Unknown time
Raijin Elementary School
It was late into the afternoon, and lessons for the day were already over, but a group of students were still hanging around in their classroom. They were on duty for clean-up that day, and by the time they were done there was a huge downpour. The telephone lines were down because of that, so none of them could use the school phone to contact any of their parents, and they all ended up staying behind in school and looking for something to do until the big storm was over.
He was one of those students, back then, and though his memories of it were mostly a blur he did remember someone randomly shouting out,"Let's play a game!"
Apparently, it was something that involved each person standing in one corner of the classroom, and one by one they would walk forward to one corner and tap the back of the person standing there, while saying something like "Persona, Persona, please come here". When everyone was done, they would've made one clockwise turn around the classroom.
He got forced into it, of course. The others practically whined when he said he didn't want to, and he eventually agreed when they kept making so much noise about it.
They played a round, and nothing in particular happened. Not that he was expecting something to, but he would've liked to think that there was a point in the game in the first place other than to eradicate boredom. Instead, they walked and said what was to be said, made a complete round, and then they remained there for a time in awkward, painful silence. The rain chose to let up, then, and soon they left for home, deciding not to talk about having played the game ever since.
The next day, he found his brother boldly eating the last pudding in the kitchen, and a surge of strength reached the tip of his fingers.
April 27, 2013
Niflheim
"Teddie, take care of Heiwajima-san!"
"A-aye aye, Sensei! Mm, but but, please be beary careful. It smells like a pretty strong one, and there's only three of you." Teddie bent his incredibly short legs, and held his ears down ashamedly. "If only I can help in the fighting..."
Chie made a sharp turn. "Whaddya mean, 'only three' of us? C'mon Ted, have a lil more faith," she rebutted.
Kanji gave the bear a thumbs-up. "Yeah, you just focus on keepin' Heiwajima-san away from the fight and giving us the info we need to take the Shadow down. Can't do that if you're busy fighting yourself."
"That's right, Teddie," Souji said, the earlier tension in his voice vanished without a trace. "You're helping us fight, too, that way."
"Hrng... If you all say so." Teddie still seemed a bit downcast and worried, but he perked up in less than a second, and hurriedly dragged the fallen, unconscious body of Heiwajima Shizuo along with him to a more secluded area in this part of the forest. "Okay, I'll be cheering for you from here! Good luck, and don't get too reckless, everybody!"
The three of them nodded firmly, before they fell into their usual fighting stances as the thickened aura cleared. A massive, grey-skinned figure with a muscular, unclothed upper torso towered over them. It had furry hooves as its legs, and the pelt blended with skin at the Shadow's hips. Around its burly neck was a mane of sky blue fur tainted with specks of dust and grime, and its large head bore half-lidded eyelids and a wrinkled snout that wasn't unlike that of a swine. It wore a gladiator's headgear, and golden bangles around its wrists and ankles. Long, tangled brown hair flowed past its shoulders and reached its hooves. It looked rather similar to the Minotaur Shadows, if Souji had to describe it in one sentence, with some glaring exceptions.
Souji pondered about what it meant, but didn't have the luxury of time to think of a possible answer when the large Shadow brought its clenched fists to the ground, spraying snow all over him, Chie and Kanji.
"I am a Shadow," it said, while they hurriedly cleaned themselves up, "the true self."
"Let's go," Souji ordered right at the moment the Shadow stopped speaking. As Chie got herself charged up while Kanji raised everybody's attack power, Souji inwardly flipped through the cards he had at hand and readily swapped to any Persona that had Masukukaja.
'Heiwajima-san,' he thought as he glanced in Shizuo's direction, 'we'll settle this as quickly as we can, so please... Hang in there.'
"Sensei, watch out! Its arm—!"
"Whoa," Souji breathed, lightly stepping aside just as the fist brushed past his shoulder. Seeing it up-close made Souji realise that the Shadow's fist was as large, maybe even larger, as he was. It was a good thing he decided to go for a Masukukaja.
The fist lodged into the soil, which the Shadow freed itself from without any issue. While it was briefly distracted, Chie sent out Suzuka Gongen, the Persona's armour shining with a dazzling brilliance as it bolted forward, light saber in hand, and returned the Shadow with a fist of its own; the God Hand rained upon the Shadow's head, and just when Chie was about to give a cry of excitement at the hit, the fist flew in her direction instead.
"Satonaka-senpai!" Kanji yelled at the same time Souji did. The police trainee gasped, and for a moment Souji thought he heard a bone crack when the God Hand smashed into Chie's body.
"I-I'm okay." Chie held onto her arm, and winced. "...I think."
Kanji shook his head. "No way you can take your own powered up attack and come outta it being okay," he said, concerned for not only his senpai's well-being, but also for how he and Chie were going to fight now that their usual field of expertise had proven to be useless, even detrimental. Souji knew this because Kanji voiced it to him while he had switched to Norn and casted a Diarahan.
The solution, Souji believed, was obvious to all of them, but he knew that Chie and Kanji were waiting for him to confirm it. "We'll have to resort to spells and magic."
"Yeah, figured that'd be the case," Chie sighed. "Oh well, we'll just have to roll with it. It's not like we're completely inept at that anyway."
Souji would've nodded to show his agreement, but there was yet another matter that demanded their attention. "But our Soul Power's going to be an issue," he pointed out just as Kanji busted out a Ziodyne. The creature snarled and staggered a little, and Souji took this narrow window of opportunity to tilt his head towards the back. "Teddie, how's the health looking like?"
