Change Of Heart
Pairing; Hector & Briana(Hiccup X OC)
Rating; M for Mature
Disclaimer; I do not own HTTYD or the songs I might use.
36. For Hector
{Briana's POV}
I didn't know what to make of everything I witnessed earlier, but it all boiled down to Hector having reached his limit. Hector said that if anything else happened, he would snap, and kill himself. I didn't like knowing this, and I felt like it got worse when Chief Svendson admitted to Hector that Rex Santiago, who I assumed was a leader to Sons of Odin, was not imprisoned. Hector's too calm demeanor was a bit frightening because I knew it means he's on edge and anything could push him over. Nothing else mattered to me than trying to help Hector through this, and I knew it wouldn't be easy. Hector was lost in so many emotions that he had effectively shut down to avoid feeling anything; I know that's why he hit the bottle as hard as he did. However, Hector would wind up giving himself alcohol poisoning if he didn't stop. I knew it was dangerous to take the Jack Daniels away, but I had to do something. I resorted to using something that might work; telling him that he could lay with me, and I'd sing to him. It had been a discussion we had during prom night; Hector admitted that he loved my voice, and I should sing more. I said I wasn't a big singer, and we left it at that, but now seemed as good a time as any to use it to make Hector take a break from drinking; maybe sober up a little? One could hope.
So here I am reclining on the couch with Hector laying in my lap. I was stroking his auburn hair slowly. Thus far, I had sung yet since it seemed Hector was trying to get comfortable. I suspected that he was wasted, and probably didn't feel well now that the alcohol was working through him. "I hate this," he murmured.
"Try to relax, and you won't feel this way soon," I offered.
"Hate bein' alive," Hector muttered as I felt like everyone in the room tensed up. "Don't wanna feel dis way. Don't wanna live,"
"Don't talk that way, Hector," Harper said quickly as Hector's eyes snapped open and glared at her.
"You don't know what this feels like!" Hector started as Harper bit back in fear, startled by the outburst. "Don't presume to tell me what to do or say! All my life I've been dealing with this, and it never gets better! The pain never stops. Every time I turn around; it's one more fucking thing to the list. I'm sick of always hurting! I'm tired of never getting a break because it just gets worse! I feel like killing myself is the only way to end it all," It had everyone scared of what he would do in this state, feeling the way he did already. Hector tried to get up to leave but I stopped him. "Let go of me!"
"No, Hector," I told him.
"Damn it, I said let go!" Hector started while staggering to walk away. I got off the couch and grabbed his wrist.
Hector yanked his arm towards himself, but I didn't let go. "No because I know what you're gonna do!"
"It's not your decision. I'm done!" Hector ripped free as I glared at him now. I don't know what came over me but I reached for the front of his shirt before he turned away, then I wrapped my arms around his midsection. "Get off,"
"No. No, because you'll kill yourself," I shook my head, trying not to cry.
"Who cares? I'm being targeted anyway, so I would rather die on my terms," Hector scoffed. I let go quickly, then smacked him across the face. Hector stared at me in shock.
"You idiot. You stupid, dumb, idiot!" I yelled at him with tears in my eyes now. "How dare you believe such a foolish thing, and here I thought you were smarter than that. Don't you get it!? Do you not understand?! THIS IS YOU BEING TARGETED! THIS IS WHAT THEY WANT FROM YOU! Those assholes want you to feel this way; they want you to take your own life, and you're giving in to it!"
"I refuse to live like this anymore; feeling the way I do every single day with no end," Hector remarked.
"And what do you think committing suicide is going to do, Hector? It's not going to stop the pain! Maybe for you; it will, but what about for Glenn?" I glared at him through the tears as he stared at me. "The man already lost your parents, and he's putting all he has into making sure he doesn't lose you too! What about the Hell Drakes? What about our friends? What about me?!" Hector's eyes softened slightly. For half a second, he looked around the room to see everyone sitting around with worried eyes on him. "I already lost someone I love to suicide; my dad. Unable to cope with the pain of losing my mom; drowning himself in alcohol to make the pain stop. When he couldn't do it anymore, my father hung himself in the cemetery on the tree by my mother's grave. His pain didn't stop; he just passed it to me. Killing yourself doesn't make it end, Hector; you just give it to the people who care about you. So no; I won't let you go. I can't," I looked down.
"Briana…" Alyssa whispered sadly.
"I can't handle that hurt again. It almost pushed me over the edge once, but I held on because I told myself that dying only pains someone else in the line. People who care about me. I fought, telling myself that it would get better with time, and it did. I've got great friends, what little of my family is still left, and I have you, Hector," I informed as Hector started trembling a bit. Suddenly, I felt Hector's knees buckle and he dropped on them hard with his head down.
"W-why do you…care so much. I'm…nothing special," Hector managed slowly as the restraint on his emotions was starting to splinter.
