Well, here it is. You all are so incredible, thank you for your response last chapter. Because of it, I've decided not to put off this chapter anymore... this is the one I've been nervous about, so please let me know what you think. Thank you again to everyone who reviewed last chapter even though it's been so long. This one is for each of you :)

Chapter 37

*_*_*_*_Alice*_*_*_*_*_*

The next time I awaken, the room is pitch black. I think I've dreamed again, but I don't bother to try to remember. If it isn't readily in my mind, I find no reason to chase after it. I probably don't want to know.

I look around, but I don't see Jasper. I'm not tired anymore, so I decide to get some fresh air. I imagine I'll run into Jasper before too long, so I don't worry about trying to find him to let him know.

I pull one of my day dresses over my head, making myself somewhat presentable before I leave the room. I pull my hair back in a messy braid and head downstairs. The first floor is dark as well, everyone in their rooms or away, I can't tell which. I know that they can probably hear me, but no one seems concerned enough to come out or they are all away, which seems unlikely. Before I make it to the first step I hear footsteps. Esme pops her head out of her bedroom door and asks if I want company, but I decline. I'm hungry, as always, and decide to spare a small snack while I can do so without an audience or disapproval if I don't eat enough.

I duck into the kitchen, grabbing an apple and chopping it into tiny cubes. I throw away the core and gather half of the apple, bagging it and throwing it into the refrigerator, and carefully collect the other half in one hand to take along with me. I don't usually allow myself to eat while doing something else, as it's easier to forget if it isn't all you're doing at the time. I usually make sure to keep it more intentional, but after my mysterious dream, I'm feeling like I need to get out of the house.

I put a cube of apple in my mouth, sucking on it lightly and enjoying the tart flavor as I reach for the kitchen door. It isn't locked, as if there's any reason for it to be. After dismissing Esme's concern and promising to stay close, I finally make it out of the house. I find out that Jasper and the boys are out hunting and I can't stay in any longer. I pull on a light jacket, I think of Esme's, and head out the door.

Oddly enough, the second I set foot outside, Rosalie appears. I hope she doesn't have any more of her earlier tortures in mind, but she doesn't seem to. She asks if she should come with me and I tell her no. She warns me to stay close or face Jasper's wrath, which is probably fair. I take a few steps out onto the front lawn, taking in the change of scenery compared to the artificial light of the kitchen. The chilly night air surrounds me as soon as I cross the threshold. It's cooler than the house, but I don't go back for my warmer jacket, it feels nice against the flush of my skin from sleep.

I'm not afraid of getting lost, not so close to the house, so I wander freely into the woods. The boys should be back within another hour or so, so I imagine Jasper will be out to lecture me about straying with the mysterious nomads still on the loose, but I figure I'll be easy for him to find, meandering around the woods until then.

The moon is out but the clouds are thick, making the darkness almost complete under the cover of the trees. Without enhanced sight I would be completely blind, but as it is I can still only see in shades of gray. I hum to myself, enjoying the silence and solitude of the woods. I haven't been alone since the moment I found Jasper over a week ago and it's been more taxing than I realized, especially with Edward's ability to read my mind. I know that Rose and Esme are still at the house, but I've wandered far enough away from them also that I doubt they can still hear me walking. It's sort of freeing, more than I expected. I've been alone for so long that I was desperate for company, but now that I have it I realize that I still need time alone. I take a deep, long breath of the cool, damp air and focus on the small crunch of leaves under my feet, the insects in the night air, the light steps of a deer nearby, and the small sound of the brook by the edge of the property. Everything is serene, almost everyone else asleep. I don't recognize the song I'm humming, but I imagine I've heard it somewhere or it wouldn't be in my head now.

I think about Jasper. He's really turned my life upside down in only a few short weeks, but somehow I know that he's it for me. Even with the visions I still held out some doubt, doubt that I'd ever have the courage to meet him, doubt that my visions would really show him for that reason, doubt that he could ever be worth my trust, especially after what I'd seen of him, but he's all I could imagine and more. I have no idea what he feels for me, but I hope it's something. I'm still humming that odd tune, but I don't give any more effort to trying to place it. The others say he acts a certain way around me, but what would they know, they didn't know him before; none of us did. For all they know-

That last sound, the crack of that twig, something isn't right. I haven't heard anything approaching, not until just a second ago, I should have heard any forest animal before right now, either their breathing or their approach. Something is wrong.

I can feel my heart rate speeding up, the hair on the back of my neck instinctively rising and my eyes darting around the forest.