"Well, that lightning did chip it off a bit, so I guess it's working," said the bear, who was standing in front of Shizuo's body with both arms outstretched.
"Good," Souji noted quietly, before turning back. The Shadow's eyes narrowed, and it gave a bestial screech at all of them. Souji tightened his grip on the hilt of his sword. "Alright, everyone. Let's keep at it."
Unknown time
At a playground near Raijin Elementary School
Of all things, it had to be a playground. That happened to be teeming with kids his age, and possibly even younger.
"...Why did you bring me here?" he asked, though he knew the question he should be asking was 'Why did I even let you bring me here in the first place?' Not that he would do that since it was meant for himself to answer.
"Isn't it obvious?" The smug-looking boy next to him pushed his spectacles up the bridge of his tiny nose; that thing slipped off so often, he oughtta get himself a new, smaller pair. "To observe all forms of interactions you have with normal humans."
The way Kishitani said something like that so bluntly stung a bit.
"...This is stupid, I'm going home," he snapped as he turned his feet towards the exit, kicking up some dirt and soil without meaning to as he did.
"Ahh wait wait, don't be like that, Shizuo-kun!" The shorter boy dashed forward to block off the path. "I haven't really seen you play with the others much since getting to know you. At least give it a try?"
Shizuo huffed at the mere thought of that. It was bad enough this Shinra guy stuck to him like glue in school and always seemed so bubbly even when Shizuo was staying in the hospital. But now Shinra wanted him to play with the other schoolkids? Who happened to be dead scared of him because of all the times his temper flared and he caused trouble? Even if Shizuo himself wanted to, there was no way the other schoolkids would.
"Get out of the way," Shizuo said, sounding slightly irked even to himself. He wanted to shove Kishitani away before he could properly protest, but sucked in a quick breath to ease his reflexes.
"Just once, please?" Shinra requested – no, begged – as he raised his index finger. "I promise, if you try to play with, or even just talk to, just one person other than me in this playground, I'll stop asking for your blood for one day."
Shizuo grumbled and raised a brow, but seriously considered it anyway. "One week," he bargained; for what the weird boy was trying to get him to do, Shizuo wanted to make sure it was worth it, which meant getting Kishitani off his back as long as he could, "and you can't talk to me during then, too."
"Ehhhhhhh?"
"Shuddup. Do we have a pinky on it or not?" Shizuo retorted, folding his arms and tapping his foot repeatedly.
Shinra ruffled his hair, making it messier than it usually was. His specs were starting to slide off again, too. "Urrrmmf... Can't we make it three days?"
"A week."
"Awww c'mon, Shizuo-kun! Pleeeeeaaaseeeee?"
"No. Now shuddup," Shizuo replied without any hesitation, and stretched out his arm, bringing up his last finger. "So pinky or not?"
"Urgghh... Okay, okay," Shinra sighed, and locked his own last finger with Shizuo's, albeit very reluctantly, and Shizuo made sure not to bend his pinky over too much.
With both hands now holding onto the straps of the schoolbag on his shoulders, the young brunet lazily turned back and looked across the playground. There were children going down the slides to the left, pushing each other on the swings that were on the right, rocking back and forth like nobody's business on the things that people could ride on in front of the slides, making a mess of everything in the sand pit in the corner to the swings, and playing chase and laughing all over. All of them were with their friends, Shizuo noted blandly though his grip on the straps tightened without him realising it, and so there couldn't have been a single kid whom he could talk to, let alone play with.
It was an impossible deal from the start, and Shizuo had half the heart to back out of it, if not for the fact that he had his pinky on it and that this was a rare chance to get his annoying classmate to leave him alone. Mostly the pinky.
"Hey, Shizuo-kun," Shinra said, nudging him on the arm before tilting his head towards the top of the slides. "Look. There's someone up there."
Shizuo gave a dry hum as he looked in the direction Shinra was pointing at. Sure enough, there was a kid up there who was sitting on the sheltered metal platform and hugging his knees close to his chest. He had short midnight black hair, and reddish brown eyes that barely blinked. He also had an ashy gray pullover on that looked a little too big for him, and khaki shorts that reached his kneecaps. The small-looking boy didn't move an inch, and was a complete contrast to the mess that was going on around him, even as other kids came by and went as they climbed up for and went down the slides.
"Hmm, how peculiar," Shinra commented."Isn't a playground a place where you have some fun together with your friends? What's he doing there all alone, then?"
"Maybe he's feelin' bad and wants to sit out?" Shizuo suggested.
Shinra didn't seem convinced of that, but smiled cheerfully anyway, and said, "Maybe he can be your new friend."
Shizuo rolled his eyes.
"Oh come now, you never know," Shinra encouraged, though Shizuo was feeling anything but. The bespectacled boy patted Shizuo's schoolbag, as though he were trying to gently push Shizuo by the back to walk and climb up to meet the person who was sitting alone. "He seems alright, right?"
Shizuo would've retorted, if Shinra had been completely off the mark on that. But when Shizuo stole another glance at the other boy at the top of the slides, he thought that perhaps Shinra wasn't entirely wrong in saying that. The smaller black-haired boy looked like the quiet sort, at least. Shizuo could handle a quiet boy. After all, if Shizuo could deal with someone like Shinra, he could deal with this black-haired kid no sweat.
