CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

Ookami

~Kakashi~

Standing on the stone ridges of Minato's spiky hair, Kakashi scanned Konohagakure laying beneath the ever watching faces of the five Hokages. He settled on the top of the Yondaime's head and gazed down at the circular village that spread peacefully below, mottled with trees and dotted with people. It was a different world from up here, muted and blurred like a painted scenery rather than a living, breathing town. The sun was setting, casting a lens of red and gold over the disorderly arrangement of wooden buildings and shingled roofs. Above, a murder of crows cackled and cried as they spiralled across the flaming sky on their way to roost.

The warm wind buffeted his hair, the air calm and soundless. In his mind Erisu's distressed shouting echoed painfully. He'd been so preoccupied piecing together the puzzle of Erisu's past to try to save her that he hadn't considered what unearthing the skeletons in her closet might do to her psyche.

Her words swirled around in his head, her voice broken with fear, "why are you dragging all this back up? I was over it. I wasn't afraid anymore! But now I am!"

Kakashi had never meant to make her cry and now he was starting to understand why she'd been making so many excuses, why she hadn't wanted him to know. He despised himself for putting her through all the pain she'd endured as a child all over again but if he was going to get to the bottom of the mystery surrounding her curse there was bound to be some dirty laundry to be found. The things he'd seen and the cases he'd solved in his line of work had been grisly and twisted, having pursued some of the most perverse and horrid S-Rank criminals while in the Anbu. He didn't think anything he discovered could possibly change his opinion of Erisu, but he was still dreading what was so terrible that she thought he'd hate her.

I could never hate her, he knew, there isn't a mean bone in her body.

While he now knew, at least in part, why she wanted to escape her family and pretend she'd never been cursed, Kakashi couldn't understand how she could just accept her nearing death as fate and stop fighting. She'd called herself insignificant, irrelevant, pointless, didn't she know just what she meant to him by now? She should be able to feel his emotions after all, shouldn't she? Could an empath of her talents really be so ignorant of another's love for her, or was she simply in denial?

He sighed, tangling his hands in his hair. He lowered his face into his knees and groaned into the fabric of his trousers. Why did she have to be so difficult?

Still, despite his resignations, Kakashi was glad they were making some headway. Team Ebisu had been dispatched a mere hour after he'd spoken to Tsunade in the hospital. But there was more the Hokage had told him once they were away from Erisu: that Yusha was going by the surname Yamanaka and was busily drinking and whoring himself across the Land of Fire and besmirching the clan's good name. Inoichi was furious, and rightly so, but they'd all thought it best not to disclose that newfound aspect of the boy to his sensitive sister. Kakashi couldn't grasp how two siblings could turn out so differently, but then, he was an only child. A manly musk drifted downwind and Kakashi cast a tired eye over his shoulder.

"Yo, Gai," Kakashi said, "what's up?"

"Just thought I'd check in." His rival hopped down the cliffside and joined Kakashi on Minato's likeness. He settled himself on the brim of the Fourth's headband, legs dangling over the edge.

"Hm." The fairer man future ex his gaze to the horizon.

"What's the news?" Gai asked, dark eyes following his friend's line of sight to the setting sun.

"Both teams returned mostly unharmed, Akatsuki defeated." He replied. "Shikamaru's strategies didn't fail to impress and Naruto has improved the rasengan beyond that of the Yondaime himself."

"Shizune already told me that," Gai said, eying Kakashi reproachfully, "you know what I meant."

Kakashi rubbed his head, stifling a sigh. "Team Ebisu is pursuing Erisu's older brother Yusha-san," he told his friend. "They should have him back here by tomorrow morning."

"Well that's good, right?" Gai tried at a grin but he must've seen something in Kakashi's eye for it faded. "Not good?"

"Erisu is strongly opposed," he muttered, "she thinks we're wasting resources. She doesn't seem to understand her own worth." Kakashi tossed a pebble off the cliff and watched it fall soundlessly out of sight. He described their argument in the hospital, excluding his minor outburst, although he had the feeling Shizune would've relayed all of this to Gai already. It was was likely why Gai had sought him out, wanting to gauge Kakashi's emotional state and offer support whether was needed. He was invaluable, the only one who fully grasped how much the loss of comrades effected him. Well, now Erisu might understand too.

"Sounds like someone I know," Gai mused, "thinking its too late to start, that they're too invaluable to love..?"

Kakashi looked up, eye narrowed. He knew where this was going.

"You're still young, Kakashi," Gai said encouragingly, "and anyone would be lucky to have you. I'm sure Erisu-chan would accept you if you-"

"I did."

Gai stared at him. "You did what?"

