Shizuru coughed lightly, drawing his attention away from the distant town they had been in the act of approaching before she had come to a slow stop.
He watched her reach for the half mask at her side, bring it up to her face with obvious intent to don it, and then pause with a small frown on her lips as she looked it.
That was interesting, before she had seemed almost relieved to have reason for it. There had never been hesitation in her in covering her face to prevent her senses being overwhelmed.
It was one of many things he found interesting in the observable changes that had taken place in her personality.
He forced himself to look away from that expression of uneasiness.
"Guess it's time to find out if that friend of yours is worth anything, Kurama." Shizuru commented drily with resignation in her voice.
That tendril of interest was one of the thoughts that had spiraled through his mind the previous night, one of the things that had plagued him enough to make sleep impossible.
Kurama had been correct in some of what had kept him silent and withdrawn, but there had been much more to those thoughts that also proved the fox demon did not know him so well as to know his mind implicitly.
He grasped Kurama had been seeking to ease his mind in the matter of Sakyo, to bring him from the dark spirals he was prone to indulging himself within.
Truth be told he had been more irritated with Kurama's interruption of his internal musings than with the subject matter, it had begun to grate along his skin that the fox demon interposed himself continuously between him and Shizuru as if he had been asked to do so.
He had considered not responding to Kurama's well meaning but needlessly intrusive words, but in the end had responded to find out how the fox demon viewed the matter. Kurama was irritating but there were times his friend saw things he did not think about.
If anything Kurama's words had only inspired a surge of slightly surprised but firm confidence in his own thoughts and emotional responses to Shizuru. The conversation had highlighted the fact that there was distinct difference in how the two of them related to Shizuru, how their view point's could be both similar yet vastly differing in conclusion.
How could they not be?
Kurama had never been privy to the aspects of her that he could never escape though he had endeavored to do exactly that.
Kurama had never existed within her mind, never had his soul encased within that surge of protective steel compassion that represented her being.
Kurama had never found her to be such a necessary element of life that to be without her was to be lessened in some intrinsic way.
It had been amusing to find the fox demon was behind him in the views of Sakyo.
While Kurama may not have recalled it, they had both been exposed to the human's true heart in the subject of Shizuru.
"You have no appreciation for how…tightly her darkness binds her."
He recalled it all too clearly, the perverse malicious longing expressed in that second.
He may have been just as guilty as the human in seeking what lay beyond Shizuru's present circumstances.
"You were nothing but a momentary lapse in judgment."
He may have ignored her wants in favor of her continued existence.
"…and when her final pulse consumes you…try not to recall I have always been her fate."
He may have been responsible for the shattering of her soul in those last desperate moments that had cost him so greatly.
"That man is in love with Shizuru."
"That is not love."
He could never have spoken of her in the way that human had, it still caused a feeling of being soiled internally to recall those words. It still caused that surge of revulsion and offense to acknowledge they had been spoken with her in mind.
Kurama was correct but in the same instance woefully incorrect.
Shizuru's intent in the moment had always been of that moment, her considerations changed with little warning. That had been and was still a perfect truth of who she was as an individual.
What truly mattered was not her intent; it was the intent of the one on the receiving end of such considerations.
His actions were comparable to those of Sakyo's, his focus the exact same as the human's.
The difference was their view of Shizuru as a necessity were so vastly dissimilar in meaning Sakyo's were almost beyond his understanding.
How could one know Shizuru and feel those detestable things?
How could one be aware of her life coming to an end and express such sickening longing for the event?
No, he was not comparable to Sakyo in that and he did still hear the siren call to seek out that human in Koenma's purgatory to make him suffer more for viewing her ever in that abhorrent way.
Kurama had been incorrect in other things as well.
He had not felt a need to reject Shizuru though he had been startled at first by the abrupt change that was far closer to who she had been than before.
It was that lack of need to reject that disturbed him that he did find the change so interesting that it had instantly brought his attention to her in a very similar way as her utter disregard when reaching for him did.
It should not have, his reaction so far had been as Kurama said. He had felt an instant and undeniable need in establishing distance, in defining the absolute barrier between them in order to interact with her in any reasonable way.
