Chapter 36

Pity Party or Celebration

After a while in Graces study talking about Christian's doctor's prognosis and what he has suggested as the way forward to a successful outcome, Graces calls an eminent Hodgkin's lymphoma specialist she knows and set a meeting up for her, Christian and me for tomorrow at 11am.

Christian tells Grace he was lucky it was caught so early as we had only gone to the doctors for a medical before we started to try and expand our family. Grace hugs me saying "you darling girl" which is all I need to break down in great gulping sobs, after a while I pull away from Graces shoulder to see Christian and Carrick have left the room.

I then pull myself together and we make our way through to the family room to wait for the others to arrive.

Ava runs straight over to me and plonks herself on my knee, informing me she is staying at Granma Grace's house tonight and she has brought with her the my little pony, rainbow dash that her mom and dad took her to the Build-A-Bear factory to make after she had stayed with me, then she say's "I like staying with you Aunty Ana, when can I come and stay again" Kate intercedes with "Aunty Ana is busy at the moment, you can maybe stay before you go back to school in September" Kate then looks at me and says "or maybe Christmas we will see" she then mouths "what's wrong" I just shake my head at her, while blinking back the tears that are threatening to fall, Christian then says "we had some rather unsettling news earlier today" before making it obvious we would not be talking about it in front of Ava.

Grace has surpassed herself with the menu for this evening Avocado pear, asparagus and melon salad to start followed by a main course of Roasted fillet of pork with a fricassee of wild mushrooms and chorizo, red wine jus and a dessert of Lime &

Lemon meringue tart all washed down with Bollinger Rose Champagne and Sparkling water, Christian and I are rather quiet throughout the meal as is Grace, and Kate keeps looking at me, but knows nothing will be said until Ava is in bed.

I ask if I can put Ava to bed and read her story to her, Kate just squeezes my shoulder and says "yes" I know that probably the rest of the family will be filled in on the situation while I am busy with Ava, but do I really need to hear about my husband's mortality again? No I don't think so, I think to myself before chastising myself for not being there and fully supporting of Christian while he has to deal with how the family will react to the news.

I have such mixed feelings while bathing Ava and helping her into her nightdress, this is so special, this quiet time between a mother and child as you wash the day away and talk about what has happened in her world today, I am struck by the realisation I may never get to do this with a child of my own, Asia is grown and a long way past this interaction with a mother and 'the baby' may never happen.

After a few seconds I force myself to pull myself together before I upset Ava and while brushing and drying her hair I ask her how her ballet lessons are going, she tells me all about Miss Rosie, her teacher and how she is going to be a swan in swan lake she sounds so excited about it and I feel so proud of her. She then picks the story she wants me to read 'Sleeping Beauty' as I start to read it she say's "Uncle Christian kissed you and you woke up" I reply with "That's right your Uncle Christian is Aunty Ana's Prince and I think it is now time for you to go to sleep and dream of your own prince" she replies with "my daddy is my prince, will you ask him to come up and give me a kiss goodnight" "I will angel" I reply.

I make my way downstairs to the conservatory where everyone is gathered, once in the room and sat between Christian and Kate, I lean over to Elliot and tell him "your princess awaits her goodnight kiss" everyone laughs as Mia huff's "I thought I was your princess" Elliot gets up and kisses the top of her head while saying "one of many princess, one of many," the rest of us burst out laughing at this.

It's not long before we all drift off to our rooms for the night, no one has discussed Christian's diagnosis since I came down from Ava's room but I knew from the way Kate hugged me for a moment longer than normal when we all said our goodnights it had been discussed while I was busy with Ava.

After removing my make-up and starting to take the pins out in order to release my hair, Christian captures my hand so he can let my hair down, but before he does he kisses me deeply and says "I. Love. You. And as long as I have breath in this body I will, and then the tears I have kept suppressed start to escape, he wipes them away with his thumbs while kissing my nose, eyes and cheeks before finally releasing my hair and pulling me in to him before releasing my body from its constraints and possessing me.

We awake to a glorious August day and after a bit of a kiss and cuddle, we make our way to the shower and manage to restrain ourselves, before joining the rest of the family for breakfast, Ava is out of school for the summer, Elliot and Kate have put a holiday in for today as have Grace and Carrick, Mia just made everyone aware she was not available for filming today and Christian just informed Ros he would not be in today and to handle anything that came up. Breakfast was a fun, lively affair, I love spending time with all my family and with that thought, I allow my unruly thought free rain, what if Christian doesn't make it? Will I still be welcome? Will they blame me?

Once we had all been fed and watered to Grace's satisfaction not to mention Christian's, Grace announced that due to unforeseen circumstances we would not be able to spend the whole day together and Christian, I and herself would have to go out for a couple of hours but to enjoy the warm, dry weather and especially the swimming pool Elliot had had installed for them earlier in the summer and we would be back not long after lunch.

With heavy hearts we make our way out to the car with Taylor driving and then head out across the Evergreen Point Floating Bridge on to the 520 before turning on to the 513 and making our way to the University of Washington Medical Centre to meet with Professor Ian Scott who is Seattle and north America's expert in Hodgkin's lymphoma.

We are ushered into his medical suite where he has Christian's medical notes in front of him and after greeting Grace he turns his attention to Christian, asking him, "What do you class as a successful outcome from this?" I just stare at him, thinking my husband needs to live a full life, are you the man for this job? He then turn to me and asks "what would you class as a successful outcome Mrs Grey?" I tell him "for my husband to have a near normal life span and quality of life" "oh he will certainly have that Mrs Grey" I let go of the breath I was not aware I had been holding.

Christian then informs him we had been hoping to expand our family and asks how is the treatment likely to impact on this, I think he knows but just wants it confirmed Mr Scott says "the chances of a natural impregnation are tiny, but you can have sperm frozen in order to have In-Vitro Fertilisation at a later date should you still want to expand your family"

Christian wants to have some of his sperm frozen so the option of a baby is still open to us once his treatment is completed successfully, Christian will broker no argument that it could be anything but a successful outcome, in all honesty I will trade a new baby for to have my husband alive and healthy, I will give or do whatever is required for that.