"You are to Glenn. To our friends…To me," I said slowly as I lowered myself to my knees while cupping his cheeks and making him look at me. "I know you're hurting; you don't want to fight anymore, and I can't possibly imagine all the emotions you must feel with everything going on, but you don't have to do this alone. We're all here for you, and we'll do whatever we can. You can't give up your life. We only have one, Hector, so you can't let yours go no matter how hard it gets. You have to hold on even when you feel like letting go. We don't want to lose you, and I can't speak for how hard it would be them, but I know that I can't lose someone else I love. So please; find one. Just one reason to keep fighting and holding on," I pleaded. Then Hector did something I didn't expect; he wrapped his arms around my midsection and held me tightly. It wasn't long after that that I felt him shaking, burying his face in my chest while beginning to cry. I did the only thing I could do; I embraced him.
At that moment, I noticed Glenn had come in. I didn't know how long he'd been there but I could tell he had seen the bottle and the state Hector was in. I quickly put a finger to my lips, shaking my head to him as Glenn understood and stayed quiet. I knew Hector needed this; he'd been holding it in, trying to be strong for too long.
{Normal POV}
It was indeed heartbreaking to watch, but everyone in the room was thankful that Briana had forced Hector to stay. To make him listen, and finally break through. All of them had lost track of the minutes that Hector was down on his knees while crying against Briana's figure. It seemed like hours, though. The friends knew that this didn't Hector, but it was an excellent first step to helping him recover. Briana only held Hector, stroking the back of his neck and whispering that everything was going to be okay to console the man she had come to fall in love with.
"Come on, let's get off the floor," Briana suggested. Slowly, Briana began standing as she pulled Hector up with her, then carefully moved back to the couch. Briana sat in a position where Hector could continue to lay on her chest. It seemed that the crying had stopped, leaving only the sniffling from a runny nose. A few coughs here and there too. "Ssh; it's alright," Briana ran her fingers through his auburn hair. "Are you feeling a bit better after letting it out?" she asked.
"F-Feel…s-sick," Hector mumbled in a slurred speech.
"You downed half a bottle of Jack Daniels in within thirty minutes, Darling. You're only eighteen and you've barely eaten today, so I can't imagine that all that alcohol consumption in a small timeframe wouldn't make you sick to your stomach," Briana soothed as Hector groaned in pain. Hector didn't reply at first as Briana tilted her head to look at his face. Hector's body jerked forward slightly, then again as he closed his eyes.
"Hector?" Glenn asked. Hector's body jerked again as he leaned forward a bit, then panted.
Hector forced himself to sit upright; then lurched forward once, but held back. "He's gonna throw up," Dimitri said quickly. As soon as Hector brought a hand to his mouth, Briana got off the couch to help Hector up. As fast as she was able with help from Derek; they got Hector to the bathroom and over the toilet right before he puked in the bowl on his knees.
"I'll sit with him," Briana told Derek; he nodded and exited the bathroom, closing the door. Briana rubbed Hector's back up and down. Briana sighed a bit feeling like they might be in there for a while. Outside the room, Glenn looked at them all.
"What happened?" the worried Godfather demanded.
"We didn't know Hector had alcohol downstairs in his room; he came upstairs and the bottle was almost half gone. Briana got him to put it down and lay with her, then he started talking about not wanting to live anymore. Harper said for Hector not to talk like that, and he just snapped. Briana realized that if Hector left; he would kill himself, so she made him stay, and then broke through him, which is about the time you came in to see happen," Ethan explained.
"But he hasn't hurt himself?" Glenn inquired.
"No, sir; he hasn't, at least not that we've seen. Hector was downstairs for thirty minutes," Cassandra reported.
"A breakthrough won't mean anything if he doesn't work through the depression, and I guarantee that he's going to continue to be miserable for a while," Glenn sighed.
"We know, but we think we got that through his head today. I just think it piled up, and he finally broke down, but he knows he's not alone in this, and we'll help all we can," Kayne said.
"We don't intend on letting him out of our sight until we know he's not a risk of having another moment like before," Aaron informed.
"Good. Situations like these; the suicidal thoughts and attempts can continue until his mood evens out," Glenn advised while they nodded in agreement. Within the bathroom, Hector's vomiting seemed to have ceased for the moment as he was now just leaning against the wall and holding his stomach.
"Y-You…promised t-to sing..f-for me," Hector forced out.
"And I will as soon as your stomach settles a bit. You had a lot to drink, and I'm sure that it's not over-," Briana stopped as Hector leaned over the bowl once more and threw up three times. "yet," Briana finished. Hector coughed hard, spitting to get the remnants out, then flushed the toilet. "Feeling any better?" Hector shook his head, and at that moment he realized that needed to use the bathroom. "Can I do anything to help?"
"Wo-Would you help me stand, a-and…turn around?" Hector asked.
"You should probably stay down there until you get your balance. I've seen you throw up about ten times, Hector, it doesn't bother me," Briana replied.
"I have to go," Hector informed.
"I don't think you're in any shape to be going anywhere right now," Briana sighed.
"That's not what I-Bri, I have to go," Hector emphasized this time. It took her a second, but she got it, and blushed a deep shade of red.