He could admit, in the privacy of his own thoughts, the effort did not spare him. The fact that the so called barrier would begin to blur mocked his wants to distinguish what was no longer available to him through his own actions.
The fact that when that obscurity would occur he found his desire for her drawing him closer and closer to what could only end in frustration.
Now that she knew of the Dragon those desires were even more absurd, she could only see the threat he contained regardless of her professed indifference. He had seen that calculation in her eyes when she had addressed him, the assessment in her gaze had been undeniable and in some small way his core had twisted in his acknowledgment of it.
Kurama was no fool, they did need to adapt to this new aspect of her but he had to wonder if the fox demon was as far as him in understanding the necessity of it.
The pitch to her tone was now one of controlled reaction, of dedicated attention to what could further her ends. While she had presented this faucet when they first met it had been almost an innocent version in comparison.
He did not doubt this Shizuru was the one spoken of by Kurama's female Narumi, the one the twin communication experts Store and Candy had warned them they knew very little about.
At the time he had noted their continued assertions as intriguing, the thought did occur to him that by necessity Shizuru would present herself in a different manner to those of the criminal world but he had only been given glimpses that existed.
The arena fights had only allowed him to appreciate her physical dedications in the avenue of fighting ability but again it had felt as if it were only a glimpse of her that had been hidden far too well to become fully exposed.
"Does it meet with your approval?" Kurama questioned amusement in his tones.
He glanced at the pair, Shizuru having placed the half mask and in so doing somehow creating the illusion of the unknown about her.
It did nothing to mar her appeal to him though he almost wished it did. If anything it pleased him to have her features hidden, to know what lay beneath that slim shield that others would now be unaware of.
He shoved the strange thought away.
Why was it that those thoughts came to him so easily in regards to her?
"It'll do." Shizuru responded, lifting a shoulder in a shrug before starting forward, "We'll see how it holds up."
He fell into step behind them, far more caught up in his mind than he knew was reasonable.
He should be more alert to what dangers could exist around them.
He should be anticipating the need to travel through the town ahead of him with annoyance and resignation.
Instead he was distracted by his own annoyance with himself, by those whispers of emotion that had been so natural and common before he had never questioned why they occurred to him. The answer was always simple, because it was Shizuru and that had been enough to him.
He had to find a way to set those thought from his mind, the ones that refused to allow for the fact that they were no longer as they had been.
He had to find a way to balance this renewed interest in knowing her with the knowledge that she perceived him as a threat.
He had to find a way to banish that wisp of ambiguous guilt that cautioned he was forgetting and in that forgetting betraying a trust.
He had to find a way to silence that whisper that assured him he was not untouchable, that even in the insane antics of his emotional sways Shizuru would remain his greatest weakness.
He stared, locked in the oddest state of shock he had yet experienced.
He had not witnessed the initial transgression, only turned in time to see the repercussions and find himself held in place by the entire scene.
Twenty feet from him and Kurama Shizuru stood over a demon that held tightly to an arm that bled profusely from wounds the woman had inflicted on him with her daggers.
The violence of her action did not bother him; it was a known aspect of her and had always been a prominent if rarely witnessed part of Shizuru.
It was the vicious quality inherent in the wounding, the fact that the injury had been inflicted in such a precise manner it would hamper the use of the appendage even with a demon's excellent ability to heal.
He did not doubt that had been her intention, to cause such damage it would be a lasting impression on not only the demon who had so grievously offended her but also on those that now eyed her with malicious yet cautious purpose.
He knew this because she had automatically oriented her body towards those others, arranging herself in a position that was both warning and encouragement. Her stance was full of challenge to those demons who were contemplating attacking her on behalf of their fallen.
Without thought he took a step forward, tossing his cloak on his shoulder to free his sword and drawing a few of those eyes towards him for consideration.
They were of a decent enough strength when compared to Shizuru's level, she could if need be handle them on her own but it was not lack of confidence in her ability that drew him forward.
He just desired to impress upon them she did not stand alone, that they did not face someone as an isolated and therefore perhaps weaker opponent in that assumed isolation.
Kurama joined him possibly with the same thought in mind.
"When we first encountered her…and until this point she has held a certain air of innocence about her. The Shizuru that just spoke to us held none of that quality in her voice, Hiei."