"I confessed to Erisu," his voice was grey.

Gai was invigorated. "I knew you had it in you!" He declared, clapping him on the back like a sledgehammer. "When was this? Where were you? What did she do? Tell me everything!"

Kakashi cast him an amused eye. "It was right after Asuma's funeral," he said, feeling as if he were taking off weights as heavy as Lee's. "In the cemetery..."

Gai pulled a face. "Well I can't say I care much for your taste in romantic settings but I'm still proud of you."

"After seeing Kurenai at his tombstone..." Kakashi turned his eye back to the bloody sunset on the horizon ahead. "...I realized that would be me in a few months if I didn't do anything... And if I'd just let her die without ever telling her... Well, whatever." He shook it off and tousled his hair uncomfortably. This heart to heart was too awkward for him, but Gai wasn't so easily dissuaded.

"Well what did she say?" His round black eyes were fixed on Kakashi, avid and listening.

"She didn't really say anything." Kakashi shrugged. "I left after I said it."

"You ran away?!" Gai was on his feet, eyes burning. "You should've declared your undying love, wrapped her in your arms and kissed her!" He grasped the other man's shoulders, heaving him off the stone, and shook him violently. "Kakashi you fool! Don't you know she loves you with her whole being?! She's dedicated to you heart and soul! All you need to do is ask her and she'll give herself to you!"

"Oi! Oi! Oi!" Kakashi objected, forcing Gai's iron hands off of him. "I did kiss her alright?" He straightened his clothes, glowering. "Calm down."

"You-you did?!" Gai's eyes welled with tears. "Oh the power of youth! The fires of love! The sweet blooms of a budding romance!"

"I'm almost thirty," Kakashi said dryly, averting his gaze as Gai tried to contain his sobs. "I don't think I fit into that category anymore." He watched the crows swirling around the treetops, their jarring voices audible even from on high.

Gai struggled to compose himself. "When you kissed her," he said more seriously, "how did she react?"

Kakashi chewed his lip under his mask, the taste of her mouth still seemed to linger there. His hand clenched involuntarily, as if catching in her hair. "Well she didn't hit me," Kakashi dodged.

"Aha! She kissed you back?" Gai beamed. "I knew she would! Who wouldn't! Am I right?" He nudged Kakashi but the copy ninja didn't respond, eye still following the crows and hands in his pockets.

"Am I doing the right thing?" He asked quietly.

"Of course!" Gai boomed. "Helping break the curse on Erisu-chan is obviously the right thing to do!" Kakashi hadn't told Gai about Rokurou. He'd only disclosed that information to Tsunade directly, even ensuring Shizune was out of the room, so Gai couldn't know how fragile Erisu really was.

"That's not what I meant," Kakashi said, looking over at Gai. The taijutsu master's glossy hair glowed red in the sunset. "Am I doing the right thing pursuing her? She's so broken and I want to fix her but-"

"You can't fix her," Gai said, "you can be there to help her pick up the pieces but only Erisu can put herself back together again. Do you understand? She's not a puzzle for you to solve, Kakashi, keen as your mind may be."

"Don't be so cryptic," Kakashi said irritably.

"You're so caught up trying to save her that you haven't considered helping her save herself." Gai fixed Kakashi with his obsidian eyes. "You're her sensei, so teach her. You're her partner, so assist her. Stop trying to do it for her and try offering her a hand in fixing the problem herself. What's your favourite word again, Kakashi?"

"Teamwork," he answered, pondering this.

"Exactly." Gai nodded sagely. "Show Erisu the path she needs to walk and I assure you she'll run it..." He swung his arm around Kakashi's shoulders. "...on her hands."

~Erisu~

The streetlights guttered on with the flickering awkwardness of a bulb that needed changing, moths immediately swarming to smack themselves against them in a bizarre fetish of burning alive. As the warm glow of the electricity illuminated the fog that was seeping into the village from the river, Erisu wandered down the empty street carrying her favourite book. She couldn't bring herself to open the pages, but still felt comforted by having its worn shape in her hands. The Incredibly Gutsy Ninja was so brave while she'd never felt more weak and helpless. His adventures at this time would make her feel more trapped than ever. She stood beneath the streetlamp, staring up at the sputtering blaze in a sort of trance, captivated like an insect. Bats flashed past, swallowing up the defenceless lepidopterans like assassins cloaked in wings. Yusha was being hunted too, pursued by those trained in the art of murder.

She sighed dejectedly and collapsed onto a low bench, staring at the plain cover of the novel. It was cheesy and full of one liners but Erisu had loved it all her life. As she'd hidden away in the ancient willow tree and daydreamed about a life as a ninja, Jiraiya's story had granted her an escape from the mundane. Something warm bumped her leg and she looked down to find Ookami rubbing his muzzle against her bandages.

