Alistair paced back and forth across the room he was to share with Elissa that night. The bricks at the foot of the bed were cooling. The apples he'd cut into wedges were beginning to brown and the lovely wedge of aged Red Rainesfere had started to sweat. Alistair placed the damp kitchen towel back over the food, re-corked the red wine that had breathed far longer than it really should and stalked out the door to find his wife.

As he walked along the corridor he thought he heard a scream. He stopped ready for anything and listened. A second scream or perhaps it could be accurately described as a feminine yell of frustration was followed by the very distinctive sounds of someone in the throes of passion. The noises were coming from Sten's room. Alistair's eyebrows rose, it seemed their Qunari companion had found a special friend. The ex-templar wondered if Morrigan knew and then with a sick certainty was sure she was Sten's partner.

Alistair tried to banish the image of Sten and Morrigan together from his mind as he trotted down the stairs. He heard Elissa's distinctive voice coming from the Arl's study at the end of the hall. Rather than announcing himself, as he should, he let old habits guide him and stood near the door watching and listening.

"Even if Aedan were not the rightful heir, we'd still be Grey Wardens. We have duties and we've sworn a vow to make those duties our first priority."

"I understand that, Lissy, but what of your heirs. You did not swear to deprive them of their birthright. Did you?"

"Fergus, Alistair and I will never have children. Even if he were King he would have no heirs which would simply delay the problem a touch."

"Yes, so you say. Lissy, you obviously can have children, you had one. And correct me if I'm wrong but until a year ago Alistair lived in a monastery he can't have had much time to experiment before he met you."

Alistair watched the blush rush up Elissa's neck and stain her cheeks. "Fergus! Look, it's just part of being a Grey Warden."

Alistair stared through the open door at his wife's sad face. He wondered, had she wanted children? Then he wondered for the first time, had he wanted children?

"What did they do to you, Lissy? You loved Oren, I know you wanted children of your own. What could make you give that up?"

"It's not that simple, Fergus."

"Isn't it Lissy? Are you telling me you will be giving your children to the Chantry or have you agreed not to bear them? I know there are ways to end a pregnancy but I can't imagine you permitting such a..."

Elissa spun around but not before Alistair saw the sparkle of tears on her cheeks. He stepped into the room to face his brother-in-law. "Fergus, stop it."

Fergus looked down at his feet and then dropped heavily into a chair.

"She didn't know, Fergus, when she joined she didn't know about any of the consequences of the joining. None of us do, before we go through the joining." Alistair paced across the room to pull Elissa into his arms.

Fergus mumbled an apology, his shame at having upset his sister was plain on his face but Elissa could not see it from her safe haven in Alistair's arms.

Frustrated, Alistair ran a hand through his hair making his carefully arranged bangs droop. "It is a fact, Grey Wardens lose the ability to produce children soon after the joining. Before you ask, no, I won't tell you why. However, hundreds of years of history do not lie. Whether we wanted them or not doesn't matter, having children is not a part of our future."

"Damn Wardens. How can you be so calm about this, how can you just accept that you will ..."

"Fergus," Elissa said with a sniffle, "this isn't about Alistair and me. What is your problem?"

"I have no heir, Lissy."

Alistair cocked an eyebrow. "You're young yet, brother, you can have more children."

Fergus slumped in his chair. "Yes, of course. It just would have been nice to share the burden of producing heirs."

"Well," said Alistair, "as I understand it, most people find it necessary to work with someone else on that. I'm sure Wynne would be happy to explain how it all works."

Elissa shot him a glare that softened when she heard her brother start to laugh.

"No, I don't think I want to risk learning more than any man should know. Now I know I've need of more sleep. I'm being told where babies come from by, what is it Morrigan sometimes calls you, ah yes, the Chantry Chump."

"Ah! Don't say that name. I'm trying to get images of Morrigan and Sten out of my mind."

Ellissa's head whipped around to look at him. "Sten and Morrigan?"

"Well, someone is in there with him and she's extremely vocal."

Fergus smirked. A pleased smile grew across Elissa's face and Alistair became suspicious. "You've been match making."

Elissa looked up at him with a satisfied grin. "Yep."

Fergus started laughing again and Alistair just rolled his eyes. "Yes, well I think we're done here. Goodnight brother."

"Night Al, Lissy."

"Al?" Alistair stared at Fergus for a moment then just shook his head as he realized the other man was just trying to get a rise out of him. He drew Elissa out of the study and arm and arm the mounted the stairs.

"What was that all about?" asked Alistair.

"I'm not sure. He claimed he was exploring all our options but my brother's too smart for that. I'm worried about him."

"Well, he's lost everything you have and more. No matter how much you loved your sister-in-law it must be worse for him to lose his wife."

"I know, I think he's worrying about the future. I think he was hoping not to need to remarry and have more children."

They arrived at the door to their room and Alistair stopped to pull Elissa into a warm embrace. "I know it's hard, but can we leave all our problems out here for the night?"

She looked up into his eyes and Alistair wondered what she saw that made her eyes soften so sweetly. "I'd...I'd like that."