Innocence in that while she habitually threatened harm she did not carry through with said threat.
Innocence in that she did not understand the emotions that had eventually begun to overtake her reason and was left floundering in the wake of confusion that distracted her.
Innocence in that she was almost entirely a creature of action without thought though that action was constantly tempered by her constant questioning if it was her choice or Fate's that drove them.
As his eyes traveled back to Shizuru he was struck once again by how that air of naivety had disappeared.
This Shizuru he could see making arrangements as she had in the Human World for the human male that had defied her wishes to never approach any in Team Urameshi being struck down as a pointed warning to him and Kurama.
That aura of calm calculation to her had not been present before and it was obvious this had nothing to do with a reaction from Fate. The Dragon showed no signs of even a hint of interest in this conflict.
This reaction was fully of her own making, from the casual maiming to her continued regard of those that might become threats.
His action in asserting his presence would have previously been more akin to active protection of her, it would have been made with the intent to intervene.
His eyes narrowed slightly as he allowed the thought to find its own end.
Had he viewed her before as incapable though she had proven to have a modicum of ability to defend herself?
No…she seemed more unaware before…
Yes, in a certain way he had reacted to that air of innocent disregard. Previously she had appeared much more dependent on Fate as a driving force for knowing threats regardless of the fact she had spoken of how little it intervened in favor of her life.
…as if she existed only for the moment with little concern of consequence…
After a few more moments Shizuru's stance relaxed as she shifted to walk towards them. None of the demons that had formed a half circle around the injured one seemed moved to attack even now that she had turned her back to them.
Again he was given the impression that too was calculated, that she meant to show those demons contempt.
"You two coming?" Shizuru asked as she passed between them, her voice hard.
He shared a dark glance with Kurama before both of them followed knowing the fox demon was thinking along the same avenues he was at the moment.
"That happened rather quickly," Kurama ventured, his tone purposefully light, "What did that demon do to warrant…"
"People should learn not to be grabby." Shizuru interrupted, casting the words over her shoulder.
Did it surprise him that Shizuru would have such a brutal response to simply being grabbed by another?
He had only been privy to a few such incidents and Shizuru had done little more than knock the offender on his back, if he were not present, before walking away as if the event had not occurred.
Of course by then the humans she associated with would have known not to cross her…
That insidious surge of interest was weaving itself again into his thoughts; he wanted to know if that were to be expected of her now.
He wanted to know if it would translate within what had previously been only threats.
He wanted to hear from her own lips so that he could fully grasp how she had hidden this willingness for brutality so completely from him.
To find that out he would have to blur yet another border between them, one that had existed since the beginning. He would have to be intrusive, question her in areas that previously they had both ruled as private even from each other.
She was not fully Shizuru; she would not have full comprehension of those things that suddenly seemed almost imperative for him to know of. While he understood that, he also understood this version of her would at the very least contain the basic understanding of what drove her.
He had to wonder at the complexities of this new desire to know of her, and find humor at the uneasiness it caused him to even consider it.
It was one thing to goad her into asserting herself over Fate's choice in the matter of who Fate had decided no longer served their purpose in the mortal worlds.
It was another to attempt to venture into those private realms without true cause where circumstances demanded it instead of simple curiosity.
To know of her directly from her without that imperative need had never occurred before, nor had he ever thought it may have been something that had crossed her mind in regards to him.
He sighed internally as they neared the edge of the town, wishing for the two ahead of him to pick up the pace so that he could attempt to lose himself in the rhythm of travel instead of having these things forcing their way through his head.
He truly did need to find a method that might break her hold over him, some way that would permanently close those doors that his desires for her seemed to continuously batter at.
He was well aware that eventually she would discover the full truth, that those memories that were not her own were in fact his. That she had been the often mentioned Witness he had been responsible for destroying.
Her finding those truths out could only have the consequence of her viewing him not just as a threat but the one responsible for everything she had been forced to lose.
If before that occurred he had managed to seal away this aching, hopeless desire for her through some yet unknown action then he could see himself being able to exist only in the background of what remained of her life.
He could see the possibility of keeping watch over her in much the same way he had Yukina.
