The Secret You Keep
by SilverTurtle
Rating: T
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You watch her when she isn't paying attention.
She thinks that you don't really see her, that you don't listen to her, that she doesn't matter to you, but she does.
She really does.
She's one of the most important people in your life, because you love her, not that she'll ever know that.
You'll never tell her.
You can't.
It wouldn't be 'appropriate'. And wouldn't she be surprised you know the meaning of that word?
You know the meaning of a lot of words. Words like love and devotion and sacrifice and despair. You know a lot of words, and what's worse, you know how they feel.
You know what it is to live with the ache in your chest, the words you can never say lodged in your throat and stealing your breath, and the terrible hope (the fear) that someday she'll look right through you to who you really are. You wonder if she'd like what she'd see.
But it doesn't matter. You'll keep it all locked inside, it'll kill you a little more every day, but you'll keep it. You'll cherish it because it's the one thing in the entire world that is yours and yours alone. You'll never ever share this with anyone, most of all not with her.
Because if you told her how you felt, if you let your mask drop and showed her the person hiding underneath your bubble-headed façade, it would ruin her life and yours along with it.
She's your teacher, and even though you're of legal age you cannot be with her. If you tried, if your father heard about it, she'd lose her job and would never be allowed to teach again. If she lost her job she'd be ripped away from you. It wouldn't even matter if she returned your feelings or not, she'd be gone all the same.
And you?
You'd be shipped right to your father's side, never to leave his control again, never to taste the freedom found in his apathy. For while he's never taken a particular interest in your life he couldn't let you, his only offspring, run around in public with devious tendencies in view. It would be bad for business. No matter how progressive the world may be, Wilfred Tipton was not.
So you keep your mask on and hide yourself from view. You keep your feelings bottled inside never to be released. And you keep her close for as long as you can.
Maybe someday it'll get easier. Maybe the feelings will dull and you'll be able to breathe again. Or maybe someday you'll be able to tell Emma Tutweiller that you love her. Maybe. Probably not.
But until that day you'll wear your mask and deep in the darkest part of your heart you'll hate yourself a little bit, because if you were anyone other than London Tipton you wouldn't have to hide at all.
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THE END
Notes on the Pairing:
You all know London Tipton as played by Brenda Song.
Emma Tutweiller, played by Erin Cardillo, is the teacher responsible for educating our main characters in the Suite Life On Deck.