"O-Oh! You mean you have to-Okay, no problem. I'll just l-leave and give you some privacy," Briana reached for the door handle. "Wait, why didn't you just say that to get out so you could use the bathroom?"
"Because I didn't want you to leave," Hector said as Briana's eyes widened a bit. "N-Not like that; I'm drunk, and I just need your help to do it,"
"I-I don't think I should be the one-," Briana began.
"Briana, I don't need you to hold my dick or aim it. I don't feel comfortable having my Godfather, or one of the guys doing it, so I'm asking if you will help me, please?" Hector looked away, and Briana could see how embarrassed he was already to be asking for help with this.
"What…do you need me to help you with then?" Briana questioned.
"Will you stand behind me, and make sure I don't fall?" Hector inquired. Briana helped him up as Hector had a tough time standing up. Briana stood behind him as support, but Hector still struggled to avoid swaying. Briana turned around so her front was to his back, then she put her hands on his sides. Hector tensed a bit.
"My back to you while standing behind isn't enough to keep you standing still. I'll just hold you like this, go ahead do what you have to do. I won't look," Briana invited. This had to be single-handedly the most awkward moment of both their lives, and it was agreed that neither of them would speak of it. Hector fumbled through unbuttoning his jeans, then pulled the zipper down. After Hector was done, he shook once or twice before fixing his pants and flushing. "A-All set?" she asked.
"Yeah," he cleared his throat. "Um, thank you," Hector added.
"You're welcome," Briana saw him stumble a bit as she held him once more. "You alright to go back out there, or you feel like you're gonna throw up again?" she wondered.
"I think…M'okay," Hector slurred out. Briana should have guessed that after Hector used the bathroom; the alcohol would hit him a little harder. Briana helped Hector out of the restroom, making sure to shut the light off afterward.
"You alright there, laddie?" Glenn questioned.
"Pretty sure he's officially wasted now that the alcohol has caught up with him," Sawyer informed. Briana got Hector to the couch once more and he just fell on it tiredly.
"I lay wit yous?" Hector glanced at her with glazed over eyes. Briana smiled a bit as she laid back on the couch and Hector struggled to get closer, but got there eventually and laid his head on her breasts with an arm locked around her waist. Briana started stroking his hair, petting it down a little while he yawned. "Still sing?" Briana fished her phone out of her pocket and located the song on her playlist, then set the phone on the arm of the couch while the music started.
"Like a small boat, on the ocean. Sending big waves, into motion. Like how single word, can make a heart open. I might only have one match, but I can make an explosion," Briana began softly. "And all of those things I didn't say; wrecking balls inside my brain. I will scream them loud tonight, can you hear my voice this time?" there was a pause as the music picked up.
"This is my fight song! Take back my life song. Prove I'm alright song! My power's turned on. Starting right now I'll be strong. I'll play my fight song, and I don't really care if nobody else believes; 'cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me," Hector seemed to snuggle up closer, getting comfortable against her.
"Losing friends and I'm chasing sleep. Everybody's worried about me. I'm in too deep, say I'm in too deep. It's been two years; I miss my home. There's a fire burning in my bones. I still believe. Yeah, I still believe. And all of those things I didn't say; wrecking balls inside my brain. I will scream them loud tonight; can you hear my voice this time?"
"This is my fight song! Take back my life song. Prove I'm alright song! My power's turned on. Starting right now I'll be strong. I'll play my fight song, and I don't really care if nobody else believes; 'cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me," Briana sang. "A lot of fight left in me…" she held the note longer. Finally, the music softened.
"Like a small boat, on the ocean. Sending big waves, into motion. Like how a single word, can make a heart open. I might only have one match, but I can make an explosion," Briana continued gently. The music lifted once more. "This is my fight song. Take back my life song. Prove I'm alright song. My power's turned on! Starting right now, I'll be strong. I'll play my fight song, and I really don't care if nobody else believes; 'cause I still got a lot of fight left in me. No, I still got a lot of fight left in me," Briana finished lightly. Hector didn't say anything as Briana glanced down to see him fast asleep on her. Briana snapped her fingers with the free hand for Thaxter to get the blanket that was behind him and bring it over. Briana covered Hector up, then continued to stroke her fingers through his hair.
Nobody really said anything because it was evident that Hector was too drunk to talk about anything right now, and the emotional breakdown earlier plus the rapid drinking fire has caused him to be overtired. The best thing for Hector right now was to sleep it off, and maybe when he woke up they could try to work with him. For Briana, though, she knew that Hector still lived in fear. That's what all of this was about. Hector only wanted to die because he felt like he couldn't live happily. Hector was a target to the Sons of Odin, and knowing know that Rex was on the loose made the fear worse. Hector was acting out in fear, not anger, and Briana understood why he said he would rather end his life on his own terms. Of course, now, she felt terrible for smacking him, but at the time; it seemed necessary to make him shut up and listen. Briana had seen the real Hector, and knew he was still around, but he was scared and didn't want to live that way anymore. Briana had to help him, and she knew exactly how to stop the fear, the only problem was how utterly dangerous it was to make happen, but she would do it for Hector.