"Hey, fur-baby," she murmured to the tomcat and patted her lap invitingly. He leapt onto her thighs, turned once, and curled up with a content sigh. Erisu leaned down to kiss him between his battered ear, his fur soft on her lips.

"Yo, Risu-chan," Kakashi called from the shadow beyond the orange lamplight.

"Good evening, Kakashi-sensei," she replied without looking up. He dropped down beside her, elbow propped on the backrest and knees apart in a picture of leisure.

"What are you up to?" He asked politely, clearly keen to put their quarrel behind them. It wasn't as easy to forget for Erisu, being as it was the first time they'd really argued. Him knowing about her stepfather was torturous, simply looking at him making blood spurt and bones splinter as her heart throbbed with shame.

"Enjoying the silence of the night," she answered monotonously, eyes on Ookami.

"Mind if I disrupt the quiet for a moment?"

She looked up, but his emotions were bound under lock and key. "I'll allow it," she said with a weak smile.

Kakashi's voice was low and somber. "I'm sorry for upsetting you," he said, "I'm not going to try and force you into anything anymore." He extended his long fingers to stroke the tomcat on her lap. "The last thing I want is for you to resent me."

"Thank you," she murmured, surprised. She considered him, trying to discern what he was thinking but he was sitting to her right, entire face shrouded from view. She was about to ask him if Team Ebisu had been deployed when he spoke.

"Why are you afraid of sloths?"

"How can you possibly know about that?" She asked, bewildered. "No one knows that."

He turned his face to her, eye smiling. "A man must maintain some of his mysteries." He cocked his head. "But seriously, what's so scary about sloths?"

"I don't know. They're impassive and slow, always smiling with those wide mouths and tiny little eyes. They seem untrustworthy, and those long arms and huge claws..." Erisu shuddered involuntarily. "I'm not afraid of them per se; it's a phobia, quite different you know."

His shoulders shook with silent laughter and even Erisu had to smile. The chill between them thawed as they pet Ookami together. Erisu appreciated the lighthearted topic. She'd had enough of talk of death, war, and complicated family issues to last her a lifetime.

"What's the story behind this fellow?" He wondered. "He's a fierce looking cat but I've never met one more affectionate."

"I don't think he's aware he's a cat," Erisu told him as a bat fluttered past, causing Ookami to chitter and trill. "His mother and littermates died while he was still very small. I fed him a mixture of goat milk and egg yolk with an eye dropper and groomed him with a damp facecloth." She smiled, massaging Ookami's big white paw in her fingers. "He was my baby," she said fondly, "still, the lack of a feline role model caused him to be rubbish at simple cat skills such as personal hygiene and meowing."

"He couldn't meow?"

"No." Erisu grinned. "He would howl like a soprano wolf cub, hence the name."

Kakashi chuckled, scratching the cat behind his ears. "How old is he?"

Erisu's smile fell. "He's six."

"So that means..?" Kakashi's gaze was heavy.

"Yeah, I had him while living with Aya." She pushed her face into his warm fur and breathed in his soothing scent. "Aya did away with Ookami's sisters after their mother died thirteen days after kitting."

"Hard woman to love," Kakashi commented darkly, "what did you do?"

Erisu shook her head, unable to speak of it. The pain was still fresh after all this time. The pitiful mewling of the kittens as her mother had put all three of them into a burlap sack. Three perfect kittens that were only a week old, the deep blue/grey Amaya with paws that looked like they were touched with dew, Gina, the silvery spotted tabby whose blue eyes had been the first to open, and Hoshi, the fluffy chocolate and white Siamese whose points had barely appeared in her milky fluff and her bottlebrush tail. Hoshi had looked the most like their mother. So pale and soft, Taiyouta was the most beautiful chocolate point Siamese Erisu had ever seen. She'd hemorrhaged during birth and hadn't made it two weeks after the delivery. Erisu's mother wouldn't take the cat to the vet and the girl's amateur medical ninjutsu could only do so much... It was a miracle that Aya hadn't been present for the birth to count the litter.

'They'll just starve without their mother,' Aya had told her, face emotionless, 'this is mercy.'

'This is murder!' Erisu had screamed. Her mother had tossed the bag, weighed down with bricks into the river. Erisu helpless on the bridge as the bag vanished into the black current full of sleet and lumps of ice.

Erisu kept her face averted from Kakashi, tears pooling in her eyes at the memory. It was one thing to humanely urbanize an incurably sick or grievously injured animal, but another thing entirely to drown innocent kittens who were completely defenceless.