Without answering Shinra, the brown-haired boy headed for the steps along the wall, and climbed onto the platform. He tried not to pay attention to the other children, who were quick to notice his presence and run to the other corners of the playground.
"Hey," Shizuo said, bending down. The other boy turned in his direction, but only very slightly, and blinked once before turning back. Shizuo lightly scratched his cheek. "Uh, why are you here all by yourself?"
"...By myself?" the raven parroted, in a manner that wasn't as softspoken as Shizuo had initially expected. His voice was smooth, however, and of a pitch that was even higher than most boys at this age. Not by much, of course, since most boys already happened to sound like girls anyway, so Shizuo couldn't use that to describe the other kid's voice.
The smaller boy rested his right cheek against his knees, which he tucked in even tighter as he darted Shizuo a piercing, curious gaze. "Is that how it looks like to you?" he asked.
Shizuo shrugged."Is there anyone else sitting with ya?"
"I see. That's one way of looking at it." The black-haired boy lifted his head and redirected that gaze back to the playground, which Shizuo hadn't realised had gone deathly quiet. "Well, I should get going. Everyone looks like they're going home anyway," he said out of the blue, wasting no time in picking up his bag as he stood.
"Eh— Ah, wait—"
"Hm?" The smaller of the two turned, casting Shizuo an indifferent gaze.
Shizuo was stumped, at first. He didn't really mean for the other kid to stay when he said that, yet those words flew out of his mouth in the end. He felt a bit stupid, to be honest, for saying something he hadn't meant and for that person to take him seriously when there was nothing going on.
"N-nothing," Shizuo said, looking away.
"Is that so? Well, see you," the raven said monotonouslybefore going down the slide, leaving Shizuo by his lonesome on the platform.
April 27, 2013
Niflheim
Snow was being kicked around from the ground. Shriveled leaves were sent flying. Thick wisps of smoke wrapped around the berserk Shadow's colossal body that were covered with burns and fresh wounds.
Teddie raised his gloved paws to his gaping jaw as he shuddered. The fight had been going on for quite a long time – longer than the usual Shadows that went wild – and while he could tell from the smell that the damaged body was giving off that the Shadow's health was dwindling, it was still much too early for any of them to let their guard down. Chie-chan and Kanji didn't exactly have a stellar natural pool of Soul Power, and magic normally took up a significant chunk of it, leaving them drained and exhausted. And though Sensei had a lot more Soul Power, he had to fill in the holes that Chie-chan and Kanji couldn't, which meant Sensei had to juggle between healing, supporting, and attacking all at once. Even for Sensei, that might be expecting a bit too much.
But Teddie had faith in him. This was the same person who made a promise with a complete stranger to restore peace to an unknown world the stranger lived in. Souji had no obligations to do so whatsoever, but he did so anyway, and had the power to see it through to the very end, even before an otherworldly figure that was worshipped as a deity, a goddess. Teddie knew it wasn't only because of the promise, but Sensei always took it upon himself to do the things nobody else could. His heart was vast and strong that way, and that heart reached Teddie in the murky times the former Shadow was waddling through aimlessly, hopelessly, when Nana-chan was in the hospital and he recovered his memories.
So, even though it was expecting too much from Sensei, Teddie had unwavering faith in him. If it'd really come down to him depleting all the Soul Power he had, then Teddie would burst in with Kamui and support Sensei with all the bear might he had.
"Keep going, everybody! You can do it!" Teddie exclaimed, cupping his paws around his mouth.
It wasn't just for Sensei. It was also for Chie-chan and Kanji, his friends. And also for Shizuo. Though Teddie couldn't say it with confidence, he had a rough idea of the problems Shizuo was going through. There once was something he was trying to avert his eyes from, or maybe he didn't even know he was doing that, and now was the time to face it. To look at it straight, and think carefully about what it was trying to tell him. Like with his own Shadow, Teddie was genuinely confused about what it had been talking about, until his memories returned to him. Shizuo was probably the same.
"...Ngh..."
"Wh-whoa?" Teddie made a spin so rapid he nearly lost his balance. The blond, who was supposed to be unconscious, was making small but noticeable shifts, his fingers twitching and his brows swinging between relaxed and furrowed. Teddie's eyes twinkled, and he made another spin back, jumping up and down. "You're almost there! Give it all you've got!"
"H-huh? But, the Shadow doesn't look like it's..."
"Shizuo is about to wake up!" Teddie informed just as Chie trailed off. The knowledge of this would give Sensei and the others an even greater push, Teddie was certain of this.
"We're close," Souji breathed. Teddie noticed the beads of sweat rolling down his temples, and the white puffs that escaped his lips with every pant. Kanji wordlessly tossed him a Chewing Soul from his waist pouch, left over from their previous experience when they were on the search for the murderer, and Souji caught and swallowed it with a grateful nod of acknowledgement.
The Shadow chose that moment to recover from the burning cold of a Mind Charged Agidyne under the effect of a Tarukaja, and, with a yell that sent the fur on Teddie's body standing at its ends, took a leap into the air. It burst through the canopy, leaving a gaping hole where the light of the winter sun gradually poured in. The shadow of the Minotaur-like beast formed its shape on the snow, and steadily grew smaller until it could no longer be seen.