As soon as my eyes fall on the area where I heard the noise I spot him. I can't see him well in the dark, but my first instinct is to run to him. I see the blond hair and the odd smirk and feel silly for being surprised, seeing as I'm out here waiting for him to come back. On second glance, the smile falls from my face. It isn't Jasper, he's just a little too short, his hair is too long, his stride is different, and yet somehow I still know him.

My mind supplies a name before I have time to find the memory it belongs to. It's as if I've always known, even though I realize I haven't used the information or remembered that I carried it for over fifty years. Now that I remember, I know that I've always known, but at the same time I know that I would've never retrieved the information on my own, not without him standing there in front of me. I haven't thought of him in years.

"James." It's all I can manage as the memories assail me, each worse than the one before. I swallow hard and take a step back, as if my body remembers the danger before my mind does.

"Mary? Is that really you? I was told you were dead."

If I have never believed his words before, I believe that. He would've never let me go if he knew. Leaving the house alone was the stupidest thing I've ever done, and it may well be the last.

"What are you doing here?" I can hear the waiver in my voice and I hate it. I know that he hears it too, his expression breaks into a wide smile, clearly enjoying my discomfort.

"I was just passing through, but then I stumbled on a familiar scent I didn't think it was possible, but I had to come see for myself. I have to say, Mary, you look awful. Does your new fling not feed you?"

I've been slowly backing up, but I've run out of room. I have a massive tree at my back, and a slowly advancing maniac in front of me. I have to buy time before the others return, but my mind is blank in panic. I try to process something to respond to his comment, but I can't focus long enough to piece together what he said, much less what my response should be.

"James" I repeat, stupidly, still trying to process the fact that this man is here, standing in front of me, looking exactly like the last time I saw him, and I had forgotten him until exactly one minute ago.

I can't believe that I'd forgotten who he was, how could anyone just forget something like that? I don't even think about where I am or who I'm with, I collapse into the tree behind me and my mind drags me back toward the two houses of my forgotten nightmares. It's dark, always dark, and so cold. I feel the cold of the air, the cold of the floor, the cold of the body above me, the cold of the grip on my wrists, the cold of the cement floor against my back, everything is so cold.

I can hear the honey sweet lies coming from his mouth but I can't make out any words, I don't want to hear them again. He's telling me what I did to deserve it this time, how grateful I should be that he's going easy on me in my punishment, how I should be enjoying his attention. I'm shivering, but I have nowhere to go. It hasn't been light out for days, I'm starting to think that I've died, but I don't know what terrible thing I've done to deserve this hell. I can't let myself actually believe that I've died; because I hold out hope that whatever comes next must be better.

Nothingness, torture, anything would be better than this. I try to take a deep breath and clear my mind, but his weight holds me down. I don't try to scream, don't even struggle. I know by now that no one will hear me, no one whose attention I want to gain, at least. If I scream he'll be encouraged, I may even draw Laurent's attention, so I am silent; the only sound in the cold, echoing room is the harsh metallic of his body, unbreakable, in the process of breaking mine.

"Yes, Sweet. James. You must have been so lost without me all these years. Don't worry, though, we'll get that remedied in no time. I imagine the house in Alaska is right how we left it, you think? I bet I'll have to dump the red demon if I want to take you again; you two never really got along before. Maybe that's what happened before; it was the witch who told me you were dead. Not a mistake I'll make twice."

Of all the things to zero in on it's odd, but I'm fairly sure to whom that nickname belongs, and somehow the idea of both of them together seems much more treacherous than him alone.

"Victoria?" I squeak, beyond berating myself for looking scared, he can tell that I'm terrified even if I lie.

"Yes, Doll. Red never really liked you, but saying you were dead was just too far, even for her. I'll find a way to give her the slip. I might keep the other around though; he seemed to enjoy you the last time. It's always more fun to have company."

I know I'm sounding like a broken record, or some sort of demented windup toy, but I can't stop myself from asking, even if I wanted to.

"Laurent?"

"Yes, child, Laurent. You didn't think I'd replace him so quickly, did you? Actually, we even have a house in Canada for the way up; maybe we'll stay there for a week or two on the way. You can't very well travel the whole way like this."

Travel. He's going to take me with him. Jasper.

"You can't take me, Jasper will come for me." I take a second to congratulate myself on a coherent sentence before I second guess telling him. Should I have kept it to myself to give him the chance to give chase?

