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Thomas reread the words over and over, but no matter how many times he did they made no more sense than the first time.
He trusted Alex, he opened up to him, told him everything about him that he feared and hated about himself, and Alex lied to him. Thomas looked down upon Alex's bloodied face. Alex. The viscount- oh now his father was dead he was Alex the count. Somehow that made it seem worse! Losing three letters just increased the problem. Alexandre the comte de Chagny. Could that even be his real name? Thomas didn't want to know. How could the beautiful footman be a French count? How could that sweet innocence which painted his features belong to a killer?
Would he never learn to stop being so naïve?
Alex's story made sense, everything made sense. Why would Alex write something like this if it weren't the truth? Why give it to him now? All questions which would have to wait to be answered until the footman woke up, even then Thomas wondered if he should ask them. After what Jimmy had done, what Thomas had stopped from happening, he could not trouble Alex with anything else for now. For now Thomas would take care of Alex the same way the footman had taken care of him, at last there was a chance to repay that debt, and it would begin with keeping his silence about the contents of the letter and replacing it in Alex's beside drawer where he believed it originated. He saw the almost empty bottle of scotch in the footman's drawer and Thomas felt he deserved a sip before he would go and tell Mr Carson what he had been woken up for. Thomas was a good liar, and he had already thought of what to say.
"You mean to say that James has been worried to the point of hysteria that Alexander will be promoted over him, so intoxicated himself and attacked him in a fit of rage?" Mr Carson blinked from his chair, Thomas hovering over him on the other side of the desk, arranging the collar on his uniform, trying to ignore the clock striking on the wall as it had just turned seven.
"We have all heard rumours about Mr Molesley leaving." The first thing about his story that was true. "James takes his job very seriously and he's been lacking in self confidence, due to recent events." Thomas spoke in a suggestive way to avoid mentioning the London trip, Mr Carson receptive nod showed that Thomas did not need to elaborate. "I think words have been exchanged between them about the job and James just took it too far. I don't think he meant to hurt Alexander." Lies. Lies. All lies. How could he cover up for that low life little sprig? How could he cover for either of them? It wasn't as if Thomas could even tell Mr Carson the truth, because he didn't know what it was, but he knew his friends had been acting strangely recently, though nothing like this.
"I think hitting the bottle and striking his colleague over the head with a candlestick is far too far." Mr Carson widened his eyes at Thomas, who realised that it was far too far, on the brink of insanity in fact and he could do nothing but listen to Mr Carson to talk about just how insane it was. "It is a disgrace to this household and his livery, I cannot tolerate such a thing among my staff. Now, I've spoken to Doctor Clarkson and James remembers nothing about what happened-"
"Nothing?" How convenient for him.
"Nothing. He will remain in his room until we decide what is to be done with him. Alexander, as you know, hasn't woken yet, but I fear that once we've heard his version of events I will have no choice but to sack James, unless he gives some reason as to why attacking Alexander with one of Lordship's candlesticks could be justified… I know you're close with him and-"
"No. I understand." More than Mr Carson knew, and if the butler gave him leave Thomas would throw Jimmy out the door himself.
"Right then." The butler rapped his fingers on the desk as he routinely did once he had made a hard decision, "I don't know what his Lordship will say." The butler said to himself, dreading telling his employer that under his watch his staff got blind drunk and attacked each other like animals in his civilised and respected household, that he had failed in his duty to keep the peace among the staff and free the household from scandal. Failing in duty; there was nothing worse for Mr Carson.
"No doubt he will agree with you, Mr Carson; James will have to go." Thomas offered his opinion, which was gratefully accepted by the butler who found the entire affair disheartening to say the least and was glad that he had back up from the one person who he felt would have an objection.
"Thank you, Mr Barrow. That will be all."