"Hey, what the— Where'd it go?" Kanji said, running to the spot where the Shadow used to be. He looked up through the hole in the canopy, but from his lack of reaction, he probably didn't see the Shadow anywhere.
Teddie pursed his lips. Before Sensei or anyone else could ask, he directed his nose towards the hole and took a deep breath. The normally overwhelmingly rusty smell that could only be associated with a massive collection of Shadows gone wild was growing faint at a shocking pace, but there was no mistaking the killing intent that continued to pierce the air, weak as it might be from the fight that had been going on earlier.
"Sensei, be careful. I can't really tell where it's gone to, but it's still around. I'm sure of it."
"...Uhh," Chie started, inching towards the circle of light that Kanji was partially blocking. "This may sound obvious, but... If it jumped up and is still nearby, then, wouldn't it have to land...?"
"Doesn't look like it'll be landing here," Kanji said, glancing at the floor. The shadow remained nowhere to be seen, but Teddie could smell the creature coming closer, surely to make the land that Chie-chan had mentioned it would. "It could be anywhere."
"That's not very reassuring," Chie replied, taking a few steps back and looking around their surroundings. Sensei did the same, but in a different spot, while making sure he didn't let go of his weapon.
"I-it's coming!" Teddie's head instantly turned to his left, guided by his nose. The smell was suddenly becoming so strong, so intense, that Teddie could only describe it as smelling the incoming weight of a fireball plummeting to the ground. He felt his eyes widen, and before he realised it, he could hear the rapid squeaks of his feet from beneath him. "Sensei, look out!"
"Eh—" was all Souji coughed out as he was forcefully shoved aside. It wasn't by Teddie's hands.
The fireball that was Shizuo's Shadow burned another hole through the canopy, and smashed into the ground. The impact gave birth to an explosion of a shockwave that sent Sensei flying into the tree nearest to him, and Teddie tumbling backwards like a bottle being rolled across the floor. The entire canopy flashed into flames, whatever leaves that had been on the trees crackling into crisps.
"Se-Sensei!" Teddie gasped, struggling to get himself back on his feet.
"Satonaka! Kanji!" Souji called out, biting on his lower lip as he pushed himself off the ground. A thin trail of blood was trickling down his jaw, and his clothes were covered in splinters of wood, but he still tried to get up, and Teddie's heart panged when he saw that.
Sensei didn't get a single reply, and neither Teddie nor Sensei needed to look to know why. Even at this distance, Teddie could hear Souji curse under his breath, and he watched as Sensei tried to summon his Persona. Sensei's hand was trembling, and about to crush the glowing card that was spinning above his palm, when the Shadow shifted.
There was smoke rising around it, and when it made the slow turn to face Souji, the horns on its crown shone and the bones in its body creaked, like the sound of Kanji cracking his knuckles. It gave a low growl, expelling even more white smoke from its lips and nostrils, and brought up another clenched fist.
Teddie wasn't good at battling, or thinking up strategies like Sensei and Nao-chan could, but he knew that there were only two things Sensei could do right now: either give it all he had into a magic attack, or revive Chie-chan or Kanji. But Teddie could tell, just one spell alone wouldn't be able to finish the Shadow off. No matter what Sensei chose to do, he'd be left in the open for the Shadow's attack, and if that happened—
"Hrrrrngh...! I can't take this anymore!" Forget about the no fighting thing – if he didn't do something when he had the power to do so, then Teddie would never forgive himself. With a determined bark, the bear let himself fall to the ground and roll towards the Shadow. "I won't let you hurt Sensei any further! Taaaaake this!"
Teddie yelled at the same time he mustered all his strength and bounced into the air and smashed Kamui's card that had materialised upon his call, slamming a Bufudyne into the Shadow. Souji was startled, at first, but quickly recovered his composure, and crushed the card in his hand as well.
Even in a tight spot like this, Teddie wanted to smile. To stand proud and tall for one of the many people he was eternally grateful to. Because even though they had been fighting alongside each other for a year or so, this was definitely, most certainly, the first time they were using their Personas in unison.
The combination of Izanagi-no-Okami's Ziodyne and Kamui's Bufudyne finally brought the Shadow to its knees.
"No, this isn't… Ugh…" The beast breathed heavily as it collapsed over the snow. "I... I just wanted..."
Shizuo's other self never managed to complete that sentence.
Unknown time
At an apartment along the Kawagoe Highway
"Eh? Sorry, Shizuo-kun, could you repeat that?"
Shizuo narrowed his eyes slightly, but didn't turn to look in the speaker's direction.
"...I said, that guy isn't there again today."
"What's this I hear? Is that Shizuo-kun's inner stalker talking? Okay okay, shutting up now."
Shizuo huffed, then grimaced as the living room table slipped from his fingers. Shinra, who had backed away and leaned into the corner of his sofa, slowly moved back into a proper sitting position and started examining the arm Shizuo had used to pick up the table.
"But seriously," Kishitani started talking, in spite of what he had said earlier, "you're paying an awful lot of attention to that person, which isn't like you at all. I mean, hasn't it been a month or so since that started?"
"Huh," came Shizuo's reply as he frowned at his arm. He probably dislocated it again, considering he couldn't move it when Shinra asked him to. "Then I guess he won't be showing up anymore."
Shinra laughed. "You sound like you regret not getting to know him better. A pity I don't remember how he looked like, or I could help you look for him."
