Sorry about the delay folks, caught up in writing hitchs and general tiredness. Enjoy and review!1

Page 6 of 6 Tenth Circle:

Created By: Alexander Cole

Thousand Yard Stare

"You know how it goes. The commanding officer goes up there on the podium and gives a speech. And it's a real ripper, a tear jerker of the first degree. The fucker'll swear he'll give every inch of himself to ensure your survival that he'll bring you home. "We leave no man, no anthro behind." Iconic phrase eh? What they don't say in those speeches is that the home you return to might not be the one you've left. They don't say that there's never a parade, never a cheering crowd. The recruitment officer won't tell you that there's a 30% chance your girl will end up fucking the next door neighbor or a 10% chance that you'll come back with no one on the tarmack to meet you.

That's the thing, no matter how much they want you to think that war has changed, become better, safer, cleaner more civil…in reality it hasn't. No matter the theatre, or the time period, it hasn't changed. Men still die, you still see blood. You still see things that make your blood boil and do things that make you hate your country or whatever the hell you are fighting for.

And of course even if you come home without a fuckin' scratch, if you are the luckiest sunofagun EVER and every bullet misses you, and you save your commanding officer, get awarded the Medal of Honor go back home and marry the prom queen…it won't leave you.

Your rifle will still be in your hands even though you turned it in years back, you'll still hear the clink of spent rounds and the screams of the dying, the cries for fathers, and mothers and girlfriends and gods of every denomination. Smoke and cordite will be in your nose at odd moments…and near tall buildings you'll search for snipers.

So yeah…that's what war is in reality. A mess. A travesty. And the only thing which you relive every time you go to sleep."

-Unknown Soldier

Even later on Clarissa would still not be able to remember what it was that had awakened her. Perhaps it had been the lack of his warmpth or the movement, small though it had been as he'd arisin. Nonetheless the vixen found herself awake and alone in the darkness.

For a moment Clarissa contemplated the possibility that all she'd experienced was a dream of some sort, a vivid utopian projection borne from the depths of a mind in turmoil. As her hand found the depression where he'd lain, sliding into the valley left upon the dark fabric she also reflected that perhaps she was going crazy. Was Zachary real…Shiva…Lou? Any of it?

I've lived so long feeling powerless…perhaps I created the illusion of it to give myself a reason to exist. All of it could be a dream compressed into the space of a second.

It was the sound of his breathing that caused the clamp upon her heart to lift and the stamp of reality to fall on the world. She looked toward what she thought was the door and felt his presence as a split second later the Matrix flared to life and threw his image into relief.

"Zachary?"

Her voice was a whisper as she pulled the coverlet over her shoulders and swung her legs over the side of the bed. He was pushing against the bulkhead door, head bowed as he pressed against the wall, arms quivering from exertion. For a moment she watched the muscles rippling beneath the mocha colored fur and wondered at his actions. Then he halted and turned to face her.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you-"

"You didn't. At least not really…" Her words trailed off as her eyes met his own. Something was different. Something beneath the sleep haze that spoke of secrets long buried, hidden beneath a cocky grin and innumerable jokes. Something she'd seen in her own eyes…

Then he looked away. "Hell of a time for me to schedule my morning calesthenics eh?" His hand reached for the bulkhead door's control lever. "I'll just take it outside and leave you to your beauty sleep…" Again the smile had slipped into place like a glove, but this time it was strained, forced. She knew what he would do. She could guess. He'd go out that door into the solace of the hallway, away from her and drop down to his knees and-

"Zachary."

"What is it?"

"I…I know."

He stared at her for a moment in silence and then closed his eyes. "Half the time it's not the war, not the friends I've lost. It's the fact that I gave so much to them and never got anything back. I learned nothing, traveled to planets situated on the right ass cheek of God and met the devil each day we hit the field. And what do I have to show for it?" He threw up his hands in a useless gesture.

"Two medals, a family who has shunned me for speaking my views. And a uniform I'll never wear." He stepped foreward and allowed Clarissa to enfold him in her embrace.

"Your path of service led you to me. So perhaps in the end you did get something out of it after all." Clarissa murmered as she smoothed the fur of his cheek, eliciting a weary grin from him. She saw his eyelids beginning to droop. "Just rest now. I'll wake you when it's time for us to move."

As sleep claimed both, a single throught thrummed through the vixen's mind. Even the strong have their moments of fragility. And in those moments we must keep them whole…

…………………………………

When Zachary awoke some hours later, he found his bed vacant. For a brief moment the German Shepherd wondered at Clarissa's absence but after a moment's consideration allowed the matter to drop. In love with him she might be, but she was still her own person, was bound to him by no tangible rope or restraint. Like him she had periods in which she needed her own time to think and ponder. And if those times did not include him then so be it.

After dressing in the dark, the German Shepherd stepped out of his room into the deserted hallway and proceeded toward the door leading to the outside. He was early, by a few hours at least; Shiva and Lou were quite probably asleep. As he should be. But as he approached the exit something beyond it seemed to call him, a gentle pull that caused his hand to find the exit switch before he even knew he'd decieded to leave.

It was with some relief that he greeted the desert night, frigid though it was above he could see the brilliant glimmer of the stars spanning the night sky. The sand hissed beneath his boots as he walked to the crest of a high dune and sat down, staring out into the night and allowing the silence of the desert to flow about him. Soon he knew, this tranquility would be broken. Sirens would sound as feet pounded the tarmac of the landing pads and defensive mecha were shifted into their positions. He'd hear the scream of engines as escort fighters prepared to greet oncoming traffic and the low hum of the atmospheric shields surrounding the entire facility.