With both footmen out of action Thomas found it anxiety provoking that he was forced to serve breakfast upstairs, when all he wanted to do was check on Alex and give Jimmy a piece of his mind. It disturbed him that Jimmy was awake, just across the room from Alex, just lying waiting for Jimmy to revisit him and possibly finish what he started the night before. He put it from his mind, and listened to the upstairs chatter as best he could, but it was difficult. When Thomas looked over the faces of Lord and Lady Grantham, with Lady Mary, Edith, and Rose around them, Thomas imagined Alex sitting next to them. The Honourable Count Benoit. This was where he belonged; at the table, not serving it. Even though he believed it, Thomas couldn't imagine Alex as a hoity toity snob with his airs and graces intoxicating everything in his path, maybe downstairs but not up. He always wanted to believe Alex was different, but he wasn't, he was just one of these lords, with their fake smiles and manners. He could say something, he could open his mouth and tell everyone that the second footman was a murderous Count. But what good would that do except to put Alex in chains on the first ship back to France for a crime Thomas could not believe he committed?
When Rose asked where the handsome footmen were, the question had to be answered, Thomas had to listen to Carson repeat to the lord and ladies about Jimmy and Alex's condition, not revealing all the details however. Rose put her hand to her mouth in shock, it was enough to tell Thomas that she knew something, the guilt and confusion on her face saw to that. But who did she owe her emotional state to? Jimmy, or Alex? Jimmy's behaviour lately might have stretched to flirting with the young lady, but nothing more; he was a homosexual. While Alex, though he was the same class as the girl and he could be attracted to her, Thomas could not believe Alex would do something like that, then again he did confess in his letter to having an affair with his valet. Alex, the nobleman, had a valet. It was still surreal. Thomas had to know, maybe it could deter him from the thoughts swimming around in his mind; that somehow what Jimmy did couldn't be as terrible as the imaginings which poisoned his mind.
"My lady, may I have a word?" Thomas removed himself from the shadow of a pillar and approached Rose discretely as the family walked through the hallway after breakfast.
"Of course, Mr Barrow." The girl followed him into a secluded corner, Thomas avoiding the temptation of dragging her by the elbow. "What might I do for you?"
"It's about Alexander and James."
"Yes, how awful, I thought they were friends."
"They were. My lady, I need to know, was there something going on with one of them… and you?" Thomas looked about warily, clearing his throat apologetically for the embarrassment of actually asking such a question.
"Mr Barrow!" Rose gawked.
"I won't tell anyone, I just need to know. I need to know if maybe you saw one of them last night, prior to what happened, I need to know what took place between them. I have an idea, but I want to be sure."
"What idea?" Rose said with less apathy, feeling the reality of the situation as Thomas spoke of its seriousness.
"It's not for a lady's ears. Please." He implored her.
"I met Jimmy last night." She whispered, putting her fingers to her lips shamefully at her indiscretion.
"Jimmy?" As surprised that she confessed to seeing the footman as he was by her using his nick name. "What did you do?"
"Nothing. I mean… we tried but…" Thomas' eyes bore into her, pulling the answer from her, "If you must know he was blind drunk! He couldn't do anything."
The relief was as painful as the thought that Thomas was right in what he believed, with everything he heard it seemed only true; those evil motives for what occurred, his own past ever playing on his mind, tending him towards the one possibility rather than any other.
"You know that Jimmy will probably be sacked."
"Good." The girl said, though she was still attracted to Jimmy she took offence at his behaviour towards her and the second footman, she wouldn't be bothered; in fact it would likely be easier for her if he were to leave. The first footman's ally list was growing very thin indeed.
The under butler could not be stopped from going up to Alex's room. Mrs Hughes informed him that the young man was asking to see him now Doctor Clarkson had finished his work and the young man had woken. They both had many questions for each other and neither would be satisfied without answers.
"Thomas!" Alex cried from the warmth of his bed as he saw the under butler came into his doorway. "Thank you for coming to see me." Alex's head was bandaged well according to the severity of his wound, but he still wore a smile on his face. Thomas didn't want to reply, what should he say? Now Alex told him the truth was he expecting to be treated appropriately to his title? "Come in, sit down!" Alex beckoned him. Thomas did so without a word, taking a seat next to the young count. Thomas looked at the young man, even wounded he was perfect, so regal, Thomas felt stupid that he never saw it before. He wanted to be angry, he wanted to shake the footman and cry, saying 'how could you lie to me after everything?' but they were the same now, they had both suffered by the hands of men whom they cared for.
"How do you feel?" Thomas finally asked, clearing his throat from the suggestion that he wasn't being sincere.
"I'm all right, thank you. I've got a terrible headache though. Doctor Clarkson said it's concussion." The young man set his head back against the pillows, wincing. "I wish I could remember what happened."
