Chapter 37:

We collapsed onto the bed, both of us trying to catch our breath.

Lying beside me he ran his hand lightly down my back.

"You are such a glorious creature, Lesta."

He continued to stroke my hair and back as he continued to speak.

"I am constantly amazed by you and how you not only tolerate my touch but seem to glory in it."

I began to move away from him, embarrassed.

"Erik? How can you say such things? How can you even stand to be near me after the way I have just acted?"

I rolled over and sat up drawing my knees to my chest as I covered me face with my hands.

He sat up beside me.

Taking my shoulders in his hands, he grasped them and pulled me to him so my back rested against his chest.

Then wrapping his arms around me he said "I never want you to feel ashamed in my presence. You did nothing wrong. Oh by all that is holy you did nothing wrong."

I lifted my head and turned to look into his eyes.

I wanted to see if what he said could possible be true.

Capturing my face in his hand he looked into my eyes as he said "I want you to always be able reach out to me and trust me with your passion. I also wish for you to know that my body is here to serve you when ever you want it."

I blushed as the meaning of his words became clear to me and turned my face away from his.

"Erik, I know that you are my husband, but it is not proper for a wife… A woman to act so wantonly towards a man…"

"To hell with what is proper!" He said with such force that he frightened me and I began to pull away from him.

"Please Erik."

He saw the change in me and softened his voice as he said "You are my wife, my Beauty, and I do not care what society views as proper or improper. I only want you to feel free to act as you wish in my arms. And if you wish to claw me and demand my touch every hour of the day, then I will gladly submit myself to you."

Then with a slight smile gracing his lips he said "I would beg that if you choose to take me up on my offer, would you please file your nails."

I looked down at his chest and the marks I had left there.

Tracing them with my fingertip I looked back up at him and said mischievously "I didn't hear any complaints at the time, now did I?"

Then shaking my head I looked away from him.

What was he doing to me?

I had not been raised to act like this.

I had been taught how a proper lady should conduct herself and now here I was acting like a woman of ill repute.

What would my parents think of me now?

I hung my head and reached for the covers.

Drawing them over myself, I laid down and turned my back to him.

Touching my shoulder Erik said "What is it Lesta? What have I done to cause you to turn from me now?"

"Nothing… Nothing at all Erik. I'm just tired and would like to rest now."

I heard him growl and mutter something about women being frustrating creatures as he rose from the bed.

Laying there I listened to him move about the room and then he went into the bathroom.

I listened and heard the water start running and knew the he was preparing for bed.

I cringed when I heard the bathroom door open and wondered if he was going to sleep in the chair.

I didn't have to wonder long.

Standing beside the bed now dressed in loose sleep pants Erik said "Lesta, I know you are not asleep. Will you please talk to me?"

Sitting up, I pulled the covers around me and looked at him.

"Sit down Erik." I said as I moved over on the bed.

I found it very intimidating have him standing over me.

"Please Lesta; tell me what I have…"

I put my fingers to him lips and told him to hush.

"Erik, I know you only said those things to try and spare my feelings. I was not raised to act as I did. And I know it was wrong of me to be so demanding of you. Can you ever forgive me?"

I looked away from him as I spoke so I would not have to see the disgust in his eyes that I knew he must have felt for me.

He turned my face back to his and said "There is nothing to forgive you for. I meant what I said. And in all the time you have been here, have you not learned one thing about me? For you must know by now that I do not give a damn about sparing any one's feelings. And that includes yours my dear Lesta."

I felt as though he had driven a dagger through my heart and I tried to pull away from him, but he would have none of it.

Smiling he went on "And as for the way you acted in this bed tonight. Oh I enjoyed every minute of your demanding and forceful behavior. To be perfectly honest, I would much rather have a wanton demanding creature such as you were, than some delicate whimpering female that only would lay under me and wait for me to finish with my business. So are we understood?"

I nodded my head and tried to hold back the tears I knew that were threatening fall.

I knew he was not lying in what he had said to me.

But I also knew he had hurt me by what he had said.

Seeing my distress Erik pulled me into his embrace and stroked my hair and said "Sometimes I think my dear, you are as changeable as the wind and just as hard to deny."

"Erik?" I whispered.

"Yes my beauty."

"Erik, I… I need to… I need to use the bathroom." I finally said in a rush, as I blushed a deep crimson.

I truly hated having to depend on him for everything.

I heard him chuckle as he stood and turned to reach for me.

Pulling back from him I clung to the covers and said "Please Erik, may I at least have a robe?"

"Oh but Lesta, the blush you wear is so much more lovely than any piece of cloth."

I blushed even deeper and said in a trembling voice "Please Erik."

"As you wish" He said with a mock bow as he turned to retrieve a robe for me to wear.

Trying to put it on and stay covered at the same time was difficult and I groaned with frustration as Erik stood there watching me.

"A little privacy if you please." I snapped at him.

He chuckled and turned around.

I jerked the robe on and quickly tied it around my waist.

Scooping me into his arms he carried me to the bathroom.

As we entered the room I said "Please put me down. I can maneuver on my own from here."

He looked at me dubiously but relented and said "I will allow this, but if you need for anything you must call out."

I nodded my head and said "I will."

As he left the room I pushed the door shut behind him.

Turning I looked at myself in the mirror.

Balling my hands into fists I vented my disgust at myself.

You're a fool Lesta. A fool!

What were you thinking acting like that?

Have I gone mad? Am I so needy that I would throw myself at him like some wanton slut?

Oh but his body and hands had felt so wonderful.

I hung my head not even able to look at myself.

Steadying myself I set about to take care of my business.

Then coming back over to the sink, I filled it with water and washed up as best I could.

Finally able to look into my own eyes again I thought:

He may be all the things he claims to be, a monster, a murderer, a villain.

I knew he was capable of hurting me and not just physically.

At times I was so terrified of him and what he could do to me.

But then when he was like he was tonight.

I could forget all of those things and see him as a man and not only man but as my husband.

And if I wanted to be truly honest with myself, I knew that I was playing a very dangerous game.

I had learned how fast he could change from being kind and gentle, to being cruel and heartless.

But he was all that I had, and if I wanted any type of human contact I would have to accept it from him.

I was just so confused.

Knowing all that I did about him, why did I melt at his touch?

Why did I crave to be in his presence?

Why did his words seem to have so much power over me?

Why did I constantly want to fall at his feet and beg him to keep me and use me as he would?

His knock at the door jolted me from my thoughts and I quickly wiped the tears from my face.

"Just a moment more please." I said in a somewhat shaky voice as I tried to regain my composure.

"Is everything alright?" He called through the door.

"Yes. Yes everything's fine. I'll only be a little longer. I'll call you when I'm ready."

I quickly washed my face and turned towards the door.

Well Lesta here goes nothing I thought as I took a deep breath and pulled the door open.