He could resign himself to satisfaction in her continued existence.
"If your teachings fail her I see no reason for you to continue breathing."
"Seems to me you ain't yet got a clear right to be sayin' that mate. If it weren't for my Natsume I might take that in a real wrong type of way."
"Good on you for wantin' it clear though. Kinda hard to take you serious like when you ain't so sure yourself. Easy to say to a bloke "she's mine". Not so easy to say "I'm her's" is it?"
At the time Chu had offered those words he had been unable to comprehend the full meaning of them and so had offered no response to the peculiarly empathic censure.
His eyes drifted to Shizuru once again, there was a chance now that he was coming to grasp those words in the manner Chu had meant for him to acknowledge but it was comprehension that was being reached far too late to matter.
Shizuru could never be his again, those whispered urges within his core were falsehoods based on wistful desires and nothing more.
She removed the half mask, taking a moment to take an experimental sniff of the air before lowering her hands.
Her senses had recovered or else the smell of the nearby campfire would have sent her into a fit of coughing immediately.
She leaned her head back against the stone she had chosen to sit against and closed her eyes, enjoying the play of the cool air on her skin.
She didn't mind the mask but at a certain point she was glad when she could remove it, it did become stifling after a few hours.
She opened her eyes and looked down at the thinner version of what she had been use to relying on.
Kurama's friend turned out to be just as talented as he had assured her; the mask had not only cancelled out the overwhelming scents but allowed air to flow better within it.
It was not as if she had doubted Kurama's confidence, that had not been why at first she had hesitated to put it on even though she had already begun to feel the tightening in her throat in response.
It had been more that for a second the mask had felt more like a cage, something imposed on her than something she wore out of protection. It had felt like the act of putting it on had become more symbolic in some way of giving away her choices, as if she were handing them over willingly.
She had almost returned it to her side in willful defiance of that thought; almost cast aside the need in favor of asserting her refusal to even imply such a weak reason but only for a moment.
"We are approaching another problematic level." Kurama stated quietly, "We should avoid the more populated areas if we can."
"Bounty hunters or just people you two have pissed off?" She asked, smirking slightly willing to be drawn away from what she was thinking.
"Neither…exactly." Kurama answered, drawing her eyes to him due to the more somber tone to his voice, "As we journey closer to the levels that deal more directly with the Human World we will begin to come across the occasional troupe of demons who's only goal is to capture others and enslave them for profit."
Hiei snorted with contempt from his tree limb, his face turned into the oncoming night.
"It is not so much an immediate concern but considering the tactics they employ they do serve as a danger to even high level demons." Kurama explained, casting a look at Hiei, "Your…senses overwhelming you puts you more in danger from them."
"I appreciate the concern but I can wear this thing as long as I need to." She returned, holding the half mask up for a moment, "Don't worry that pretty little head over me."
"If Masanori plans to keep interfering the slavers are a good source for that." Hiei said, shifting to look down at Kurama, "We've never directly had to deal with them."
"No, we have been fortunate in that area." Kurama agreed, slowly "You have managed to voice my concern quite nicely. I think it would be foolish to assume he has no further plans. Regardless of your feelings, Shizuru, that Masanori is biding his time in wait for us I feel these moments he is not interfering with us he is concentrating on…others."
She had to be becoming overtly familiar with at least Kurama. She almost automatically identified that uncomfortable pitch to his voice as one he only tended to use when mentioning the others of Team Urameshi.
She still had no real idea what made that particular subject seem so sensitive to the fox demon.
"I keep forgetting you have those friends of yours that need to be around." She murmured, putting a hand through her hair, "I don't know what you told that female you sent off…"
"What we knew at the time," Hiei provided, for once meeting her eyes, "which turned out to be not nearly enough to warn them adequately."
She accepted the earned censure with a raised eyebrow, she had no defense for what she had kept to herself and she would be damned if she was going to offer excuses for what she hadn't known at the time.
"There is that," Kurama commented as his brow furrowed, "Yusuke and Kuwabara cannot possibly hinder Masanori's progress alone for very long. I have doubts Mukuro would simply offer her assistance without good reason."
"Not to them." Hiei confirmed, his lips lifting in a small smirk, "If she bothered with my request to contact them in the first place."