"What do you remember?"
"I remember being in the servants' hall, then waking up to find Doctor Clarkson over me. He told me that Jimmy hit me on the head. He said you were there... when it happened."
"Yes. I was. Well, I was there after." Thomas realised that Alex remembered nothing of giving him the letter, and while the young man recovered from his ordeal Thomas told himself that it must stay that way. "Do you have any idea why Jimmy would do this to you?"
Alex's eyes welled up, he knew some of the truth, he recalled Jimmy was blackmailing him, but any memory of trying to kill him was gone. So as always with Alex; he told some of the truth, but his answer to Thomas' question was the only truth he knew, for he would never believe himself capable of trying to kill Jimmy, or anyone, intentionally, but Alex realised it was time to share one more secret with his friend who he believed saved him from Jimmy's clutches last night.
"God Thomas, I'm so sorry, please you have to forgive me, it was a mistake, a stupid mistake." The footman put a hand over his eyes to shield his tears.
'What is he talking about?' Thomas thought, unable to voice anything yet, the stoic form of the youth having been shattered so easily was troubling. 'Could he be about to tell me again what I have already read in that letter, or has he lied to me a second time?'
"A few nights ago Jimmy and I were talking in my room, we talked about you, he told me about your relationship with him. I had my suspicions but he confirmed them. We drank, we drank a lot, god knows I needed it too. One thing led to another and… he kissed me. I kissed him back. I realised then what we were doing and I told him to stop but he wouldn't. I shouted at him, not that it made any difference, he did stop, but when he did I wanted it to start again… You know he's beautiful." Alex looked at Thomas for the first time during his account, to see the under butler nod in agreement, Alex hoping that meant an understanding for how hard he found it to resist the youth, to communicate without saying it that something happened than more than a kiss, and Thomas knew that.
"Did you…. Have sex?" Thomas breathed sharply in pain that his friends went behind his back and conducted a secret affair, which explained their quietude the last few days, so Thomas had no trouble believing it.
"I've only had sex with one person, I told you that. We did something else," Thomas not needing to hear a description, but it would be more than he and Jimmy had ever done, "and since then it's like Jimmy's been addicted to pleasure. He thinks he's going to spend his life alone. He thinks he's only a homosexual for you, and that he can't be with a woman, hence his ridiculous experiment with Rose-"
"You knew about that?" Yet another secret he's kept from me.
"I told him not to, that it wasn't him, but he didn't listen, instead he just kept coming after me."
"Did he succeed?" Thomas spoke accusingly; could Alex just be another Duke? A nobleman who lies and schemes their way into people's beds, just taking who and whatever they want?
Alex didn't want to lie, he could see the other man's eyes glistening, but tears shouldn't stop him now from speaking the truth, not when the worst had already been said. "I had him in the stairwell."
"You 'had him in the stairwell'? I thought you took risk seriously?"
"I do!" Alex exclaimed, putting his fingers to his temple in pain as he jerked his head up to Thomas, "I didn't want this, I don't have feelings for him. He cornered me, kissed me, seduced me. I'm only human, Thomas. I'm sorry."
"Jimmy and me were in the past, even if you wanted to be with him I have no right to stop you." Where was the anger? The smack across the face? Thomas was surprised by his own passiveness, but he just couldn't be angry when he knew that in Alex's place he would have done exactly the same thing, in fact, Jimmy wouldn't have had to try so hard. Thomas did kiss him in his sleep after all. He was angry, but not at that, he was angry at the lies, at the secrets. How many more were there? Thomas trembled, he stood to leave, his head hung, but the nobleman grabbed his hand.
"Thomas, do you forgive me?" Not expecting the answer Thomas gave him.
"Yes." He had to say, even as sadly as he said it, regretting everying exaggerrated letter.
"Why? What have I done to make you forgive me?"
"Nothing. It's what he's done." Thomas' eyes gestured to the door in the direction of Jimmy's room across the hall.
Alex, having no idea what was going on in Thomas' mind, beseeched him desperately; "What do you mean?" Thomas gave no reply, Alex clutching Thomas' hand more firmly in fear of the truth that that thus far been kept from him. "Thomas, what do you mean?!"