of hours besides you used to enjoy cleaning my clock at the range," he said.
Emily squeezed the bridge of her nose as she looked down at her desk. "I can't…I can't go to the range with you." She hoped that he would drop the idea and leave her to her insecurities in peace. But knowing him like she did he wouldn't drop it.
"What do you mean you can't?"
She looked at the man with a cross between sadness and fear in her eyes. "What's the matter Emily? What's going on?" Derek asked when he saw the look on her face.
"I haven't touched my gun since…before. I'm not sure if I remember the combination to my gun safe. I don't even go near Jennifer's guns. I don't know why I feel like this. I'm sorry Derek I can't go with you to the firing range." He could see that she was anxious when she talked about the use of a gun even looking at a gun.
Morgan cursed Monroe in his head for doing this to his friend. He knew if that man had not taken her and drugged and brainwashed her she would not be hesitating about anything like she is now.
Taking a deep breath he walked over to where she was sitting and rested his hand gently on her shoulder. "Don't worry about it. Let's go grab a beer and play some pool. Like old times," he offered with a compassionate smile.
She smiled back at her friend grateful that he didn't push the subject. "That sounds good. Let me tell Jennifer where I'm going and I will meet you at the bar."
"Alright girlfriend." Before he left her office he said over his shoulder, "Tell your girl to not wait up for you because I'm going to be seeking my revenge from all the past pool games that you won." He flashed her one of his most charming smile before leaving.
Emily gathered the files she was going over and attempted to straighten her desk before leaving. She went to the bullpen to find her lover. Jennifer was intently looking through a file and didn't notice her approach her desk.
"Hi. What are you doing?"
Looking up in momentary surprise she smiled brightly when she saw who it was. "Just trying to tie up the last details of the case we finished. What are you doing?"
She sat on the corner of her desk as she replied, "Derek invited me to play pool and have a beer with him. We probably will grab a bite to eat at the bar. That's not a problem, is it?"
Jennifer was glad that she was starting to resume her normal activities. Since she returned she had not socialized much with anyone outside of herself and Mary. If she went out with the others on the team it was usually as a group. She also knew that Derek was a bit over protective of Emily especially since he felt like he failed in protecting her from being taken. Maybe they will be able to regain what was damaged between them by spending some quality time together.
"I think it's great that you two are spending some time together. But be careful, you know he's still pissed from all the times you kicked his butt playing pool." She gave her a good natured laugh.
Laughing in return she said, "Yeah, that's what he told me as well. I'm not sure when I'll be home. I'll try not to be too late."
"You're not scheduled to work tomorrow so why don't have a good time tonight. You and Derek haven't had many opportunities to hang out since… Don't worry about me. Have fun just try not to wipe the table with him too badly."
Her smile faltered slightly at JJ unfinished sentence. Her kidnapping was still like the elephant in the room that everyone was reluctant to talk about. "I'll do my best. You want me to bring you anything?"
"No, I'm good. You just have a good time and I'll see you when you get home." She stood and gave her a quick kiss before leaving to get a cup of coffee.
*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X
The two friends had been at the bar for several hours and had played four games of pool drank two pitchers of beer and eaten plate each of nachos and hot wings. At first things between the two of them was somewhat stiff but as the beer flowed and the friendly ribbing from the pool games began they were able to relax with each other.
They sat at a table near the pool table to take a break and give some other customers an opportunity to play. They engaged in friendly banter back and forth about their pool games before they seemed to run out of things to say to each other. They sat in silence watching the other bar patrons as they drank their beer.
In the pressure of the silence the tension between the two of them became so thick it could be cut with a knife. Even though Emily kept looking at the other patrons, Derek knew she felt it too. Deciding to put them both out of their misery he spoke first, after all he brought her here to talk.
"Hey, how have things been going for you lately?" He wanted to ask more but decided to ease into it.
She turned and looked at him trying to decide why he was asking. "Things have been good. Trying to not think about trial coming up though. Why you asking?"
"Because I care about you girl," he said with as much as a genuine smile that he could muster. "I was wondering how you were doing with your change in roles at the BAU. We haven't had much of an opportunity to talk. Are you going to try to get reinstated as a field agent?"
Emily stared at him not sure how to answer the question let alone respond to it. She really hadn't been thinking about being a field agent lately. She was just content to start feeling that she was getting a part of her life back that was missing.
She felt him looking at her waiting for an answer. So she answered him the only way she knew how. "Honestly I don't know."
He waited for her to elaborate on her answer but when he realized that was all he was going to get he decided to keep talking not willing to let the subject rest.