"Ooh, a game! That's even better, Little Black. I'll take you for a few days, re-teach you some things, fill you out a bit and give you back! That will be great fun, you're not very fun to find, but I bet you and your beau could give me quite the chase. What a wonderful idea, Mary. We'll do that. You think he can find you up at the upper providence house? I hope he's as good as you think he is. I'll be terribly disappointed if he's boring or human or dull. He isn't, is he?"

My mind is still reeling, now when I need it the most. He's going to take me, there's nothing anyone can do about it, and he's going to bait Jasper into a chase too. I'm relieved that he's going to let me go, I can survive a set amount of time, but even then it's only the beginning. He'll follow us until we go mad; eventually Jasper will decide I'm not worth it, won't he? Before I can consider my next move, he's too close. He picks me up, cradling me as if I'm a child.

It's all coming back to me fast. His scent, his unnecessary breathing, the pounding of his footsteps, it's all familiar. I can feel myself breathing too fast and I know I'm hyperventilating, but I can't talk myself down from this one, I will not be fine, so I let it take me. I can see the black at the sides of my vision and the dark spots dancing across my eyes. It won't be long now. He's talking again, but I don't hear it. I feel the heat rising over my throat and face and it seems to be choking me, the world is spinning and I feel sick, but I welcome the blackness. Maybe I'll die; it'll save everyone some trouble.

It's dark, but I don't expect it to be. I was at the park... no, in the forest... or was I with Jasper? Either way, it shouldn't be dark, I don't remember going to sleep, which is the only reason I wouldn't remember. I feel as if I'm returning slowly to my body, my head last. It still feels as if it's floating above me somewhere and I feel the heat on my chest and neck still putting pressure on my breathing. My head is throbbing and I feel as though I might be sick. Where am I? Why don't I know? As feeling returns I make a realization, my eyes are closed. I don't remember closing them, but I decide that the easiest way to get some answers would be to look around.

It's bright and I'm laying still. I can see the dust filtering through the sunlight, but the windows seem to be boarded up, the light is in harsh lines between the wood. I don't recognize where I am, but how I got here is all coming back to me now. James. How the hell could I have forgotten him for all these years? More importantly, where is he now? I turn my head slowly, the dizziness still fading, and come face to face with the glassy eyes of a teenage boy, probably not yet out of high school. His heart isn't beating and his neck has been snapped but he hasn't been dead long. I know what this is. It's a meal that I can't refuse. If I waste him, he'll kill more. I say a silent apology to this boy's family and roll carefully over until I'm lying nearly on top of him, my limbs still weak and mostly unresponsive, and put my lips to his throat. Ironically I'm closing a distance I would have fought to keep, had he been alive and at my school just yesterday. The taste stings the back of my throat like a strong wine and I know that I have no choice. Even if he gives me back in a few days my eyes will bare tell of each betrayal, but I won't let him kill another because of my stubbornness.

I drain him and lick the wound, as if willing it to heal itself and him to awaken. I still don't see any sign of James, but I've thought that before. He's stronger and faster than I and his senses are perfect. If I try to run, I'll only make it worse for myself. I am sick of waiting and dreading, however, so I decide to let him know I'm awake. I take a stunted breath and yell his name as loud as I can, and when I don't hear his footsteps immediately I do it again. I don't get the chance to try it a third time, because his sudden appearance in the doorway stops me short.

"Hey Pumpkin, you miss me? I see you finished your lunch. You look better already. Not quite up to my usual standards, but it'll have to do for a reunion, what do you say?"

I'm immediately regretting drawing his attention, but I know that it would have only prolonged the inevitable. I can survive this for a few days, and then I can hide. I know I can't get away from him, but maybe some of the Cullens will help me, even if Jasper doesn't want me anymore.

"James, please don't. Where are the others? I thought they were coming?"

"Turns out I was wrong about Laurent, he wasn't up for some fun. And Red, I got rid of her. She wouldn't have let me keep you, and then she would have whined the whole trip ruining the chase. No, babe, it's only you and me. Depending on how good your boyfriend is I'll keep you for a couple days or a week and then the real fun begins. You think he'll still want you after I have you again? I really hope he doesn't realize you're not worth it. That would ruin my fun. You don't think he will, do you?"

I just stare at him as he jokes about one of my deepest fears. I want to scream at him, hit him, but I know that this calm facade is just an act. One wrong move and he snaps, and then saying hurtful things will be the least of my concerns. I set my jaw and determine to stay silent.

"Well, if you won't tell me I guess I'll find out soon enough. I'll leave you for him for a day or two and if he doesn't come I'll just keep you. Either way is fine with me, either I get a chase followed by getting you back or I just get you back without a fight. Really, what do I have to lose either way? Even if he doesn't come we'll have fun."