Erisu had screamed and fought violently against the horrible grasp of Rokorou's massive hands as she tried to save them. Tears had coursed her cheeks, bloody with the kittens terror as they were dragged into the icy depths. Erisu had bit him with all the ferocity of a wild cat, her teeth sinking deep and drawing blood. The pain had been enough to weaken his grasp and she'd torn away to leap from the bridge and into the river. She'd had them, had the sack in her fingers when she'd been slammed into a glacier by the rapids and nearly knocked unconscious. The undertow had sucked her under and she would've drowned had Yusha not dragged her ashore. She was saved but the kittens were lost...

"They were drowned," Erisu whispered, but that was all she could imagine.

"Is that why you're scared of water?" He asked gently.

Erisu nodded. "I'd been housing the kittens in my dresser drawer to keep them safe, feeding them my homemade formula," Erisu blinked back tears that felt like droplets of lava in her eyes. "When Aya came for them she didn't see Ookami because his fur blended in with my clothing. All my clothes are black, you see.

"I kept him hidden..." She remembered when Yusha had been given his task and left. After he was gone there was nothing between her and her vile stepfather, no witnesses old enough or wise enough to speak up. "He was my only friend for so long. And after the curse was enacted, after I'd learned to walk again, I left. I took Ookami with me, hidden in my parka." Erisu paused to breathe. "He's followed me faithfully ever since. As far as he knows, I am his mother."

"And you're still protecting her?" Kakashi asked in a soft voice. "After everything she's done?"

"It's not her I'm protecting," Erisu replied, daring to lift her eyes to his. "It's much bigger than that, and much worse..."

"Tell me how and we can put an end to it," Kakashi said, as his hand found hers. "We can stop her together, I just need you to show me how."

Erisu stared at him and a sliver of hope snuck across her thoughts like a gap of sunlight beneath a door. Maybe it was possible, possible to free them, to put an end to it all at last... "I don't know where she is." The fact was a thorn in her heart. "I've been out of contact with all of them since the day I left." She should tell him everything, no more lies, no more secrets. "I sent a letter to Rūka and Emi while I was living with the monks but it was returned to sender with a notice that their address was uninhabited."

"But where were they when you left?" He pressed. "They couldn't have gone far, could they?"

"North..." She began hesitantly; old habits die hard.

"Erisu," he warned, but not unkindly.

"I'm sorry..." She struggled to shape the words, hands shaking with fear, fear of Rokurou and Aya and The Body...

He pulled her trembling hand to his masked face and kissed between her knuckles through the fabric. Her heart swelled at the touch. His other hand glided over her cheek, wiping away the tears. Clasping the back of her neck ever so tenderly, Kakashi inclined her head towards him and pressed his forehead against hers. The forehead protector was cold and soothing against the emotional headache that was threatening to split her skull.

"Konohagakure failed you." His voice was a hushed and angry. "The fact that he was released and that Aya's cruelty went unnoticed sickens me...I won't let Konoha remain in such a mess that it leaves children suffering in silence. So many children have been neglected and abandoned by the system that's sworn to protect them."

"The shinobi military police did intervene," she told him, "they couldn't get enough evidence on him because I wasn't available to testify against him. If it's anyone's fault-"

"It's Rokurou's," he interrupted fiercely, tilting her head back to meet his eye. "Don't ever let anyone tell you that you're to blame, Erisu, because you could never deserve that. No child deserves that." His eye was black as coal in the low light. "Do you understand me? You have nothing to be ashamed of. He was in the wrong, not you."

Ookami eyed them and jumped off her lap as Erisu stared into his fervent eye. Her lower lip quivered and she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to contain the new attack of tears behind her lashes. She hadn't realized how much she needed to hear that. It was like absolution. For so long she'd felt guilty and soiled, certain that she must've done something to evoke what happened. Quite suddenly, she wasn't ashamed,was no longer dirty. When she opened her eyes again they were clear. Kakashi was bold and defined against the dark mist beyond them, pale hair wreathed in gold lamplight. The fog around them was thick and warm, like the steam of a hot spring, and above the shadows of bats flashed about.

Erisu smiled, a lonely and wistful thing, then reached up slowly and removed his mask. Kakashi didn't stop her, simply continuing to gaze at her steadily. He was ingenious and incisive, seemingly intangible in his elusive and enigmatic ways, yet he had indisputably chosen her. How was it possible? This man who'd already given her so much, genuinely cared for her, believed in her... Kakashi actually wanted her. When he looked at her she became a queen, something beautiful, powerful, and worthy of respect. For the first time in her life she felt truly valuable. She'd wasted so much time pushing him away, denying and deceiving herself. She'd been so afraid of loss that she'd forgotten how to live.

