Chapter Thirty-Six: A Bed to Share

Rule Number Thirty-Six: Avoid the Hyuuga – they're bad tempered and, with their iris-less eyes, kind of creepy.

Hannah

I am in a very, very, very comfortable bed right now… The mattress is so squishy and soft, and the pillow is so warm… And there is a body next to me… It gives of heat and when I hug it the chest is so muscular… Is Dei-Dei in bed with me? Dei-Dei is so warm… I love you Dei-Dei…

"What the hell is she doing in my bed!"

This is not Dei-Dei.

The guy who I am hugging in bed is not my hubby.

I open my eyes and see a young man with long black-brown hair and pale purple eyes staring down at me. His eyes have no irises. He is extremely scary. Dei-Dei and Tobi are no where in sight. There is something very wrong with this picture.

I screamed.

"Dei-Dei! I am not cheating on you!" I leapt from the bed and sprinted towards the exit, but the man-who-is-not-Deidara grabbed me back the back of my shirt and pulled me back beside him.

"Who are you?" he asked. "And how did you get into my bed?"

"I don't know!" I wailed. "Where is Dei-Dei and Tobi?"

"Who the hell us Dei-Dei and Tobi?"

I sniffled and wiped the tears from my eyes. "Where am I? Who are you?"

Suddenly, Neji froze and stared at me with a sudden recognition. "I know you… You're Hannah… You're friends with that psychopathic girl who screams hottie all the time."

I squinted at him. "I don't know who you are…"

"Neji," he said. "My name is Neji. You met me in a restaurant with Gai-Sensei, Tenten and Lee… You were with your friend Dessie…"

"Who is Dessie? Who are all these people?"

Neji stared at me in confusion. "What are you talking about? Do you have the memory of a goldfish?"

Suddenly, the door to the room opened and a petite girl with long blue-black hair and purple eyes similar to that of Neji entered the room. She looked extremely nervous and kept fidgeting, refusing to look at me directly.

"Who is this, N-Neji?" she asked.

"Go back to bed, Hinata," said Neji.

She looked almost offended by his words and she quickly looked away. "Who is this girl?"

Neji gritted his teeth, irritated that she would not leave. "I woke up to find this girl in my bed."

Hinata's face turned bright red and she looked as though she were going to pass out at any minute. She stammered awkwardly, "Oh…Oh… You could be a little more… quiet… about it."

"No!" I cried, pushing Neji away and racing over to grab Hinata by the shoulders. "I have no such interests in Neji! I am married to Dei-Dei! I would never cheat on my beloved Dei-Dei! We have a child! We're happy! I would never do anything to jeopardize our perfect relationship! Don't ever imagine such relationships between Neji and me! I have only Dei-Dei in my heart!"

"Her personality has changed a lot since I last met her," said Neji thoughtfully.

Hinata looked scared to death. "D-D-D-Dei-Dei?"

"My husband!" I screamed. "Where is my hubby?"

There came the sounds of running footsteps down the hall, and, keeping a firm hold of Hinata, I turned to the door as if flew open and several men with pale-violet eyes appeared, all clamoring to get into the bedroom.

"Let go of Hinata-sama!" they screamed.

I glanced at the frightened girl whose shoulders I was now clutching rather violently. Then, I glanced up at the men in the room, who seemed desperate.

"Well," I said. "We find ourselves in a rather difficult situation." And then, I pulled a kunai out of Hinata's pocket and held it to her throat. "Nobody moves or I'll kill your precious Hinata-sama!"

Everyone froze.

"Good… er…"

I didn't really know what to do after that. I was holding Hinata hostage in a room full of angry shinobi…Now what? Improvising, I edged toward the window at the far side of the room and glanced down. The window was only the second story, which seemed like a great escape path to me, albeit a little dangerous, so, I pushed Hinata out onto the ledge, and followed her, still pressing the kunai to her throat.

"You'll rue the day you messed with the Hyuuga clan!" shouted one of the men.

I stared at him for a moment and then to Hinata before saying, "Yeah… I don't really know who any of you are, so your words have no meaning. See you around – not!"

And then Hinata and I jumped out of the window.

Rule Number Thirty-Five: Avoid the Hyuuga – they don't like it when you wake up in bed with them, particularly Neji.

"I'm sorry about the whole kidnapping thing."

"Oh… It's not problem…"

Hinata and I were wandering about the streets of Konoha, avoiding the Hyuuga clan's shinobi and making sure that no one tried to arrest me any time soon. Hinata had calmed down about the whole kidnapping thing once I'd explained to her the situation. In fact, now, we were very nearly friends.

"So you don't remember who any of your friends are?" asked Hinata worriedly.

"Except Dei-Dei and Tobi," I explained. "Dei-Dei is my hubby and TObi is our son." I smiled happily. "My adorable Dei-Dei."

"Why can't we just blow the whole shitty city up!"

"Because someone we know might be in it and you might kill them," explained a familiar voice patiently.

I spun around at the mention of explosions and sure enough, I saw my beloved Deidara and the blue-haired Konan arguing on the side of the road. I let out a squeal of delight and, with Hinata trailing after me, I sprinted across the street to fling my arms around Deidara's neck.

"Dei-Dei!" I wailed. "I missed you so much!"

"Wha!" Deidara tried to push me off. "There is something mentally wrong with her since she got hit by the roof!"

"She's your problem now," said Konan. Instead, she turned to stare at Hinata suspiciously. "A Hyugga? Hannah, where did you pick up a Hyuuga?"