Alistair pushed open the door to reveal their room. He led her to the table and pulled the cloth over the food away with a flourish. Her pleased grin was all the reward he needed. Quickly, he uncorked the wine and poured her a glass then dashed around the room lighting candles and dousing the torches before he sat down on the bench beside her and kissed her cheek.

"I love you, so much," he said.

Tears sparkled on Elissa's eyelashes. "Oh, Alistair, I do love you. This is wonderful."

He fed her an apple wedge topped by a piece of cheese. "Tonight, I want to worship your body and show you how much I love you with my hands," he paused, "my lips," she shuddered and sighed at his words, " and my tongue."

"Alistair you don't have to..."

He placed a finger over her lips. "I want to, my love. After tonight you will not doubt that I desire you."

Fear and hope danced in her eyes. Alistair swore silently to himself that he would do everything in his power to banish the fear that stalked their intimate moments no matter how long it took.

He leaned in and kissed her gently at first then more insistently. He could taste the wine on her tongue. After a brief moment of stiffness she relaxed into his embrace and their tongues danced together. He withdrew and they both panted. He fed her another morsel from the food tray then took one for himself.

Alistair chewed the apple and cheese automatically as he washed it down with the wine it occurred to him that for the first time in his life he was not savouring the very fine cheese he'd managed to procure. A glance at Elissa was enough to reassure him that it wasn't really a problem.

They ate and kissed. Alistair let his hands roam gently, teasing her and enjoying it immensely, far more than the book had indicated. His lips followed the line of her neck up to her ear. There he darted his tongue out to taste the skin hidden behind her ears and was rewarded by a hum of appreciation.

He let his hands drift upward to tangle in her hair and they shared another heart pounding kiss. Leaning back a little he fed her yet another bite sized morsel from the tray.

She chewed his offering slowly and deliberately then took a sip of wine. "The cheese is lovely, as is the wine but Alistair, surely we aren't spending all night eating."

A grin grew on his face. "My love, I am in no hurry but if your hunger has been appeased I'm ready to satisfy our appetites."

Elissa blushed prettily but met his eyes boldly and nodded.

He drew her to the bed they slowly undressed each other and took the time to look at and explore each other's bodies.

Morning found them sprawled across the bed sideways wrapped in each other's arms.

Alistair woke early as was his habit but instead of starting his day he was content to watch Elissa sleep. His youthful fantasy's had been fueled by a book but his present fantasies were all fueled by the woman in his arms. He'd done it all last night, he'd touched her everywhere, tasted her most intimate places and she rose to touch the sky over and over again. Until finally they'd joined together in the world's oldest dance.

Exhaustion had taken its toll on them both but Alistair did not begrudge getting a good night's sleep. From the angle of the light coming in the window he knew they weren't up in time to make an early start.

Elissa's eyes fluttered open and immediately met his gaze. The smile that bloomed on her face made Alistair's heart beat a little faster. They shared a simple morning kiss then Alistair sat up and arranged himself against the headboard.

"Elissa, come here, my darling."

She rolled up to her knees and positioned herself next to him. Once she had the sheets arranged to her satisfaction she looked into his face, again. "Why so serious, love?"

Alistair reached an arm around his lovely wife and held her close. "We need to talk about staying strong, my love."

His wife sighed and nodded.

"We almost let fear and guilt kill us back there and we both know we have to face the Archdemon at least one more time."

"Yes. I didn't realize that it was able to affect us that way."

Alistair shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair. "Neither did I. I'd guess this is one of those things we weren't trained to deal with, yet. No wonder we were to stay out of the battle if the Archdemon appeared in Ostagar."

Elissa nodded glumly. The look on her face tore at his heart and suddenly he knew exactly what to say.

"My love, I asked you to marry me because I cannot imagine being without you nor with anyone else. I love you. Never doubt that. In my eyes you are beautiful, strong, compassionate and loving every moment of every day."

"Oh, Alistair. I don't deserve you."

"I feel the same way and it is dangerous. Our feelings of inadequacy, the sense that we don't deserve love. We need to let go of our doubts. Cailan broke you, my love and Isolde broke me."

"It's not the same. You were just a child and you had no power to change what they were doing to you. I..."

"You were also just a child and you had no idea how to deal with an adult man, particularly not a man you admired, your King."

Elissa dropped her chin to her chest and Alistair knew she was crying.

He lifted her chin and kissed away her tears. "My love, we were victims but no more. We are both strong warriors and we have found each other. When we battle, we guard each other's backs. Have you ever doubted I would be there for you in the middle of a fight?"

"Never."

Alistair smiled. "That is the trust we should always have in each other. No more secret fears. I love you and I find you irresistible. I will never dishonour my wedding vows."

Elissa smiled back through her tears. "No more secret fears," she agreed. "I love you, too and you are the only man I have ever desired. I will never dishonour my wedding vows."

They held each other in silence for a time. Finally, Elissa pushed herself away from his chest. "Come on, love. We need to find the Dalish, a Keep and a Prince."

Alistair nodded and they both got up. Half way through dressing Elissa suddenly turned to him. "Alistair?"

"Yes, my dear."

"Do you know what I've just realized?"

"No darling, what?"

"We are fine."