"Regret?" Shizuo echoed the word distractedly.
"Yeah, isn't that why you're so focused on him?" Shinra blinked, and his eyes shone like he had just thought of an idea. "Come to think of it, you two had a bit of a conversation going, right? Did he say something to you? Because that's the only reason I can think of that can explain your behaviour towards him."
Shizuo thought back to that very conversation Shinra mentioned, the one that he couldn't remember much beyond the rather embarrassing thing he had done before the black-haired kid left.
"Nah, it's just that I had no idea what to say to him."
"Well, what did he say that got you tongue-tied?" Shinra asked, poking the red, swollen area around Shizuo's elbow.
"I dunno, something I don't get. Stop it," Shizuo said, slapping Kishitani's hand away. The bespectacled boy went on to poke Shizuo's shoulder instead, and didn't stop until he noticed the glare coming from his classmate.
"Ahh ahaha, and therein lies your answer," Shinra said, raising both hands.
"Huh? Whaddya mean?"
"You're curious about him," Shinra answered with a proud smile.
"Huh, I am?"
"That's right. He said something you don't understand, and that's why you're still mulling over it."
"Oh, so that's it."
"...Eh? No other comment?"
Shizuo blinked. "Huh? What else am I supposed to say?"
"Aren't you going to discuss about it? Ask for advice on what to say if you do get to see him again?"
Shizuo's nose wrinkled. "Advice? From you?"
"Hey, I really might be able to help you with that," Shinra said, sounding sincere for once.
The young Shizuo, however, shook his head once after considering that. "It's fine. I don't wanna create any trouble."
"Hmm, but you never know, that person might be alright with it," Shinra replied, knowing exactly what Shizuo had meant.
That possibility made Shizuo feel...lighter, somehow. Like there was something pressing against his shoulders, and that something got taken away. But at the same time, there was a certain kind of emptiness clouding his heart. A feeling that the possibility was simply just that – a possibility, and not a fact. It was something he realised, but it was only when Shinra voiced it that he realised that he realised it.
"...I dunno," Shizuo said.
"Have a bit more faith in yourself, Shizuo-kun. I mean, look at me. You threaten me all the time and I'm still hanging out with you."
Shizuo's eyes narrowed in an unimpressed fashion. "That's 'cuz you're a weirdo. And who's hanging out with who, seriously?"
"Ah, now that's mean," Shinra said, though he sounded anything but offended. "Anyway, my point is, you don't really know until you get to know the other person better. But even then, you have to believe that things will work out in the end. Just like my feelings for my darling! She might not return them now, but I'm sure she'll be touched by my perseverance someday."
Sometimes Shizuo doubted his classmate was eleven years old.
"Well," Shinra continued, "of course I'm not implying that you're in love. But regardless, all relationships start out the same way: by communication. The fact that you're still curious about him means that you're interested in where your relationship with him will go. I can't say for sure if he feels the same way, but that's the whole idea of making friends, right?"
"...Friends," Shizuo murmured, to which Shinra nodded enthusiastically.
"Yes. Friends. As my darling always tells me, you'd be better off with some."
Shizuo thought about who exactly Shinra's "darling" was talking about, and part of him knew the answer. He didn't feel like arguing with Shinra at this point, however. And even though Shinra's "darling" didn't mean him exactly, Shizuo felt that what she said probably applied to him too, in a way.
In the end, Shizuo merely shrugged using his one good shoulder, and allowed Shinra to carry on with his examination of Shizuo's arm as he fell silent and stared out the window, pondering about the conversation he just had with his classmate – as well as the boy who disappeared without a trace.
'Friends...huh?' The fingers on his uninjured arm curled into his palm. 'Can I really...?'
April 27, 2013
Niflheim
"—jima-san? Heiwajima-san, are you awake?"
Blinking rapidly into a reality of white, Shizuo groggily shook his head. It felt heavy, and that was...pretty strange, since there weren't many things that he could honestly call "heavy", and most of those were lost in his memories as a young child before he came to gaining this power.
...No, that wasn't right.
"Heiwajima-san, are you awake?" Seta had to repeat that question for Shizuo to realise where he was, and the former bartender grunted as he slowly sat upright.
Shizuo looked around, and all he saw were signs of destruction. Of an exhausting fight that had taken place between a monster and a couple of children who had the means of defeating it. There was a large dent in the ground with clear charred marks and small spots of dried blood, and the snow was sprayed all over the place. Some of the tree barks were chipped off, and the canopy that was once packed with snow-capped leaves and branches was now hollowed out. The kids themselves were littered with bluish black spots and blood on their jaws and dirt on their torn winter clothing. And when Shizuo thought about who they had done this for, he could feel the butterflies raging against his chest again, their wings like claws brushing against his heart.
Yet, despite that, or perhaps because of that, Heiwajima Shizuo chuckled. "...I'm weak," he said, softly at first before he raised his head to the plain sky and said, louder this time, "Ahhh ahhh... I always knew that, but I never really told anyone about it. Always wanted to, but didn't. Just kept it to myself. That I'm weak."
The grey-haired kid smiled, a reassuring one. "Everyone feels that way at some point," he said. "But not everyone realises that their strength lies in the fact that they can change."