"It would be a shame if you didn't. You're a great profiler. Is that why you didn't want to go to the firing range with me?"
Emily whipped around in her seat so she could face him head on. "Listen, I told you I don't know what I'm going to do. I told you earlier why I didn't want to go to the firing range. Could you just drop it! I'm happy right now doing what I'm doing." She stood up and made her way over to the bar.
Derek just stared at her inwardly kicking himself for the whole conversation not going the way he had planned. He so desperately wanted his partner and friend back out there with him kicking ass and taking names. This whole Monroe shit took something away from her and he was afraid she would never get it back. He prayed that she wasn't that mad with him because that was not his intention.
Emily slammed both fists on the bar harder than she intended as she took a deep sigh. She wasn't sure who she was mad at, Derek, Phillip Monroe or herself. She remembered having bouts of low self confidence in the past but she was always able to push through with no problem. This was something else entirely. Was she really okay not being a field agent anymore especially after she worked so hard to gain a spot with this BAU team?
She had hoped that everything would go back to normal when her memory started to return. But when she realized that there were significant gaps in her memory she began to have doubts about being able to do the things she used to do. She still had occasional episodes where she experienced flashbacks to being with the family. That was one of the reasons that she did not do press conferences because she wasn't sure if she could handle the stress of the reporters with their questions. Jennifer was still running interference for her with Hotch volunteering to speak to the press. She didn't know why she was afraid to touch her gun. Maybe it was the upcoming trial that had her so freaked. Or maybe it was her last visit with her doctor.
The bartender came over to her and brought her out of her thoughts. "What can I get for you?"
"Scotch, neat."
Once he brought her the drink she slammed it down shaking her head to help deal with the burn as she swallowed. She held up her hand to signal to the bartender. "One more…and make it a double."
After several minutes, Derek became concerned and went to the bar to see if Emily was okay. When he saw what she was drinking and the empty glasses in front of her he got worried. Although they had drank two pitches of beer it was over the course of a few hours and with food. She had drank at least four glasses or more of hard liquor in the span of under ten minutes.
"Emily, are you okay? What are you drinking?" he asked with apprehension in his voice.
She held up the glass to his face and smiled. "Scotch. Want one? It's real good."
He tried to take the glass from her hand but she smacked his hand away with her other hand and drained the remainder of the glass.
"Alright girl I think it's time to get you home. JJ is going to have my hide for letting you get drunk," he said to her as he tried to lead her away from the bar.
She yanked her arm out of his grasp. "I'm not done drinking. Hey bartender, give me another one!"
The bartender gave Derek questioning look. But before Derek could respond, Emily caught the exchange between the two men.
"Don't ask him, he's not my father. Give me another drink damnit."
Derek shrugged his shoulders at the bartender, "Go ahead, I'm driving her home." He figured there was nothing he could do to stop her but maybe she will start to talk about what was going on with her.
Emily finally stopped after two more and allowed Derek to direct her back to the table where she laid her head on her arms on the table. He signaled for the waitress to bring over a pitcher of water. After pouring a glass and setting it in front of his inebriated friend, he waited a few minutes to see if she would take the drink and start talking. After several minutes of silence he nudged her shoulder to make sure she was still awake.
"What ya want? Can't ya see I'm resting." Emily mumbled into her arms.
"Emily, what's going on? I know I didn't make you mad enough to get this drunk. Talk to me," Derek pleaded.
"Everyone wants to know what's going on with me. You, Jennifer, Hotch even Penelope. Only person doesn't ask me is Mary. You think I would be like this if I knew what was going on." Emily leaned toward Derek almost falling off the chair as she loudly whispered in his face. "You want to know how screwed up I am. I finally was able to make love to Jennifer after I have been back after all this time. I'm surprised she hasn't left me for someone else," she said poking her finger in his chest for emphasis.
"Emily, don't be ridicules. She loves you. We only want to know what's going on with you because we love you and want to help you any way we can. I'm sorry if I pushed you tonight, I was just trying to help you and be supportive."
She fell into him giving him hug. "You are my friend. I'll try not to be a fuck up from now on."
Knowing that she was beyond any more rational thought tonight he helped her to stand up. "Let's get you home."
She patted his face sloppily as she let out a laugh. "Don't tell Jennifer I'm drunk. I don't want her to be mad at you."
"Okay girl whatever you say. Have a glass of water before we leave, you'll thank me in the morning.
She took the glass and drank about half of it before giving it back to him. "Don't tell Jennifer that I told you about us having sex, okay?" she whispered loudly.