I don't respond to his words, but I can't help the slight shaking in my limbs as he pulls me off the ground and carries me by my shoulders over to a dingy mattress in the corner. He knows this is what I hate the most. I didn't remember until now that was the case, but I do now. Anywhere else I can pretend this is as causal and non consensual as it actually is, but I hate when he chooses a bed. It feels like a mockery of intimacy, which is probably exactly how it is intended.

"Now come, my little one. Show me you've missed me and I won't mark you up too badly before I give you back to start the game."

It goes by agonizingly slow and faster than I can respond. I feel, hear, see everything in slow motion, but it's all lost in the returning catalog of times this has happened before. Each action, each sensation is mirrored in my mind dozens of times until I'm unsure of which, if any of them have just happened. It's like I'd forgotten an entire lifetime, and when one has lived for more than one, that may well have been the case. I think I don't respond to him at any point, but he doesn't seem to care. He's rough with me, but I don't cry out. I stay as still as the dead, but staring into the dead man's eyes above me I know that even death isn't enough.

He collapses on me and I'm reminded the real reason I hate confinement. I don't try to move, but I know he feels my pulse accelerating. Another thing he remembered that I didn't. I feel as if this thing knows me better than I do myself. I stare to the side, trying to avoid seeing him as much as I can, but that line of sight affords me a view of the corpse still lying in the middle of the floor and the beautiful blue dress Esme had made for me lying torn on the dirty ground. I can't help the tear that escapes my guard, they all did so much for me, and yet here I am again. Jasper told me not to go out by myself. He's not going to be there to pick me up this time.

I hear the hiss as I turn my head, but it doesn't register until now. I chance a look back at him and find him glaring at my neck. Not him, too? If not for the terrible situation I might laugh, that damn mark is about all anyone pays attention to, but at least I have that of Jasper's.

"You think this is funny, child?" I didn't realize I had giggled out loud like a crazy person until his voice comes out in a growl and I see my mistake.

"No." I respond simply, rearranging my face to a neutral expression.

"You ask your fling for that, whore? Want him to feel like he has some manor of claim to you? He doesn't. I was your first and I'll be your last if I have to finish you tomorrow to prove it to you. You'll never be free of me, I'll always find you."

Before I can respond I feel searing pain as he moves in a blur. Apparently my brain has dimmed this pain in my memory because I never remember it being this bad. I can't help myself, I scream. I know it's what he wants, but I can't help but give it to him. He pulls back most of the venom, but the small amount remaining is enough to keep me in agony as he pulls away and bites again. I bite my lip, hard, to keep from crying out again as I feel him pulling at my blood from the wound in my neck. I can't think about anything else, can't find words or any semblance of meaning with the pain searing through my veins. He seals the wound, enough venom left to keep me in pain but not enough to change me further. My lip is bloody from biting it and he pulls it from between my teeth with his own, capturing me in a forceful kiss.

"Mmm, I missed you after all." He comments to himself, licking my blood from his lips. "I'm going to find you dinner. You'll eat what I bring you when I bring it to you until you go back. It's hardly pleasant to bed a corpse. If you're returned to me in this condition I'll feed you four times a day until you've filled out again, you understand? I'll kill whole towns and feed you only their children if that's what it takes. Don't test me."

I nod in case he's looking for confirmation and he's out the door. I know better than to try to leave and he knows it. He doesn't even have to leave a sentry any more, I just know that I won't get away until he lets me go or someone comes to rescue me, but even then it will play into his plan. I doubt I'll ever be really free of him again. It was only by chance that Victoria convinced him I was dead the first time, and now that he figured it out; my only escape has been closed. There is no jealous vampire to kick me out now, so I'm stuck here, until death do us part. My death.

I glance around the room, trying to avoid looking at myself. I decide to see if I can get my dress back on before I have to survey the carnage that is my body.

The back zipper is torn away from the seam from the neck to mid back, but it's much better than it could have been. I catch a glimpse of my thigh as I step back into the dress and cringe, there is a perfect hand print already turning brilliant purple there and I close my eyes as I stumble back into the dress. I manage to get myself mostly covered using the dress and the light jacket which seems to have survived fairly well. I feel more than uncomfortably full from the first "meal" he brought me, but I know I'm going to have to stomach this one down too. I just hope that he doesn't torment this one too much. He used to make me keep them alive as long as possible; he'd always know if I killed one on purpose. I just couldn't stand their pain, but he seemed to enjoy it almost as much as he enjoyed mine.

Nervous! let me know what you think :)