"Change, huh?" Shizuo returned the smile, but with a hint of wryness. "…That reminds me, I remembered some things." He paused to get back on his feet, and slid his hands in his pockets as he turned in the direction of his doppelganger – his Shadow, clad in not the bartender outfit, nor the glasses, but a long priestly robe and gloves and pants and boots of silver, with the pale blue scarf hanging down from his neck. Shizuo had a vague memory of that, from reading all those stories about vampire hunters and the like when he heard about one of Kasuka's movie roles. Shizuo thought of them as noble and courageous, willing to use all the knowledge and power they had to exterminate the blood-sucking monsters that plagued the villages despite the stakes involved, no matter how long it would take. A part of him wished, then, to be someone like that, but mostly for someone to come and exterminate the monster in him.
"A lot of things, actually," Shizuo said, heaving a sigh at the same time.
"Do you regret them?" Satonaka asked.
Shizuo couldn't help but chuckle again, upon hearing that familiar word. "Something like that," he answered. "Like I remembered, ahh there's actually a lot of things I could've done, y'know? It's not like I didn't have the chance. That has always been there. But I've always... Always been too scared to take it."
And there, he said it. He had finally said it. What he knew had been true all along, but he never told anyone – not even Celty, not even his brother – and now, he felt like he could finally say it. He never denied it outright, but now he knew, not saying it was the same as not admitting it, and that created the person who was standing before him right now.
"I have a loving family," Shizuo said, knowing now that he had to get this right. "No trauma or anything when I was a kid. Nobody bullied me in school. And then I suddenly turn out like this. With this...power. The power that makes everyone shun and fear me, and the power that makes me stay away from everyone else." Shizuo held up a hand, and looked at his palm. "Since it couldn't have been my surroundings or the environment I was brought up in, I thought: it must be me, then. It's my own fault I got this power. I'm the one that's not normal."
When Shizuo looked up into his Shadow's eyes, he noticed they were shimmering. The kids remained silent as Shizuo continued, "Well, 'course I'm not okay with that. But, I thought, it's not for me to decide to get rid of it. I never wanted this power, but I have it, and that's something I can't change. So, I got some tips on dealing with it. Like dyeing my hair blond to warn other people to stay away from me. That way, I can protect them. From myself."
"But, that's..." Satonaka couldn't finish what she wanted to say, and redirected her gaze to the floor.
"It worked, though," Shizuo said, feeling a bit proud about his senpai's advice. "I already stand out anyway, so it doesn't really matter. It helped a lot. Less people tried to piss me off, at least. And the less people who get close to me, the better."
"...Doesn't that make you feel lonely?" Seta said. Shizuo had a feeling he didn't mean it as a question.
"Guess it does," Shizuo replied honestly. He didn't really register loneliness all that much, mostly because he didn't allow himself to dwell deep in it. Nevertheless, there was always some sort of barrier between himself and the world around him that Shizuo was all too aware of. "But it can't be helped. It was the only thing I can think of."
"Not anymore, though. Right?" the kid named Tatsumi said, flashing him a kind and gentle, yet strong and confident, grin. He looked like he still wanted to say more, but he left it at that.
"...Yeah," Shizuo said, and all the mirth in his smile evaporated. "I think, at some point, or maybe all this while, I started wondering about whether I can put this power of mine to some use. It was probably the thing with the Slasher that got me thinking. 'Cuz for once, my power actually listened to me." Here he paused, and made sure to face his Shadow. "I'd always wanted to grow strong… Strong enough to contain my anger, this power. So...yeah. It felt...right, back then. Like I was finally strong enough to have it listen to me."
To his surprise, his Shadow nodded, and it even spoke for him, putting his jumbled up thoughts into the words Shizuo wanted, but failed, to find. "At that time, I started entertaining the possibility of using the power I was born with for a greater purpose. Rather than keep it bottled up and letting it explode when somebody crosses me, I want to be able to use it freely. So that I can use it to protect. To protect without apprehension, fear, and doubt..."
There wasn't a need to clarify if the Shadow was telling the truth, so Shizuo made no comment, and instead elaborated from where his Shadow left off, "I want to give this power of mine a meaning. That's why, I thought about a lot of things I can do if I ever need to use it."
"Ohh, so that's where the protecting the town thing comes in," Teddie said.
Shizuo scratched the back of his head. "Yeah, but that kinda...got a little out of hand. I mean, yeah, it's true I wanna protect 'Bukuro. It's my home, after all. But I guess, I dunno how far I'd go to do it. Like...with Izaya." Shizuo lowered his head slightly. Talking about things he didn't normally consciously think about made his throat all tangled. "That flea's trouble. Always messes with people, stirs up tons of shit in the town, makes me use the power I hate so much. Even tried to pin some crimes on me when I didn't even do anything. When all I wanted, all I want, is to live in peace. With the town, with my family...even with this power I never wanted."
"Ah," the bear let slip a gasp of surprise and sudden understanding, as if something had clicked in his mind. Shizuo decided against probing what it could be.
"...Everyone wants to live at peace with themselves. That's why we're always searchin' for a way to achieve that. But...that ain't easy on your own," Tatsumi said, and this was probably what he wanted to tell Shizuo earlier. Maybe he was just looking for the right time to say it, and when he thought about that, Shizuo realised that the two of them were probably rather similar in that regard.