"I woke up in …er…" I hesitated and then, turned to Deidara with tears in my eyes. "I'm so sorry, Dei-Dei! I woke up in bed next to Neji Hyuuga! We didn't do anything though! It was the blue orb's fault! It was all the blue orb's fault! You're the only one for me, Dei-Dei!"

"She…er…loves him very much," said Hinata awkwardly.

"Loves him?" asked Konan. "Usually she hates him and beats him up with a frying pan… Though, if I may say so, he brought this upon himself. Zetsu is going to kill him though."

"Zetsu?"

"Hannah's real husband."

"I thought Hannah was married to Dei-Dei…"

Konan shrugged. "Hannah only thinks that – which is why Zetsu will be so upset. Maybe, if we're lucky, he'll kill Deidara – do us all a favor." Konan looked as though she was considering killing Deidara herself.

"Have you seen Tobi around?" I asked Deidara, still clinging to him desperately.

"Er…no. Why would I care?"

"He's our son!" I cried indignantly. "You should look after him!"

"He's older than both of us," muttered Deidara irritably. "He can't be our son."

"What are you talking about?" I asked. "Tobi's barely a child! Of course he's your son!"

Deidara opened his mouth to reply, but Konan stopped him. "Don't argue with the patient."

Deidara sighed and controlled his temper. "So we're back in this world, huh?"

"World?" asked Hinata curiously. We had all forgotten she was there, and now we turned to stare at her tentatively.

"Yeah…" explained Konan. "Hannah, Dessie, and Kate come from a different world. We travelled inter dimensionally again, didn't we." She looked around the streets suspiciously as if expecting someone to jump out at any random moment and scream "Surprise!" They didn't.

"This must not b good for the brain," muttered Deidara, rubbing his head. "I have a massive headache."

"I'm still confused…" said Hinata.

"Fine," snapped Deidara, angrily. "Let me give you a summary of events! First, these three bitches from another world wake up in the Akatsuki hideout – then, even though we tried to sell them to a brothel, they kept coming back, so we took them in. But one day we fell into a stupid blue orb that glowed and looked all magicky. And this orb took us to the girls' world where we saw all these strange and mythical things – and now we're back. End of story."

"Oh…"

"Very nice summary," said Konan, looking around rather boredly. "I wonder if anyone else came to Konoha…"

As if on cue, we heard an all too familiar shout.

"Hannah! Deidara! Konan! What's up?"

We all turned to see Sonia, with her long bubblegum-pink hair and brown eyes. She was waving excitedly at us with one arm and clinging tightly onto a blond haired brat with the other. We all stared at the blond-haired brat, not even acknowledging Sonia's wave (the exception was Hinata, who turned a brilliant shade of red and buried her face in his hands).

The blond haired brat stared back.

"You are…" said Konan slowly. "Naruto…"

Naruto, however, did not even glance at Konan, but kept his eyes fixed firmly on Deidara.

"Look at this gorgeous hottie I found!" cried Sonia excitedly. "Damn, where's Dessie when I need her. She'd be dying of jealousy over this eye-candy I found!"

"You!" said Naruto loudly, pointing at Deidara and me. "I know you!"

"Took you long enough, Blondie!" shouted Deidara.

"Who you calling Blondie, Blondie!" yelled Naruto, pointing rather violently at Deidara.

"You're a million times blonder then I'll ever be!"

"It's okay,' I said, petting Deidara affectionately. "I like blonds."

Naruto stared at me in horror. "You're Hannah!"

I blinked, stared, and then asked, "Do I know you?"

"Yes! You were the girl who knocked me out with a frying pan!"

I glanced at Deidara confusedly and asked, "What is he talking about, Dei-Dei? I would never hurt a fly!"

Deidara let out a snort of laughter. "Whatever you say, wifey."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Hinata's tomato-red face and, slowly, I followed her gaze to see her staring rather avidly. I put two and two together and a wide grin spread across my face.

"Aw," I said, hugging Deidara tightly and smiling fondly at Hinata. "Isn't that cute?"

Like me, Deidara took one look at Hinata's red face and her obsession with Naruto and put two and two together. However, he stared down at me (who was nuzzling against him) and said, "Dear Warg, her character change is frightening."

"Akatsuki!" shouted Naruto, managing to pull his arm away from Sonia to glare at us. "There hero is always here to save the day! By defeating you in battle I will be one step closer to Sasuke and saving him from the darkness!" (Insert very big yawn from Deidara) "I must get stronger and by defeating all the Akatsuki one-by-one, I will become the strongest shinobi imaginable and maybe even, one day, Hokage! I will defeat you – believe it!"

And then, Sonia hug-tackled him to the ground.

"How heroic…" Konan muttered.

"I lost track of what he was saying half-way through his ridiculously long hero speech," said Deidara.

"Don't ignore me!" shouted Naruto, managing to push Sonia away. "I will defeat you, Akatsuki, and get closer to Sasuke!"

"Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke…" muttered Deidara irritably. "Are you gay?"

Hinata practically fainted.

Naruto on the other hand turned a brilliant shade of red and glowered at Deidara. "Of course I'm not gay!"

"That's what they all say," said Deidara with a devilish grin.

Angrily, Naruto pressed two fingers together in a hand seal. "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" and three clones of Naruto appeared on either side of him. They began to move in a set pattern and a gigantic shuriken made of wind appeared.

"Get ready," said Naruto angrily. "For an ass-kicking Naruto-style – believe it!"

A/N: I feel so bad for Hannah...if she were in her right mind, she would never act like that. Crap! my laptop keeps screwing up! Piece of junk... Anyways, I really should be studying for my Pre-Calc exam like the good student I am... Instead, here I am, updating for my beloved readers. You want to know how you can thank me for this generosity? REVIEW! You know you want to!