Kakashi's brows knitted curiously as Erisu's fingers brushed his cheekbone, his jaw... He could see the change in her eyes, the realization that'd dawned there. She mapped his face, tracing his lips, memorizing the texture. The scent of fire still lingered in his hair alongside the faint traces of rose water from the baths. His pulse was visible in his throat and his hand twitched as she felt his racing heart and the flow of blood in his neck with her fingertips. Tilting her head to the side she smiled again, bittersweet. She was loved.

"Erisu..." He whispered, catching the small of her back.

She placed a finger on his mouth and said, voice scarcely more than a breath, "...Suki desu." Then she pressed her mouth to his before he could reply.

All her longing suddenly escaped its cage as their lips met and Erisu finally let herself feel. She hadn't realized how deeply she'd desired him, just how much she'd yearned for his touch, but now it ruled her. It was a hunger that burned in her veins. She'd never wanted anything so badly before. Kakashi reacted instantly, kissing her back with all his own suppressed passion. His desire was a flavour as he parted her lips with his, breath hot in her mouth. He grasped her hips and pulled her straight into his lap, her knees on the bench to either side of him. Tugging her hard against him, Kakashi seemed intent on devouring her whole. His every muscle was tensed, his heart hammering against her chest as she leaned in, drowning in him.

She was being pulled underwater again, dragged into pleasure and ecstasy where Kakashi was the only source of oxygen. She breathed him in. His tongue tangled with hers, fingers slipping under the hem of her kimono and over the bandages. His thumb caressed her sharp hipbone, gliding along the crease between thigh and pelvis. He gripped her tight, grasping at the femoral joint where the curse started, and eased her forward slowly then back again. Erisu's body responded without her having to think. She swivelled her hips slowly, rotating in his lap as his mouth worked violently against hers. She inhaled deeply through her nose, releasing the air as a murmur into his mouth as her rocked her roughly against him. His lips curled into a smile as he kissed her, teeth catching the lower lip and nipping tenderly. One hand in her hair at the back of her neck and the other still at her hip, his fingers loosened their grip and caressed her. Over her shoulder blades and along her spine with one hand while the other slid back down her thigh, hooking his fingers behind her knee to tug her even closer yet.

Erisu's fingers were exploring him with curiosity. She wanted to know everything, arms sneaking into his flack jacket and tracing the lithe muscles beneath. Her hands spread over his chest, the curve of his ribs, the smooth plain of his abdomen, hungry to touch every inch of him. Cheeks reddening and heart racing, Erisu almost yelped as Kakashi forced her hips down on his hardness beneath, rubbing her against him.

Botsu-a cloud of smoke plumed around them.

"Senpai!" Yamato had appeared. Kakashi and Erisu broke apart with haste, Erisu leaping off of Kakashi. She staggered backwards rapidly as Kakashi, eye round, pulled up his mask.

Yamato was frozen as he took them in, his face red and his eyes like saucers. "...e-eto..." He looked from one to the other. "...am I interrupting something..?"

Kakashi cleared his throat, standing quickly and trying to look cool. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said, hand in his electric hair.

Yamato was staring at Erisu who was blushing profusely and she smoothing her kimono. She forced a polite smile which looked more like a grimace.

"Er-right..." Yamato turned back to the other man. "Gai-san said you were around here, Senpai," he explained.

"I bet he did."

"I was just coming to report that Team Ebisu has reached their destination. There was a bird letting the Godaime know about a half hour ago."

Kakashi nodded professionally. "Thank you, Tenz-Yamato. Is that all?"

"I also wanted to discuss your plans for Naruto. Tsunade-sama doesn't want him to use the Rasenshuriken anymore..."

"Yes. She told me as much," Kakashi said curtly, "let me think about a new training regimen overnight and I'll fill you in on it tomorrow."

"Yes, sir."

"Was there anything else?"

"No, sir." Yamato glanced back over at Erisu. He was positively radiating embarrassment. "Good evening, Erisu-san," he said awkwardly.

Erisu bowed to hide her face. "Yamato-senpai," she answered in a small voice.

"Well...I'll just..." Yamato cleared his throat loudly. "I'll see you tomorrow then, Senpai."

Kakashi dipped his head in acknowledgement. Yamato saluted him and was gone with another burst of milky smoke. Kakashi sighed, shaking his head. Erisu looked up at him furtively and grinned. He cast her a look of playful admonition and tousled her hair.

"Come on," he said as he shoved his hands into his pockets. "I'll walk you home."