Shizuo agreed quietly as Kasuka and Celty's faces surfaced in his mind. Then Tom-san's and Vorona's, Shinra's and Simon's, even Mairu's and Kururi's…"That's why I'm grateful to a lot of people. And that's why I have to protect them in return. Can't let them be in any danger or trouble. They helped me out in a lotta ways, so I gotta return the favour. So if I could use my power to do that...well, that sounds perfect, right?"
Then, the smile on Shizuo's face gradually disappeared. "But I'm...scared. Of myself, of not being able to understand how to use and control it. I always never carry out my threats to the flea, but if it ever comes down to it and he really, really, really crosses the line... Then, I think I might really kill him."
He didn't mince nor sugarcoat his words. Shizuo wasn't the kind of person who toned things down. Either he'd say it, or he won't. If people didn't ask him, then he'd choose the latter. He wasn't sure himself if he would really do it, though, but he felt that he might, and so he said so, no matter how uncomfortable that made him feel.
"Oh, so that's what the Shadow...meant..." Satonaka trailed off as she let the pieces come together. "I...think I get it now. Why Tsugaru-san asked that question, why your Shadow said all those things... But you know what, Heiwajima-san?" She flashed him a comforting smile. "It doesn't really matter."
"...Huh?" Shizuo breathed.
"What Satonaka-senpai said," Tatsumi agreed. "That kinda stuff can be found in all of us, and there may be times when we feel like we're justified in doing it. But the real important thing? That we also have it in us to not do it. The both of 'em together – that's what makes us human, ain't it?"
"…Human..." Shizuo murmured, and he thought back to what Hibiya said.
"That strength you've been thinking about, and that strength you've been wishing to have... It's already inside you," Satonaka said. "Wanting to protect, to use the power you have in the right way, and also to connect with other people even though you're worried... Sure, to take that first step might be really scary, but you don't have to go through it alone."
"You have people who care about you," Seta said, and somehow it felt like Shizuo had heard that from somewhere before all this happened.
Shizuo was silent for a moment, before another chuckle that soon escalated into a liberating laugh escaped his lips. He had been wondering before, but now he knew: this was why those kids could be so close. Closer than any group of friends he had seen before. It wasn't because they had the same kind of power – the thing with the Personas – and it wasn't because they were fighting for the same cause.
It was because they had all gone through the same thing, and so they didn't judge each other – or anyone – for their weaknesses.
Their weaknesses was what gave them their strength.
If it wasn't for them coming here, if it wasn't for that murder and TV thing happening, Shizuo might've just settled with the thought that he didn't and wouldn't have anyone like that. But that wasn't true. That wasn't true at all, and he felt like an idiot for not believing in it all this while.
"...I remembered," Shizuo spoke once his laughter eased, "a bit of a talk I once had with Shinra. He said to have more faith in myself. That all relationships started with communication."
While the others seemed a bit puzzled at this, Seta was the only one whose smile remained, and he said, as understanding and patient as ever, "But Heiwajima-san knows now that that's not all, right?"
Shizuo simply gave a small, barely noticeable nod, and then he slowly shifted to see his own face staring back at him. "I wanted a reason," Shizuo muttered, meant mostly for himself and his doppelganger to hear as he started taking a few steps forward. His Shadow didn't move an inch, and only kept his golden eyes glued to Shizuo, without any hostility or condescension. "I remember now, what happened back then. I wanted a reason, and maybe I once thought that was it. But...it's not."
The Shadow raised his head slightly.
"Whether that happened or not, I think I would've gotten this power anyway." Shizuo shook his head. "...Nah, that's not right. I've always had it, it just so happened that it got stirred up after that."
And, really, that was most likely it. Thinking about it, maybe the Malevolent Entity or whoever the hell it was deliberately tried to mess with his mind by making him remember this. Or more like, pay more attention to certain details to force him to coin these things together and make a false picture of what happened. That bastard.
"But I didn't want to deal with it," Shizuo continued, just as quietly. "I didn't want to deal with something I didn't ask for, and I didn't know how to deal with something I didn't ask for. But I have to live with it. With you. I mean, that's something I have to do. Because you're a part of me."
Yellow eyes dulled and glazed over.
"Someone said he once thought of me as human. Dunno when that was, but he did." Shizuo tilted his head back and peered through the absent canopy. "I know he doesn't think that way now, but actually...it doesn't really matter. Doesn't matter who it is, or what they say. As long as I've been loved, even just once, or by things that aren't really human... As long as there's someone who can accept me and this power, then I can do that too."
Shizuo lowered his head and looked straight at his Shadow, and grinned. "I knew that. Knew that all along. Just didn't believe in it much, didn't know what to do or what it really means to accept myself. But, now I can say it. I'm weak. Thought I could deal with this on my own, but turns out I've always needed other people with me. And I always will. Even for things like thinking for myself, and the future, I've always needed someone to help me get started. I'm scared, yeah... But I don't hafta be."
Small blue particles started pouring out from the Shadow, who had a sincere smile on his face as he gave a slow, but approving, nod. Then, a flash of blue light swallowed up the dark aura that had surrounded his body, and when it cleared Shizuo found himself looking up to a translucent figure hovering above where the Shadow used to be standing.
He was clad in an ancient fabric, a tunic that had the same colour as the sand, with some thin, dull grey plates of armour over his chest and arms. He wore a red belt around his waist, and the tunic ended before his knees which were fully exposed, and on his feet he wore old-looking sandals. Attached to his chest plate was a long and tattered white cape that flowed behind him like it was swaying with the cool winter breeze. The figure's wax-like skin had a healthy tan, and his unkempt auburn hair reached his shapely shoulders, with an off-white cloth wrapped around his forehead like a headband. His eyes were closed, and his lips, pursed together. In his right arm was an ordinary-looking spear, the pole made of bark and the tip, of polished metal.