A small almost secretive smile graced Kurama's lips for a moment which she found sort of interesting.
Looks like I'm not the only one having secrets kept from…
"It wouldn't matter any way." She said, putting a twig in the corner of her mouth, "maybe they could slow him down but this is all collision point, right? Without you two they're not going to do much."
"My fears are more in the realm that without us present…it may cost them their lives." Kurama ruminated, somberly, "It is my understanding in the past only the fact that events were altered in our favor allowed us to continue. I believe now it is Masanori's intent to return us to that path, to restore the fate we were meant to have."
She straightened, alarm shifting through her, "What makes you think that?"
Kurama looked up at Hiei and she noticed the fire demon had stiffened just as she had with those words, his crimson eyes all but burning a hole into the fox demon with their intensity.
"He made allusions to Hiei that was his purpose." Kurama answered, shifting to rest an arm on a bent knee.
"Consider the two of us merely two aspects of the same reality. In so being that we cannot exist at the same time, the universe itself rejects that duality of Fate."
At the time she had not taken those words as anything more than Masanori attempting, and in reality succeeding in shaking her confidence.
"In the slow gathering of your mind I am confident you will attain your original path."
Her original path…?
A thought occurred to her suddenly that infused her with arctic emotions that she wanted to discard before even considering the connection.
Just when was it that Kurama and Hiei had lost their Witness?
She searched her mind but could not recall either of the demons mentioning a time frame.
If Masanori's plans included forcing her steps back to an original course the only logical deviation would have been in the moment she survived her burning, something unheard of by Shinya's race.
A Phoenix Soul was no typical Witness; it was an act of Nature. To stop its natural course would be to change Fate itself.
When had they lost their Witness?!
She could see the connections with chilling clarity, the leading edges of cause and effect that could be the consequences.
Why was it they seemed so much more knowledgeable in these things than she was after living with demons who were so far gone in their fixation on Fate they couldn't spend more than a minute without speaking about it?
"Their only hope is to deny you, to turn their weapons against you…that he finish the task he was given."
Masanori was subtle but he had more access to what had occurred in her past than she had even now. He had been so infinitely confident as if he perceived every avenue that had at the time been blurred by her surging emotions.
She had been dismissive of his confidence instead of taking into consideration he could see those pieces she had no access to.
Was there something within those memories Masanori stole from her that linked her in some way to Kurama and Hiei's group?
Even if there wasn't I know better than to think it's all face value. Me being connected to any of this like I have been means…
She did not want to allow those particular connections to fall into place, to acknowledge that in any way the interference with her burning had come with certain consequences. That just the fact that Shinya and Kanako had reached her in time to alter her fate had directly impacted the fate that had been laid out before that occurred.
Masanori had been singularly focused on Hiei and Kurama that day, so focused she should have begun to make the connections then.
That ambiguous he that Masanori had insisted on mentioning, the strange certainty in those words almost made her shiver as she recalled them.
It almost had to mean one of their group had been meant initially to have something to do with her.
She had spent almost every waking moment with Shinya and Kanako in the years after; did that mean they had been moved to prioritize her over Kurama and Hiei's Witness?
She could see that happening, Shinya making that decision which would have altered all of their fates.
And Fate responded by taking their Witness instead, forcing Hiei to turn on her…
It only made perfect, surreal sense in the end.
It explained even Kanako's strange insistence that she be so involved. He had already known what Shinya's decision had cost them, and maybe it even explained why their memories had remained intact.
She could still feel that cold resentment of her stolen past, for the ambiguous thief that had taken it from her and her desire to end its hypnotic hold over her through Shinya's death.
The balance had to have been disturbed by her survival; there was no other explanation for it.
She sighed internally, twisting the thoughts aside since she could not find it in herself to feel guilty for having lived. She could see their loss as a direct result of it though.
"Shizuru…"
"Hmm…?" She responded to Kurama's prompting, raising her eyes from the fire they had wandered to while she was thinking.
"Did Masanori express anything along that vein to you?" Kurama asked, his green eyes dancing with the light from the flame.
There were so many ways she could respond to that question but in reality only one that would let her extinguish the flare of protectiveness that still wound its way through the calm.