"Alright." He led her out of the pub and to his car. This was not at all how he saw this evening going in his mind. Now he's going to have to explain to Jennifer why he let Emily get drunk and he's still sober.
*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*
Jennifer was happy that Emily and Derek went out tonight. She had not done anything like that since she had been kidnapped. They were such good friends before and she wanted them to begin to rekindle their friendship.
She was able to spend some time at home alone feeling secure in the fact that things were starting to feel normal for the first time in months. Penelope had asked her out to dinner but seeing the opportunity to relax she took a rain check. She was snuggled on the couch reading a book with a glass of wine listening to her favorite music when she heard banging at the door.
She quickly went to the door but for a moment she considered getting her weapon until she heard the voices of Emily and Derek. Opening the door she had a smile on her face until she saw the two friends on the other side of the door.
"What the hell…" JJ said when she saw Derek struggling to hold up her obviously drunk girlfriend.
"This is not my fault…at least not all of it I think," Morgan quickly tried to explain seeing the look on the blonde's face.
"Jennifer! Hi, I think I had too much to drink. Derek wants me to be a field agent again. I don't have to if I don't wanna right?" Emily fell into her girlfriend's arms who was barely prepared to catch her. She wrapped her arms around her neck and leaned heavily against her to whisper into her ear. "Don't be mad, I told him about us having sex." She began to giggle and then passes out in the blonde's arms.
Derek ran over to help when he saw the brunette go limp. "Let me take her to your bedroom for you and then I can try to explain what happen tonight."
"Yeah that would be good. Just lay her on the bed and I will get her settled later," she said as she watched him carry her to the bedroom. He returned a minute later and found her sitting on the couch.
Pacing in front of the couch he was starting to make JJ dizzy. "I just wanted to have an opportunity to talk to her. We really haven't had a chance to really talk since…you know. I just asked her if she was going to try to get recertified to be a field agent and she just kinda flipped out. She went to the bar and before I knew it she had downed about six shots of scotch. If I knew it was going to turn out like this I wou…"
"Derek stop! Please sit down and talk to me. You're making me dizzy with all your pacing. Now tell me what happened," she said giving him a gentle smile as she patted the spot next her.
He sat down heavily and took a deep breath.
"I know you did not intend to get Emily drunk. We both know that when she gets too stressed she will go for the liquid courage. What were you trying to talk to her about?" JJ asked.
"Hmm…I just wanted to talk about what was going on with her. She seemed like she just gave up wanting to be an FBI agent. That just doesn't seem like her. I know this crap with Monroe has shaken her to her core. It's affected all of us. I just wanted…I just…"
"…wanted your friend to talk over how this has affected you but she's not the same person as before. I know how you feel Derek. There are parts of her that are my Emily but then there are things that are just out of reach." She put her hand gently on his knee for comfort. "You know as well as I do how she is when she feels that she should be able to solve a problem without help. I've learned that the best thing I can do for her right now is give her the space and support to work her way through this. It hasn't been easy but it's a lot easier than not having her in my life. A grieving man came close to destroying so many lives; let's not let him destroy ours. Emily is coming out of this. It's just going to take her time. It's going to take us all time but we will get there." She smiled at him with caring and understanding.
"Hey, I'm sorry girl. Here I am feeling sorry for myself and I haven't even considered what this whole thing has been doing to you."
"We've all been touched by this. You know you can always talk to me."
"Yeah. You seem to be handling this better than I am." He nudged her with his shoulder.
"Don't be fooled I'm not handling all this that well but what choice do I have. I can't leave her."
"Well considering the hangover she's going to have tomorrow, you might want to reconsider leaving her at least tomorrow. She's gonna be a bear," Derek joked with the blonde good naturedly.
Throwing her head back against the couch she chuckled realizing how true that was going to be. "You did make her drink some water before you left the bar, right?"
"I tried but she wasn't that cooperative. Well I'm going to head out. Well it's a good thing you both have tomorrow off." He made his way to the door with JJ following.
"Thanks for getting her home safely. Talk to me if you need to. Maybe she will be open to talking about what happened tonight. It's probably the stress of the upcoming trial."
"Are you two going to go out early for the trial?" Derek asked.
"Maybe, she and Mary were talking about visiting Maybelle, the woman that took them in when they were on the run. Do you know when you guys were going to head out there?"
"We haven't talked about it yet. Well I'll talk to you later. Night baby girl." Derek leaned in and gave her kiss on the cheek.
"Goodnight." She closed the door and leaned against it wondering what really had caused Emily to go off the deep end like that. As she went to tuck her drunken girlfriend in bed she thought about how she was going to handle her tomorrow.
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