With a soft shattering sound, the figure faded away, and in his place was a card bathed in bluish white light. It spun as it floated down before Shizuo's eyes, which caught a blurred image of a stick figure with long hair stroking a shadowy beast, before the card itself dissipated and Shizuo could feel an alien, yet comforting, sense of warmth enveloping him.
"Cu Chulainn," the name slipped out from Shizuo's lips. He didn't know where it had come from, and how he had learnt that figure's name, but when he instinctively reached deeper into himself he could feel the different parts of him swimming about and fusing into the warm core of mysterious power, whispering and murmuring things that only Shizuo could hear.
The edges of Shizuo's lips curled into a knowing, serene smile. '...So that's where you all went,' he mused.
"You did it, Heiwajima-san," Tatsumi said, stepping a little closer along with his companions.
"...Yeah," was all Shizuo could say, before he remembered to add, "Thanks. For, uh, pretty much everything."
"Aw, shucks, no need for that. That's what we do," Satonaka said, cheeks turning a little rosy.
"The self-proclaimed Investigation Team is always at your service!" Teddie exclaimed, jumping up and down.
"...Uh, you didn't need to add the 'self-proclaimed' thing," Tatsumi said as he looked to the bear. Teddie gave a sheepish chuckle, followed by Satonaka and Seta, which caused Tatsumi to glance away a bit and rub the back of his head.
"Oh! Senpai, are you all alright?"
The voice that Shizuo had recognised to have belonged to the girl named Kujikawa suddenly rang through the area.
"Ah, Rise. Thank goodness to hear from you again," Seta said, looking in Kujikawa's supposed direction.
"Aww, Senpai, were you worried about me?" Rise giggled, before her tone turned slightly less light-hearted. "Seriously though, where have you been? The rest of us at least managed to meet up again. You had me all worried."
"Sorry about that," Seta apologised, without offering any further explanation. Instead, he changed the subject. "I heard from Satonaka and Kanji. Not much, but enough to get an idea of what's going on. How are things on your end?"
"Well, we— Oh?" Kujikawa paused momentarily. "W-wow, what is this feeling...?"
"Huh? What's the matter?" Satonaka said.
"Ah, nothing, it's just... Is that Heiwajima-san's Persona I'm sensing?"
"Uh, me?" Shizuo said, still trying to figure out how this telepathic-not-telepathic communication thing worked.
"...I'm positive! It's Heiwajima-san!" Kujikawa exclaimed. "Wow, so that's your Persona. It's incredible. All that power streaming out from it... It's making me feel a little dizzy."
"Uh, sorry about that."
"Huh? Oh, no, I meant it as a compliment, not that it's really making me dizzy or anything," Rise clarified, and Shizuo felt a tad bit embarrassed for the misunderstanding. "Anyway, Senpai, all of you need to come over quick! Something really amazing happened earlier during our fight with Orihara-san's Shadow."
"What happened? Nobody got hurt, right?" Seta asked.
"Everyone's fine for the most part. We did get by with some really close shaves, though, but it's really nothing to be worried about." Kujikawa then raised her voice slightly. "I'll explain more on the way, but you all should try coming over as soon as you can. At this rate, Shinra-sensei's over-enthusiasm is about to make Naoto-kun flip. Yosuke-senpai, Yukiko-senpai and even Celty-san are having trouble getting him to calm down. It's kinda funny, actually."
Shizuo blinked. "Celty's here?"
"Oh yeah, and she's brought along a friend, too. Even I don't really know all the details, though… But she said she'll tell us everything when we get back."
"H-huh? Wait, whazzat about Naoto? I-is she okay?" Tatsumi spoke.
"Well, other than being drained from the stunt she pulled earlier and having Shinra-sensei bugging her on top of that, I'd say she's doing just fine."
"That's, uh, that doesn't sound like she's fine at all..." Shizuo was inclined to agree with Kanji there; nobody could be fine from being pestered by Shinra.
"C'mon, Rise-chan, don't keep us in suspense! What happened to Nao-chan?" Teddie said.
"Something really amazing," Rise repeated, almost sounding like she was out of breath. "Her Persona... It's changed."
A/N: Notes at the bottom of the chapter this time because I didn't want to spoil this chapter from the beginning hahaha
I'm not too sure about how everyone feels about this chapter, but I'm sort of...satisfied and yet not at the same time? It's pretty massive in terms of word count already, but it still feels like I'm missing something... Like, holes I need to fill pertaining to the symbolism I chose for Shizuo's Shadow, Persona, and Arcana, but if I really did that in the story itself it'd be like breaking the fourth wall. I was already thinking of dedicating one whole chapter to a detailed A/N explaining everything I can think of once I'm finished writing this story, though, so I think I would leave the explanation until then :)
Happy birthday to Shizu-chan and Hiroshi Kamiya-san! Yeah, I timed this chapter to be up on this day haha I was actually already done with it some time back, but since it happened to be Shizuo-centric, I thought, 'Well, why not?' XD
And to all my readers who are still with this story till this day: Thank you very much for your support. I really appreciate it. :)