It couldn't matter what happened in the past, not in any real way because there was a basic truth in front of her at this moment.
She imagined the other two were just as reckless and just as intrinsically good as Kurama and Hiei were. Telling them that Masanori planned on her death, that it was what the demon had taunted her with would only make them more reckless in the protection of someone they should not care at all about.
They couldn't know the truth, not the entire truth even if she wanted to tell them.
"I think we should get to your friends." She replied, sidestepping the need to answer, "Masanori likes to play with people's heads so I think he'll do that before anything else. We can't be worrying about what he might have in our way if you want to keep them alive."
She had no plans of doing what Masanori wanted, dying in this mind numbing game of which fate would be the final outcome.
She just wanted Shinya's death, to finally end that teasing existence of what she would never know though now a small part of her didn't want to know any more because Shinya might know exactly what should have happened.
"He will never choose you pitiable broken thing. You are alone, defenseless, and without hope."
Maybe that was best for whoever this he ended up being.
Maybe she didn't want him to choose her.
Maybe in the end it was better to leave that choice that somehow involved her behind instead of attempting to cling to it.
Maybe Masanori had overestimated what he knew of her and had taken that drifting sense of isolation as something it simply wasn't.
She forced herself to lie back against the rock again, to close her eyes in the attitude of sleep to discourage more discussion on this particular point.
She ignored the twisting knot of emotions that revealed those thoughts as more passing resignation then what she might truly want in the end.
Why else would she be wondering who this he would turn out to be?
She wanted desperately to find some distraction, to find anything that would shut away the thoughts in her mind.
She just wanted room to breathe, to be without this abysmal need to guard against everything.
She had no idea what that something could be but she was definitely going to find it.
He smiled as he watched the older demon consider what he had just informed him of.
In many ways it was ridiculous that Shinya had assumed he would no longer take an active role in returning Fate to its proper course.
As if there is such a thing as removing yourself from something as encompassing as Fate.
The evening before they had spent some of their time observing those that stood in their way. It had been made easier by the wards the both of them wore as well as his own ability to cloak his personal energies.
He had been unimpressed in the end but one thing had been blatantly apparent as something that needed to be dealt with in the immediate future.
"You have seen it yourself, Shinya." He half taunted the other, "There is no alternative…unless his death is one you wish to occur. What did that creature do against you that would inspire such apathy?"
"Your wish in this has nothing to do with the life involved." Shinya countered, turning to face him with a deep scowl.
"You are wrong in that." He interrupted, languidly, "This is not his fate, and if he succumbs the rest will not align. His life has meaning beyond the current conditions. While I can appreciate the chaos it would cause I have no desire to sabotage my own ends. Short of Koenma appearing, as we both know will not happen, you are the only one with the ability to manipulate. His eyes must be closed; there can be no more…hints as to what is to come."
"It could take his life regardless. This depth of manipulation could pierce his life energies since they are so intertwined." Shinya informed him somberly, "There is no assurance that is not what will occur."
He chuckled darkly, "I would be more concerned with the attending reaper. As I understand it that one is known to them and would be the most likely to be waiting to ferry the soul."
"She was involved in the events of before…" Shinya began to argue with studied patience.
He shrugged with indifference; the entire conversation was pointless since in the end Shinya would agree.
"Involvement does not always infer more than a passing one. She is here therefore she is involved as before. Are you willing to risk more disruption? Are your end goals that of chaos like mine, Shinya? If so then we will usher it into being together. It will not take much longer for him to succumb. All that is required is to wait for his life to extinguish itself and revel in the exquisite horror that will follow it."
"What of the other two? Do you imagine they will just allow me access?" Shinya questioned a note of resignation in his tone.
That was richly amusing, forcing this demon into his role where before Shinya had taken some pride in his distinctive necessity.
Not as amusing as his plans for the other two that Shinya spoke of, it was time for him to introduce them to the unsettling whispers of their minds. To give them a proper glimpse of how utterly useless they truly were in the larger schemes of something as infinite as Fate. To toss them into the trappings of the past and watch them begin to writhe.
"Save the life, Shinya. Do not be so concerned with the minor details of a would be king or a brat prince…"
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