And as he stared out across the gloom, seeing the expansive circle of the portal nearest him faintly outlined in the faint glow provided by the stars above a realization hit him. He'd missed this place. It hit him in a starteling wave, a wall of sensations and smells and faces. This was where he'd aqquired the Malarkey, where he'd met Lou during one of his shore leave periods. He'd sat and listened for hours as other mercs told tales of their exploits large and small, of successful jobs and failed ones, of relationships and politics. It was this place that had crafted him, shaped him into what he currently was.

"Funny…Diamonte always said I'd end up stopping back here eventually. Guess the prophetic old coot was right after all." A rueful smile flitted across his face as an image of Diamonte Domavarti flitted before his mind's eye. He'd been much younger when the pair had first met, he'd been cocky, more of an ass than he currently was and walked around with a chip on his shoulder. It had been that muskrat who'd taken him down a peg and shown him that the world in fact did not owe him anything, and that if he was to receive anything in life he'd have to work for it. To this day he'd still found it rather strange how out of all the beings he'd worked with, Diamonte was the only one who seemed to view him almost as a son, he'd taken him aside on occasion and simply spoke to him. He didn't know if the old foremaster had children or a family and hadn't asked. Some things just stayed hidden until it was their time to be revealed or were never broached at all.

As he pondered those years of his life his hands slowly descended toward the sand, fingers finally burying themselves beneath the desert's surface. Like the air, the sand was impossibly frigid but for a moment he simply reveled in his memories of the long nights and days of blazing heat. He could almost see the searchlights ringing the portals as they flickered into brilliant life, spearing the sky as a beacon to all comers, a sign that this small subculture below the sands would be a haven to all who came to it's doors. Still, for now at least, darkness reigned, the stars remained visible and the desert was silent.

After a few more moments he prepared to rise, and that was when he saw her. Clarissa was sitting at the opposite end of the same dune he'd crested, eyes closed and as still and calm as a statue, but Zachary guessed that she'd simply seen that he'd been thinking and had decided to leave him be. After a moment her eyes opened and she turned to face him. For a moment the pair looked at each other, and then as if on cue, rose.

"You knew I was out here didn't you?"

"Perhaps." The vixen's eyes flickered impishly as a slight smile graced her features

"Now I know you did."

"How?"

"You're evading the question." Rolling her eyes Clarissa slipped her hand into his and looked out over the vista. "I left you alone because you seemed at peace. Didn't seem right to throw a stone into a pool of dead calm…and considering what you probably were thinking last night perhaps you needed the silence." After another pause she continued in a slightly airy tone, "Personally I think you've engineered the entire affair, from meeting me to my ship getting bollixed up. And honestly I can't complain, this is the first time I've ever really relaxed in…months, perhaps years. The first time I've ever really been happy."

"Well I aim to please."

She smiled at him and for an instant the world seemed infinitely brighter. "Honestly at this very moment I should be kicking your ass for wrecking my ship. But I'm not. I'll probably regret not doing it the second we get in the turbo lift, and I'd expect a tongue lashing if I were you as soon as I catch sight of her… but it will pass." She then lifted her muzzle and allowed her breath to feather across his ears as she said. "Be glad I am in love with you…"

"Was that intended to strike fear in my heart or seduce me?" She laughed at this and again the silence fell between them as they stood. After a while she turned round to look at the compound and her eyes flickered blue for an instant.

"What about them?"

"Who?"

"You know, the one with the wings and the big ears, and the other one with the claws-" She stopped when Zachary nodded in recognition after chuckling at her joke.

"Again, what about them?"

"I don't know what their reaction will be to us…that is assuming that they know." The look of apprehension on her face dulled somewhat as the canid's arms slipped round her waist and drew her close.

"They'll find out in their own time. If Lou knows then he knows, and likewise with Shiva. They can think what they may, and be damned for their troubles!" She heard his voice fill with a sudden fierce, protective anger and returned his embrace, as below them the first lights began to flicker on around the farthest portals.

"Nothing can change the way I feel about you…"

And in this way they waited, until below them the first wave of alarm klaxons split the air asunder.

………………………

It turned out however that the other two would find out about their affair quite quickly. As Clarissa and Zachary held each other, seemingly oblivious to the sound and light streaming from the portal nearest them their muzzles drew closer and closer until they were but a hairs breadth apart.

"It's cold." The vixen murmered.

"I don't care."

"The world can see us."

"Let them…"

It was at this moment that the door to the compound slammed open and dislodged a slightly annoyed leapord and vampire bat who rounded on them at once. "There you are, we've combed this entire building and-" Lou's rant died in mid stream and a crooked grin split his face. The leapord walked foreward, shaking his head in silent disbelief.

"Well if this don't beat all…a week ago you two were ready to claw each others eyes out and now…" his voice trailed off and a slightly wistful look came into his eyes. "Stranger things have happened I guess."

Shiva's wingbeats sounded overhead as she made a wide sweeping circle about the group, surveying the scene below, before coming down near Clarissa. "I'm surprised you hadn't seen it from the beginning. I guess..for some people it just clicks." She motioned to Lou to join her on their walk down to the portals edge where already the doors were beginning to open up.

As the pair proceeded down the slope, away from Zachary and Clarissa, the leapord looked back at Zachary and gave him a wry smile. "Well go on, kiss her." The vixen looked up at him, her eyes luminous despite the light. "You heard the man…"

He kissed her.

Hard.

6

Page 6 of 6 Created By: Alexander Cole